The Wicked Game (A Wicked Game Novel) (9 page)

“My mother was one but she died giving birth to me. So I was lucky enough to take her place.” Andrew smiled gently trying to put his companion at ease. “It’s alright. I was always free up here.” He softly tapped his temple and smiled again.

“Well that’s rather philosophical of you,” Angela was able to murmur.

“Of course! Philosophy was my favorite subject!”

“You studied philosophy.” Angela was dumb struck. “So then Mr. Philosopher, tell me, what is your favorite philosophical idea?”

Andrew didn’t even have to think about it before he answered. “Plato’s cave.”

“Enlighten me. Please.”

“And you the Baron’s only daughter! I would have assumed that you had the best education possible!”

“I did!” Angela shot back. She turned her head towards him and gave a coy glance, one that was almost naughty. “But I am a woman after all… In case you hadn’t noticed.”

“Oh I noticed,” he mumbled.

“What?”

“I said: Plato’s cave is actually an allegory of life.” Andrew turned to her and stopped her in her tracks, excited to be teaching something to her. “You see, there are these men who have been trapped in a cave their entire lives, facing a blank wall. The real world is happening outside but they can’t see it. All they see are the shadows of things as they pass by the cave opening.” He paused a moment as he led her to a bench. “There’s more to the story but that’s my favorite part”

Angela looked slightly puzzled so Andrew elaborated. “The men represent society, the outside of the cave is the real world, and the shadows are the way we perceive the real world. We don’t actually see the world for what it really is.”

“I see. What a clever concept.” She paused as if she were unsure whether to continue. But then she did anyway. “One that I identify with quite well.”

“As do I,” responded Andrew. “That’s the reason I enjoy the story so much.”

Angela lowered her head slightly. “You’re not a shadow to me.”

He carefully placed his hands on her cheeks and lifted her face up to him. She was blushing and it made him feel like a man.

“Oh Angela, neither are you.”

***

On the fourth night, Angela found Andrew waiting patiently for her. A new joy that both cooled and warmed her spilled through her body. With a quick glance the pair sped away to their special place.

They stood closer than they had on previous nights and Angela could feel the energy spreading between them. She couldn’t comprehend what was happening to her, to them; all she knew was that she wanted it to continue.

Andrew suddenly leaned into her and while looking up into the night sky he whispered, “They’re the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen… almost.”

She giggled and placed her head on him. “You tease! How can anything be more pleasing to the eyes than the heavens, crafted by the almighty?” Angela was smart and she knew that he was speaking of her, but she was drawn up in the moment and feeling wickedly flirtatious.

“And how, exactly, are you suggesting that you were crafted?”

She suddenly lost her bearings. “Andrew…” She paused. It was the first time she had ever said his name out loud. Her body felt weak. She cleared her throat, trying desperately not to show her vulnerability, as a clever answer came to her.

“Are you asking me where babies come from? I don’t know all the details but I suppose I could let you in on what I know!”

Andrew smiled slyly as he turned to her. She could feel the sweetness of his breath on her skin. Her heart quickened and he spoke again.

“I assure you, I know very well how babies are…crafted.”

She forgot to breath.

“I suppose I could let
you
in on what I know.”

Now Angela was really losing it. Her body was filled with the most pleasure she had ever known. She needed him and she needed him now. What she needed was unclear; all she knew was that she needed something. The thought sent a chill through her and she shivered as a tingly sensation stirred in her belly. She could die right now and be happy. No. Wait. Not yet. She could not leave this world without first connecting with him.

And then as if he could read her mind, Andrew parted his lips and slowly leaned in.

***

Andrew did not know why he had decided to wait for Angela at the bottom of the steps tonight. He knew that this was a dangerous endeavor; quite literally. He was a servant and she was the daughter of a Baron. They should not even be friends let alone, well, whatever
this
was. He knew that he should banish all feelings that he had for this woman from his mind. But he could not. He had been drawn to this place, both his body and his mind, and he could not turn back now.

Andrew looked down towards the floor and when he raised his eyes again he saw the woman of his dreams gliding towards him. His heart began to beat rapidly and he could actually feel each tiny drop of his blood pulsing through his veins. It was a sensation he had never felt before and he held onto it desperately, afraid that he would never feel anything like this again.

Before Andrew knew it, he was walking through Lady Cheston’s gardens side by side with the daughter of the house. He leaned into her and whispered something almost nonchalantly about the heavens. He wanted to just come right out and tell her how beautiful she was and how every feature of her body made him squirm but he would never be allowed to do that. Ever. And so he had compared her to the stars and prayed that she would understand. And to his joy she had, for she had responded quite coyly. Andrew’s stomach jumped as he realized that not only had she understood she had apparently enjoyed it.

And so before Andrew knew it, he was offering to teach her, in intimate detail, exactly how a baby was created! If only he could do that for real. His body ached, terribly, in one part in particular. He knew he could not have her in that way but he had to do something. He had to connect himself to her, body and soul. He leaned closer knowing that he had to join his lips with hers. There was no way around it.

It was dangerous.

It was foolish.

It was terribly wicked.

And damn it all! He was going to do it anyway!

But before he could make his final move they heard a noise and realized that they were not alone. This had been their one and only chance, his chance, but now the moment was lost forever. Andrew’s body filled with tension.

The friends fled and he looked back at her, finding that she was looking back too.

***

Once safely back in his room Andrew did not know what to do. After pacing back and forth across his room for what seemed like hours, Andrew finally decided that he could never see her like that again. She was the daughter of a Baron and he was a servant; he was no one, less than no one actually.

He had tempted fate enough by allowing himself to grow that close to her. He must end this now. He would stop meeting with her. That would be the easy part, or rather the
easiest
part. But he could not get her out of his head. Just the very thought of her filled him with a desire, the likes of which he had never known. He needed her. The only thing that would heal his ails was her. He needed to connect with her on any level possible but he knew that could never happen, especially not now. Even his own familiar touch had not done anything to lessen the desire and need within his body. Tomorrow he would seek another form of satisfaction but for now he had only one option left. He reached under his bed and pulled out his well worn flask. He pressed the bottle to his lips as if it were the very breath of life. He drank until all his senses were dull; until he finally fell asleep. But even then he found no rest.

She haunted his dreams.

***

Angela was out of breath by the time she finally reached her rooms. She quickly looked out the window to see who had been in the garden and destroyed that special moment.

It was only the gardener. She saw him pick up a small shovel next to one of the trees and place it in his box. He had only been there to retrieve a misplaced tool. Of course. Who else would be in the garden at this time of night?

Angela threw herself down on her bed and lay staring at the canopy above her. She tried to think about something, anything, but what had just happened.

All that would come into her head was him. Her body felt different somehow. It was a feeling she had never experienced in her life. It both warmed her and cooled her as it pulsated through her being. She did not know what this strange and wonderful sensation was but somehow she knew that if Andrew were with her everything would be all right. She didn’t know how she knew it but she did. She knew it like she knew that her name was Angela or that the grass was green or that God existed. What she did not know was exactly what this feeling was and how to describe something so new and incredible.

And so that night, she tossed and turned sleeplessly in her bed, plagued by a feeling she had never known before and no idea of how to satisfy it.

***

It was probably only because he was still drunk that Andrew was able to make it through the next day. He hated himself for what he was going to have to do next but it was the only choice he had left. He had to satisfy this feeling in his body less he actually die of the strain. And so that night, after he had finished all of his work, he went and found one of the coy young maids that worked in the household and charmed her upstairs and into his bed.

Andrew was under such stress that he had found his end quickly. He rolled off of the woman and lay down next to her on the bed. He had known, deep down that the woman he had just slept with was not Angela, but when he turned his head and looked at her and actually confirmed what he knew, he became angry. He screamed at the woman and told her to leave and never return.

And she did leave the room but Andrew’s feelings stayed with him.

The next morning, when Angela awoke, she was more exhausted than when she had fallen asleep. Her body still felt strange as if a new part of her mind had opened up and she was no longer able to comprehend the world around her. Nothing looked the same or felt the same; the world was not the same. It was an ache in her body and a break somewhere deeper. And if she sat long enough and looked out the window it felt like she was out there too; in the air, in the world, in a place that was somewhere else.

But what time did she have to contemplate such things? Her world did not allow such luxuries. Her birthday was approaching and by tradition, her mother was hosting a grand ball in her honor. In just a few days she would be one and twenty and by society standards, she was a spinster. But Angela didn’t care what society thought. She didn’t care what anyone thought. She would rather remain unmarried and live out her life alone than marry a man she couldn’t stand. But she knew that tonight would be worse than ever. Lady Cheston
did
care what society thought and so tonight she would be pushing harder than ever to find a husband for Angela. The normal social events were bad enough but tonight would be the pinnacle of appalling. There would be no hiding in the corner or giggling all night with Mary. There would be no escape. Tonight the party was for Angela and Angela alone and if she was missing, someone would notice.

The sound of footsteps in the hall brought Angela back out of her mind and before she could say anything Sarah opened the door.

While Angela dressed, Sarah gave her the news that she had several suitors downstairs to call on her. Angela was hesitant to go but she knew that if she refused her mother would drag her downstairs herself, kicking and screaming the whole way. Reluctantly she headed down on her own, thinking of ideas or reasons to retire quickly. Normally she would have been worried that the Duke of Corning would be in attendance but not today. He had not been to the house since the encounter in the hallway. He had however, finally sent a correspondence to her family feigning sickness. Most likely his sickness was the harm to his ego but Angela knew that would not keep him away for long, but at least she did not have to worry about him showing up today.

Angela was almost to the drawing room when she passed by Andrew in the hallway. His piercing blue eyes locked with hers as she walked past and she had the odd feeling that he was thinking intently about her. But there was something else there in those eyes. Sadness? Longing?

Jealousy?

No of course not. It couldn’t be that. Why would he long for her? But she knew that he must. Their minds were connected in a way that fit just right and she had the feeling that if they could connect in other ways, they would fit just right too. But she did not know of other ways, all she knew was the connection that already existed and in this moment it fueled her soul.

As Angela finally reached the drawing room filled with her unsuitable suitors, she glanced back at Andrew, only to see him quickly divert his eyes and hurry down the hall. Her mother was sitting in a chair smiling intently and Angela felt her stomach churn once more.

There were four men here today and Angela only recognized two. One was a man she had met at a party a few months ago. She was pretty sure he was a viscount. She didn’t remember his name but she did remember he was daft. No, she corrected her mental error. He was stupid; just plain stupid. She would talk to him out of courtesy but she would move quickly on. The man, the one she recognized was Lord Bankston. She was happy to see that despite her humiliating actions at the last party, he had not been deterred from her. Perhaps he would make a suitable match after all and that was comforting on some very basic level. She went to his side first and tried as hard as she could to be charming and witty but still feminine. Now that the Duke was temporarily out of the picture Bankston was free to propose marriage.

But she was still focused on the moment of passing Andrew in the hall. She just couldn’t shake the thrill it had given her when he locked his eyes with hers. It was as if he had seen inside her very soul and he knew exactly how she was feeling at that moment. In that moment they had joined and she was afraid; afraid because she had never felt something so wonderful in her life and she knew that if she let it pass by she would never feel it again. She would never share that feeling with the Duke or anyone else in the world for that matter and she knew then that she just could not marry any of these men. She couldn’t; she wouldn’t because she needed something more.