The Manual: What Women Want and How to Give It to Them (24 page)

When you look at two equally beautiful females, like twins for instance, but think that one of them is sexier than the other, that is usually because her manners are more feminine than the other’s. This female is
more
“girly,” more female, and she accentuates her female curves when she stands, sits, and walks: She might cross her legs to demonstrate that she has no penis, or arch her back to stick out both her butt and her breasts.

Although a male’s body is not as significant as a female’s, his body
language
is part of his behavior, and it is therefore crucial for it to be masculine for the male to be as attractive as he can be to women. Women will not find a male attractive if he mimics their body language. Such behavior will turn them
off
, and they will react more negatively the more a male contracts his body. This is just the way things are, so you need to be aware of it when you are seducing a woman, as she is attracted to
men
, and the more masculine you are, the more manly you are in her eyes.

A man keeps his elbows
away
from his waist and his hands further apart than women do to convey that he has confidence and does not need to shield his body. For instance, he may let at least one of his arms rest on the shoulder of the chair next to him or the back of the couch, rather than placing his hands close to each other or even one hand resting on top of the other. He stands with his feet separated, about shoulder-width apart, and keeps his knees away from each other when he sits down as though he has the biggest balls in the world, and he never keeps his knees together
or crosses his legs the way women usually do.

As you may already know, the phrase “to have balls” actually refers both to being a man and to having courage. These are two things women like. Women love balls. When a male expands his body this way, it is also inevitable that he will take up more space, which is suitable since it reflects dominant behavior, but this is pretty much all that is necessary. There is no need for him to be tall or muscular or to wear big fluffy jackets to appear bigger.

When you take up more space, you will be seen as more dominant, but most people have been conditioned to avoid taking up space. As children they were told to move away for strangers and to take their feet off the table, for instance. Thus, if you are taking up space in a bus, train, or cafeteria, you should not move to make room for other people until they have asked you politely. If your parents conditioned you “well,” you will probably feel an urge to sit up straight and make room as soon as you see anyone coming close.

Fight that social conditioning!

When you do fight it, you will notice that few people actually
ask
you to move over. They will instead keep going as soon as they realize you are not reacting as expected. They are not only conditioned to give room to others, but also conditioned that others will automatically give room to them, and are thus lost for words and do not know what to do when someone else does not do what they are “supposed” to do.

Attractive males and females have larger personal spaces in general, which basically means that other people give them more room and allow them to take up more space. A tall supermodel walking down the street will be given more room in the crowd than an ugly female who may be barely noticed or even pushed around. While the supermodel will walk in the middle of the street,
the ugly female will probably press herself against the walls. But if people are not
giving
you a lot of space, you have to claim it, as space is not something that one sits around and waits to be given.

The adoption of masculine body language will eventually cause you to take up a lot of space nonconsciously; it will become a habit of yours, and people around you will sense it intuitively and start to give you more space. Keep in mind, though, that what you are after is
respect
, not fear; you want other people to sense that they are less important than you are. Some people are given a lot of space because they are repulsive or threatening, not because they are attractive. Make sure you are given space for the right reason.

SPONTANEOUS

One characteristic of people who are confident, those who always appear certain, is their spontaneity. They act without hesitation as soon as they have an idea, and they follow through on their actions rather than stopping halfway.

A male has to be spontaneous to be a man, and that pretty much boils down to avoiding hesitation, avoiding saying “um …” before he speaks, and acting on his impulses without holding anything back or paying any attention to inhibitions or second thoughts — to fully commit to his actions without second-guessing himself. He needs to do this from the very first moment he sees a woman he wants all the way through every new move he makes with her.

As soon as you know that you are interested in a woman, there is no point in waiting to approach her, although there is no magic rule that says you
have to
approach within X number of seconds. However, the longer you wait, the higher the risk that you will either lose the opportunity to talk to her entirely or give the woman doubts when you finally do come over. For example, when you
first notice a woman you want, the longer you wait to approach her, the higher the risk that she will walk past you, disappear into the crowd, get into a taxi, leave the nightclub, change her job, move to another city, or die in a horrible accident. Or if you lean in to kiss a woman on the first date, but hesitate in your movement instead of taking one fluid motion, or pause halfway, she may turn her head for that reason alone as your body language signals that you lack confidence.

Although it is, of course, a bad idea to do so
intentionally
, it is usually better to say or do something stupid if it is spontaneous than to hesitate and retreat inside your head to think of something clever, as leaving the moment to think of what to say or do next will inevitably kill the flow and ease of natural interaction. You will appear less confident, not more, and over time you will lose a lot more ladies due to lack of confidence than lack of wit.

A rough default plan set in place will help to avoid hesitation to some extent so that you already know ahead of time
how
and
what
to do during key moments, such as how to approach a woman, how to ask her out on a date, and how to go in for the first kiss. In the end, however, you cannot plan every single situation you might be in, but you do not really want to either. True confidence is not about pre-planning; it is about being able to think on your feet in real time and to be spontaneous in mind, mouth, and movement. It is a general attitude, not a detailed plan of action, just like you were all the time naturally when you were young, before you were socialized differently, the same way you used to always be proud of yourself.

PROUD

As I mentioned in the chapter about confidence, a man is proud of himself and has a high sense of his personal value. When he has
such high thoughts about himself, he will always carry himself with dignity, and it will be noticeable through his body language. It will be evident by his manners that he deems himself important and valuable. While shame is about covering oneself, its opposite, pride, is about
showing
oneself — who you are, what you have done, and what you intend to do.

However, few people move as proudly as they actually could. Most ordinary people never display much pride, and the few who do have proud body language have usually spent most of their lives serving society to achieve success first, as it is normal to be conditioned to do so before acting proudly. The exception has been the ruling class, such as royalty, which has always been conditioned to know that its members are better and more important than others from birth — including acting and moving that way. But you do not need this type of formal status to walk and talk like you are valuable. All you have to do is to adopt proud body language right away as if you too were born a prince.

Pride is most noticeable nonverbally in the way people hold their head. Your chin should be pointing forward so that your head is tilted back slightly. You will only
feel
the weight of your head if you tilt it too far back or too far forward. In between is a spot where it is in perfect balance on top of your spine, where it feels almost weightless.

Most males tilt their head too far forward, as if they are in a constant state of shame, or they will automatically bow their head whenever they walk past someone. If you look at someone from that position you will literally be looking
up
to them, communicating your submissiveness, even if you are taller than the other person. This is something you must not do. You want others, at least women you want, to look up to you — not the other way around. They will not find you attractive otherwise. Nevertheless,
it is equally common that males have poor posture and tilt their entire torsos forward as well, like spineless cowards. This is something else you must avoid.

To “be” confident, straighten your back, which is easiest to do by balancing your head properly on the spine first. Interestingly, feelings of pride tend to emerge after you assume this physical stance, even though you have accomplished nothing, because feelings originate
inside
your body, not from the outside world.

With proper posture, you will already be standing taller than otherwise but you should plant your feet firmly on the ground as well, at roughly shoulder-width apart. This will allow you to assume an unyielding and balanced stance, which matches the unyielding personality of a man.

You should also create this same proud presence in the way you walk. Women keep their knees close together as they step forward and appear the most feminine when they put each foot on a straight line right before the other, but men keep their feet further apart when they walk.

To walk with a slight swagger is both masculine and the practice of a male with high self-esteem. While too much of a swagger will make you seem arrogant, a
hint
of it will make you look proud and manly. To make sure that you maintain good posture while you walk, imagine yourself wearing a cape, the long, thick, heavy kind worn by kings, and that it flows down behind your back and drags behind you as you walk. This mental image will both slow you down
slightly
as you walk and help you pull back your shoulders and straighten your back to its natural curve so that your imaginary cape never touches your back.

This effect could possibly contribute to the reason kings wore capes in the first place and why most male superheroes do too. It is obviously not a practical garment, but it can improve a male’s
attractiveness by helping him improve his posture.

You might have heard that some females love males in uniform, and this is partly because of the posture that such tailored outfits force a male to adopt when he wears them. However, you do not have to buy special clothes to be attractive to women, and special clothes are actually not even necessary to improve your posture — as the previous mental exercise demonstrated — but we will return to the topic of fashion later.

CURIOUS

Nonverbally, seduction involves moving physically closer and closer to each other while getting to know one another using all of our different bodily senses. It is about communicating curiosity with your body.

When initiating contact with a woman, you start with visual contact at a distance when you first notice each other, which can mean the two of you are quite far away and the only way that you can connect is by using your gaze. As you walk closer, you reach a good distance for vocal contact, a point at which you can connect with your voice as well. Once you have engaged in a conversation, you will move in yet again, close enough to touch, while still maintaining the visual and vocal connection. At a certain point you will move even closer, where you will be able to smell each other, before you are so close you can taste each other — also known as kissing — and finally to use all your senses at the same time to explore her
insides
as well during sex.

You can also use your gaze, touch, and smell to give women compliments nonverbally, as I briefly mentioned in the conversation chapter, but the most obvious nonverbal indication of flirting is how you position yourself in relation to the woman you want. This includes both how close you are to her and the angle at which
you face her. You should always try to turn your entire body toward her while at the same time positioning yourself in front of her, judging by wherever she is facing her chest and shoulders. By placing yourself right in front of her, your confidence will be as obvious as your intentions, which is ideal.

However, to not seem threatening, which would make her feel extremely uncomfortable, you must also keep your distance and pay close attention to your proximity to her
initially
. You have to consider a woman’s personal space and only move in closer at a pace that she is comfortable with.

Personal Space

Personal space is the invisible bubble that surrounds each of us. It is the space around us that we consider our own. Most people feel uncomfortable or even threatened if someone moves inside and invades their personal space by getting too close
too fast
. There is always a certain distance that we like to keep between others and ourselves, although this distance varies depending on how comfortable we are with the other person. The better we know or like them, the more acceptable it is for them to come closer to us, and people will nonconsciously distance themselves by stepping toward or away from another person to maintain the appropriate distance.

This proximity between two people is one aspect that differentiates strangers from friends, and friends from lovers. This is true all over the world, although the
exact
distances that people normally keep from each other differs in different cultures. In more crowded regions of the world, people’s bubbles are usually smaller, yet the concept of
relatively
shorter distances for people we know and like still applies.