WILDly (6 page)

I gulped. I
forgot to leave anything out, not that there was anything in there
to choose from.

She must have
noticed the panic in my eyes. “I’ll bring you something of mine, go
jump in the shower. Just hurry,
please
.”

It was the
fastest and coldest shower I had taken in a long time, but
refreshing. It had the effect of calming my nerves a little, nerves
that threatened to mess with my sanity.

Jennifer was
sitting on my desk when I ran in with the towel wrapped around me.
“I’ve told the guys to wait a few minutes, so calm down. If you’re
so flustered, you’ll only look flushed,” she frowned.

“This’ll suit
you,” she said pointing at the outfit on my bed. It was a short,
sleeveless cat suit, silver in colour. I wanted to seriously
object, but she glared at me with a gimlet eye.

“See you
downstairs when you’re finished.” She shook her head, spun round so
that her dress swayed to the side, and left.

I held the
thing against me and measured it against my length. It was really
short, in spite of the fact that Jennifer was slightly taller than
me. At least the shoes were wearable – low heel black sandals.

The picture in
the mirror was fashionable, but it wasn’t me. My legs were naked
and suddenly very prominent. I held my hands intertwined in front
of me, but they didn’t really cover any part of them. I tried to
pull the little thingy down a bit, but it only looked out of
proportion and I couldn’t walk humped all evening. I left my room
feeling uncomfortable and self-conscious and hurried down the
stairs, speeding past any possible stares. I had the suspicion that
Jennifer had chosen the most revealing outfit in her whole closet
on purpose.

Outside the
building, I could hear Jennifer’s laugh somewhere in the darkness.
I walked toward the sound of her babbling, to find the silhouette
of her clinging to someone. Another guy was standing a little to
the side of them, who I assumed was Ronald.

I recognised
Jennifer’s date immediately: Duncan!

***

Chapter 5 –
Home, not home

The drive home
topped off the worst Friday of my life. First, I had overslept
horribly, was late for class and eventually, after two never-ending
classes, I walked back in the pouring rain to the dorm. Then, I
waited two hours for Lisa and eventually gave up. I hadn’t been
able to find her before class and had hoped to find her afterwards.
I tried her phone about fifty three million times, but it was
switched off. I missed lunch and only left around three, after a
massive struggle down the stairs with my big suitcase and a
growling tummy.

The drive home
was terrible, terrible, terrible. I had to stop every now and then
to wait for the downpour and lightning to slacken a bit as I
struggled to make out anything in front of me. At times I couldn’t
even see the markings on the road and blindly followed the tail
lights of a car in front. In the end it took almost five hours to
get home.

When I left the
dorm, I was still partially in control. I was mad at Duncan. A part
of me considered the fact that he possibly hadn’t done anything to
me, maybe only set something in motion that was bound to happen
someday. And he did try to protect me in a way – he warned me
initially and then he spoke to me in the public park on the evening
of Bridget’s attack as well. But I blamed him for the elusive act
that he kept pulling out of his hat, like he had again the previous
night. He did it on purpose, I was sure.

But what he
didn’t know was that I had his number. The problem was that I
didn’t have the guts to phone him; I was too afraid of the
truth.

Then my
thoughts had spiralled out of control. That was the worst part of
the drive - the continuous, torrential train of thought. About
Duncan and Alex and Lisa. And a little about Jennifer and Ronald
and a blind date gone wrong. And after a while, also about Bridget
and the hospital and fears for my life. And glows and the moon and
the sun and the earth. And classes and tests and assignments and
the sun. And initiation rituals and scary steps in the dark and a
red stained blouse. And then again about Duncan and Alex.

It all felt too
much for me; my ship had sunk long ago and I was drowning. I
stopped, more because of my own tears pouring down than the rain
outside. Even the earth around me was sad and dejected.

By the time I
reached home, I was completely empty.

My mom opened
the door, took one look and just held me. She knew me well enough
to know not to ask any questions. She called my dad to park the car
in the garage and get my suitcase, while she ran a bath with lots
of bubbles. He gave me a semi-smile and a kiss on the cheek, took
the car keys and then went out into the rain.

I fell asleep
to the sound of my parents’ voices, on the couch in front of the
television, after a hot cup of homemade chicken soup.

The next
morning I awoke properly rested for what felt like the first time
since I had left for varsity. It was good to be home. It felt
normal, welcoming, sane.

But my mood was
still dark. It had improved from the previous evening’s self-pity
and hopelessness but was now anger and frustration. I felt angry
with the situation that my life was in. The weather outside
reflected that with an astronomical thunder and lightning
storm.

My mom was
going to ask questions this morning. And I wanted to tell her the
truth so badly, I wanted to share what happened with me so, so bad.
I wanted to ask her advice and I wanted her to tell me that
everything was going to be all right and that she would sort out
Duncan and the rest of the world.

But she
wouldn’t be able to handle the truth. That was, if she believed me.
I couldn’t, couldn’t tell her the truth. I’d tell her about the
date, but not the weird stuff. Not now. Not ever.

The date came
back to me like a chapter in a book that I didn’t like very much
and would rather forget.

“Oh,
at
last
! Everybody, raise a glass to the presence of my friend,
Valerie,” Jennifer mocked. She continued with the introductions but
I didn’t hear one word. I couldn’t keep my eyes off Duncan.

After weeks and
weeks of searching and dwelling and wondering and stressing, he was
finally in front of me, in person, but with a sneer on his face. I
wanted to reach out and touch him, to make sure I wasn’t imagining
things.

Our eyes met
and he was even more intimidating than I had imagined. So much so
that I couldn’t even remember one of the gazillion questions that I
wanted to ask him. Completely unnerved, I swallowed hard,
twice.

Jennifer
noticed my staring and loudly cleared her throat. “Do you guys know
each other?” she asked, jealousy dripping from her voice.

Before I could
answer, Duncan jumped in.

“Nope, never
met before. I’m Duncan, Valerie is it?” he lied, I knew it but I
wasn’t sure if anyone else picked up on it. I couldn’t get anything
out and simply nodded my head instead.

“Like I said
before, Valerie, this is Ronald,
your
date for the evening,”
she said with a forced smile and stiff neck. I didn’t want to upset
Jennifer any further and mumbled a ‘hi’ in Ronald’s direction.

Ronald smiled
widely. “Hi Valerie, nice meeting you,” he said, peeking at my
legs. Under normal circumstances I probably would have blushed, but
I didn’t care about the stupid outfit anymore. All I could think of
was Duncan; he was the spindle of my thoughts.

“Let’s get
going then. I can’t wait to see that new horror! Luckily I have a
strong man to protect me,” Jennifer batted her eyelashes at Duncan.
“We’re taking Ronald’s car,” she continued and pulled on Duncan’s
arm, “as Lisa and Alex won’t be coming.”

The mention of
Lisa’s name instantly brought back the conversation that I had
earlier with her, as well as the thought that Duncan was possibly
responsible for Alex’s illness. It occurred to me that it was very
coincidental that Duncan had suddenly appeared out of nowhere, at
exactly the same time as Alex’s illness. Concern over Alex forced
me to control of my feelings.

“Why not?” I
asked Jennifer and carefully watched Duncan’s expression.

“Lisa said Alex
isn’t feeling very well. They’re going to watch DVD’s or something
boring,” Jennifer answered. It was difficult to be absolutely sure
in the half-dark of the streetlights, but Duncan’s face stayed the
neutral same, his eyes fixed on Jennifer. I felt reassured that he
and Alex didn’t know each other.

We squeezed
into Ronald’s small little Mini Cooper. “It’s convenient for the
city traffic,” he defended. No one answered him. Jennifer jumped
into the back, dragging Duncan along. Ronald held the door for me
in front. He immediately turned the music up. It was loud,
dance-type music that seemed to propel the little car forward.

Duncan’s
presence had me on edge and I couldn’t finish one straight thought
in line before the next. I was intensely aware of him but also
angry at him. A part of me felt like beating the answers from him
there and then. Not that I would even if I had the chance; he was
my solid ground, my only alliance in this big mystery.

After a deep
breath, I relaxed my clenched fists and moved my attention
deliberately to Ronald, taking proper notice of him for the first
time. He was tall and had a strong physique with red, curly hair
and a boyish face; kind of good looking but definitely no Alex. Or
Duncan.

Ronald noticed
my gaze, smiled back at me and stepped a little harder on the
accelerator. Realising that he was getting the wrong impression, I
turned my head away as far as possible and kept it there until we
had parked. Ronald immediately rushed around the car to open the
door for me. Duncan didn’t do the same for Jennifer, I noticed.

As soon as I
was out, Jennifer asked the guys to buy the tickets. She pinched me
and then dragged me to the loo.

“Valerie,
what’s wrong with you? Get a grip! We talked to you in the car and
you didn’t even bother to respond. Are you going to be like this
the whole evening? It’s not very polite you know.” She turned to
the mirror to apply even more mascara to her eyelashes.

I was about to
defend myself when she interrupted me, before I even started. “Oh,
and by the way, I saw how you stared at Duncan. You better not mess
this up for me. I like him a lot and I would really like a repeat
date after this one. Besides, Ronald is definitely into you.” She
smiled at me.

“You ready?”
she asked, but didn’t wait for an answer and walked out. I mumbled
a yeah to myself and then followed her, feeling heavy and
frustrated. The possibility of finding answers was fading quickly.
It was quite a pickle that I was in - I would never get a moment
with Duncan while Jennifer was so clingy.

And I had to
get Duncan alone and demand answers from him; he owed me that much
at least.

Jennifer made
sure that Duncan sat as far away from me as possible. I was stuck
with Ronald and a bogus movie. Even Ronald grinned every now and
then. Maybe he thought the movie was phony as well.

Things got
really awkward when Jennifer first hinted and then tried to make
out with Duncan. She sighed and made noises and giggled. Ronald
looked at me and leaned forward. I panicked and pushed back into my
seat as far as possible. To my great relief, he didn’t try to kiss
me. Instead, he whispered in my ear: “You wanna get out of here?”
The lighting concealed my blush. I felt like a lamebrain but nodded
eagerly.

We walked out
and found an open table in a coffee shop close by, with a cosy
atmosphere and a homely aroma of coffee. He pulled the chair out
for me and waited for me to sit before sitting down himself. It
wasn’t the first well-mannered gesture for the evening, but it
didn’t make up for my growing feeling of irritation towards
Ronald.

“So Valerie,
what kind of movies do you prefer if these fake horrors aren’t your
type?” he asked after he had ordered two Irish coffees from the
waitress.

“Actually any
kind of movie without weird kissing noises is fine for me,” I said,
embarrassed at the thought of their shamelessness. That was typical
of Jennifer. She did everything in extreme.

“Yeah, wasn’t
that awkward!” he grinned.

I agreed with
him in silence, but it wasn’t nearly as awkward or tongue-tied as
the two hours Ronald and I spent staring wordlessly at each other.
I guess what could have added to the stiffness was my refusal to
drink the extra strong whiskyed coffee: I ordered a cup of Rooibos
tea. And maybe also that I moved away every time he moved closer
but I couldn’t help it, his staring at my legs put me off.

I didn’t want
to be with Ronald.

I wanted to be
with Duncan.

I wished both
Jennifer and Ronald away and felt a little guilty afterwards.

At one stage,
Ronald excused himself to the gents’ loo and left his phone lying
on the table. It happened to face me and I couldn’t help but notice
that there was a message from Duncan.

It was the
perfect opportunity to get his number. I accidentally pushed it
from the table and accidentally pushed the green button as I picked
it up again, or that was what I planned to tell him. The message
read:

Remember our
deal. Hands off her or suffer.

What was that
about? Did Ronald get too close to Jennifer? It couldn’t be, he was
with me the whole time. Was Duncan talking about me? It didn’t make
any sense. I felt completely sick trying to figure out everything.
Maybe I was being paranoid and nothing was going on at all. To ease
my conscience, I decided not to worry about another grain on a
beach of sand.

I deleted the
message; I really didn’t want him to know I had read a message like
that.