Forever & an Engine (28 page)

‘Better
than you by the looks of things, except for these bloody sanitary towels. Like
walking round with a brick in my pants.’

‘I know
isn’t it? I haven’t worn these since I was twelve. Are you walking like John
Wayne?’

‘Yeah, I’ve
shrunk from six to five foot my legs are that far apart,’ she chuckled, making
me giggle.

‘Do you
remember that girl at Rowleys who trod on a discarded used tampon and freaked
out thinking she’d trodden on a mouse?’

‘Yeah,’
laughed Lexi. ‘And the one who smelt of kippers? We’d spent weeks searching the
dorm to find out where the smell in there was coming from, then we discovered
she didn’t know that she was supposed to put her used sanitary stuff in the
toilet bins and had been keeping them in a suitcase under the bed.’

‘
Kipper
Kendall
,’ I shrieked and Lexi clutched her stomach as she cried with
laughter. ‘How the hell did I forget
that
?’

‘
MIA
keep
bloody still,’ snapped Gabe.

‘
Owwww
laughing
hurts,’
I groaned as I tried to stop myself.

‘Thank god
we discovered it in Autumn term, imagine the smell if it had been summer?’
chuckled Lexi.

‘
Girls
,’
groaned Gabe. ‘Please could you save the towel talk for when I’m not in the
room?’ I bit my lip to try and calm myself down as he applied another strip and
Lexi grinned at me.

‘Well if
you need any more towels I’ve got us covered, besides we can always send Gabe
out to buy some more for us to embarrass him,’ she winked making me giggle
again.

‘
Mia,
please lie still I’m going to put on one more just to be sure,’ Gabe sighed.

‘Mia, I’m
going to let you get some rest. We have the rest of the week to hang out and
catch up. Just try and behave alright? Poor Gabe’s had a fair bit of shit with
the two of us this week.’ She leaned over and kissed my forehead.

‘Thanks
Lex, you sure you’re ok?’

‘I’m fine,
I’m happier now I’ve seen you.’

‘Me too
Lex.’

‘See you
later,’ she winked at me and vanished out of my view.

‘Thanks Lex.’
Gabe called and I heard the bedroom door open and close. ‘I think I’m done Mia,
if you’re going to move do it carefully and
loose
clothing please.’

‘Thank you.’

‘Are you
going to sleep again?’

‘No thanks,
laughing’s woken me up a bit. I think I’d like to sit up for a while.’

‘Hang on, I’ll
rearrange the pillows and you can lie back ok?,’ he asked. I nodded and closed
my eyes as he climbed off me and shuffled about.

‘Ok baby, whenever
you’re ready,’ he coaxed, in a gentle reassuring voice. I pushed myself up on
my hands and squeezed my eyes shut and exhaled as I felt my stomach pull.

‘
Owwww
,’
I moaned with a wince as I felt the internal pull. I opened my eyes as I leaned
back on the pile of pillows as Gabe sat on his side of the bed side facing me.

‘Mia,’ he
sighed as he looked at me. He reached over and touched my bare legs. ‘You’re
freezing baby. I’m going to get you something clean to put on, make you a hot
water bottle and something to eat and drink ok?’

‘Thanks the
clothes and hot water bottle sound great, but I’m really not hungry Gabe.’

‘You keep
saying that, but I’ve got something that I think may tempt you.’ It was the
first time I’d seen him smile properly since this morning. I reached out and
touched his fingers.

‘I thought
we couldn’t do that yet,’ I teased.

‘Something
else
that may tempt you,’ he said softly. I felt his fingers close around mine,
squeezing them tightly and I smiled. He disappeared and returned with a fresh
t-shirt for me and I stripped off mine and my bra and he helped me with the new
one. ‘Can you lift your bottom off the bed? I want to get you under the duvet
and warm.’

‘Ok.’ I
hitched myself up on the one side and felt him tug the duvet down under me and
he got up and walked around to the other side of the bed and I suddenly gasped.

‘What’s
wrong?’

‘Nothing,’
I whispered and he followed my eyes to the bedside table, on which sat a
beautiful hand tied bouquet of calla lilies and white roses with a single red
rose in the middle.

‘Shit sorry
I forgot all about them what with your stomach bleeding. They’re for you, from
me.’

‘Gabe they’re
so
beautiful.’

‘O shit you’re
not going to start crying again are you?’ he asked, looking horrified. I nodded
my head and covered my eyes with my hands. I felt the bed sag and his arms go
around me.

‘They’re
happy tears,’ I snuffled.

‘Happy
tears? Are you sure? Because they haven’t been happy tears all week Mia. I seem
to keep making you cry.’

‘Yes I’m
sure,’ I nodded.

‘Why happy
tears?’

‘Because
you love me,’ I replied with a big sniff.

‘I loved
you last week and there were no happy tears then.’

‘I wasn’t
all exhausted, drained and emotional then,’ I said rubbing my eyes.

‘Well Miss
exhausted, drained and emotional, let’s get you, under the duvet and warm and I’ll
go and get that treat for you.’

‘You’d
better go, you’re going to be late for class if you stay with me any longer.’

‘I’m not
going in Mia.’

‘Gabe, you
can’t afford to get behind too,’ I ran my hand up his chest.

‘I’ll catch
up. I’m not going,’ he said firmly.

‘Gabe
please,’ I pleaded.

‘Mia, I
can’t go.’

‘But I want
you to Gabe.’ I felt him stiffen up and he suddenly stood and ran his hands
through his hair and shook his head. ‘Gabe?’

‘Christ you
just don’t
fucking
get it do you?’ he yelled, shooting me an annoyed
look and taking me by surprise.

‘Get what?’

‘I’m
terrified that if I leave you alone you’ll change your mind Mia,’ he snapped. ‘Or
have you forgotten a few hours ago you tried to finish with me?’

‘No I
haven’t forgotten Gabe, you think I could forget that?’ I asked quietly as I
looked up at him, he was seething.

‘I don’t fucking
know do I Mia? You’re up one bloody minute, down the next. I don’t know if it’s
the op, the drugs or if it’s really you talking.’

‘Gabe not
again,
please
,’ I sighed.

‘You broke
me this morning Mia,’ he roared, his eyes burning with anger. ‘You fucking
broke me and now you’re telling me you don’t want me around?’

‘Gabe I…’

‘You know
it would’ve made me feel a whole lot better if you’d just begged me to stay
with you, but that would be just too much for Miss bloody independent wouldn’t
it?’ he snapped. ‘Maybe we should have stuck to your no strings rule, because
right now this one sided relationship’s making me feel shit.’

I watched
open mouthed as he turned and left the room, slamming the door behind him, the pictures
on the wall rattling from the vibrations. I lay back on the pillows and put my
arm over my eyes. I couldn’t take much more of this, was this bloody day ever
going to end? I gritted my teeth and pushed myself to the edge of the bed and
ungracefully stood up. I went to the bathroom to wash my face and stood staring
at myself in the mirror then shook my head to bring me out of my thoughts. My
toiletries bag was already on my side of the sinks and I grabbed a tampon, it
was bad enough I felt like shit, I wasn’t spending another minute with this
bloody thing between my legs.

I discarded
the towel and winced as I leaned forwards and inserted the tampon. I raked my
hair through with my fingers and looked out of the window. I could see the pool,
but there was no sign of him in it. I replayed the argument from the hospital over
and over in my mind. I’d made it clear I loved him, it wasn’t a one sided
relationship. Considering I only ever wanted sex no strings I was proud of
myself for having put myself out there, committing and opening up to him, so
how could he say that? By trying to end it I was just trying to be fair to him,
it wasn’t what I wanted. I suddenly realised why he was so scared, it was just
like the time we’d had the argument when he thought I was pregnant and I’d
walked away. His parting words to his mum were angry ones, he needed to be a
hundred percent sure that we were doing ok before he left my side.

I went in
search of him, trying his study first, then very slowly went down the stairs
one at a time, gripping the bannister tightly. I opened the door to the kitchen,
to find him at the island with a bottle of JD and a full glass in front of him.
His arms were folded on the counter and he was lying face down on them. I stood
watching him and wondered if this was what normal relationships were like. Full
of lust and passion one minute, then fighting and angry words the next. I
padded up to him and ran my hand down his back making him jump and he sat up
and looked at me shocked.

‘Mia what
the hell are you doing down here?’ he snapped.

‘Please don’t
be angry with me. Miss bloody independent wanted to find her amazing boyfriend
to ask if he’d please come to bed with her and hold her while she slept. She
misses him and doesn’t want him to go anywhere for the rest of the day or night.’

‘Really?’
he asked with a heavy sigh and a hand through his hair.

‘Yes really,
she
needs
him and misses him terribly,’ I nodded and his face softened.

‘What does
she miss?’ he asked as he swivelled on his bar stool to face me.

‘The way he
smells so divine it makes her stomach turn inside out, the way his hard body softens
when it curls protectively around her, making her feel safe, like nothing in
the world could ever hurt her. The way he looks at her like she’s the only girl
he’s ever set eyes on.’

‘What else,’
he asked as he reached out and swept my hair behind my shoulder and tucked a
loose strand behind my ear.

‘The way
his touch sends electricity through her body, how he gets angry when he can’t
find a way to express his emotions, or she hurts him. The way her stomach flips
every time he says the words I love you or she looks at him. She’d list a whole
other load of reasons, but that would get him very turned on and even more
frustrated. She just misses him and wants him to come to bed with her. He looks
tired, upset and exhausted and he’s drinking, which is most unlike him and she’s
worried about him.’ I reached up and touched his face. ‘And I
love
him.’
I moved in between his legs and clasped his hair and I watched him start to
melt.

‘Really? You
still do?’ he whispered.

‘
Always
Gabe. I love you,’ I nodded and kissed him on one corner of his mouth and then
the other. ‘It’s not one sided, I promise. I just need time to open up with all
this emotional stuff, but I love you,’ I whispered as I peppered kisses along
his bottom and top lip and I heard him softly moan as he put his hands on my
hips. ‘I’m so in love you Gabriel Austin.’ I sank my tongue into his mouth and
slowly and gently worked my way around it until his tongue responded and we
kissed softly for a while until I pulled my head away. ‘Come to bed with me,
please
Gabe,’ I begged and he looked at me and finally smiled.

‘On one
condition.’

‘Name it,’
I whispered as I wiped the remains of some tears clinging to his long lashes.

‘You drink
the mars milk that’s sitting in the fridge waiting for you.’

‘You got me
mars milk?’

‘I
remembered you liked it.’

‘Have you
ever tried it?’

‘No,’ he
said with a shake of his head. I grabbed the bottle from the fridge, opened the
cap and returned to stand by him. He watched as I glugged on it and pulled his
head back, leaned in to kiss him and transferred it from my mouth to his and
waited for him to swallow before kissing him again and releasing him.

‘Good?’ I
asked with my head on the side.

‘Fed like
that I could love anything Mia,’ he said with another smile. I held out my hand.

‘Step away
from the JD please and come to bed with me. I’m not going anywhere without you.’
He stood up and turned to pick up the hot water bottle he’d already made for me
and handed it to me before taking my hand. I led the way to the stairs, not
sure I could manage going up them all in my condition. ‘Would you do your thing?’
I asked as I smiled up at him.

‘What
thing?’

‘Carrying a
damsel in distress, I also love when you do that.’

‘Of course
I will.’ He gently picked me up in his arms and I nuzzled his chest as he
carried me up and closed the door before standing me at the edge of the bed and
pulling back the duvet. I carefully lowered myself in and lay on my back and
watched him close the shutters and throw off his t-shirt and ditch his jeans as
he walked around and climbed in beside me, with his boxers on.