Your Orgasmic Pregnancy (3 page)

Sure, we realize that staying sexy may be the farthest thing from a newly pregnant woman’s mind. Amid the chaos and ela- tion surrounding the discovery that you are expecting, sex may drop far down on a couple’s list of priorities, especially in light of theplanningandpreparation requiredforanewborn. We’re here to gently remind you that your sex life still matters—indeed, that it needs to take precedence at this important juncture. We want to encourage pregnant women to take a look, sooner than later, at their sexuality and lovemaking. After all, pregnancy is among the most significant events in your life and in your relationship. We want you to embrace the fact that pregnancy and motherhood can cause you, and your partner, to feel more sensual than ever.

Need further persuading? Know that building your preg- nancy on a sexy, confident foundation is as important to your parenting skills as it is to your partnership. A fulfilled Hot Mama is ahappymother, whichmakesforahappychild. Believeitornot, your sex life can indirectly have lasting effects on the outcome of your child’s life. And if that’s not incentive enough to make you want to read up on the subject, we don’t know what is!

• Finding Your Sensual Grail
  

  Regardless of whether you find yourself howling in heat, enter-
  

  taining all-consuming sexual fantasies, or simply convinced that intimacy should be a top priority during pregnancy, we know how challenging it can be to get accurate and pertinent information on this topic. As you may have already discovered, most books on pregnancy devote a mere page or two to the subject of preg- nant sex, and the bit of material that is available is typically de- voted to the technical aspects of the act. Few resources explore the “un-mommy-like” topics of increased desire, more intense or- gasm, and “unconventional” sex play, especially the way we do in this book. Until now, you may have found yourself a bit discour- aged, wonderingwhetheryou’re theonly Hot Mamaontheplanet who wants to get down and dirty.
  

  Rest assured that you are not alone. You are in the company of thousands of women who cherish the sensual beauty of preg- nancy and are discovering that a Hot Mama’s body in all its stages, including postbirth, can be a wonderfully sensual thing. Women like you are our inspiration for writing this book.
  

  Some of the topics we’ve addressed include:
  

  • how to feel sexy, desirable, and luscious throughout your pregnancy and beyond
    
  • embracing the pregnancy-related surge in libido and sex- ual fantasizing
    
  • understanding the biological and bodily changes impact- ing your sex life
    
  • exploring—and exploiting—your orgasmic potential
    
  • dealing with the “third party” relationship between you, your partner, and your babe (both before birth and after)
    
  • how to feel fresh, energized, and ready for intimate mo- ments
    
  • maintaining intimate activity at every stage of pregnancy, including those times when intercourse is off-limits
    
  • sexual positions suitable for preggies and their partners
    
  • postpartum intimacy
    
  • the latest research on sexuality and intimacy during and after pregnancy
    
  • allowing yourself to explore sexual behaviors often consid- ered naughty no-no’s for pregnant women
    
  • how to communicate your sexual needs and concerns to your health-care provider and other confidants
    
  • staying in sync with your partner
    
  • answers to taboo questions
    
  • making the most of pregnancy’s unique opportunities to improve and expand your sex life
    

    We’re here to help you define what sort of sexy mama you are and want to become so that you can reap the erotic rewards of pregnancy.
    Your Orgasmic Pregnancy
    presents a candid, spirited,
    

    and fearless discussion devoted solely to celebrating the sex god- dess in all her pregnant majesty, and it seeks to make a significant and positive impact on your quality of life, and that of your part- ner and babe.
    

• Meet Your Sex Coaches
  When we announced this book we received many e-mails of sup- portandthanks, whichreinforcedourbeliefthat wehadhitupon an extremely important issue. Many women gushed about the opportunity to speak frankly on a topic that few understand and even fewer talk about in depth. We realized that we were not sim- ply advocating for better sex and relationships, but were also em- powering women everywhere, pregnant or not. On the following pages you will find a blend of Danielle’s firsthand experience as a pregnant woman and Yvonne’s expertise in sexuality and rela- tionships. You will also read real-life stories from other women, as well as from a few men, who felt inspired to share their experi- ences in the hopes of encouraging others.
  

  After we met at a party in New York City in 2002, your Hot Mama mentors became fast friends. We instantly recognized our overlapping interest in topics related to sexuality and our mutual desire to liberate lovers worldwide. Danielle works in the film in- dustry, and also as a life coach and certified nutrition and fitness trainer. Yvonne has worked for more than a decade as a sexuality coach, educator, andsexologist. Wepromised to somedaywork to- gether on a project, and it was Danielle’s pregnancy in 2005—es- pecially her search for information on maintaining her sex life
  

  and her feelings of loving connectedness with her partner dur- ing pregnancy—that motivated us to write this book. We knew it was time to collaborate on a work that would cultivate better, more loving, and more sexually satisfying relationships for expectant couples.
  Your Orgasmic Pregnancy: Little Sex Secrets Every Hot Mama Should Know
  is our first-born “pen child,” and we hope you enjoy and benefit from it immensely.
  

• Getting the Most from This Book
  

Intended to benefit heterosexual, bisexual, and lesbian women

alike, this book can be read at any stage of your pregnancy. After getting you “in the mood,” we walk you through each trimester, focusing on what you’re likely to experience sexually. We want the transitionfrompregnancy to life asproudparents to beassmooth as possible, so we wrap things up with information and tips on re- claiming your body, recharging your sex life, and staying close to your partner while juggling life with a new babe.

Whether you read the book in one sitting or over the course of your pregnancy, we recommend reading the chapters in or- der, especially as they relate to where you are in your pregnancy. Chapter 5, on good self-care during pregnancy, can be read at any point. It’s a good idea to read the postbirth chapters before your new babe enters the world, because afterward you’re going to have little time for any leisure reading (and we want the private time you do have to involve much sexier activities!).

Please feel free to share this publication with your partner and your girlfriends. Reading it together can spark eye-opening

conversations that will result in greater intimacy, sexual and oth- erwise. Talking about these issues with your partner and other trusted confidants will deepen your interactions with them while also increasing your comfort level and confidence by getting im- portant topics out into the open, where change and acceptance are possible.

Note the sidebars that appear throughout the book. Those titled “For Hot Mamas: What’s Going on with Your Partner” highlight the fact that improved sexual intimacy is a team effort. Those titled “For Partners: How You Can Help Her” offer your partner tips on how to better support you. Commentary by OB- GYN specialist Dr. Amanda Meulenberg aims to clarify any medical-related concerns you may have about getting your groove on while pregnant.

Whether this is your first pregnancy or one of many, we hope that this book will expand your intimacy potential and equip you with excellent tips for maintaining a sizzling, passionate sex life filled with tender moments. Staying close to your partner physi- cally, emotionally, spiritually, and sexually is necessary both for a happy, satisfying pregnancy and to expedite a seamless reconnec- tion between the two of you after the birth. (Better yet is to avoid theneed to
re
-connect at all!) Wewishyou, yourpartner, andyour little one all the best.

— Your Hot Mama mentors, Danielle and Yvonne

1

I’m Too Sexy for Myself:

Pregnancy and Sex

“

Learning to ride the hormonal surges of early pregnancy into multiple orgasms and mind-blowing ecstasy can be one

of life’s most rewarding experiences.”

e

10

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arrying a gift created in passionate union titillated me (Danielle) no end. I was bursting with life and sensual yearnings. Daydreaming, night dreaming, feeling pos-

sessed by fantasy, pawing my partner in hopes of gaining relief from overwhelming desire—it may never have occurred to me that pregnancy wasn’t “supposed to be” sexy, according to the un- enlightenedmasses, haditnotbeenforafewencounterswithmis- information andmisconceptions. TVprogramsandnewsarticles chronicling the complaints of pregnant women that they or their partners had trouble finding any sexiness in pregnancy simply baffled me. Pregnant women are beautiful and exude more sexu- ality than at any other time in their lives. How could any woman
not
feel sensual with life budding in her belly? How could anyone else see her as anything but sexual? And how dare anyone dimin- ish the lovefest going on between me, my partner, and my babe. We were thoroughly tickled by all of it. Aside from the absolute exhaustionofearlypregnancy, whichbademe to curlupandsleep eighteen of every twenty-four hours, I felt as sultry as ever. So did manyofmypreggiefriends, andthey, too, wereirate at anynotion that they were less than sexy.

Wepreggiesfoundrefugeineachanother’s company, disabus- ing one another of the fallacies surrounding our growing sen- suality. We realized that, when pressed, almost every nonpreggie would fess up to loving the pregnant form. We discovered that a large number of men liked the pregnant body—both for its aes- thetics and because it conveys a compelling mystique. As thirty- two-year-old Jay, a graduate student and a loving, sensual papa,

eloquently says, “When you say the word ‘sexy,’ it has implications of the
social
stereotype of what’s sexy—these false images like the flirty cheerleader or the girl on the beer commercial. A preggie isn’t sexy in that way. There’s something very cool and sophis- ticated about her. She’s chic. Elegant. To me, her look implies someone who has come to grips with certain elemental things about this world—she’s become part of the whole scheme of every- thing. And there’s something so sensual about that.”

This and similar comments from men we interviewed rein- forced our hunch that most preggies would feel pretty good about theirbodieswereitnotforculturallydrivenmythsthat pregnancy isn’t sexy. After all, my pregnant friends and I were glowing, and everyone around us—friends, family, lovers—noticed. Think aboutit: Nothingissexierthanthephysicalproof that you’vebeen getting it on. So it’s somewhat astounding that the general con- sensusisthat thoseinthefamilywaymustdonthescarletletter “A” for “asexual.” It’s as if society chooses to ignore how your tempo- rary tenant took up lodging in the first place!

'
This Isn’t Your Mother’s Pregnancy Manual

“My mom, grandma, and aunt haven’t said a lot about sex dur-

ing pregnancy, so I talk to close friends, especially those who have been pregnant,” says thirty-year-old social worker Sabine, who is pregnant with her first. “What also helps is that you’re seeing a lotmorematernity boutiqueswithfashionable, hipclothes, which makes a big difference in enhancing a pregnant belly and splurg- ing on yourself. There’s a lot more emphasis on being sexy, which

is exciting, compared to twenty-plus years ago, when pregnancy was more of an expected role for women. Today it’s cool to be pregnant. Peoplegetexcited, whichcreates positiveenergy. People like to touch you, and that’s connecting. It’s such a special time in everybody’s life—you’re creating a baby and everyone feels more bonded.”