Say You'll Stay (15 page)

I giggle. “That was almost convincing.”

“I’m not joking. You need to be there before five.”

It’s been two weeks since the last time I saw Zach. Two weeks and not a peep. It’s like one step forward and two steps back with us. I thought we were getting somewhere in the truck, and then he ruined it by kissing me. We have these moments of clarity only to have it eclipsed by the past.

“Coop, I can’t.” I go through possible excuses in my mind. He’ll know that I’m lying, but there’s not a chance in hell it’s happening.

“I’m not asking.”

“I’m not going.”

“It’s not all about you and your love life, Presley. Some of us had no choice. Some of us had to give up our dreams to face reality. Now it’s time for you to grow up and face yours.”

What does he know about reality? I’ve been in hell, waiting for things to be a little easier. But no, every time I feel an ounce of relief, something else happens. “Wow, it must be nice to sit in your ivory tower and judge me. You think I haven’t had to grow up? Live a real life? You think I didn’t have dreams that didn’t pan out? Wake the fuck up.”

I stand and Cooper rolls his eyes. “So what if you had to come back home?”

“I didn’t come back home, Cooper. I lost
everything
. Every single thing that I had in my life. I lost it all. My husband, bakery, home, friends, the kids’ school, you name it . . . it’s gone. So tell me what reality you think I’m not facing,
dear
brother.”

Cooper and I were close as kids. Being only two years apart meant we spent a ton of time together. Between him dating my girlfriends and teaming up with the Hennington boys to torment me, we were always in the same space. Plus, we had to help with the ranch. But this guy. This angry man isn’t the Cooper I knew.

“I’m not going to argue with you.”

“Yes,” I demand, “you are. I want my brother back.”

“Fine.” His hands rise and fall. “You left all of us, Presley. You didn’t just leave to go to college. You left. You never came back to visit or check on your family. I didn’t even know your husband until after you were married. Let alone ever get to know my nephews. They’re how old? This is the first time I’ve spent any time with them—ever.”

I can imagine it hurt him. But I never knew it did this much. I always assumed Cooper was mad about not being able to leave here. “You were welcome at my home any time.”

“I didn’t want to come there. I wanted you to come home. This is your home. This is where you had an entire life you’ve pretended didn’t exist.” As angry as he appears to be, I can hear the underlying sorrow.

Tears pool as his words cut like knives. I never wanted to hurt my brother or my family. I couldn’t come back here. I didn’t want to face the people who said Zach and I were crazy and too young. Seeing the pity and hearing their whispers was something I knew I couldn’t endure.

“It wasn’t like that. I couldn’t come home and deal with the rumors.”

“Who cares what the hell people think? If you would’ve given anyone a chance, you would’ve known everyone was sad for you. But you never gave anyone a damn chance to show you that. You hid away and created a new life where none of us were welcome.”

Cooper’s right. I should’ve come home after the first time I visited. I excluded everyone in this town from my life. My parents, my brother, and anyone who had any connection to Zachary. I didn’t want to think about him. Just hearing his name was like someone ripping my heart from my chest.

I’ve gone from hearing apologies for months to saying them constantly. “I’m sorry, Coop. I really am. I love you.” I step forward and grab his arm. “It was easier to avoid.”

I see the fight go out in Cooper’s eyes. “It might have been for you. But it hurt like hell to lose my sister.”

All I want is to feel normal again. I don’t want tension with Cooper or anyone else. My brother has been there for the boys since we’ve been back. I want us to be back to what we once were. “I’m so sorry I hurt you.” My honesty is in each syllable. “Can we move on? Can we find a way to be close again?”

“Yeah,” he says with a smile. “You can shovel the stables for the next month, and I’ll find a way to love you again.”

“No way!” I laugh.

Cooper tugs me into his embrace. “I would’ve been there for you. I’m always here. Stop being so stubborn and let us help you.”

I sink into my brother’s arms and let go. “I’m so angry. I’m so sad.”

He holds me tight. “I know, Pres. It’s going to be okay.”

I let him console me because I’m too tired to pretend anymore. And with Cooper, I don’t have to.

“Y
OU DIDN’T REALLY THINK YOU
could hide forever, did you?” Wyatt says, leaning against the post. “That’s the best part about small towns—they’re small.”

I’ve been able to dodge him for the most part. Keeping things really short and business oriented. “I’m not hiding.”

He flashes a quick grin. “You’re hiding a lot more than you’re willing to admit.”

“Well, if I told you then it would defeat the purpose.”

It’s five thirty in the morning, and I thought I’d be safe out here. My dreams have been getting worse and worse since the kiss. Now, Todd comes and accuses me of loving Zach all along. I know it’s all my subconscious playing tricks on me, but I wake in a pool of sweat every morning. Now, I fight even falling asleep. It’s better than the damn nightmares. But when I think about Todd, I grow extremely sad. All of our memories are tainted by the façade he was feeding me. I think about him waking up for work, getting dressed, and kissing me goodbye all the while knowing it was a lie. I wonder how many other lies he told me. Then my sadness shifts back to anger. It’s exhausting.

“We’re all hiding something, aren’t we?”

“And what are you hiding?” I ask as he walks forward.

Wyatt studies me as if he can figure it out. “We’re not talking about me. I know you, Pres. You’ve gotta tell someone, darlin’. It’s eating you up.”

“You don’t know what the hell you’re talking about.”

He laughs. “You’re a whole lot of angry. It seeps from you. It’s keeping you from really being here.”

I shake my head in annoyance. Why does he have to push me? Everyone has let me grieve in my own way, but not Wyatt. “You don’t get to dictate how I handle my life. You’re damn right I’m angry. I’d like you to find someone in my situation who wouldn’t be.”

“You’re not the first person to deal with death.” His voice is layered in sympathy even if his words aren’t. “You’re not grieving, Pres. You’re barely living. Those boys,” he points to the window of their bedroom, “they’re living. They’re helping on the farm, laughing, getting to know a family they didn’t know. They’re actually living, but you?” He pauses as my chest aches. Wyatt stands face to face with me. His brown eyes are open and honest. “You’re just going through the motions.”

Wyatt’s hands brush up and down my arms.

“I don’t know how to feel anything but anger.”

He nods. “Anger I understand.”

“I want it to stop.”

“Take a walk with me,” Wyatt urges. “There’s a place you’ll want to see.”

My choices are simple—either go back to bed and get accosted later or face it now. Well, that’s if Wyatt even lets me go anywhere. He’s pretty damn good at getting his way. And the truth is, there’s a part of me that doesn’t want to be alone. “Fine, but I’m doing it under protest.”

“When have you ever done anything willingly?” He laughs at his own joke and lightens the mood.

I shrug. “Maybe once.”

We walk through the property out toward the creek as the sun is just starting to peek over the horizon. When we were kids, this was our spot. Wyatt and I would come sit out on the big rock in the middle of the water. We’d talk about all the things we were going to do, the way we’d live next to each other and our kids would be inseparable. The dreams of small town best friends.

“You know?” he says as we get close enough to hear the water. “I keep waiting for you to come home.”

I look over with confusion. “Umm,” I say. “I am home.”

“No, you’re still there,” he states. “You’ve got half your heart still gone, Cowgirl.” He tilts his head back looking at the stars. “You ever wonder what else is out there? It’s a big universe, filled with so many people all searching for something else. His eyes meet mine, and he continues, “Tell me, what are you wishing for?”

My heart cracks as the reality that my wishes won’t ever be possible flows through my veins. “It doesn’t matter what I wish for, none of it will ever come true.”

“I don’t know about that. You can always wish, but it doesn’t mean your wishes will get answered. Sometimes you have to choose whether what you’re wishin’ for is really what you want.”

“Okay, Yoda.”

We stand at the edge of the water as I look above me, wondering where Todd is. If he can see and hear this. I question if he knows what’s in my and the boys’ hearts. I ruminate about all the choices I’ve made and their outcomes. Choices are something we take for granted until we no longer have any options, and then we want to go back in time.

“Hop on,” Wyatt says, squatting in front of me.

I scoff. “I’m not getting on your back.”

“Woman, you always have to be a pain in the ass.”

He turns around, crouches back down, and grips my knees. I don’t have a moment to respond before I’m thrown over his shoulder. “Wyatt Hennington! You put me down!”

He trudges into the creek. “You sure about that?”

“No,” I groan. “One day you’ll let me have my way the first time.”

“I doubt that. You usually pick wrong. I figure I’m saving us both a headache by doing it this way.”

“You should talk.”

A few more steps and we’re at the rock. He puts me down, and I curl my legs so he has room. “Let’s talk. You’re stuck out here until you get over your shit.”

I don’t mention that I could walk my way back. I mean, it’s two feet of water. However, I don’t think that’s the point. “What do you want me to say?”

He inches closer and nudges me with his arm. “Start with why you came back.”

“My husband.” I hesitate, needing to breathe a few times before I can continue. “He put us in a really bad spot.”

“How so?”

Oh, the ways are never ending. This is the part I struggle with. How much information can I actually disclose? Why am I hiding all of his transgressions? Todd clearly didn’t give a shit, so why do I? Part of it is pride, I know this. I don’t want people to see how oblivious I was. Because only a fool doesn’t know how bad their life is falling apart. “I was in the dark about every part of my life. I didn’t know that Todd had lost his job or that we were in debt. So when he died, I had a mountain of problems dropped in my lap.”

Wyatt rubs my back. “So you came back to put yourself on track?”

“I came back homeless. We lost it all. Literally. I was so stupid, Wyatt.”

“You weren’t stupid. If your husband didn’t tell you, how would you know?”

I let out a half laugh. “Only someone so selfish and wrapped up in themselves wouldn’t know their husband was out of work. I had no idea how bad things were. I could’ve helped out, but Todd went on like everything was fine. But it wasn’t. It was—is—so bad.”

“I don’t know if you were selfish or just didn’t want to know.”

It’s true, I didn’t want to know anything. I let him handle every aspect of our financials because that was what he did for a living. It was natural for him to take the bills, and I ran the rest of our home. Looking back now, I was ignorant. I should’ve known at least something about our situation. And if I were being completely honest, the writing was on the wall, but I covered it with paint so I didn’t have to see it.

“Do you think I’m pathetic?”

“Of course I don’t!”

“I’m a thirty-five-year-old widow with two boys, and I live with my mother and father.”

He sighs. “Okay, maybe a little.”

I elbow him and he laughs. “Jerk.”

“Look, life is a gamble. You played your cards and lost. Doesn’t make you a loser. Means you need to find a new dealer.”

I shake my head and grin at him. “You need to stop watching
The Hangover
. You’ve never even been to Vegas.”

“I don’t need to go to Vegas to learn about gambling.”

“I guess it’s better than quoting Kenny Rogers lyrics.”

“I’m serious.” Wyatt’s tone shifts. “You’re not stupid for loving someone or trusting them. Sometimes the other person loves you back, other times they love your brother.”

“Wyatt,” I say softly.

“You know I’ve loved you since I can remember. I know we’ll never be. I accepted that a long time ago, but I like to give you shit when I can. One day you’ll get your heads out of your asses and fix this mess you both made.”

Wyatt told me about how he felt when Zach left for college. It wasn’t in a leave-your-brother-for-me type of way. He explained that he had to tell me so he could move on. I cried as he clarified his feelings. I loved him, but not in that way. He also told Zach, which didn’t go over well.

My hand finds his and he squeezes. “It would’ve been easier if it was you,” I admit.

“It would’ve been easier if it wasn’t you.”

We both fall quiet as the water rushes past us. I yawn and Wyatt pulls me close. I rest my head on his shoulder with my eyes closed. It would’ve been so different if I had chosen him. Wyatt would’ve grounded me. He never had intentions of leaving here. He wanted to run his family’s horse ranch, settle down, and have kids. Somehow we’ve both drifted so far off our paths we’re not even in the same state.