The Diva Digs up the Dirt (31 page)

“Wait a minute. Are Olive and Francie in on this?” I asked.

“No one except you and Mars knows about this plan,” said Roscoe.

I wanted to chew him out for putting Olive, Francie, and Violet through the anguish of believing he was dead. But they would surely do that themselves once the jig was up. I stared at Kenner. “Did you forget that Francie knows all about my theory? I’d be very surprised if she hadn’t told Olive.”

Roscoe hit his forehead with the palm of his hand. “I don’t believe this.”

Kenner settled his elbows on his knees and bowed his head. He lifted it after a minute. “Maybe it will still work. We just have to tell Mars to keep Olive and Francie away from Mindy.”

“Good luck with that!” I had visions of Olive leaping through the living room with a dagger in her hand, accusing Mindy of trying to kill her baby.

“Could you call Mars and give him a heads-up about that?” I asked.

Kenner checked his watch. “Too late. He probably has Mindy in his car by now.”

“One more little thing,” I said.

“Aw, what now?” Roscoe slumped into a chair as if he couldn’t take another problem.

I tapped my wrist. “You probably picked up that poison ivy when you were working around Heath’s corpse. It seems that Olive was afraid Mindy would destroy her garden, so she chopped up poison ivy and sprinkled it through the flower beds.”

Kenner shuddered. “I’m lucky I only have it in one spot.”

“Exactly. But you’re not the only one. Mindy must have picked it up on her arm when she was gathering plants for the poison.”

“Interesting speculation,” said Kenner. “By the way, the police are not in possession of Mindy’s scotch decanter. Someone else must have taken it.”

“There’s another person who suffered the wrath of Olive’s poison ivy—Cricket.”

“Now don’t you go bad-mouthing my almost daughter-in-law,” said Roscoe.

“It’s on her leg,” I explained. “The day Mars and I had lunch with Roscoe and Cricket, Mars thought Cricket was playing footsie with him under the table.”

“Hah!” Roscoe clamped a hand over his mouth. “I hope nobody heard that,” he whispered.

“Then, when Mindy fell down the stairs, Cricket came by to pick up Violet. She had a big bag slung over her shoulder, and she kept standing on one foot so she could scratch the back of her leg with her other foot.”

“A big bag?” said Kenner.

“A quilted designer duffle bag. They’re very popular.”

“Big enough to hide a scotch decanter?” Kenner’s eyebrows raised.

“Plenty big enough.” For once, I thought I could see what he was thinking. “You mean she came by to pick up the evidence, thinking everyone was already at the hospital. She didn’t count on Nina and me being here.”

Kenner slid his hand along his jawline. “What would Cricket have done with it?”

“She might still have it.” I had their full attention. “Think about it. She had Violet in her car, so she couldn’t dispose of it on the way to the hospital. She called Audie a little bit later and said the police wanted to talk to him. Good grief! Then she put together a wedding in a big hurry. They had to get a marriage license and arrange for the minister and the violinist—she didn’t have time to drive out in the country and drop it over a bridge like I would have.”

Kenner squinted at me. “You scare me.”

I bared my teeth like Daisy. “She didn’t dump it last night because she spent the whole night at the hospital. I think it’s a good bet that it’s still in her car or apartment.”

Kenner focused on Roscoe. “Is the car in her name or Audie’s?”

“Audie’s, I think.”

Frustrated, I whispered, “Who cares?”

“I do,” said Kenner. “If it’s her car, I need a search warrant. If it’s Audie’s car, he might give us permission to look inside.”

Kenner jumped up and strolled to the window.

“Better be careful,” I cautioned. “That’s how I knew you were up here.”

Kenner turned to face us. “They’re here. It’s showtime.”

I scrambled to my feet.

“Don’t forget to tell Mars to keep Olive and Francie away,” said Kenner. “I’ll let you go first, then I’ll sneak down to the guest house and wait.”

I had my doubts about the plan. It seemed like too many things could go wrong, and an awful lot of it depended on Mars’s performance in the car on the way home from the hospital. Nevertheless, I tiptoed down the stairs, right into Violet.

“What were you doing up there?” she demanded.

“I needed a bathroom.” I hurried down to the foyer and out the front door.

Mindy paraded from the car to the house, acting like a princess. She greeted people and made sad eyes at them.

I darted to Mars, placed a hand squarely on his chest, and propelled him backward a few steps. “Kenner says you’re to keep Olive and Francie away from Mindy.”

“Why?”

“So they won’t give anything away and alert Mindy.”

“That sounds like they know…”

“They do, sort of. Go! Go, go, go!”

I watched Mindy play the role of shattered wife on the porch. She drifted inside, air kissing people. I hurried up the steps.

Unfortunately, she headed to the dining room. Bernie and Big Daddy had outdone themselves. My mouth watered when I saw the gorgeous platters on the table, and I realized that I hadn’t eaten since the caramel banana muffin. Not only did I
deserve
to eat, but wouldn’t it make me look more natural? I slathered a bagel with cream cheese, topped it with a gorgeous rosy piece of salmon, and bit into it.

Mars zoomed by me, backtracked, grabbed the bagel, and kept going.
Rotten scoundrel!

I was about to fix another bagel, but Mindy floated over to the living room. I grabbed a cupcake because they were close by, then realized it was probably time for me to do my thing and give her an excuse to leave the gathering. Carrying the cupcake, I kept an eye on her as she waltzed through the living room. She disappeared into the den.

I had to dodge the guests to catch up. By the time I reached the entrance to the den, Mindy was gone and the door to the patio was closing.

I rushed to the window and peered outside. Mindy
glanced around nonchalantly and headed straight to the guest house. I hadn’t had to do a thing. I backed up a little bit, so she wouldn’t see me if she turned around, lifted the cupcake to my mouth, and bit into the wrapper.

I peeled it back, and Mars came up behind me. He still held half my bagel. I waved the cupcake under his nose. “The price of observing through this window is the rest of that bagel.”

His mouth twisted around. “Only if I can have half your cupcake.”

“Deal.”

Mars ate cupcake, and I chewed on the bagel. Nothing happened at the guest house.

“Now I need tea,” said Mars.

“Me, too.”

“Who’s going to get it?” he asked.

“You stole my bagel.”

“I returned it. Half of it. We’re even.”

And then it happened. Kenner stepped out of the guest house and signaled someone. Roscoe, I presumed.

It didn’t prevent Mars and me from barreling out the door and running across the lawn. Kenner made us wait for Roscoe.

“Well?” Mars demanded of Kenner.

Kenner didn’t twitch a muscle. He waited patiently.

Roscoe hurried as fast as he could. He entered the guest house and the rest of us followed.

Mindy’s eyes flew wide open. Her arms appeared to be pinned around her sides. I assumed Kenner had handcuffed her.

“Roscoe! You’re alive!” She seemed confused. “Is Audie dead?”

The bottle of Italian salad dressing sat on the kitchen counter. It couldn’t have been more glaring if it had been flashing neon.

Roscoe saw it and sank into a chair. He lowered his forehead into his hand and muttered, “I am an old fool. And Audie nearly paid for my foolishness with his life.”

“So no one is dead. Take these handcuffs off me so I can hug my husband properly,” Mindy barked. Her voice changed. Gentle and soft, she said, “Roscoe, sweetie, I need your help. This is all a big mistake.”

He heaved a deep breath. “It’s my big mistake. It’s too late, Mindy. I can never forgive you for trying to kill my son.”

“Kill? Why, Roscoe, what kind of nonsense have they been telling you? I just came over here for a bottle of dressing. Last I heard, there was nothing illegal about that!”

Roscoe’s shoulders shook. “It was about my money. There’s plenty to go around. You couldn’t have split it with Audie? I guess I should have recognized your greed when you bought yourself that ridiculous diamond crown.”

“It’s called a tiara, and they’re very fashionable!”

Kenner’s phone buzzed. He answered, and acknowledged the caller, but hardly spoke at all. When he finished, he said, “Cricket and Audie are almost here.”

“Is that why you’re keeping me here? So Audie can confront me? I want a lawyer!”

“You want a minute alone, Roscoe?” asked Kenner.

Roscoe stared at Mindy. She raised her chin, and if anything, I’d have said she appeared defiant.

“No. I’m done with this one.” Roscoe walked out of the guest house.

Mars and I went with him. The three of us traipsed to the front of the house.

Olive saw Roscoe from the porch. She ran down the steps. “You horrible old man!” But she wrapped her arms around him so tightly that everyone knew she didn’t mean what she’d said.

Applause broke out.
Applause!
None of those people had any idea what had transpired, but they cheered and slapped him on the back like he was some sort of champion back from the dead.

Kenner brought Mindy to the front of the house as Cricket and Audie arrived.

Audie stepped out of the car but held on to it as though he was still weak. “What’s going on? Dad?

A police car pulled into the driveway behind Cricket’s car. Two uniformed officers disembarked. One of them helped Mindy into the backseat.

Roscoe looked as drained as Audie. Evidently, Olive wasn’t letting go of his arm, so they walked to their son together. Cricket came around to the passenger side of the car.

She held out her arms. “Roscoe! Oh my gosh, I can’t believe it. You’re a rascal for tricking us like this. I’ve been beside myself all morning!”

Roscoe didn’t go into her embrace. He swallowed hard. “I’d like a minute with Audie. Why don’t you get a bite to eat, Cricket?”

She blinked hard and appeared surprised but said, “Of course! Audie first.” After a moment’s hesitation, she climbed the stairs and called out, “Who needs a drink?”

Mars muttered, “There’s an offer I’d turn down.”

After a brief and quiet discussion, Audie gave his permission to search the car.

It took the uniformed officer all of two minutes to locate the quilted duffle bag underneath a seat. The officer opened it, inserted a gloved hand, and withdrew Mindy’s scotch decanter.

Kenner gave a little jerk of his head. The officer understood. He bagged the evidence and went after Cricket.

There was only one problem. She was gone.

Those of us who hadn’t recently been sick fanned out to search the house and grounds. Kenner called in more police, but I had little hope that Cricket was still on the
property. If I had been in her shoes, I would have made a beeline for the woods, hiked through them, and hitchhiked when I reached the road on the other side. With her good looks, it wouldn’t take her long to catch a ride.

The day had been emotionally draining. By the time Francie asked me to drive her home, I was dead on my feet and hoping I could sneak in a late-afternoon nap.

I parked Wolf’s car on our street, and Natasha materialized on the sidewalk before we had a chance to step out of the car. Her hands were on her hips, and her expression was stormy. “Where have you been? You promised to repurp, and Troy made me walk both dogs twice!”

“It’s still early,” I protested—but not with much vigor because it was anything but early. “Don’t have a cow.”

Alas, Natasha’s sedan waited in front of my house. I slid into the passenger seat, and she pulled into the street.

“This is all the rage, you know. It’s part of the green movement to give new life to discarded objects. Don’t you adore that idea? There are whole shows about it. I would love to go national with a repurp show. Leon scoped out stores for me, and said The Flee Market has the best selection. Which is so strange, because Heath recommended it to me, too. I mean, I could have just gone straight there, without having Leon check out other places. Who knew Heath would be an expert? It’s a combination of new and used items, but Heath said the owner is very selective about what she’ll carry.” Natasha parked in front of a warehouse with a huge clock on the front.

“That’s weird. There are no hour or minute hands on the clock, just a hand ticking by really fast,” I observed.

“Leon told me about that. Isn’t it cute? It’s a
second hand
store!”

I groaned. I trusted Leon’s taste, though, and hoped we could make quick work of finding something to repurp. The large piles of broken concrete near the door of the building didn’t inspire me, though.