How Do I Love Thee? (10 page)

‘I am a bit weary. But it’s good to hear about somewhere I once knew well.’ When Laura moved to help her, she shook her head. ‘The nurse will take me to lunch soon, then I’ll have a good long nap afterwards. You two run along. I’m sure you have lots to do with the baby coming.’

Outside, Laura spun around to face him. ‘Don’t you say one word. Not one.’

‘I was only going to suggest lunch if you’re free.’

‘Friday’s my half-day off. I don’t have any clients to see until Monday,’ she said. ‘I’d rather go back to my place and have lunch there.’

‘I’ll organise it for us both. I don’t want you waiting on me,’ he said, and held up a hand as she started to object.
‘Not because you’re pregnant, but because you’re providing my room.’

‘I’m not sure takeaway Malaysian food is the best thing for me right now.’

He grinned. ‘Bit late to complain when it’s half-gone.’

‘Too polite,’ she said around a bite of spring roll. She gestured with her free hand. ‘You’d better have the last one. I seem to have eaten the rest.’

‘You are eating for two,’ he said. ‘I’m not a fan of spring rolls. The ayam goreng is more my style.’

She reached for the last roll. ‘It is a shame to waste this.’

He gathered up the dishes and containers. ‘I’ll clean up while you have a rest.’

‘You don’t need to smother me,’ Laura objected.

‘Who’s smothering? I’m planning on a nap, too. Habit I picked up in the islands.’

‘Well in that case …’ She gave in gracefully. How much rest she’d get with him in the next room, she wasn’t sure. She hadn’t slept much the previous night, thanks to the baby’s spirited kicking, and her imagination spinning into overdrive at the sound of Cade’s deep breathing and restless movements. But she was tired, and the dragging sensations in her stomach and lower back weren’t helping.

‘Are you okay?’ he asked when she couldn’t help groaning as she stood up.

She pressed a hand to the small of her back. ‘Only stomach cramps from too many spring rolls. Don’t worry, the baby isn’t due yet.’

‘They’ve been known to choose their own timing.’

‘If I feel any worse after the nap, I’ll call the hospital,’ she assured him.

A couple of hours later Cade came into the kitchen while she was on the phone. He was freshly showered, his dark hair spiking, and a bath sheet knotted around his hips. With his raw masculinity on such casual display, it was all she could do to keep her mind on the call.

‘What did the hospital say?’ he asked as she hung up.

‘My doctor says they’re probably Braxton Hicks contractions and nothing’s likely to happen for another week or so. I’m supposed to walk around, take hot showers or whatever helps, and go to the hospital if the contractions get stronger and more regular.’

‘They didn’t want to check you out?’ Cade sounded angry.

The towel almost slipped as he reached into the fridge and took out a bottle of orange juice. With her emotions all
over the place, he wasn’t making this any easier, she thought, wondering if she should ask him to leave. But his presence was also comforting. ‘Having a baby isn’t an illness,’ she said with a calmness she was far from feeling. ‘I’ve done the classes. I know the drill. Anyway, the contractions were mild and have stopped for now, so it’s most likely a false alarm.’

‘What about your friends? Shouldn’t they be here?’

She knew he meant the couple considering adopting her baby. ‘They’re away until Saturday. They’ll be back in plenty of time.’

He drank the juice down. ‘Assuming everything goes to plan. What if it doesn’t?’

‘Then I cope,’ she stated. ‘If this is all too much, and you’d rather go to a hotel—’

‘I’m not going anywhere,’ he cut in. ‘I’ll get dressed and we’ll go for that walk. Unless you prefer a hot shower.’

A cold one would have been more use around him. If she hadn’t known his concern was for the baby, she’d have found his attention endearing. ‘I had one while you were napping.’

‘A walk, then a dip in the tidal pool if you’re up to it. Give me five minutes.’

He was back in four wearing low-slung jeans, leather sandals and a muscle shirt that more than lived up to its name. ‘Any more contractions?’ he asked as they rode the lift
down to the gardens. For coolness she wore a sarong. She’d stuffed beach towels and bottled water into a tote bag which he took from her and slung over his own shoulder.

‘They’re more like tightenings. They’ve stopped for now,’ she said. ‘No need to worry about me.’

‘Then can I worry about
me
?’ he asked. ‘In Uceh I helped out the local midwife in an emergency. My first-aid kit was the closest thing she had to medical supplies.’

Laura could imagine he’d be a comfort to anyone at such a time. He radiated assurance. But there was still that emotional distance she couldn’t breach. Probably why he was ideal in a situation needing a cool head. For a moment she wished he
would
let go a little and show
something
other than calm competence. Was there really a heart inside that sculpted chest, or had it been calcified by his boyhood experiences?

His emotional state wasn’t her problem, she lectured herself. She would welcome his support to get through this, then let him and the baby go, sure she was doing the best for them all.

Uncertainty gnawed at Cade as he slowed his long strides to match hers. Couldn’t she see that her baby needed her? Not just willing parents, but a flesh-and-blood mother. He
could be confusing Laura’s good intentions with his own feelings at being thrust aside by his mother, but even so, he couldn’t convince himself what she intended to do was right. If anything, his mother’s regrets, voiced by Alice Grollier, showed what Laura could go through in the future. He didn’t want a repeat of his life, for her or her child.

He wanted her happiness, he realised with a shock. She mattered to him. Seeing her again had triggered a flood of feelings he’d thought long buried. Her quick intelligence, her beauty and her emotional depth spoke to him in ways he could barely put into words. Her stepfather’s actions had wounded her, but she hadn’t walled her feelings off as Cade himself had done. Laura was still open and warm, making him want to bask in her nearness. In the one-shouldered sarong, she looked young and vibrant and so vulnerable, he felt his heart catch.

‘What’s the matter?’ he asked, hearing her sharp intake of breath. They’d been out for nearly an hour. He should have insisted on turning back sooner.

‘A contraction, a real one this time.’

He steadied her against his side. ‘I’ll get you to the hospital.’

She shook her head. ‘Too early. My waters haven’t broken yet, and one contraction every half hour hardly counts as labour.’

Despite his experience in Uceh he couldn’t argue, though everything in him wanted to cart her to the hospital, willing or not. ‘Luckily we’re almost home.’

This time she nodded, and let him support her when another contraction gripped her about twenty minutes later.

‘Still think I should go to a hotel?’ he asked to distract her.

She forced a smile. ‘No, I think I should. And let someone else have this baby.’

‘Scared?’

Her eyes were lambent as she looked at him. ‘What do you think?’

‘Is fear the reason you don’t want to raise the child yourself?’

‘I’m the selfish, career-driven one, remember? What do I know about a child’s needs?’

He grinned. ‘I think you learn on the job.’

‘Some parents never do,’ she said. ‘Yours didn’t, mine didn’t.’

‘Des Logan did,’ Cade said softly. ‘He showed me that fatherhood is more than biological.’

‘So now you’re an expert.’ Her fingers whitened on his arm as another contraction hit. ‘The job was a lot simpler for Des. He got to raise the kids with no birth mother to complicate the picture.’

‘Don’t you mean complete the picture?’

Something in his voice made her stare at him. ‘What are you saying, Cade?’

‘That a mother and child are a package. Des did what he had to because there was no choice. He and Fran always said they’d gladly take a back seat if our real parents wanted to step up to the mark. They just never did.’

Laura almost stumbled. ‘Oh God, that hurt. I’ll call the hospital from my flat and see what they advise.’

They had reached her building. ‘My car’s right here if you’d rather go now.’

‘This could take hours yet. You can make us some tea while I call the hospital.’

In the lift, she rested against the wall, looking as if she was ready to slide down to the floor. Focused on her, Cade only noticed they’d stopped after a few seconds of silence. He jabbed the button for her floor. ‘What’s the matter with this thing?’

‘It often sticks for a few seconds. It’ll probably restart in a moment.’

But it didn’t and the silence lengthened. Cade pulled out his mobile phone and cursed. ‘No signal in here.’

‘Try the emergency phone,’ she urged.

He opened the access door and tried the phone. ‘Line’s dead.’

‘Oh God, we’re stuck and I’m about to have a baby.’

‘You said yourself it won’t happen for hours yet.’

She gave a thready laugh. ‘Let’s hope I’m right.’

Digging into the tote, he pulled out a beach towel, wadded it into a pad and eased her to the floor to sit on it with her back against the panelling. ‘That feels better,’ she said thankfully, then gave a startled cry. ‘My waters just broke.’

Cade tried the emergency phone again. ‘There’s a busy signal this time, so something’s working. Come on, come on.’

‘I thought you said you’d done this before?’

His mouth tightened. ‘Not solo. And I don’t have a first-aid kit this time.’

‘Then we’ll make do. I need to change positions.’

He helped her to straighten and massaged her lower back. ‘Harder,’ she urged. ‘That’s the only thing that feels good.’

He kept up the massaging movement, ignoring his rapidly cramping hands. They were nothing compared to what she was feeling. The contractions were no more than five minutes apart now, Laura barely gulping in air before she gripped his arm and keened in pain again.

The phone remained stubbornly unhelpful so he gave up, turning his full attention to Laura. ‘Looks like it’s just you and me, kid,’ he said out of the side of his mouth, the gangsterish tone making her smile weakly.

‘I’d rather it was just you,’ she panted.

He’d spread the towels as a blanket on the floor, and gave her sips of water from a bottle when she was able to drink, using his bandanna soaked in water to dab her face. Most of the time he served as a human punching bag as she clung to him and screamed. He didn’t care. He wished he could take the pain away, even for a few minutes so she could recover. Instead, her suffering worsened until she told him to help her off with her panties.

The intimacy of the moment shook him. It wasn’t remotely sexual, and yet it was as primal as life got. When she clung to him, he felt closer to her than to anyone he’d ever known, and emotions more powerful than anything he’d ever let himself experience ran like a tsunami through him, making him quake.

‘Can you see the baby’s head?’ she cried before giving vent to a long animal howl.

He held her through it, rocking her against his body. ‘Not yet, but it looks like it won’t be long. You can do this. You’re an amazing woman.’

Her bleary gaze met his. ‘Next you’ll be telling me you care.’

‘I always have, Laura.’

‘Yeah, right. Then—get—this—baby—out—of—me.’

‘Laura!’ His alarm soared as she slumped. ‘Don’t do this, honey. Stay with me.’

He checked her pulse. Faint but there. He took a deep breath and pinched her cheek. She dragged in a huge, rattling breath and her eyes flipped open. When she could speak again she gasped, ‘Oh Cade, what if I die here?’

‘You won’t die. I love you too much to let you,’ he stated. ‘We’re going to get through this together.’

‘But it’s taking so long. Why isn’t anybody coming?’ Her grip almost cracked his hand as she arched her back and screamed in pain.

How much more of this could she take without relief? He kept his voice level. ‘We don’t need anyone right now. Everything’s under control.’

Red-faced, she glared at him. ‘Glad you think so. Oh God, I—need—to—push.’

‘Go with the feeling.’ He checked her and said triumphantly, ‘The baby’s head is showing.’

Laura was already exhausted and he wondered where she’d find the strength to bring her baby into the world. Crying and straining, she gave a mighty push and the baby’s head appeared. ‘Keep going. You’re doing great,’ he urged.

She screamed and gave another push. ‘I have the shoulders,’ Cade encouraged her. ‘I think our little friend has his legs crossed.’

‘Next time I’ll make sure mine are.’ Her yell bounced off the panelled walls.

He saw the ripple of her third pushing contraction and knew her strength was at its limit. Grasping the baby, he gently pulled, feeling a wonderment beyond imagination as the tiny wrinkled body slid into his hands, all smooth and slippery wet. A tiny, reedy cry cut the air, and Cade felt wetness trickle down his cheeks.

‘Son, meet your mama,’ he said, his voice husky as he lifted the baby onto Laura’s stomach. Cade was torn between wanting to howl his head off, and beat his chest in a warrior display. Being with Laura, helping her deliver the baby, he felt broken open, raw. And more alive than he’d ever felt in his life.

Tears spilled down Laura’s cheeks.

‘You kept both of us alive.’

‘You did all the hard work,’ he reminded her. The sight of the tiny head nuzzling against her made something tighten inside him. ‘You’d have made it, Laura. You always will.’

‘That sounds pretty final.’

He made himself be honest. ‘I thought it’s all you wanted from me.’

‘I thought it’s what I wanted, too. Now I’m not so sure.’

‘Then you might keep this little guy?’

She looked down and stroked the downy head with one finger. ‘He seems to have made himself at home.’ She looked
up at Cade, her eyes bright. ‘He’s not the only one. Did you mean it when you said you love me?’

He shuttered his gaze. ‘I know it isn’t what you want to hear—’