The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (2 page)

Chapter One

ATTRACTION

When we experience attraction to someone, our brain is letting us know that we have found a suitable sexual partner, someone who resembles all previous partners through the thousands of generations that came before us, an individual who is valuable for our genes, who has traits that will help us survive and reproduce more successfully than we could on our own.

Attraction is one of the primal emotions that have helped humanity survive and reproduce, and it is triggered in our bodies in much the same way as other primal emotions, such as hunger, fatigue, and fear. We feel each primal emotion in specific circumstances and we are powerless to convince ourselves not to feel the emotion. These emotions are instincts that have evolved in our species along with our brains over a long period of time (around two million years), growing stronger in every generation because those who felt them for the right reasons and responded to them were more likely to survive. Those who feared danger were obviously more likely to stay alive than those who did not, and those
who were attracted to a person who could help them survive and reproduce were obviously more likely to pass on their genes.

Life has been much less forgiving for the vast majority of the time our species has been evolving than it is now, and in the distant past people simply died if they were unfit. Over time, no one other than those with all survival instincts passed their genes on.

However, during the last several thousand years, since the dawn of civilization, nature has ceased to eliminate the most
unattractive
males and females as our conditions have improved. Today, everyone survives no matter how unfit, and most people live long enough to reproduce through some means to pass their genes on — two things they would not have been able to do in the past in a more natural environment without social security and health care. This was the harsh reality for more than 99.99% of humanity’s time on this planet. Yet, the fact that life is more forgiving these days has no effect on our instincts, including attraction, because our bodies did not evolve in these modern conditions, and these conditions have only been around for a tiny minority of the time our species has existed. Evolution is a very slow process. Even thousands of years are nothing for a species that has been evolving for millions.

That attraction remains a basic instinct has two vital consequences. First, males and females have become attracted to different, complementary qualities in each other. What females find sexy in males differs from what males find sexy in females. Second, none of us consciously decides what traits attract us sexually or who we are attracted to. Attraction is an emotion, not a conscious decision. These two simple facts are fundamental in understanding seduction, but they still elude many people in this world, in particular the unattractive and unsuccessful males
and females who form the
majority
of the population. They are the ones you hear accuse males of being shallow for caring about females’ external looks and the ones who claim that females are more sophisticated because they look for inner qualities in males. They make these statements as if males and females are the same and could become attracted to the same qualities if only we would decide to do so.

It is true that the sexes have a lot in common, with perhaps even more similarities than differences overall, but the similarities are neither interesting nor useful to consider when it comes to seduction. The differences, however, are crucial. Failure to understand the differences might cause you to treat women as men or to adopt feminine traits yourself, and that is a recipe for disaster. Hence, the differences must be clear to you. How exactly do males and females differ?

Biology

There are two major forces that shape males and females differently: nature and nurture. Nature is the obvious biological difference between the sexes, and nurture is the more elusive difference in socialization that starts to affect us from the moment we leave the womb.

The traits that attract us are part of our nature, and the nonconscious reasons we feel attraction are natural. They
cannot
be changed through socialization, although social forces can lead both males and females to believe and claim they want qualities in their partner that in fact do not turn them on. This is what is going on when you hear females claim to want “nice guys” but see them dating “bad boys,” and males denying attraction to teenage girls but enjoying pornography with them.

All the social differences are essential to understand, and
seduction itself is a social activity, but you also have to understand the basics, and that is the biological differences between males and females. Later, you will learn that all social differences stem from these biological differences.

The most fundamental and indisputable biological difference is the fact that females can become pregnant and give birth to children during a lengthy and risky process, while males can impregnate females through insemination quite quickly and without much risk. The male and female physiques, our bodies, differ in this regard. Females have the body parts necessary to carry and feed children, while males have the body parts needed to impregnate females. Females maintain more body fat than males do, as it costs less but stores more energy than muscle mass does. This energy comes in handy when females need it to grow other human beings inside them and then feed those babies once they are born. As males are incapable of performing such feats, they maintain more muscle mass and grow a bit taller, thus making them physically stronger.

Beauty

As you know, males are attracted to beautiful females, but what you may not know is that what males call “beautiful” represents the physical traits that show suitability for motherhood. The females who have historically been the most suitable mothers were (1) healthy, (2) old enough to be sexually mature, (3) yet still young so they lived long enough to give birth and raise their offspring. This is why physical signs of health, sexual maturity, and youth are all parts of the concept of beauty, and all females who are beautiful possess those traits. Everything that is universally considered beautiful and most likely everything that turns you on are signs of these things, such as smooth skin, a symmetrical
face, relatively big eyes, round perky breasts, lack of body hair below the head, a skinny frame with a narrow waist, or relatively wide hips if you wish, being both better for childbirth and a sign that a woman has not already been impregnated by another male.

As a result, the words
beautiful
and
attractive
can only be used as synonyms when discussing females. They are not universal synonyms, however, and cannot be accurately used interchangeably when discussing the attractiveness of males. Nevertheless, these words are often used as if they were the same when males talk about what females are attracted to because males tend to be unaware that females are different from themselves, or they know they are different but are not sure how.

Since beauty is the most important factor for males when they automatically determine how attractive a female is to them, most males hold the
false
belief that females also regard looks as equally significant when they automatically determine if a male is attractive. This is simply not the case, and that is why some of the most beautiful females in the world, such as famous models and actresses, are with males who are far from beautiful. Males can be beautiful without being attractive to females, and they can be attractive without being beautiful. This does not mean that females do not enjoy looking at beautiful males; they do, but as far as dating goes, looks can only get a male so far, while looks can get a female all the way.

For males, being beautiful is of little importance because babies do not grow inside their bodies. They cannot give birth or produce the milk that infants need; only females can. Thus, the state of females’ bodies is vital and of great interest to all males, much more so than females’ personal and intellectual abilities and capabilities. Males who did not care about finding females with bodies suitable for bearing and feeding children would not
have produced offspring who survived, so their genes disappeared from the gene pool.

A female, on the other hand, no longer needs a male’s
body
once she is inseminated by his seed. Females do, however, benefit from the male’s
behavior
when they are pregnant, from the male’s support and protection, including his devotion to stay by her side during the pregnancy, the labor, and, ideally, until the child is old enough to take care of itself. Since childbirth could potentially kill a female and raising young children in the wild is a full-time job, her offspring would have great difficulty surviving without additional support. The females who did not care about finding males who could and would protect and support them would not have given birth to children who survived, so their genes would also have disappeared from the gene pool.

Reality

These different realities for the sexes have caused males to be attracted to traits in females that females do not care about in males and, conversely, females to be attracted to traits in males that males care little about in females. To regard females as “sex objects” is both natural and desirable for males, if the term simply refers to disregarding the personal and intellectual abilities and capabilities of females while placing emphasis on their looks. Females are not more sophisticated and respectable for disregarding males’ bodies and instead placing emphasis on their personality and behavior; they are simply hardwired to do so as it serves their sex better. But if males did, it would have led to mankind’s demise long ago.

However, to stand up and defend this statement is not
politically
correct these days. The way attraction works as well as the way in which it differs between males and females is far
from public awareness, and the majority of the public consists of unattractive people who would rather not hear that they are unfit for survival or at the mercy of genes. Some countries have even started “campaigns for inner beauty” to heighten awareness that looks are not everything. These campaigns were intended to “help” females become less interested in their own bodies and to convince males to focus on qualities other than physical appearance, but these campaigns were never led by attractive females or by males who are successful with women. Such campaigns are the result of ignorance, jealousy, and politics and are detached from reality. They represent one form of social conditioning that reduces males’ chances of getting gorgeous girls if they are foolish enough to be affected by it, just as it reduces females’ chances of attracting men if they start to neglect their appearance. More on that later.

It makes no difference that some of us, a lucky handful of the world’s enormous population, now live in a modern high-tech world and that there are better and more scientific ways to see if a female would be a good mother than just checking out her tits and ass. Our brains have evolved during millions of years without such technology. These are instincts deep within us. Males instantly feel attraction and think, “she looks good,” even if they are not consciously aware that they mean “good” as in “good to have babies with.” That is why a physically unattractive female will not become sexy all of a sudden if she shows you a perfect health report from her doctor stating that she actually would be a suitable mother for your children, and this is why males of all ages remain attracted to sexually mature teenage girls, regardless of the age of sexual consent in their region.

Older males may try to convince themselves and others through logic that they are not attracted to teenage girls, but conscious
reasoning is not involved in the attraction process. Any male who says something to this effect is only trying to be politically correct or to save face because he is embarrassed by his natural desires.

Vulnerability

The physical traits that males care greatly about in females have never been, and never will be, significant for females to find among males, because babies do not grow inside males’ bodies for nine months and their bodies are unable to produce the milk that is vital for infants’ survival. Hence, beauty, including the beauty of youth, is of no significance, which is why females often say they want older men and why the female is a few years younger than the male in the average couple. While males become attracted to young women as soon as their bodies are sexually mature and it is clear that they are fertile, females are not very interested in teenage boys until they start showing signs of maturity in their personality and behavior. However, a young male can seduce women who are older than he is as long as he ceases the immature and unattractive behavior that males tend to maintain much longer than they should, because females are far more interested in a male’s behavior than in his body.

Females are attracted to qualities that complement theirs, as their sex’s advantage comes at a cost. Their innate ability to bear and feed children makes them physically
more vulnerable
than males, as their bodies are smaller and weaker. This puts females at a physical disadvantage compared to males regarding tasks that require strength, like physical labor and combat. However, the ability to bear children also puts them at physical risk during both pregnancy and childbirth. As long as humankind has existed on this planet, becoming pregnant has been extremely dangerous, one of the most dangerous situations in which a female could find
herself. Pregnancy means several months of heightened cautiousness for the sake of the baby’s health. Engaging in a physical fight during that time or having to flee from a wild animal, even just once, could be devastating both to her and to her offspring, and thus protection is the number-one priority during pregnancy from an evolutionary perspective. Therefore, females have become attracted to males who appear
less
vulnerable than they are, males who seem able to protect and support them better than females could on their own — males who are masculine.