This Time (10 page)

You’re right, Michael. You shouldn’t ask me to wait for you. You ignored us for more than five years. You missed some of the best times of Madelynn’s life, and I don’t know if I will ever forgive you for that. But I haven’t been on more than one date with a man since Maddie was born. So if you’re worried about me getting serious with someone, don’t. But don’t think for a second that I can just fall into a relationship with you. I still need time to work on that. I’m not saying never. I’m just saying I need to get to know you again. If there’s something there, we’ll figure it out slowly. If not, we can be content with friendship and a shared love for Maddie. Let’s just see what happens, and not make any plans that may not work out. Call me, write me, whichever you’re allowed to do.

Tara

Tara spent the next few days decorating her house in red and gold for Christmas. She’d finally cashed the check from Michael, and after a few days, her bank verified the funds with his bank and deposited it in her account. She’d put most of it in her savings and used the rest to buy the gifts for Madelynn she’d always wanted to but had never been able to justify the cost. This was going to be a Christmas to remember for Madelynn. She hummed Christmas carols softly to herself as she hung a wreath on her front door.

What about Michael’s Christmas?

Tara frowned. He would be alone. Most of the other soldiers would have family visiting. The nurses and doctors would have their own families to go home to. Would anyone even send him a card or letter? He really had no one besides her. Well, and his team, but they had their own families. Tara shook her head. It spoke volumes for his strength that he was able to avoid calling everyone he’d ever known in the attempt to find someone to talk to. As far as she knew, Michael had only contacted her. She would have been calling and writing every person she’d ever met.

Since he’d written the first letter, he’d shown only an honest desire to do the right thing. Michael was going to be completely alone in a hospital at Christmas. Tara was going to be surrounded by family and friends. She went into the kitchen and sat down at the table, putting her face in her hands. She was talking herself into something she
really
didn’t think was a good idea. Once the thought took root, it was impossible to shake.

Mom will kill me!

Her mother made a big deal out of Christmas every year and would resent losing any time with her daughter and granddaughter.

But she’ll have Dad and everyone else. Michael has no one but us.

Would they even allow it? One way to find out. Tara looked up the phone number for Bethesda Naval Hospital and dialed quickly before she lost her nerve.
So sue me for being curious.

“Front desk,” a brisk voice answered.

“Um, hi. I was calling to see if one of your patients was allowed to have visitors at Christmas.” Tara absently drew circles in one of Maddie’s coloring books with a pink crayon.

“What department and doctor?”

“I think psychiatric, and it’s Dr. Walters.” Tara doodled her name.

“Hold please.”

Hold music hummed softly in her ear. Tara bobbed her head in time with the music and started squiggling figure eights.

“This is Dr. Walters.” A kind, older-sounding woman answered.

“Hi, Dr. Walters. My name is Tara Marshall. You’re treating a friend of mine, Michael Davis.” Tara’s mouth went dry. Whatever confessions Michael made, he made them to this woman.

“Yes, Tara,” she responded warmly. “Chief Davis has mentioned you and your daughter in our sessions. What can I do for you?”

“Well, don’t mention this to him because I don’t know if I even can. But can Michael have visitors at Christmas?” She scribbled through her name and wrote Madelynn’s name.

The other end of the phone was silent for long seconds. “Tara, I think that would be very helpful for Mike. He’s making great progress, and I will be glad to approve a visit for you and your daughter.”

“Okay, well…good.” Well, Tara thought, she couldn’t use the excuse that he wasn’t allowed visitors.

“But a word of caution, if I may?” Dr. Walters asked.

“Sure, please. I would appreciate any advice you have.” Tara sat up straight and focused.

“Don’t even hint to Michael that you may come if you are not absolutely sure. If he thinks you may come and then you don’t, he would be crushed. He could become extremely depressed and that could set us back weeks, and we are just now approaching the point that I would be comfortable releasing him. So please, be sure before you mention it to him.” She spoke softly, her concern for Michael clear in her tone.

“I won’t mention it. If we can come, it will be a surprise.” Tara drew Michael’s name.

“I think that’s an excellent idea.”

Tara said good-bye and hung up the phone. She stared at the coloring page she’d covered in meaningless pink scribbles. School was letting out for Christmas on the twenty-second. She could drive out there on the twenty-third, stay through the weekend, and spend Christmas with him and come back on the twenty-sixth or twenty-seventh. It was the tenth, so that gave her less than two weeks. Gas was going to be expensive, but she could dip into her newly acquired savings to fund the trip. Whatever gifts he sent, she would take with her. She could just take all of Maddie’s presents from Santa too. She wondered vaguely if she would be able to find a tree to put in his room. Did he share a room or have one to himself? Tara dropped her head to the table and realized that she’d already made her mind up.

Tara picked her head up and rubbed her eyes. “Madelynn!” She called her daughter, who was playing with her dolls in her room. “Come here a second honey!”

Madelynn came running into the kitchen. “Yes, Mommy?”

“Do you remember my friend? I told you he was sick and very lonely?” Tara pulled Madelynn onto her lap.

“Yes, ma’am. He was on the phone answerer on Thanksgiving.” Madelynn looked up at Tara curiously.

“Well, he’s going to be all alone at Christmas. Would you like to take a special trip this Christmas and go see him? We can tell Santa where you’ll be so he can deliver all your presents, and we will make my friend very, very happy.” Tara couldn’t do this if Madelynn wasn’t on board.

Madelynn looked thoughtfully at Tara with wide eyes. “We’re going to go see your friend so he won’t be lonely anymore?”

“Only if you want to. That means we wouldn’t go to Grandma’s for Christmas.” Tara wanted to make sure Maddie could make an informed decision, even for a five-year-old.

Madelynn looked down thoughtfully. “I want to go see your friend so he’s not lonely anymore. But I like going to Grandma’s for Christmas.” She paused, working it out in her head. “But Aunt Tina and Baby Kayla will be there too, so Grandma and Grandpa won’t be lonely.” She finally looked up at Tara, a fierce and determined light in her eyes that looked so much like Michael. “I don’t want your friend to be lonely, Mommy.”

Tara’s heart squeezed. “Okay, honey. I think he will be very happy that he doesn’t have to be alone.” Eyes watering, she put Madelynn down and went to reserve a hotel room for them.

* * * *

“You’re going
where?
” Rebecca stared at Tara incredulously.

Sara and Callie stared at her too, their mouths opening and closing in shock. Tara had known she’d get a reaction out of them. She reached into the bowl of popcorn and popped a few kernels in her mouth. Girls’ night this week was popcorn and the
Twilight
movies.

“I said that Madelynn and I are going to go see Michael for Christmas. We’re skipping out on everyone else and going to share it with him instead.” She slurped her margarita and paused the movie.

Sara blinked twice and then said, “You’re going to spend Christmas with him? Last month you weren’t even going to cash the check, and now you’re spending Christmas with him?”

Tara eyed their nearly empty margarita glasses and determined it was time for a new pitcher. Motioning for her friends to follow, she got up and went to the kitchen. “He’s alone, and it’s Christmas. He’s trying so hard, and he’s having a lot of trouble right now with PTSD. I just want to be on level playing ground, you know? It’s not fair if he’s trapped in the psychiatric ward with a shrink for company. Besides, it’s the least I can do after all he’s done. Do you realize that it’s because of him that Maddie and I are going to have so many gifts this year? Things have been so tight for the past few years that we’ve just had to make do with what we have. It’s nice to splurge.”

“I see you didn’t splurge on curtains yet,” Callie muttered, pulling strawberries out of the refrigerator.

“I will have you know,” Tara said, liberally dumping tequila into the blender, “that I
have
the curtains. I just haven’t hung them up yet.”

Sara paused in the process of pulling ice out of the freezer. “Then where the hell are they? Rebecca and I will hang them while you and Callie finish making the drinks.”

Tara took the ice from her and dumped some into the blender. “They’re in the linen closet in the hallway. They’re still in the package. I just bought them yesterday because I knew you guys would be on my case about it.” She tossed strawberries into the blender and turned it on.

Sara pulled Rebecca out of the room, and they headed toward the hallway.

Callie stood beside Tara, watching the blender. When the drinks were mixed, Tara turned it off and started pouring the first two glasses. “Tara, promise me something.” Callie looked worriedly at her.

“Sure.” Tara held out another glass for Callie to fill.

“Just be careful, okay?” She passed more strawberries for Tara to start making the next pitcher for the remaining two glasses. “I know we haven’t been friends long, but I can see how much Chief Davis hurt you. Whether you will admit it or not, you never really got over it. I just don’t want you to spend the next five years hiding again.”

“I’m not hiding!” Tara protested.

“Not anymore you’re not. But what do you think you’ve been doing since Madelynn was born? I’ve known you for barely a month, and I can see it. When was the last time you went on a date or even had sex?” Tara looked at her uncomfortably. “It was with him, wasn’t it?” Callie said quietly. “You turned down every man that’s shown even the slightest interest because you’re afraid they’ll hurt you the way Michael did. I’m right, aren’t I?” She paused, and then continued, “Don’t answer, I can tell by the look on your face that I am. And now you’re going back to him.”

Tara opened her mouth, but Callie held her hand up and stopped her. “Look, just be careful, okay? I hope it works for you, I really do. But I can’t stand to see you hurt. And trust me, PTSD is no walk in the park.” She closed her eyes for a few moments before opening them and letting Tara see her pain. She whispered urgently, “Chris fights it every day.”

Tara nodded and said, “I know. Thanks for being worried about me. But I have to know.” She turned the blender back on and finished mixing their margaritas.

By the time they carried the icy pink drinks into the living room, Sara and Rebecca had the new curtains hung, and the old ones were nowhere in sight.

“Where are the old ones?” Tara asked.

Rebecca shook her head. “Oh no. We are not telling you. They have gone to see God. You can never put them anywhere ever again, so don’t try finding them. This is for your own good.”

Tara shrugged. She had planned on throwing them away anyway.

They took their glasses and sat back down to finish their movie. Before she started it again, Tara looked around at her best friend and the two women who were quickly becoming her best friends also. “Thanks guys. For being worried about me.” Her eyes watered. “You guys have helped me through what would have been a really tough time.”

“Don’t get all sappy on us yet,” Rebecca said. “We’re going to give you some brutal truths before this is all over. When are you leaving, by the way?”

“We’re leaving on Saturday the twenty-fourth, and we’re coming back on Tuesday the twenty-seventh. Tickets were too expensive, so we’re driving instead of flying. We’re staying at a Holiday Inn close to the hospital. I’m going to surprise him.”

“What about presents and Santa?” Sara asked.

“I’m going to pack all Maddie’s presents and hide them in the trunk. We wrote a letter to send to the North Pole so Santa would know where she was. The tricky part will be where Santa is going to deliver them. I’m not sure if I should hide them with Michael or in the hotel room. I think I’m going to put them in his room and have Santa visit there so he can be there when she opens them. I’m taking the ones he sent us too.” Tara plucked the strawberry off the rim of her glass and took a bite, chewing thoughtfully. “If it’s all okay with him, that is. He’s been pretty vocal about wanting to see us, but I don’t know how he’ll react to having two extra people hanging around for two days.”

Callie snorted. “If he’s been honest this whole time, he’s going to be ecstatic. Today is what, the seventeenth?” They all nodded, and Callie continued, “So you’re leaving a week from today?”

“Yeah. This is our last weekend before I’ll see him.” Tara laughed nervously.

“Well,” Rebecca said, “Let’s get our Twilight fix and make it a memorable one.”

They raised their glasses and Tara turned the movie back on.

Chapter 9

The next week dragged by. Michael called her on Wednesday, but their conversation was a short one. Two more letters arrived, both telling her about his therapy. The prosthesis was causing some pain, but he was dealing with it. He was apparently still struggling through his psychiatric sessions. Tara noticed the tone of these letters was slightly more upbeat, though, so she was hopeful that he would be pleasantly surprised by their visit. She had everything packed on Thursday. Each day she got a little more nervous and apprehensive. By Saturday morning, when it was time to leave, she was a wreck. The drive was fairly short, less than four hours, and she was grateful for the directions Callie had given her. Callie had gone to see her fiancé when he was there, and Tara was glad she had first-hand directions to follow.