Bruises of the Heart (8 page)

"Victoria, are you feeling better?"

"Not really." My voice was muffled by the blankets.

"I need to go back to work and finish a few things up. Do you think that you'll be okay?"

"Yeah."

"Call me if you need anything. And your grandma is down at the house
—
you can call her as well. I'll try and get home a little early tonight," she said.

"Okay."

I heard the front door shut as I continued to lie there entombed in my blankets. At some point I fell asleep, and although my dream was different this time, it was no less frightening. In fact, it was even more so.

I was sitting on the couch in the cabin, staring into the fire that was burning brightly in the fireplace. I heard someone pull up out front, then a car door shut, and still I sat there. I didn't move until there was a knock on the door. I felt confused
—
I wasn't expecting anyone. I opened the door and my heart started to beat a frantic rhythm when I saw the hooded figure. He pushed past me into the cabin, then spun to face me. I stood frozen in the doorway. He laughed a victorious, but evil-sounding laugh, then lunged at me. I was falling backward…

Suddenly I woke up to the sound of someone knocking on the front door of the cabin. My breathing was labored and I was sure anyone would be able to hear how hard my heart was beating inside of my chest.

I crawled out from my cocoon and went to the door. I could see Will through the lace-curtained window. Taking a deep breath, I opened the door and tried to form a smile on my cold lips.

"Hey. Tara said that you weren't feeling well, so you came home. Why didn't you tell me?" he asked, obviously irritated.

"The only reason she knew was because she found me in the bathroom. The nurse called my mom and she came and got me."

"Oh. Well, how are you feeling now?"

"I'm feeling a little better. I took a nap and that seems to have helped," I said, then moved past him onto the porch. I sat down on the swing and he leaned back against the railing. I was surprised he hadn't come to sit next to me.

"Good, I'm glad that you're feeling better. I wanted to
…
do you think that you'll be feeling better by Saturday?"

"Yeah, it's only Wednesday and I'm sure that I'll be better by then. Why?"

"My parents are having one of their very boring parties and I was hoping that you would like to come with me and keep me from falling asleep and ultimately embarrassing myself and them. Only if you want to, though," he added quickly.

"Yeah, that would be fun. Do I have to dress up?" I cringed internally. I hated dressing up.

"Not really dressy. It's going to be out on the back patio and in the gardens, so think more casual than dressy. Whatever you have will be great, so don't go out and buy anything." He smiled at me. "Well, maybe you should buy something. I've only ever seen you in jeans and that is definitely not okay."

I frowned up at him from where I was sitting, even though I knew I had nothing appropriate to wear. I didn't need him pointing it out to me. "What time on Saturday?"

"I'll come and get you around one o'clock. That way maybe we can get lost in the gardens before too many people arrive. I know a few secluded spots that I would love to show you," Will said.

I nodded at him, even with Mary's story still repeating in my mind. I wasn't sure we belonged together anymore, but I wasn't sure that we didn't, either. The voice in the back of my head was saying one thing while my heart was saying another. Maybe Mary's and my lives weren't all that similar. After all, no two people were exactly the same and no two situations or relationships were, either.

Tara more than jumped at the chance to dress me up for the party at Will's when I asked for help. We had to raid not only my mom's closet, but Tara brought along things from her own wardrobe as well. The result was something I normally would never even think of wearing, but for a garden party we thought it would do.

The sleeveless pink sweater that Tara supplied was paired with a light green skirt from my mom's closet. Tara allowed me to wear my own dark brown sandals and tailored jean jacket. She pulled my hair back into a simple low ponytail, then twisted and pinned it all up until I was sure she was taking out some buried aggression on my scalp. The result was actually pretty, with tendrils hanging down beside my face.

"Wow, my little girl has grown up," my mom said from the doorway.

"Mom, it's just a party. It's not like prom or anything."

"I know, but you look so grown up right now and I really don't like it much."

I smiled at my mom. I really didn't understand how she felt, but there were times when I wished I was younger and didn't have to deal with everything I was currently going through. I found it all a little intimidating and wanted Mom to make decisions for me, but that wouldn't be the I'm-a-senior-on–my-way-to-college-and-starting-my-own-life sort of thing to do.

"Well, hopefully I won't embarrass Will by dressing this way instead of how I would have chosen to go to this party," I said, turning back to the mirror.

"What do you mean, Victoria? Why would how you're dressed embarrass Will, since I know very well that you wouldn't have shown up in something that was inappropriate?" my mom asked a little sharply.

"Oh, I just meant that I don't usually dress this way. I'm just being nervous and silly," trying to cover my mistake for speaking out loud.

"Well, you have no reason to be nervous. You look gorgeous and I'm sure that you'll have a good time," she said. "What time will you be back?"

"I don't know, but I don't imagine it being really late or anything."

"Okay, as long as you're home by midnight," she said over her shoulder as she left the room.

"Oh, I wish I was you," Tara said.

"Why?"

"You have a mom who is so completely understanding it is sick, and a boyfriend that every girl in school would like to be dating."

"Yeah, but it's always different when you're the one living it."

"That's very profound," Tara said sarcastically. "I thought that you would be happier than you are. Are things not working out the way you had hoped they would?"

"It's not that. I find myself doing a lot of thinking and even though I know it's wrong, a lot of comparing," I said.

"Between Will and Noah." Tara finished what I had left unsaid.

I nodded and sat down next to her on my bed. Tara stared at me for a few moments, but it wasn't the frustrated look I had expected from her. Instead, I saw understanding in the face of my friend.

"I think it's natural for you to compare the two of them. Noah was your first love, and it all ended very quickly and unexpectedly," she said pragmatically.

Sitting there and thinking about what Tara had said, I was struck by how much we had both changed in the last year. Even though she was still a gossip, Tara was much more selective in what she spread around. I asked the question that had been bugging me for a while. "Did you ever find out why Will was expelled from Fairview?"

"No, and it wasn't for lack of trying, either. Why do you ask?"

"Victoria! Will just pulled up out front!" my mom yelled from the other room.

I jumped off the bed. Tara was right behind me when I got to my door and opened it. Mom was just letting Will inside and he looked as good as he always did, dressed in name brands I could never afford.

"Hey, you look great. Are you ready to go?" Will asked.

"Yes, I am. Bye, Mom. Bye, Tara. I'll see you guys later." I walked out to the porch.

"Have a good time!" Tara excitedly called out.

"Remember, Victoria."

"I will, Mom."

After we were on our way to Fairview, Will reached over and took my hand. I drew my eyes away from the scenery and looked at him. I was struck by how handsome he was, but I was no longer captured by it. I could see through the mask he presented to the world, but I was still hoping I could make that mask a permanent one if I could just love him enough.

"So how horribly boring are these parties usually?" I asked, breaking the silence.

"They aren't too bad. It's just that my parents' friends are all really uptight. No one apparently knows how to have a good time, or at the very least they have forgotten."

A short while later we pulled into the drive leading to Will's home. The iron gates swung open to reveal a tree-lined drive that curved slightly and circled up to the front of the stately home. Partially covered in ivy creeping up its walls, the house looked like something out of an architectural magazine. It screamed wealth.

We entered the front door and could immediately hear an argument in progress. The voices were coming from the library, which was to the left of the entrance. To the right was a small sitting room currently set up to receive the guests who would be coming to the party.

As we made our way across the foyer, the library doors opened and bounced off the walls with a loud crash. Will's mother Grace came out of the library with anger and hurt clear on her face. She forced a small smile for the two of us before quickly making her way up the stairs.

Kevin, Will's dad, followed her out and, before he could pull his public face on, I saw the anger in his eyes. I drew in a shaky breath to steady my suddenly nervous and tight stomach.

"I didn't know the two of you had arrived. Will, why don't you take your friend out back and show her around? Your mother will be back down in a few minutes. She's gone to change."

With that dismissal, he turned around and went back inside the library while, with slight pressure to my back, Will led me through the house and out onto the back patio. He grabbed two bottles of water from one of the tables that had been set up and led me into the gardens.

They were almost maze-like, with high hedges and stone pathways. There were arches with climbing roses not yet blooming, and others with honeysuckle growing on them. There was evidence of new plants pushing their way out of the ground, symbolizing a new start, a rebirth that occurred each year.

He led me to a partially concealed wooden bench somewhere in the middle of the garden. It was a beautiful location, surrounded by blooming spring flowers that perfumed the air around us. "So how do you like the gardens?" he asked, pulling me down to the bench and putting his arm around me.

"They're really beautiful. Were they here when your parents moved in, or did they put them in?" I asked.

"The house has been in my father's family a long time, so this has been here for as long as I can remember. Every generation adds something, though, so the garden has changed, but I don't know how much. That's my mom's thing, not mine. I think it's about time for everyone to start arriving. Come on, I have to go play my part and then we can disappear for a while," he said, reaching into the inside pocket of his jacket and pulling out a flask.

After taking a deep drink from it, he handed it to me, and not wanting to make him mad today, I took a sip. The liquid burned its way down my throat and instantly made me nauseous. I coughed and handed the flask back to him, and he laughed at me. It made me feel embarrassed and very small.

To distract myself I wondered what he meant by "play his part", but I was soon to find out. Apparently these parties were well orchestrated. Will opened the door and took coats from the arriving guests, then directed them to the hallway where Grace was waiting to greet everyone and direct them out to the back patio. I assumed Kevin was out back because I hadn't seen him at all since we had taken up our positions.

I stayed with Will and endured the never-ending stream of curious stares. I tried not to interpret any of their looks, but there were a few even a five-year-old wouldn't have any trouble with. I was also trying to stay focused because that little sip of alcohol was definitely going to my head.

There were the looks coming from people who obviously knew Will and were clearly interested in who I was. Then there were the looks from people who smiled politely, but were continuously looking down their noses at us. Those were the looks I tried to ignore. Not only because they were patently false people with their society faces on, but they also seemed very cold, and that kind of person could cut someone down in such a way he'd
never
feel the blood draining from his body.

As soon as Will had finished his job, we made our way back outside. I assumed we would go back into the garden, but I had never been good at making predictions.

To say I was nervous when we started circulating amongst the guests was an understatement. I was introduced around and I smiled and politely shook hands. Here there was a discernible difference between the genuinely warm and the cold, limp-fish handshakes.

"Ah, so this is the girl who has captured your attention for the moment," a Mrs. Anderson said with her nose so far in the air she would be in danger of drowning if it rained.

"Yes, ma'am. I met Victoria at my new school in Centerville," Will replied, with nothing in his voice that would say he took exception to what Mrs. Anderson had said.

I fought to keep my expression neutral as she continued to scrutinize my face and, I was sure, my outfit as well. She was impeccably dressed in a black knee-length dress with white polka dots and matching shoes. I had the feeling she didn't think I measured up, and I admitted to myself I was out of my element here in Will's world and I would never truly be accepted.