Where the Heart is (Interracial with Baby) (BWWM) (6 page)

She'd never been able to hide anything from that woman, and she didn't try to then, instead telling her about how they were trying to fix things, but she didn't know how well it was going to work.

Adelaide had narrowed her eyes and pulled her daughter into a hug, telling her to take care of herself first and foremost, and then the two of them had made waffles.

Simon had texted her that they would meet at four, do some shopping and then have dinner if that was alright with her, and by the time she was driving to the mall to meet him, she knew that everyone would have something to say about Simon's return. That was just how small towns worked. Everyone was always in everyone else's business unless they made a concentrated effort to keep it quiet.

The mall wasn't really a mall. It was a strip of stores centered around a Walmart. It was teeming with people this close to the holidays, and Jamie was half tempted to text Simon and tell him that they were driving into the city to shop there, but she knew the traffic would be even worse.

So instead, she parked got out of her car at the electronics store, pulling her coat tighter around her and jamming her hat on her head.

A quick glance around showed Simon standing at the florist's, talking to Hattie and looking like he had been there for a while, so Jamie went to rescue him.

"Ah, and there's Jamie!" Hattie said, grinning and clapping her hands.

"Afternoon, Hattie," Jamie replied with a smile. "Is this ne'er do well bothering you?"

"Oh, no, of course not," she said, flapping her hand at Jamie. "Simon Blake has always been a respectful young man, and it's just so good to see him. And you! And the two of you
together
! It's like going back in time."

Simon and Jamie exchanged uncomfortable glances, but Jamie forced her smile to stay on her face. "No such thing, Hattie. Do you have any lilies by any chance?"

The best thing to do to distract Hattie from going on a rant about how the two of them belonged together would be to get her talking about flowers. "I do!" she said enthusiastically. "For your mother? How is Adelaide?"

Jamie managed to make small talk about her mother's condition for long enough that when they finally made their excuses and slipped away, no one could say they hadn't been respectful.

"Whew," Simon said, jamming his hands into his pockets. "I forgot how much Hattie likes to talk."

"Don't see how you could ever forget that," Jamie replied, glancing at him. Did he have to be so attractive? His cheeks and nose were tinged pink with cold, and he looked dashing in his black coat with a matching scarf around his neck. He'd grown up so well, and Jamie had to look away. She knew she looked the same as always. Like she belonged in this tiny town and working at a diner, not walking with a big city doctor like she belonged with him, whatever Hattie thought. "Hattie's always been crazy," she muttered.

"Not crazy. Just... enthusiastic," Simon corrected her with a smile. "I think I actually missed her."

"Then maybe you're the one who's crazy," Jamie said. "Here, let's get some coffee or something to warm up before we start this mess."

They ducked into Open Grounds, the local coffee shop and had to endure a full ten minutes of being fussed over by the owner, even though he saw Jamie on a semi-regular basis. But apparently when she was next to Simon she was fuss worthy, and she held in her sigh of annoyance as they put in their orders.

"I didn't think people would care so much that I'm back," Simon admitted.

Jamie shrugged. "Everyone always liked you. You know that. Of course they're happy to have darling Simon Blake back on the streets. You classed the place up. Plus everyone knows you went off to the big city to make it so they think you're fancy now."

He scoffed. "I'm not fancy. I'm just. Me. I guess."

"Articulate." Jamie smiled and accepted her white chocolate mocha, letting the hot cup warm her cold fingers. "Anyway, you'd better get used to it because we have a lot of shopping to do, and it looks like the whole town is out today."

"Lovely," Simon sighed. "Let's get it over with."

It was both as bad and not as bad as Jamie had been expecting. Predictably, everyone wanted to stop and speak to Simon, and most of them commented on the fact that the two of them had glommed back together like they had never been apart. Each remark like that made Jamie flinch a little because it just wasn't true.

But it was nice to be out and about with him. Simon was still wickedly smart and funny as they worked their way through the stores, picking out gifts and making fun of the more garish decorations in some of the stores.

By seven, they were both exhausted and starving, so they put their bags in their cars and made their way to The Pit.

"You sure you want to eat where you work?" Simon had asked when Jamie suggested it.

"Are you kidding? I need a double cheeseburger asap after dealing with everyone today. And I don't trust anyone but Sal to make my burgers. Plus, I get a discount."

So they'd driven over and were sitting at a table. Kathryn was working, and she'd winked and greeted them both with a smile as she brought them hot chocolate.

"On the house," she said before moving on to take the orders from another table.

"I can't believe Kathryn still works here," Simon said. "I mean, what's the draw? The benefits can't be
that
good, and she's a grown woman."

Jamie set her cup down a bit harder than she meant to, and hot liquid sloshed over the side, burning her fingers. "So am I," she said. "Is that what you think about me?"

"Jamie, be serious."

"I
am
being serious, Simon. I'm an adult and I work here, and there aren't any secret plans for me to up and leave any time soon. So I'm asking you if that makes you think less of me."

"Of course it doesn't I just... Fine. I don't get why you would want to stay here and just. Work at The Pit and be in the same place you grew up in for the rest of your life."

Jamie let out a low breath, trying to avoid going off in the middle of the diner. "Some of us don't have the luxury of turning our backs on our family," she said, keeping her voice even.

From the wince Simon gave, she knew she had made her point.

"I'm sorry," Simon said softly. "I... Is it really bad?"

"It's... Some days are better than others. Some days... Some days I'm pretty sure she doesn't have much time left."

It shouldn't have been so satisfying to watch the dismay flicker over Simon's face, but sometimes he was really so short sighted, and he had always been the one to bring him back and make him realize that things didn't always work the way he thought they did.

"I'm really sorry, Jamie."

"I know. And it's not like I don't want to get out of here, you know. It's not like I don't want more than this. It's just that I can't do what you did. I can't decide that the people who raised me and the place I called home don't matter anymore. I would love to move to the city and start writing full time and make something of myself, but for right now I've got this. So I'm making the best of it."

Simon reached out and covered her hand with his. "Of course. That makes sense. I just. I want you to be happy, Jamie. And I know I've done a really crappy job of proving that so far, but I do. I want you to have all the things you want, and I know you can get them because you're smart and talented and hard working."

Jamie hated herself for blushing a little but. "Oh, shut up. Tell me what's so great about the city anyway."

She leaned back in her seat and listened as Simon described the food and the people and the atmosphere and how much he had learned and seen since he'd left. He made it sound wonderful, and it was very clear that he had a life there that was working out well for him. As much as Jamie wanted to hate him for it, she could only be happy. Because he deserved it.

And if that meant that this was going to be short lived and when the new year rolled in he would go back to being a stranger, well. Maybe she'd be more prepared for it this time.

At the very least.

If there was one thing that Simon had forgotten it was how slow time moved when you were in a small town. Compared to the city where everything was fast and hurried, being here was like watching molasses roll down a window pane. A cold window pane.

And yet, at the same time, it was already dangerously close to Christmas.

He sighed for what had to be the fifteenth time in half as many minutes, and his father looked up at him. "It can't be that bad, Simon," he murmured. "Can it?"

And then he felt bad.

Matthew Blake was a hardworking man. Always had been. He was the local veterinarian and had been married to Simon's mother since he was twenty years old. When Simon was a child, his father had always been full of life and energy, but it was clear that the ordeal with his now ex-wife had taken a toll on him.

He seemed like a shadow of himself, quieter, smaller even, and Simon didn't know how to interact with him anymore.

"Maybe it can," he replied a little petulantly, pushing a photo album into one of the boxes they were packing without looking through it.

"This is hard for me, too, you know," Matthew said. "I know you hate it here and everything, but we're basically putting my home in storage."

Of course, his father did always know how to make him feel small and guilty with his words, but in this case, Simon supposed he deserved it. "Sorry," he mumbled, aware that he had been saying that a lot lately.

Apparently he just couldn't seem to stop putting his foot in his mouth, and he was very well aware that he had forgotten how to interact with these people. They were his friends and family, but somewhere in the last seven years Simon had lost the part of himself that understood them.

He didn't know how he was supposed to feel about that, so he just decided to push it to a small corner of his mind and focus on the task at hand.

They were in the living room, packing up old photo albums and books, things that they had collected as a family since before Simon was born. He could see the pain in his father's face every time he came across something that had been picked out or own by his mother, and he felt like he needed to say something.

"Do you ever talk to her?"

Matthew shook his head. "No. I haven't heard from her since she left. She didn't exactly leave a forwarding address. Do you talk to her?"

"Nope. She didn't even call to tell me where she was moving to. I guess she thinks I knew about the affair or whatever, I don't know."

His father sighed. "The whole thing was a mess. And... I haven't wanted to say this because I don't think it's productive to drag up the past relentlessly, but you're a man now, so I'm going to say it. I was very hurt when you just cut me out of your life."

Simon swallowed hard. "Yeah, well. I was very hurt when your marriage started falling apart and you guys put me in the middle."

"How did we put you in the middle?"

He dropped the book he'd been about to pack and looked at his father incredulously. "Are you kidding me right now? Every other day one of you was calling me to complain about the other. Mom called me in the middle of the night to talk about how she was sure that you weren't really handling an emergency call, you were going off to meet some hussy or something. And you would call me to talk about what I thought you should do. I was eighteen! How in the world would I have known what you should do?"

Matthew looked away. "Alright, that's fair. I... I didn't want to lose you, too, Simon, alright? I had no way of knowing what your mother was saying to you or if she was trying to make you hate me or what. I just wanted to make sure you knew the truth."

"I already knew the truth, Dad. Do you really think I believed that you were sneaking out of the house to meet up with your secret lover?"

His father had to smile at that. "No, I suppose you wouldn't have. And I do understand that things were hard for you. You were away from home and in school and your mother and I did not make things any easier for you. I've just missed you. You're my son."

"I know, Dad," Simon murmured. And he did know. He knew that Jamie wasn't the only person he had hurt with his silence, and he supposed that now was the time when he was supposed to be making up for all of it. He'd come back, come home, and he could start over if he really wanted to. Do better when it came to making sure that these people knew that they mattered to him.

"Enough of that," Matthew said, getting to his feet and wiping his hands on his jeans. "I'm starving. What do you say to ordering some pizza?"

Simon grinned, and his stomach rumbled loudly. "I say that sounds good. Does Gino's still put pineapple on everything whether you order it or not?"

"Yep. Unless you complain about it, and then they put anchovies on it."

He laughed. "That's disgusting. Pepperoni and bacon?"

"Of course."

From there it was easier. He had always gotten along with his father and it was nice to be reminded of that. Matthew had been the one who supported his dream of being a doctor and going to a school that would be more expensive, but ultimately more rewarding.

Apparently all they had really needed was a way to clear the air between them to make things better, and now that it had happened, the familiar air of camaraderie had returned.

They ate pizza and talked about Simon's classes and the people at the hospital where he was working, and in general it was a very nice way to pass an afternoon.

"So," Matthew said, once the pizza box was empty. "I'm sure Jamie was happy to see you."

The way he said it was laden with suggestion, and Simon made a face. "Not really. She came pretty close to punching me in the face, actually. And she cried."

"Well, I don't think you can blame her for that. She loved you and you were just gone. What are you planning to do about it?"

Simon blinked. "What?"

"What?" Matthew echoed. "You knew that. That she loved you."

"No, I didn't. I mean. As a friend, yeah. I love her the same way, but that's all. We were always really careful not to get tangled up in relationship stuff."

His father arched an eyebrow. "Uh-huh. Well, I hate to break it to you, son, but I've seen the way that girl looks at you, and she's been in love with you since you were about fourteen years old. I thought that you cutting everyone off would change it, but there's already rumors flying about how the two of you were out and about yesterday."

"I forgot how bad people are around here for being in everyone else business," Simon muttered, raking a hand through his hair. "And for the record, Dad, I really don't think Jamie's in love with me."

Matthew just smiled. "Whatever you say, Simon. Do you want to start on the kitchen while I finish up in here?"

Simon nodded and took a box, moving into the kitchen with his brow furrowed. He'd know, right? If Jamie was in love with him? Maybe she had been when they were teenagers and he'd just been too stupid to notice it, but there was no way that she still had feelings for him now after what he had done, right? She'd have to be like the most forgiving person in the world for that to be the case.

And yet.

And yet they had ended up in bed together only a few hours after she had gotten done telling him how horrible he was. Apparently they just couldn't stay away from each other, even after seven years of separation.

Of course there was also the fact that being in bed with her had felt more right than anything else. Simon hadn't really slept around when he was in school, but he'd had a few flings, and none of them had been as good as that one night with Jamie. Maybe it was all nostalgia. Maybe he was making things seem like they were better than they were or had been. He didn't know. But either way, after the holidays, he was going to have to go back to his life and his job, and he didn't think it was going to be that easy to do this time.

The image of Jamie, flushed and sweaty from sex, sitting astride his hips like she was some kind of queen, flashed through his mind, and the sheer longing that rose up inside of him was startling.

Maybe it didn't matter if Jamie was in love with him when there were definitely certain parts of Jamie that Simon was in love with.

Why did everything have to be so complicated?

He sighed and turned his attention to the dishes and everything. Matthew was going to be taking most of those with him, but the appliances and furnishings would be staying behind. In an effort to try and get him to move in, he already knew.

It was a good deal, actually. The house was already paid for and all he would need to handle was the utilities and upkeep, which would probably be around the same price as what he was paying for rent and utilities combined at his apartment.

It wasn't that he had written the idea off completely, either. One day he could see himself here, but it would have to be with a fresh start. A new family.

This was the house where his old family had died and been buried just about, so he was going to need some new memories.

Of course, as soon as he thought that, the image of Jamie, hair messy and feet bare, standing in his kitchen with her hands on her hips as she asked when dinner would be ready popped into his mind and he had to shake his head vigorously to get it out.

Because it wasn't such a bad picture when he looked at it like that.

But it was impossible. They both had things they wanted and maybe they were on each other's lists now, but that didn't mean that it was going to stay like that.

Simon worked steadily through the afternoon and early evening, helping his dad pack up all of the house's front rooms. Boxes were everywhere, and Matthew had begin sorting them into piles according to if they were going to his new apartment or if they were going into the attic for storage.

It was weird seeing so much of his childhood and teenage years packed away like that, and he could understand why his father looked so sad.

His phone buzzed in his pocket, and he tugged it out, smiling to see a text from Jamie.

You wanna do something tonight?

He did.

"So, are you heading over to the new place tonight, Dad?" Simon asked his father, stretching and relishing the cracking of bones in his back. It had been a while since he'd done so much heavy lifting in one day before, and he knew his muscles were going to be protesting later.

"I think so, yes. I think if we keep working at this pace we can be done before Christmas, but I know you might have things you want to do."

"What are we doing for Christmas anyway?" Seven years had gone by since the last time he'd had Christmas dinner with his father, and he could only imagine how depressing it would be for it just to be the two of them after the massive dinners they used to have with his family and Jamie and her mother.

Something occurred to him, then, and he grinned. "Actually, Dad, what do you think of another joint Christmas? Like we used to do before everything went to crap? I know it's just going to be Jamie and her mom at their house, and Jamie said something about how she was having dinner catered for the two of them. We could make some stuff to take over there, and then maybe it wouldn't be so quiet."

Matthew smiled. "I like that idea. Your mother was half convinced that I was having an affair with Adelaide after you left, so the dinners stopped, but it also wouldn't have been the same without you. Do you want to call Jamie and ask her about it and then let me know?"

"Sure thing." Simon started pulling on his coat and gloves, preparing to brave the frigid air once more. "I'm meeting her for dinner anyway, so I'll text you."

His dad smirked at him. "Should I be expecting you either here or at the apartment tonight?"

Simon already knew his response to that was going to be to blush hard, so when the rush of heat hit his face, he just turned away, pretending like he needed to fix his coat. "No, probably not. But I've got keys to both places either way."

"That you do. Then I'll see you tomorrow."

His father hugged him and headed to his car with the boxes he was taking with him, leaving Simon standing in the entry way of the house with the cold wind soothing the heat in his cheeks.

"You're being an idiot," he mumbled under his breath. With a shake of his head, he closed the door behind him and got into his car, heading towards The Pit to meet Jamie.

They had both decided that it was much too cold to eat in their usual spot, and there were still more people who wanted to fuss over Simon's return, so The Pit it was.

"Plus," Jamie said, grinning when he walked into the diner some fifteen minutes later. "The closer it gets to Christmas the more random dinner items appear on the menu. Like tonight it's chicken and dressing, and you know I can't turn down chicken and dressing."

Simon did know that, and he laughed and settled in before explaining to her about his idea for Christmas.

Jamie's eyes lit up and she nodded eagerly. "Oh, man. Mom would love that. I know she missed having bigger dinners when you left, and she never knew what was going on with your parents. Which is impressive since most people in this town know everything."

"My dad went out of his way to make sure no one would know," Simon explained.