Bruises of the Heart (11 page)

After deleting the rest of the messages from Will without listening to them, I turned my phone off and leaned my head back, closing my eyes. The thoughts floating through my brain seemed to be fixed on Noah, at least for the moment. It wasn't even anything specific. I was just thinking about him, and got frustrated when something or someone else would pop into those thoughts.

"Hello?"

My mind was even conjuring him up. I couldn't figure out how I was making his voice sound so real. Maybe because I had just listened to his message.

"Tori? Are you in here?"

I sat up straight and my eyes flashed open. I walked to the edge of the loft to see two ice-blue eyes looking up at me from a beautiful face.

"I figured that you would be up here. I tried the cabin first, but no one was there. There was only
one
other place I knew that you would be," Noah said as he climbed up to the loft.

I stared at him with a mixture of surprise and awe. How could he know me so well when Will barely took an interest in what I cared about and liked? I immediately pushed that traitorous thought to the back of my mind.

As Noah's head cleared the floor of the loft, I slowly made my way back to where I had been sitting. Noah followed me and then sat next to me, stretching his legs out in front of him. We sat in silence, and it was a comfortable one. I was able to relax. I leaned my head back and stared at the underside of the barn roof.

"I'm sorry if I upset you yesterday, and I really did mean to wait for you to call me, but I had to make sure that you were okay," Noah said quietly.

"Why?" I whispered.

"Why what?"

"Why everything? Why apologize? Why did you want me to call? Why make sure that I'm okay? I don't get it," I tried to explain, still staring at the barn ceiling.

"I thought you would have known," he murmured. "I care about you, Tori. I care how you feel, whether you're happy or not. And after what happened yesterday, I just wanted to be sure that you were okay. I know that you were afraid of him, but I'm not sure why, and I got caught up in the moment yesterday and didn't want you to be scared of me, too."

"I would never be scared of you, Noah."

"But you are of him. There's no use denying it. I could see it all over your face yesterday."

I let his observations sink in and then I turned my head to look at him. Noah was staring up, but he must have felt me looking at him because he turned those ice-blue eyes to mine.

I had always been attracted to his eyes. They were always so warm when I looked into them. Like now. I was remembering all the times when I had looked into those eyes and felt safe and comforted and loved, but then I remembered the day he had broken my heart.

"I still don't get it. Why do you even care? Why are you wasting your time on me? You said that you didn't love me anymore and you broke my heart. I just don't understand," I whispered.

"I'm not sure what I was thinking when I broke up with you. I never meant to hurt you and I certainly never wanted you to rebound with some jerk who likes to bully you," he said harshly.

"Is that what you think happened? That I rebounded with Will?" I asked, getting angry now. "He made me happy. He's the reason that my mom isn't worried about me anymore. He's the reason that I'm not shut up in the cabin waiting for you to call and tell me that it was all just a big mistake. And now you tell me that you still care about me? Excuse me if I'm a little confused at the moment," I said. I stood up and started to pace back and forth in the hayloft.

Noah jumped up and grabbed me by the arm, and I flinched away from him. I saw the hurt in his eyes, but I couldn't help myself. He gently pulled me a little closer and slid the sleeve of my shirt up. I tried to stop him, but I couldn't.

His face became hard and anger swirled in his eyes. He looked up and stared me full in the face. I knew that the discussion I had been dreading since the first slap was about to occur.

"It's not what you think," I rushed out.

"Oh, really. So it's not a bruise that is obviously in the outline of fingers on your arm? Tori, you can't expect me to believe that you got this by, what? Walking into a door or something? Talk to me. Let me help you," Noah pleaded.

"I don't need any help." I wrenched my arm from his grasp. "Will loves me. He told me that he would never leave me."

"Yeah, it's really evident how he shows his love. Tori, how could you stay with him? What happens if he gets so upset that he doesn't stop with just squeezing your arm and leaving a bruise? Have you thought about any of that?"

"It's fine. Everything is fine," I said stubbornly.

"Right. So that's why you're up here in the loft letting things go round and round in your head. Don't forget that I know you, Tori, better than a lot of people, so don't try to tell me that you're not questioning all of this yourself. I've already told you that I want what's best for you, and now I know that he is not that person. I realize that I made the biggest mistake of my life breaking up with you, and if I could go back and change it all I would, but I can't. Please, break things off with him before you get really hurt," he pleaded.

"I can't. You don't understand."

"Then help me understand, Tori," he said, forcing me to look at him. "I know that I love you and I will do anything for you. Please talk to me."

I looked into Noah's eyes and decided to take a huge leap of faith. "I don't know what he'd do if I broke things off with him," I whispered.

"I'm not sure that I understand. What do you mean?"

"He told me once that he'd never let me leave him because he loved me too much," I said, still whispering, afraid that someone would hear me even though Noah and I were completely alone.

Noah pulled me into a fierce hug, and it was only then I realized I had been shaking and tears were streaming down my face. I felt safe, like in the dreams I had been having, and slowly I stopped shaking and the sobs started to subside.

"I hate to ask, but I need to know how bad it is. Is this the only time he did anything like this? Is this the only
…
bruise you've ever had?" he ground out between his clenched teeth.

I hesitated to tell him everything. Not because I was afraid of his reaction, but because I was embarrassed I had allowed myself to become so meek and accepting of Will's behavior, and I felt guilty for having hidden all of this from everyone.

"You have to tell me, or I'm going to think all kinds of terrible things."

"It's not the first one," I whispered into his chest.

He tightened his hold on me. He drew a deep breath, exhaling slowly, and pressed his face into my hair. I could feel his muscles relax, but he never let go of me.

"Okay, you're okay, I'm okay, it's all okay. You have to break up with him, Tori. There is no way that you can stay with him. You have to tell your mom, too."

I started to shake my head only to have Noah move his hands to either side of my face and tenderly hold it.

"You have to tell her everything so that she knows what to expect. Stop trying to refuse me. You have to. I'll come with you and I'll help you figure all this out. I care about you, Tori, and we will figure this out. That is, if you want me to help you. I'm not asking for anything from you, but I feel like I need to do this. I owe you that much," Noah said, sounding pained.

"Noah, I don't want everyone to know about this. I'm so embarrassed that I let any of this happen. If everyone knows…" I left the rest unsaid.

Noah's cell phone started ringing, and the sudden sound in the stillness of the barn made
me
jerk away from his embrace. He proved stronger than me and held me still while he pulled his phone out and answered it.

"Hello?
Tara? Um, hey, what's going on?"

Why was Tara calling Noah? Did she know he was here, and if she did, how had she found out? Noah was rubbing my back in a very absent-minded way, and I loosened my arms from around his back and took out my phone. I turned with the intent of going back to where I had been sitting, but Noah wouldn't let me go. I turned my phone back on to see Tara had been trying to call me for a while. Will, of course, had called ten more times.

Noah hung up from his call as I was turning my phone off again. His face was tense but wary as he took my hand to lead me back to the hay bales.

"What did Tara want? Do the two of you…
talk often?" I asked. Jealousy was rearing its head and I didn't want to feel that way right now. I already had enough to deal with.

Noah gave me a small smile before answering me. "No, we don't ever talk. Tara called me because she's worried about you. She thought I might have some idea where you would be hiding. Her words, not mine. She's on her way over now to talk to you. I didn't tell her that I was here, so I can leave if you want me to, but I'd rather stay and hear what she's found out."

"I'd like you to stay, but I don't want you to out of some misplaced sense of guilt, or because you're feeling like you owe me because of everything that's happened," I said with more conviction than I was currently feeling.

"Guilt," he repeated while shaking his head. He looked into my eyes. "Do I feel guilty? Yeah, I do, but that isn't why I want to stay. I want to help you, Tori, because I love you. I always have and I always will. I have no expectations and right now we need to make sure that you're going to be safe. When all of this is settled, then we can talk about whatever and figure everything else out. Okay?"

"Okay," I croaked, moved by his words.

"C'mon. Tara's on her way to the cabin," Noah said, taking my hand.

The walk back to the cabin was a quiet one and way too short. I had only just begun to order my thoughts when we were climbing the porch steps. Hearing tires crunching on the gravel drive, we turned around and saw Tara's car approaching.

Without thinking, I quickly put a lot of space between myself and Noah. I glanced at him and saw a pained expression in his eyes. The feeling of instant guilt made me wrap my arms around my body.

Tara didn't seem to notice anything when she got out of her car. She ran up the porch steps, almost knocking me over when she hugged me. "Oh my goodness, I'm so glad that you're okay. To think that you've been hanging out alone with him," she rushed out while squeezing the breath out of me.

"I'd be better if I could breathe," I gasped.

"Oh, sorry," she said, stepping back. "I've been trying to call you all morning. Where have you been?" Tara asked while her eyes flashed back and forth between Noah and me.

"I was down at the barn. It's quiet and I can think there. My phone's been off since yesterday when I got home."

"You're leaving something out. Spill."

"You first. You're the one who needed to see me."

"Okay, but let's go inside and sit down. Are you staying, Noah?" Tara boldly asked.

"Yep."

I rolled my eyes at both of them and then led the way inside. My mom wasn't back yet, so we sat on the couch, but Tara couldn't stay still. She started pacing and talking so fast I had to ask her to start over so I could catch it all.

"So yesterday before you left for the party
—
which you still haven't told me about, by the way
—
when you asked me if I had ever found out why Will had been expelled, it got me thinking. I called a few acquaintances in Fairview and found some things out that you're not going to like."

"What?" I asked, feeling the cold slowly climb up from my feet and curl my belly into a knot.

"Over the summer, he started dating a sophomore. They were really close, I guess, but then the girl started showing up at school this year with bruises, and everyone thought that she was getting them from her father because he's not that great of a guy. Turns out it was Will, but no one suspected him because he was always so good to her. Not to mention that he comes from a really good family."

I flashed a quick look at Noah to see how he was taking this news. His jaw was clenched and he had paled slightly. I reached over and laid a hand on his clenched fist. He grabbed onto it and I used his touch as a lifeline.

"The girl's family was investigated by Family Services and she eventually admitted that it was Will hitting her. Without any evidence, though, they couldn't press charges against him. He started to harass her at school and there were witnesses who were willing to say what they saw, and she was finally able to get some kind of restraining order.

"Apparently he found her alone at some point and beat her up pretty bad. She had to be hospitalized and she was so scared that she wouldn't tell who did it. Of course everyone knew who did it, and it was suggested that Will transfer somewhere else so that he wouldn't be unfairly judged by his teachers and the kids at Fairview."

By the time Tara had finished, an overwhelming feeling of dread had crept over me. I sat paralyzed by these emotions, unable to push them aside. Tara's voice sounded like it was coming to me from a long tunnel, and then everything went black.

"Tori? Come on back to us. C'mon," I heard Noah saying. I felt something cool on my forehead and someone gently patting my cheek.