Muse - Fighting Fate #1 (10 page)

Chapter 16

Jace

Leaning against my locker, I watched the other students rush past while I
waited for Aiden to put his books away. Violet wandered past, quickly glancing up at me before blushing and speeding up her pace.

I narrowed my eyes at her retreating figure. I’d heard about her
Facebook post. The guys had given me all sorts of slaps on the back and high fives over that one. I didn’t know when this fuck fest was supposed to have happened. Just like the one I supposedly had with Kacey. Obviously I could be in two places at once. Fuck, I was good.

My mind wandered back to Mia. It’d been exactly a week since I’d heard from her, and almost two weeks since I’d had the pleasure of touching her. I didn’t know what was wrong, or if I was doing the right thing by giving her space, but that’s what Aiden seemed to be doing, so I just went with it.

When I woke this morning though, I’d decided enough was enough, so I texted her. It wasn’t much of anything, just a ‘hi’ with a smiley face, but it was now lunch time, and I hadn’t received a reply. It kind of pissed me off.

We walked out to the green, enjoying the fact that most of the rain seemed to have gone now it was spring
, and camped out at our usual spot. I found Mia’s lonesome figure on the other side of the green, sitting in the sun with her legs crossed.

I pulled out my phone, ready to get this shit sorted.

Are you not talking to me?

I watched her intently
, expecting her to look up at me, but she didn’t. She just kept her eyes on her phone. A few seconds later, my phone vibrated in my hand.

Uh…I didn’t really think there was any point. I’m assuming we’re done now…

What the fuck?! I looked up at her. She still wasn’t looking my way. My heart was going into a panic.

Why?

I held my breath while I waited for her to reply. She was taking fucking forever.

You know why.

No. I fucking didn’t know why!

No. I don’t. Explain it to me.

I told you I wouldn’t continue with it if you saw other girls.

Realization hit me like a fucking brick.
Oh, fuck no. She thought I fucked Violet.

A tinge of panic swelled inside me. I’d already come to the realization that there were strings involved for me. Lots of confusing fucking strings
, but I couldn’t tell Mia that. I couldn’t risk scaring her away. I just needed to convince her that I’d stuck to the rules. Running my thumbs over the screen of my phone, I shot off a quick text.

I’m not seeing anyone...

Her response was immediate.

Jace, I know about Violet
.

For fuck’s sake. Why did shit have to be so hard? I was just trying to figure out how to word my defense
when I heard Aiden talking beside me. Carly was asking about the tour we were scheduled to go on with The Dark Hybrid.

“...yeah, we leave just after grad. It’s going to be pretty intense.
We’re going to be flat out for months...”

It hit me then just how selfish I was thinking.
How many times had Mia told me she didn’t do crowds? We had three months before we were gone, and if everything went how Rich thought it would, we were going to be living in the spotlight. With crowds. The very place Mia didn’t want to be.

I had no idea what to do. For the first time in my life, I wanted to try with a girl and it turned out she couldn’t be with me the way I wanted her to. The way I saw it, I had two choices. I could set her straight and keep seeing her in secret until we left to go on tour, or I could leave her thinking I’d been with Violet and let her move on.

As much as it hurt to think, I knew the second option would probably be the best for both of us.

With a strange heavy feeling in my chest, I typed.

I’m sorry.

I s
wallowed the lump in my throat as her answer came through.

Don’t be.
You didn’t do anything wrong, Thank you for everything xx

Those little kisses at the end nearly did me in. I wanted to
just throw my phone and punch something. I wanted to storm off and be alone and brood, but I knew she could see me, and she needed to think I was okay.

I sat there for the rest of the lunch period
trying to pretend there wasn’t a fucking big gaping hole in my chest that was eating away at me.

All around me, people were making jokes and laughing
, congratulating us for making the tour, all fucking amped and excited, and I had to smile and laugh right along with them. It was all fucking bullshit.

I couldn’t have been more fucking relieved when the bell finally rang. We all walked back to our lockers, surrounded by people I hadn’t even seen before
, let alone met, and I just wanted them all to fuck the hell off.

It wasn’t until Aiden and I were getting our books out for our next class that I felt the tension
coming off him.

Before I could ask him what was up, he was slamming his locker. “Fuck! Fuck! Fuck!” he growled,
opening and slamming his locker with each word.

I stared at him, slightly in shock, as he leant his head against the locker door. I’d known Aiden for almost four years, and it was a very rare occurrence for him to lose his shit.

I took a quick look down the halls, glad most of the other students had already gone off to class. The few remaining stranglers were eyeing us, but they seemed to know well enough to move on.

“What the fuck
, man?” I said quietly.

He banged his head against the locker door. It wasn’t hard but it was enough to turn a few more heads. “I don’t know if I can do this
, man,” he said.

I was fucking confused. Wh
at the hell did I miss? “Do what?”

“The fucking tour!” he bit out, pushing away from the locker. He rubbed his hands over his face with frustration. “I mean, I will, but...fuck!”

“I don’t get it, man. What’s the problem?”

“Mia’s the fucking problem! Something’s...not right.
” He clasped his hands behind his head and exhaled loudly. “I don’t know. It might be nothing, but she’s freaking me the fuck out. I just have this sick feeling in my stomach. She says it’s nothing, just PMS or some shit – and don’t fucking say I’m feeling her PMS or I’ll fucking take you down right now. I just...it’s hard, you know?”

I knew more than he could possibly be aware of. I clapped him on the back lightly. “It’ll be okay
, man. We’ve got three months to work it out. Let’s just see what happens up until then.”

He nodded and took a deep breath.
“Yeah, you’re right. It’s just...she’s a part of me, you know?”

“Yeah, I know.” And I did. I felt exactly the same way.

Chapter 17

Mia

I couldn’t stop the tears from falling.

I hadn’t meant to listen in to Aiden and Jace’s conversation, but when I heard the locker slam and Aiden’s voice swearing so emotionally, I froze. Knowing I was causing him so much distress was like having a bucket of ice cold water thrown over me. I couldn’t believe I’d been so tied up in my own emotions that I couldn’t even see how much I’d been affecting him.

What had I done? He was talking about cancelling the tour for god’s sake! I needed to fix this. I needed to find a way to show him I would be okay when he left. I needed to stop hiding and face reality.

I’d known for a long time that I’d been using my anxiety as an excuse to hide away from the world. I’d been fine living my life like that, but I hadn’t thought for a single second how that might be affecting those who loved me.

My real problem was crowds. Loud, angry crowds. Handfuls of people like Aiden’s group of friends weren’t really a problem. They didn’t make me anxious. That was purely just shyness.

Maybe if I could show Aiden that I could mingle a little more, bring myself into the real world a little more, he would start to relax and not feel so worried about me. With only that thought to keep me going, I picked myself up off the floor and went to the bathroom to clean up.

Aiden’s words stuck with me for the rest of the day, and their reminder only made me more determined to follow through with my plan.
When it was home time, I sat quietly in the passenger seat, watching him out of the corner of my eye as he drove. Now that I was aware of how he felt, it was plain to see how much anguish he was going through. It was a hard pill to swallow. I was the worst twin in the world.

I called Kaeli as soon as I got home, not only to tell her my plan, but also because I desperately needed her help.
Unlike myself, Kaeli wasn’t a shy person. She was the way she was because she was hiding something – or hiding from something. She hadn’t become afraid of being around people like I had. She’d just chosen to stay away from them.

I was happy with my plan. I even slept well and woke feeling like it was the perfect solution.

I didn’t start to second guess it until I was faced with the student green at lunch time the next day. There seemed to be even more people hanging around the guys than there were the day before, or maybe it just looked that way because I was so god damned nervous.

Kaeli squeezed my hand and gave me a reassuring smile. “You can do this
, babe. They’re just kids laughing and having fun.”

I exhaled and nodded, holding her words and repeating them inside my head as my mantra as I walked towards their table. I was
halfway there when Aiden looked up and saw me. The panic that came to his eyes warmed me and spurred me on. He shot out of his seat and strode straight over to me, earning me quite a few hateful glares from the girls that had been surrounding him.

“Mia, are you okay?”

I gave him a nervous smile. His questioning gaze flew to Kaeli then back again. “Yeah, I’m fine. I just thought I’d come say hi.”

Surprise flickered across his face. “You wanted to come say hi?”

I nodded, focusing on my breathing. “Yep. I thought it was time I came out of my shell a little. Can Kaeli and I sit with you for a bit?”

He blinked.
“Of course. You don’t need to ask, baby girl. Come over here.”

“You don’t have to stop what you were doing. I know how much you like your little groupies,” I said quietly, a smirk touching my lips.

He burst out laughing and threw his arm over my shoulder, leading me towards the other end of the table. A few people looked up at his loud chortle, Jace being one of them, and when he saw me, his eyes widened.

Aiden
stopped right beside Jace and nudged him with his elbow. “Shove over guys. Make room for Mia and Kaeli.”

I was surprised when everyone jumped to his command, shuffling al
ong to make a gap for us. I knew I should probably stay away from Jace for my own sanity, but I slid in next to him anyway. I was as nervous as hell, and I knew being close to him would keep me calm.

The awkwardness I thought would be between us didn’t come. Surprisingly, it just felt…
right
. I glanced up at him with a tiny smile and saw him watching me intently. “Hi,” I said softly.

His jaw clenched strangely
before he spoke. “Hey. How are you?”

The intensity in his eyes was disarming. For some reason, I didn’t want to lie to him anymore. “In general, or in other terms?”

Understanding flickered in his eyes. He knew I was giving him a look inside. “Both.”

I bit my lip, rubbing the palms of my hands on my jeans under the table. “In general, I’m as nervous as hell. I think my heart rate is off the charts.”

I took a slow, deep breath and exhaled, then Jace’s fingers gently wrapped around my wrist. I looked at him questioningly, but when I saw his eyes widen a little, I realized he was feeling my pulse. “Shit,” he whispered.

“It’s okay. It’s slowing down. I don’t feel so panicked being next to you.” The words were out my mouth before I could stop them, but once they were, I was glad I said them.

I watched him draw in a slow, steady breath. “So, in other terms?” he asked.

It took me a few seconds to comprehend what he was asking, but when I did, I blushed. “In other terms…I’m not so sure…”

Jace looked down at the table. He looked a little frustrated, like he had some sort of internal battle going on. I wanted to ask him what it was about, but I felt Aiden’s eyes on me from the other side of the table. I looked across at him and gave him a reassuring smile. The happiness in his eyes made it all worthwhile.

“So
, Jace,” the girl sitting on the other side of him said suddenly. She put her hand on his arm and looked at me pointedly. “Do you think you’ll be able to make it?”

Jace turned, somehow managing to dislodge her hand without seeming rude. “Ah…I’m not sure. We’re kind of practicing a lot these days, so we can’t really make any promises.”

He turned back to face me and the look I got from the chick was pure venom. Holy shit. Jace reached out under the table and found my wrist again. He smiled a little when he found my heart rate almost normal. “So, wanna tell me why you’re here?” he said softly, so only I could hear.

I shrugged a little. “I just thought it was time to stop hiding.”

He looked down at the table again. I could tell he was trying not to look at me – to not draw attention to the fact that we knew each other more than anyone thought. I could also tell he wanted to say something, but he either couldn’t because of where we were, or he wasn’t sure if he should.

“Hey
, Jace,” Matt called from down the end. “Is it the twenty-fifth that we’re at Frank’s?”

I turned to see how Kaeli was doing while they talked gigs
. Her eyes were sparkling a little. She’d been talking to a guy I’d seen in my Biology class – I think his name was Sean, and she’d obviously been enjoying herself. “How are you holding up?” she asked. “Are you okay, or do you want to get out of here?”

I pursed my lips together. “I’m actually good, but I think I’ve had enough.”

She nodded. “Okay. Good. Let’s go then.”

We both stood up, and Aiden’s and Jace’s attention were suddenly on us. Worry clouded Jace’s expression. “Are you alright?” he asked quickly.

I nodded, super aware of people watching. “Yeah. I think I’ve just reached my limit.” I stepped over the bench seat and almost bumped into Aiden, not realizing he’d come around to check on me. “I’m fine,” I said before he could ask. I smiled to reassure him. “Baby steps.”

“I’m sorry. I should’ve sat with you.”

I rolled my eyes. “What would be the point in that? I talk to you all the time.”

I thought he would laugh a little at that, but he only worried at his lip. “Was it bad?” he asked quietly.

I cocked my head on the side and thought about it. “Actually, no. Jace…uh…distracted me.”

His gaze fell to Jace then back again
, and the happiness in his eyes was back. “Okay. Good.” He pulled me into a hug. “Will you do it again tomorrow?”

I closed my eyes and hugged him back. I’d do anything if it meant
I got to see that happiness. “Yes.”