Forever & an Engine (4 page)

‘Shit that
really was a quickie, even for me. Sorry baby, you were just so ready. What
with the added vibrations of the machine and you coming so quickly …’

‘Don’t be sorry,
I really enjoyed it, though I’m happy doing laundry again in future on a longer,
equally hot cycle,’ I smiled. ‘So did Doug reply?’

‘
Mia
,’
he grumbled. ‘I’m still inside you, less of the Doug talk please.’

‘Sorry, I
just want to know how it went, I’m so excited for them.’

‘Baby your
legs are really cold, come on we’re going to have a hot bath to warm you up and
I’ll dig you out something warmer to wear.’ He slid me off the machine, still
inside me, my legs wrapped around him and walked out and started up the stairs.

‘Gabe, our
phones, I need to see.’

‘Bloody
hell Mia.’ He turned around and carried me down to the kitchen and I leaned
back in his arms and grabbed them off the island. ‘Can we go up now?’

‘Yes please.’
I smiled and kissed him and hung onto his shoulder with my one arm as he carried
me back up the stairs again. ‘Gabe, I’ve changed my mind I’m hungry after all
can we go back down again?’ I asked as he reached the top. He looked at me and
saw me smiling and realised I was pulling his leg.

‘One day I’m
going to make you carry me around and see how you like it.’

‘Well you
do it to me so often you obviously love it.’

‘I do,’ he smiled
as he lifted me off him, groaning as he set me down by the toilet.

‘Are you
ok?’

‘Yes, I
hate that moment when I pull out of you too Mia. Right I’ll start the bath and go
and sort some clothes for you and put the heating on.’

I sat on
the toilet and watched him with a raised eyebrow until he laughed and shook his
head as he left me to it. I cleaned myself up again and took off my socks, put
my hair up and went to check on the bath. I sat on the edge as I checked my
phone and smiled to see she’d replied.

Only 4?
Slacker ;-) Gud ta. Tell G e can stop txtng D 2. Nosey buggers! Tell u bout it
Mon. Luv sund of cin. Njoy wkend x

You’re
so miserable making me wait Lexi Clarke and as you’re taking English, you
really ought to learn to speak and text it. I’ll need to come back early Monday
morning as I’ve no bloody clothes, so wait for me and we can go in together. I
need to organise my cover notes. Love you x PS It’s five times now.

<3 U2
x PS Stop rubin it in!

You
didn’t say how you got on with the rabbit. Didn’t it arrive?

Damn
it!!!!! :-(

You
forget to check the box again didn’t you?! I give up with you Clarke x

I heard a
knock at the door.

‘Can I come
back in?’

‘Yes of
course. Check your phone, Lexi isn’t giving anything away. She says she knows you’ve
asked Doug too and says to back off.’

‘You’re way
too excited about this Mia,’ he said as he looked at his screen ‘Hmmmm … great.’

‘What, tell
me?’

‘He says to
mind our own business and that he has Alan so I can log into his network and
copy it over.’

‘Damn them,’
I sighed. I really wanted this to work for Lexi, it would do her the world of
good to go steady with someone and have them care for her the way Gabe did for me.
‘Ok I think the bath’s done.’ I turned off the taps and watched as he dropped
his sweats and climbed straight in.

‘Come on
then bashful, ditch the shirt,’ he said waving a finger at the buttons. I
smiled at him and undid them before dropping it down and climbing in quickly
and sinking below the bubbles so the water was up to my shoulders.

‘Hmmm that’s
so nice,’ I said as I lay opposite him and hooked my legs over his. I smiled at
him and saw he’d a slight frown on his face. ‘Gabe, what’s the matter?’

‘Well I’ve
been waiting patiently for you to talk to me all day, but unless I start the
conversation now I’ve the feeling that you’re not going to.’ He fixed me with a
disapproving look and I sighed, I thought I’d got away with it.

‘Gabe, I
already apologised for my outfit last night.’

‘That’s not
what I’m talking about.’

‘Then what?’

‘Mia, you’re
going into hospital on Tuesday. You haven’t mentioned it once since you put the
phone down on me mid conversation on Friday, which I’m still very unhappy about.’

‘Gabe do we
have to do this now? We’ve been having such a lovely day.’

‘There’s
always some damn excuse with you Mia, last night I wanted to talk and you said
“not tonight” so I let it slide, I let you enjoy yourself and forget it.’

‘Can’t we
forget it now, I don’t want to ruin the weekend Gabe.’

‘So when?
Five minutes before you go in for surgery so you can cut me off again?’ He’d
changed from playful to serious in the space of a minute and I sighed again.

‘That’s
unfair Gabe, it was a bad time for you, you needed to focus.’

‘Where you’re
concerned it’s never a bad time. I was bloody furious with you.’

‘I’ll try
and remember to make you more angry in future then, as you won your races and
set a personal best,’ I smiled, but saw from the look on his face that it wasn’t
the time. ‘Ok I’m sorry, I won’t cut you off again like that. It was just a lot
to take in and I wasn’t ready to talk, I needed time to process it all myself.’

‘So you’ve
had time now, talk, we’ve nothing to do, nowhere to go.’

‘What do
you want me to say?’

‘Tell me if
you’re worried, upset, scared. I don’t know bloody Mia,’ he sighed, frustration
oozing from every pore. ‘That’s why I need you to tell me how you’re feeling
about it.’

‘What’s the
point me worrying? It is what it is. I can’t do anything to change what’s wrong
with me. I just have to hope that the operation goes ok and that they can help.’

‘So these
stabbing pains are from the cysts in your ovaries?’

‘She thinks
so yes.’

‘And it’s
the endometriosis that’s messed up your insides and gives you the painful
periods?’

‘Yes,’ I
said, looking at him puzzled. ‘How do you know all this?’

‘I spent
some of my four hour taxi ride home on Friday googling the bloody conditions as
you wouldn’t take the time to explain them to me,’ he responded with a look
that clearly told me how annoyed he still was with me about it. ‘So she’s going
to knock you out and put a couple of holes in your stomach and have a look
inside?’

‘Yes.’

‘I also
read that they can try and drain the cysts and do some repair work?’

‘Yes and
then we’ll discuss the treatment options when she knows more.’

‘Will it
stop you from having children?’

‘I don’t really
know, she mentioned it could cause infertility but I didn’t ask.’

‘Why not?’

‘It didn’t
seem important,’ I shrugged.

‘Why wouldn’t
it be important?’

‘Because
I’m not really bothered whether I can or not,’ I mumbled, knowing I’d probably
get the usual bad reaction I got to that statement.

‘You don’t
want children?’ He asked and I could hear the shock in his voice. I knew it,
everyone reacted that way when I was asked that question. I looked at him as I
sighed, but he was looking down and playing with his fingers.

‘No not
really, I’ve never been into playing with dolls or getting all gushy at the
sight of babies. I just don’t think I’ve got the maternal gene.’ There was a
lengthy uncomfortable silence and he remained head down. ‘Gabe, why won’t you
look at me?’

‘I’m just a
bit taken aback that’s all,’ he said as glanced up at me, rubbed his mouth with
his hand and looked away again. Everyone thought I was abnormal that I didn’t
want kids, why did I expect that he would have reacted differently?

‘Sorry to
shatter the illusion that all women want to do is settle down and squirt out
one sprog after another, but not all of us are like that,’ I said feeling
annoyed.

‘No, you’ve
made that quite clear.’ I could hear a hint of annoyance in his voice too.

‘Meaning?’

‘You said
you didn’t want to settle down yet, I just assumed that at some stage you’d want
to and you’d want to have kids.’

‘No.’ Shit
where was he going with this? This wasn’t a topic I ever wanted to discuss, let
alone this early in a relationship.

‘So you
don’t believe in marriage or having children?’

‘Gabe,’ I
sighed.

‘What?’

‘This is a
bit intense, do we have to discuss this now?’

‘When would
be a good time for you to discuss this Mia? I’m just interested to know.’

‘We’ve been
dating less than three weeks Gabe, this isn’t a topic of conversation I want to
discuss.’ I gave him a look, warning him to back off.

‘It’s not like
I’m proposing and need a definitive answer Mia. I just can’t believe you
haven’t thought generically about the future.’

‘Well I
haven’t, we already had this discussion, it’s way too early to think about the
future, I’m only 18,’ I snapped, frustrated.

‘And I’m only
19, but I know that one day I’ll want to get married and have a family of my
own. You really don’t see that in your future?’

‘Marriage
is just a meaningless bit of paper Gabe and no I don’t see myself having kids
either, so if that makes me less of a woman in your eyes … whatever.’ I tried
to get up out of the bath, he was making me really uncomfortable with this line
of questioning. He grabbed my legs and pulled me right up to him, my legs
parted on each side of his hips and he put his arms around me, holding me
tightly to stop me leaving.

‘Gabe let
me go, I want to get out.’ I pushed on his shoulders, but he didn’t budge. I sighed
and looked down at his chest.

‘No. We’re
having another conversation you find difficult so you want to bale. Mia look at
me please.’

‘No. I’m
angry now.’

‘Why are
you angry? Because I’m asking you questions?’

‘No, because
you’re judging me, just like my dad judges me. It’s my life and I get to choose
what I do with it no one else.’ I glared at him as I struggled again, but he
just tightened his grip, I was seriously irritated now.

‘I’m not
telling you what to do with your life Mia.’

‘Well it
feels like it, I saw the look you think I’m abnormal. Let me go Gabe, I want to
get out.’

‘I don’t
think you’re abnormal, I think you’re scared. Marriage and kids are another big
commitment and you’ve already admitted that you’re not good with commitment. I’m
not asking you to promise me anything Mia, I’m just explaining that when I
think about my future I see you in it. I just hope that one day you’ll trust me
enough to
want
to marry me and have a family.’

‘What if I
don’t want that?’ I sighed, as I gave up my futile struggle.

‘That or
me?’ He looked at me intently and I had to look down, this really was too much.

‘I want
you
,
but I’m just not interested in all the other stuff Gabe,’ I whispered.

‘Is this
about you and your relationship with your dad again?’

‘Gabe not
now, please just drop it,’ I said as firmly as I could.

‘You think
I’ll do what your dad did to your mum? That I’ll marry you, get you pregnant
and leave you?’

‘Gabe
you’re
not
listening, I said not now. Let. me. go.’ I pushed on his
shoulders again, I felt confused, angry and seriously emotional. Why did he
have to push? This was a can of worms I wasn’t ready to open, in fact right now
I wanted that can buried and out of sight. He sighed and pulled me onto his
chest and started to stroke my hair.

‘Ok baby
I’m sorry, I get the hint I’ll drop the subject, but I don’t want you making
any rash impulsive decisions based on your past. Just promise me you’ll keep
your options open for the future, I never want you to have any regrets.’

‘Would you
mind giving me some space to clean myself up? I wouldn’t mind going to have a
sleep as well, I’m tired.’ I didn’t care he’d apologised, he was still judging
me and all of a sudden I was exhausted and very emotional and wanted some alone
time.

‘I’ll come and
sleep with you if that’s ok?’

‘Whatever.
I still need to have a wash in peace please,’ I said as I struggled to sit up
straight.

‘So have a
wash.’

‘I don’t
want you to watch, I’d like some privacy.’

‘We shower
together all the time Mia,’ he said looking amused, which made me scowl at him
again.

‘This is different.
Please go away, I need some space.’

‘You need
to clean my come out from inside you, don’t you?’ he said with a grin.