Say You'll Stay (19 page)

“I-I don’t.” There’s nothing that I can say to even express what I’m feeling. So many damn things go through my head. I glance at them and clearly Felicia is pissed.

I quickly turn my head, and Brent smirks. “That one’s on the house.”

Minutes go by, and I force myself not to look. He didn’t come over here, so Brent obviously knows nothing. And why am I even wanting him to come over?

“Pres.” A hand touches my shoulder, and I gasp. My stomach clenches at the feel of his touch.

I turn as Zach is staring at me.

I don’t know what to say.

“Presley, there’s a problem. We have to go.”

Confusion washes over me. “What do you mean?”

“I got a call from Wyatt.”

“Is he okay?” I jump up as panic sets in. “What’s wrong?”

Zach looks away and fear takes hold. “Wyatt’s okay,” he says quickly. “But something’s happened, and we need to get to the ranch.”

“You’re confusing me.”

He lets out a deep breath. “It’s Cayden.”

My mouth falls open as my body goes numb. “What?” I ask breathlessly. “Cayden? What about Cayden?” I practically scream.

I can’t handle anything happening to my sons. I can’t endure another loss. I will die with them. I won’t be able to recover from anything else. I’m already on the fringe of losing it.

“Trent and Cooper were working on the campsite and the boys took off on the horses. They went after them, but they can’t find Cayden. They’ve searched everywhere, and nothing.”

“Oh, my God!” I cry out. “We have to go! Now!” I scream and grab my purse. Here I was out drinking and one of my kids is lost in the woods. I sober up immediately. I can’t think of anything but finding my son. Panic and anger swirl together as my emotions conflict. This can’t be happening.

“Brent, get a bunch of guys together. We need as much help as we can get,” Zach instructs.

It’s one of those moments where it feels like nothing is moving. I’m paralyzed with fear. It’s as if my feet are stuck to the ground. I stand still while people move around me. Zach touches my shoulder and I flinch. “I’m leaving.” I snap out of my trance and blurt out.

“Let’s go. I’m coming with you,” he says as he follows behind me. I rush to get my car.

“Zach!” Felicia calls out. “What the hell are you doing?”

I don’t stop. I don’t have time. I burst through the door and realize I don’t have my car. “Fuck!”

I turn to go get Grace and see Zach pushing Felicia’s arms off him. She’s yelling at him as he tries to move toward me. “God damn it, Felicia!” he shouts. “I’m going. No one knows those woods like me. Get a ride with someone or walk. We’ll finish our conversation later.” He runs toward me and points to his truck. “Get in.”

I don’t hesitate. We both hop in, and Zach throws the truck in reverse. I don’t say anything as we fly down the dirt roads. All I can think is Cayden must be so scared. He’s alone in the dark, out in the woods. There are so many things that can go wrong. He’s never been camping and doesn’t know what to do if you get separated. There’s so much I should’ve told them before I agreed to this.

“I can’t—” My breathing comes rapidly and my heart pounds. “He must be so alone.”

“He’s going to be okay.” Zach tries to reassure me. “We’ll find him.”

“You don’t know that.”

“We’ll find him, Presley.”

I shake my head because he can’t guarantee anything. I know he wants to help, but with my luck . . .”Don’t make me promises, Zachary. You’ve broken them before.”

“I won’t break this one.”

We get to my house faster than I could’ve imagined, or maybe it just feels that way. I jump out of the truck and Zach follows. My father is waiting at the barn.

“Daddy!” I rush toward him.

“It’s going to be okay, sugar.” His strong arms cocoon me.

“What about Logan?” I look around as my breathing turns even more erratic.

Daddy holds my shoulder and touches my cheek with his other hand. “He’s upstairs with your mama. He’s okay, but worried.”

I look and see Mama in the window. I start to head inside, but she shakes her head and puts her finger to her lips.

“Let him sleep,” Daddy says quietly. “We’ll find him, Presley. Cooper, Trent, Wyatt, and all my ranch hands are out looking now.” My father has always been so confident, but even he looks a little shaken.

I can’t stand here any longer. If Logan is safe, then I have to focus on Cayden. I need to go look for him. “We’re heading out too.”

“I figured as much. I had the horses saddled with the gear you need. There’s another group of us going in twenty minutes to take a different route.”

I take off running toward the barn. Zach is on my heels as we both know there’s no time to waste. “Are you okay to ride?” he asks.

I mount the horse and glare at him. “Let’s go.”

“All right.”

We head out toward the area they’re in. It’ll take us about a half hour to get close. My nerves are frayed as I think about the time we’re wasting. But it’s much easier to get through this area on horseback than in a car. I don’t say anything to Zach. A part of me doesn’t even realize he’s with me. I just want to find my son.

Finally, we get into the general area around the falls where we usually camp. “Presley!” Zach calls from behind and comes alongside me.

“What?” I ask as the adrenaline pulses through me. “We don’t have time. We have to find him.” My words come out like bullets as I spur my horse forward, but he grabs the reins.

“Stop.”

“Let go,” I say between gritted teeth. “This is my son!” I don’t care about anything else. Standing here and talking is wasting time. I want to find Cayden. I’m so stupid to have let him go on this trip. I should’ve known that Cooper and fucking Trent couldn’t handle them.

“You need to stop. We need a plan. Think for a second.”

Part of me wants to knee him in the balls, but he’s right. If we start wandering through the woods, we’ll never find him. “I don’t know what to do,” I say feeling more helpless than ever.

“Where would he go? What does he like?”

I try to focus on what he asked. I don’t know what the boys saw during the day. I’m not sure if they went along any special trails, but Cooper and Trent probably checked those first. What else is out here? Logan would follow an animal, but Cayden has always loved the water. “The falls!”

Zach takes off ahead of me, ducking and turning, avoiding the trees and branches. My horse follows him, and I focus on not losing him. My father put lights on the back of our saddles, so I can see a dot. “Cayden!” I call out as I ride. Hoping he hears me.

I can faintly hear Zach doing the same.

We ride for what seems like forever until I can hear the rushing water. I slow down and shine the flashlight, calling out, “Cayden!”

“Go to the right, I’ll take the left,” Zach instructs.

I search all over the falls area. The full moon is bright and helps illuminate the normally dark woods.

“Please, Cayden!” At some point my screaming becomes sobs. I’m tired, weak, and emotionally done. I won’t quit though, not when my baby needs me. But my tears fall as I search for my son. “Cay!” I need him so much. I don’t care that he’s been angry or defiant, I just want him in my arms. “Cayden, please, Cayden.”

Zach trots over and hops off his horse. He holds my waist and helps me down. “Look at me,” he commands. “I’m going to find him.”

“He must be so scared.” I hold on to his arms as I tremble. “This is my fault! I shouldn’t have let him go.”

“This isn’t your fault.
None
of this is your fault.” He grips my face, and I hold his wrists. “You have to be strong. I know you’re scared, but trust me, Presley. I’m not going home until we have him safe, okay?”

I believe him. He says the words with such authority, I know he means it. He presses his lips to my forehead before releasing me. “I can’t lose him, Zach.”

“You’re not going to.”

I pull myself together and muster whatever strength I can. Where else could he have gone? There are so many trails. Zach and I both drink some water, and he calls Wyatt. They talk about the areas they’ve searched and our search party is now the entire town of Bell Buckle. Everyone is out on their horses, four wheelers, and trucks searching for him.

Zach hangs up the phone. “Let’s follow the creek. If he likes the water it would make sense to think he would stay close to the water.”

I’ve lost the ability to make decisions right now, so I nod and pray that Zach will find my baby.

W
E RIDE AT A STEADY
pace, calling his name, and looking for anything that would give us a clue. Zach checks in with the rest of the searchers, so far nothing. It has to have been at least two hours of riding down this creek. My hope drains with each passing minute.

Worry grips my throat, choking the life from me. I can’t manage anything except short breaths.

I wonder if he’s sleeping, cold, scared, or if he’s hurt. Memories assault me one by one. The way he felt in my arms right after he was born. Holding his tiny little hand with my finger. How he sounded when he said “Ma” for the first time. I remember the way he would look at me when he would do something wrong. Cayden was always the more mischievous one, but he was so cute, I couldn’t be mad for too long.

Growing up, my mother always said, “God only gives you what you can handle.” Well, I’ve reached my capacity.

Zach slows, waiting for me. “You okay?”

“Not even in the slightest.”

“Do you need to rest for a minute?” he asks.

I look at him with a blank stare. I’m not stopping. There’s nothing that could keep me from continuing my search. “Every minute we waste is a minute he might need.”

“At least eat something.” He hands me an energy bar. “You drank a lot and need your energy if we’re going to keep riding.”

He’s right. I grab the food, taking a few bites. “Thanks,” I say softly. “I appreciate you doing this.”

“I’d do anything for you,” he says as he trots forward.

I pull back on the reins, stop, and wait for him to turn around. “You can’t say stuff like that to me,” I demand. “You can’t mess with my head. Don’t you see how fucked-up I am?”

Zach closes the distance. “You’re hurting. You’re not fucked-up.”

“What are you doing?” I shake my head. “You have her. Why are you saying these things to me?”

Zach hops down and grabs the bridle, forcing me to stop exactly where I am. “Do you know that I was planning to propose the day you came back to Bell Buckle? Do you know why Felicia doesn’t have a ring on her finger?”

I don’t want to hear this. “I can’t do this right now.” Tears form as I contemplate everything that’s happened tonight. It’s too much.

He looks at the sky and lets out a heavy breath. “You’re right. Now’s not the time. When you’re ready, after we find Cayden, and you want to know the truth, I’m here.”

Zach lets go of the horse and walks toward the water. My chest aches for so many reasons. I want to know what he feels, but I don’t at the same time. I watch him squat and splash his face with water. We’re all exhausted, scared, and praying for a miracle.

I don’t know why, but I get down. My feet move on their own until I’m standing beside Zach. I need to be close to him. I need to feel some flicker of hope that everything’s going to be okay. His arm wraps around my back and I turn into him. “Just hold me,” I request.

And he does.

He holds me close. He holds me secure. He holds me like I haven’t been held in so long.

I close my eyes and rest in his safety. I try to find my center, feel the world around me, and allow the calm to wash over me. I’m so lost, weightlessly drifting and hoping for something to tether me. Right now, I feel as if I’ve been caught and I might be able to stand on my own. In his arms, I can fight.

My fingers grip his shirt, and I slowly raise my gaze until I find his eyes. I hold on with everything I have. I don’t want to let go. I don’t want to float anymore. “Zach,” I whisper. “Don’t let me go.”

He doesn’t let go as he presses his forehead to mine. We stand like this, wrapped up in each other as I beg God for my son.

Please, I need him. I’ve lost too much.

Zach’s head lifts from mine. I open my eyes and look at him but he’s searching for something.

“Presley,” Zach’s arms fall. The calm I had vanishes with his embrace. “Look, over there!”

My eyes go to the spot he’s pointing to. There’s a horse tied to a branch. “Cayden,” I mumble. “Cayden!” I scream out and run as fast as my legs can move.

“Cayden!” Zach calls out looking around. “Where are you, buddy?”

We call out over and over as I rush toward the tree. “It’s my dad’s horse. It’s Shortstop!” I say to Zach as we scour the area. “He was here.” We both take off in different directions looking for where he could be.

“Mom!” Cayden’s voice cracks.

I scan the area, trying to find where his little voice is coming from.

“I found him!” Zach yells as he rushes down the hill. “We’re here, Cayden.”

My heart pounds against my ribs as I run to them. I start to cry as my feet slide against the wet leaves. I move as fast as I can, and the second I see him, I can breathe. “Cayden!” Relief floods me. He’s okay.