Somewhere Only We Know (13 page)

James stepped into beautifully decorated lobby of the Grand Hyatt, Seattle, relieved he was finally here. It had been four days since he had heard from Callum. He had rang him over and over again, but he never got an answer.

When he called the hotel, all they could tell him was he hadn’t checked out yet and there was no reply to the phone when they called the room. James had asked them to check the room, but they said the
y really weren’t comfortable invading Callum’s privacy.

So, James jumped on the first plane he could book and headed straight to Seattle. His gut told him, his little brother needed
his help.

He made his way to the concierge and smiled brightly at the pretty girl behind the desk.

“Welcome to the Grand Hyatt sir,” she chirped brightly when James reached her desk. “How may I help you today?”

“My brother, Callum Greyson, is a guest here,” James said matter-of-factly. “I need to check on him.”

“Oh, uh…” she replied a little thrown by his response. “Do you have his room number?”

“No,” James replied and he knew she was going to give him a big lecture about the policy of the hotel and the privacy of their guest. He had heard it several times over the phone. So, before she could
begin her rehearsed response, he cut her off. “Listen, before you tell me all about your guest privacy policies, let me introduce myself.”

He pulled his business card from his pocket and handed it to the girl.

“I am a partner in Turner, Hodges and Greyson,” he knew he was coming across as an arrogant dick, but he really didn’t care, he needed to make sure Callum was okay and if this was the only way, then so be it. “We are one of San Francisco’s largest and most successful Law firms. Now I know you have your policies, rules and regulations, but that is my brother up there, and if anything has happened to him, I will hold you people personally responsible and I will drag you through every court in this country if I have to. Now get someone from housekeeping to accompany me up to my brother’s room and let me in.”

Without saying a word, she picked up the phone and began dialling. Five minutes later
, James was stepping out of the elevator on the fifth floor, following a very nervous looking young woman, with a key card in her hand for Callum’s room. When they reached the door, the first thing James noted was the “Do Not Disturb” notice, hanging from the door handle.

The girl knocked softly on the door and called out, “Housekeeping.”

She waited for a moment, before she turned back to James and waited for his go ahead to proceed. James nodded and the young woman inserted the room key into the lock and the little red light turned green.

The girl stepped back and a
llowed James access to the room.

“Thank you,” James said before he stepped inside cautiously.
The first thing that hit James, was the stench of rotten food and alcohol. His stomach heaved, as the smell invaded his senses. There were three old plates of uneaten food on the floor, surrounded with, what looked like the empty contents of the mini bar. The curtains were closed, leaving the room in darkness. The only light that was in the room was emanating from the bathroom door, which was slightly ajar.

James took a step towards the bathroom door, but stopped when he kicked something and an empty bottle
of Jack Daniels was sent shooting across the floor, crashing into yet another empty bottle.

James,
could feel the bile rise in his throat as fear suddenly gripped him. He knew when he last spoke to Callum, that he was hurting badly.

He thought ba
ck to just after Kate and Callum lost Emily. Callum had become a tower of strength for his Kate. However, as time passed, little by little, the cracks began to show. He knew Kate had completely withdrawn and that Callum was struggling hard to cope.

James had always been afraid it would be Kate that would do something stupid, but having lost Emily and now Kate, James knew that Callum was broken and he feared the worst.

He took a deep breath, before he pushed open the bathroom door. The brightness of the bathroom, after the darkness of the bedroom, was hard on James’ eyes and it took a samoment for them to adjust. Finally, when they did, his eyes fell to the slumped mess that was his little brother in the corner of the bathroom, dressed in only boxer shorts and socks. The stench of vomit was overwhelming, making James’ stomach heave once again.

“Callum!” James exclaimed
, as he hurried to his brother’s side. Carefully kneeling down next to him, taking care not to kneel in one of the several small pools of vomit. “Cal, it’s me. Come on buddy,” James softly shook Callum, but got no reaction what so ever from him.

“CALLUM!” This time the urgency in his voice was clearer
. He slapped him lightly on the face trying to rouse a response. “CALLUM, WAKE UP!”

“UGGHHH,”
Callum groaned, but didn’t budge.

“Come
on little brother,” James said feeling a tiny bit relieved that Callum was at least breathing. “We need to get you off the floor.

“Leave me,” Callum mumbled, pulling himself from James’s grasp.

James stood up and sighed, thinking, what was the best way to handle this. Then he remembered the girl that was still standing at the room door. He hurried outside and found the girl leaning against the wall next to the room door. She stood up straight the moment she spotted James.

“He is here,” James said with a smile. “A little worse for wear, but he will be okay. His big brother is here now.”

He tipped the girl, she just nodded and smiled before she turned and headed back towards the elevators. James stepped back into the room, closing the door behind him. He stood for a moment thinking what the best course of action was. This room was a disaster, but then, so was his brother. He walked to the window and pulled back the curtains, then quickly opened the window to allow some fresh air in. Then, spotting a telephone on the desk in the far corner of the room, he hurried over and dialled in zero and asked for room service.

When he was connected, he ordered a pot of extra strong coffee and a cooked breakfast.

Finally, he turned back towards the bathroom, took a deep breath and made his way back inside.

Once inside, he reached into the shower and turned it on full, giving the water a chance to heat up. Then, walking over to Callum, he prepared himself for what was going to come next.

“Okay, Callum,” James said, reaching down and taking hold of his brother. “You are getting up off this floor.”

“NO!” Callum replied with a little more force this time
, but James was not deterred. He gripped Callum tighter and heaved him up off the floor. “JAMES, FUCK OFF!”

“That’s right, little brother,” James said, still not letting go of Callum, instead, manoeuvring him slowly towards the shower. “There is the fight I want to see in you.”

“JAMES, I SWEAR TO GOD!” Callum yelled.

“WHAT CAL?” James shot back angrily, still holding up his brother. He took a calming breath before he continued. “You swear you will kick my ass? Well if that’s what it takes, because I am not letting you do this. You are not giving up. You are going to figh
t and get your wife back, but if you don’t, you are going to survive anyway.”

Without saying another word
, he opened the shower door once again and shoved his brother inside beneath the hot water, making him cry out.

Callum slumped down
to the floor, beneath the water, as it danced down onto his head. He pulled his knees up to him, crossed his arms across his knees and buried his face

“Callum, I know you are hurting,” James said crouching down in front of the shower so he was eye level with Callum. “I wish I had the right words to tell you, but I promise you, I will help you get you through this.”

“James,” Callum said, as he lifted his head from his lap. His two bloodshot eyes meeting his brother’s. “I can’t do this without her. She is my life. Losing Emily was the single most devastating thing to happen to me in my life. How could it not be, but I had Katie and somehow, she made the pain almost bearable. Losing her, I have nothing left to live for.”

“I know buddy,” James said, his heart breaking for his brother. “But, you don’t have to do this alone, okay. I will do this with you.”

James stood up and left Callum in the shower. While he showered, James started to clean up the bedroom. Thirty five minutes later, when Callum emerged from the bathroom, the bedroom was almost unrecognizable.

“I cleaned up the bathroom,” Callum said, feeling completely ashamed of him
self. He was embarrassed that his brother had to see him like this. He felt weak and pathetic. Before he could say another word, there was a tap on the door of the room. Callum looked at James questioningly, but James didn’t miss a beat, walking straight to the door to open it.

As he stepped back, a young man carrying a tr
ay walked into the room and set it down on the table. He handed him a receipt to sign. James handed it back to him, tipped him and escorted him back to the door.

“What is this?” Callum asked, as James walked back into the room.

“I do believe they call it breakfast, little brother,” James laughed.

“I know what it is,” Callum replied with a sigh.
“I mean who is it for?”

“You,”
James replied stopping and looking straight up at Callum, like the answer was obvious.

“James there is no way…” Callum began to protest, but James cut him off.

“You are eating this,” James said in his best big brother voice. “Once you are finished, you are having a shave, getting dressed and getting out of this room for some fresh air.”

“James, I am in no mood…” Callum sighed, as he slumped down onto the bed.

“Cal,” James said, sitting down next to his brother. “You don’t have a choice. If you want Kate back, you need to get your shit together.”

“I think it’s too late James,” Callum sighed
, as he dropped his face into his hands. “When I went to see her, there was this guy…”

He lifted his face from his hands and looked straight at his brother.

“She kissed him,” Callum said, unable to believe he was saying the words out loud. “She kissed him and I just stood there and watched.”

“I can’t imagine how that must have felt,” James said, as he placed his hand on Callum shoulder. “It must have been tough, but are you going to let that stop
you. Okay, you look like hell and right now, she would probably run a mile if she saw you. But the way I see it is, you have two choices. You give up and we can each just head back to our lives. Or, you eat that, sort yourself out, then, you and I can come up with a way to win her back. It’s up to you.”

Callum looked at his brother for a moment, and thought
.

“You’re right,” he said with a nod. “I am not walking away without a fight. She is my Katie, and I need to at least try
and remind her of that.”

Kate stood in the back garden, spraying the flowers she had just planted with
a garden hose she found in the shed and her favourite music blaring from the stereo in the house. She knew it was stupid putting time and money into the garden of a house she was not going to stay in forever, but she had always enjoyed gardening since she was a child. She used to spend hours in the garden back at home with her mother and she always felt closer to her mom when she spent time working in a garden.

Her phone pinged in her pocket. She knew she just received a text message and it was most likely from Finn. It
had been four days she since she walked away from him, leaving him standing in the middle of the street.

Kate had read the first text, which was of course an apology. She felt bad because he thought he had done something wrong, when in truth he hadn’t. It was all her and her
stupid guilt. She has tried to reason that she in fact had nothing to be guilty for. Callum was the one who had drove the final nail in the coffin of their marriage. He had cheated on her, and broke the last piece of her heart.

She knew all this, but still the guilt was overwhelming. Sometimes she could barely breathe when she thought about it.

Kate hadn’t replied to Finn. She had no idea what she could say to make it right. So, she closed the message and didn’t read anymore that had come in after the first one.

She also noticed Callum had stopped calling and texting. If she was honest with herself, this fact made her sadder than she thought it should have. He had got
the message, he had done what she wanted. He had moved on. He had let her go.

None of this
changed the fact, Kate missed him. She missed his face, his smile and his voice. All the little things she had taken for granted every day, were now the things she missed the most.

Like when she watch
ed a funny movie, or saw something that made her laugh. She wanted to call Callum to tell him about it, but she couldn’t. She had made her decision and now, so had Callum. This was something she would just have to learn to live with.

The one thing that bothered Kate the most was, she hadn’t spoken to Jack in
four days either. She was the only other person in the world apart from his doctor, that knew his secret and she had abandoned him.

She thought of calling, but was afraid
Finn would answer. She had dropped over to the house the day before but Finn’s car was outside so she just kept driving.

Kate sighed deeply and scolded herself for being such a selfish idiot. Jack needed her and she needed to get over herself. If only she could work out Finn’s hours in the
veterinary surgery he was a partner in, then she could drop into Jack’s without having to deal with an awkward confrontation with Finn.

“YOU IDIOT,” she screamed at the top of her voice and stomped her foot like a naughty child.

“Well I am glad we agree on something,” Finn’s voice came from behind her, making Kate scream out with fright. She spun around, forgetting she was still holding the hose and completely soaked Finn.

“ARRGHH!” he screamed out as the cold water hit him and caught his breath. He jumped back as fast as h
e could out of the stream of water but stumbled and landed flat on his ass, staring up at a stunned looking Kate.

“Oh shit, Finn!” Kate exclaimed, as she quickly came to her senses and turned the hose away from
him, she placed it down carefully on the ground, making sure it wasn’t pointing towards Finn and ran to the tap at the back of the house, to turn it off. Then, she returned and helped a very wet and dirty Finn, up from the ground. “I am so sorry Finn, I didn’t mean to soak you. It’s just… well you scared the crap out of me.”

“It’s my fault,” Finn said as he tried in vain to brush the mud from his backside. “I…eh… I probably shouldn’t
have climbed over the side gate, but you weren’t answering the front door.”

“Let me get you a towel
, and try to get you cleaned up a little,” Kate said, as she turned and led the way back up to the house. As she stepped through the back door, followed closely by Finn, it dawned on Kate that this was the first time someone had come into her house. She hurried into the laundry room, which was just off from the kitchen, and grabbed two fluffy, clean towels, she had taken out of the dryer earlier that day.

She returned to the kitchen, handed them to Finn and for the first time allowed her eyes to meet his. He was watching her care
fully and when their eyes met, he gave her a nervous smile.

“I’m sorry,” Kate
blurted out, dropping her eyes to the floor, unable to look at him any longer.

“It was an accident,” Finn replied. “It’s okay.”

“No,” Kate shook her head. “I mean for the other day.”

“So, you’re not sorry for soaking me with your hose?” Finn said with a big smile and couldn’t help but laugh.

“No, I am…I mean…I,” Kate said, feeling her face burn with embarrassment.

“Kate,” he said tak
ing her face in his hands and looking her straight in the eye. “Relax, everything is okay.”

Kate allowed her eyes to meet his
once again, as she nervously smiled at him. He returned her smile and for a moment neither of them spoke.

Kate wondered if he was going to kiss her and she was surprised by how much she wanted him to.

His smile widened as if he knew what she was thinking, and she was a little disappointed when he didn’t. Instead he just released her from his hold and spoke.

“Would there
be any chance I could use your bathroom?” he asked her hopefully. “My t-shirt is soaked, as is my ass, I must have landed on a wet patch on the grass. I would really like to try clean myself up a little.”

“Sure,” Kate said, giving him the biggest smile she could, trying her hardest to hide her disappointment.
“It’s down the hall, on the right.”

“Thanks,” he replied and with one more of his amazing smiles, he
walked down to the bathroom.

STUPID, STUPID, STUPID!
She chanted in her head, hitting her forehead repeatedly, once he was down the hallway.
He kissed you and you freaked out. Now you want him and he is over you.

Kate filled the kettle to make them some tea. Then, she took out the apple pie she had bought earlier that day at the store. She thought of the pie she had in Jack’s house the first day she met bo
th him and Finn, and Kate couldn’t help but wish she knew how to bake like Sara. Her mom taught her to garden, and how to make a gorgeous chicken curry, but pies where never a feature in her house. At least not homemade ones.

She had just finished making a
pot of tea, and had carried it into the living room. When she heard Finn emerge from the bathroom.

When she placed th
e tray down on the coffee table, she turned around and stopped dead in her tracks. Standing in front of her, was a very gorgeous and almost very naked Finn, his hair dripping wet and her fluffy white towel wrapped around his waist.

“I hope you don’t mind,” he said, blushing slightly. “M
y clothes were soaked and I was covered in mud, I hopped into your shower for a couple of minutes.”

“I…eh… no… I’
d…don’t mind,” Kate spluttered, not knowing where to look. “I will… em… stick them in the…. the…”

“Washing machine?” Finn finished her sentenced for her and laughed.

“Yes,” she nodded, looking everywhere but at him. She walked towards him and grabbing his wet clothes from his hands, she headed back to the kitchen.

“Get a grip,” she scolded herself, once she was in the safety of her laundry room. “You have seen a half-naked
man before. Granted not standing in a towel in your living room, but you got this.”

She took a deep breath and headed back out to the living room, where Finn was waiting for her.

“Hey,” he said uncertainly, when she walked into the room.

“Hey,” she smiled as she sat down on one end of the sofa. “I made some tea. Would you like some?”

“Sure,” he said as he moved closer to the sofa and carefully sat down, making sure he was still covered up with the towel. He fidgeted awkwardly and Kate couldn’t help but smile, when she realised he was as embarrassed as she was.

“You know,” she said standing back up. “I have a baggy t-shirt, I like to sleep in, and I may have a pair of sweat pants you could borrow.”

“That would be great,” Finn smiled gratefully. Kate led him to her bedroom to get the clothes for him. She stepped into the walk in closet, which was half empty as she hadn’t taken much with her when she left Callum. She still had to tell him where to send the rest of her belongings to. She rummaged through the only bag she hadn’t managed to unpack yet and pulled out the sweat pants. She couldn’t find the t-shirt and figured it must be in the chest of drawers back out in her room.

“I found the sweat pants…” she said as she walked back out of the wardrobe. She stopped mid-sentence and could feel the blood drain from her face.

Finn was standing next to her bed with the picture of Emily she had on her night stand, in his hands. She could feel her stomach heave and her heart race. She closed her eyes and tried hard to steady her breathing, but she was failing miserably.

“Who is this?”
Finn asked, absentmindedly, completely unaware of what his actions had done to Kate. He looked up and when he saw the expression on Kate’s face, he quickly put the photo down and hurried to her side.

“Kate, what’
s wrong,” He asked, taking hold of her by the arms, but she didn’t open her eyes. She didn’t reply. She was barely breathing. “KATE, WHAT IS IT?”

Still she didn’t respond.

“Kate open your eyes and look at me,” Finn said trying to keep his voice as calm as possible.

“Kate breathe,” Finn told her firmly, as panic began to take hold. “Please, just breathe for me.”

Her eye
s blinked opened and Finn was shocked to see them filled with tears. He had no idea what he had done, if in fact he had done anything wrong, but he knew she was spiralling and spiralling fast.

Finally, she released the breath she was holding and she gasped for air.

Finn knew she was having a panic attack. Sara had them for about six months after their mother had passed away. So he knew, no matter what happened, he needed to remain calm.

He
slowly moved her to the bed and got her to sit down.

“Kate, I have you,” he whispered as he wrapped his arms around her and held her close. “Breath with me Kate.”

“I… ca…can’t…b…b…breathe,” she finally managed to say, her breathing still ragged.

“Yes you can,” Finn replied. “Look into my eyes and we will breathe together
.”

“I ca…can’t,” she stuttered.

“Yes you can,” he said. “Look at me Kate.”

She looked at his face
and he gave her a reassuring smile. Her body shook as she struggled to breathe. She felt like she was going to vomit or pass out, maybe even both.

“Now, with me,” Finn said, his eyes never leaving Kate’s. “Breathe
, in through your nose, and out through your mouth.”

She took a long breath through her nose and instantly she could feel her lungs starting to relax. As she blew her breath out of her mouth, all the muscles that were, moments ago
, in knots, slowly began to relax.

“And again,” Finn said with a relieved smile as he could see her visibly begin to
calm down. She did what she was told and after a few deep steady breaths. She could feel herself returning back to normal.

When she was breathing on her own, Finn didn’t say a word. He just slipped his arms around her and held her close to him. He gently kissed the top of her head and softly rubbed her back.

“What has happened to you Kate?” he finally, whispered after what seemed like forever. “Who or what has broken you so badly, that you have locked yourself away here without a friend in the world. Why do you feel you don’t deserved to be loved?”

Kate didn’t answer.
Finn glanced down at her and saw she was fast asleep. Completely drained, both physically and emotionally.

The photo on the night stand caught his eye once again, and it hit him. This was what had upset her. Whoever the little
girl was, she was the key to finding out who Kate really was, and why she seemed so determined to keep everyone and everything at arm’s length and keep herself locked away from the world.

Finn glanced back down at a sleeping Kate and promised himself, he would break through her wall she had protecting her heart, he would break through and show her, that it’s okay to be happy, but for now, he would let her sleep.

He eased them both back onto the pillows on the bed, the whole time, keeping her wrapped tightly in his arms. He lay there with Kate in his arms, and though this isn’t how he had thought today would have worked out, but he was happy to have been allowed to take a little step closer to her. He just prayed she wouldn’t shut him out again.