Shades of Gray: A Jude Magdalyn Novel (23 page)
Gillian drew blood, but didn’t call fire, when I knew she could. Hart snarled, but didn’t bite. They were playing games with each other while the world around them burned. When Gillian punched Hart viciously enough to have his neck snapping back, I saw the look in his eyes change. Playtime was over.
I felt another set of hands on me, and recognized Williams’ smell as he and Theo fought to pull me away. I kicked and screamed, but it’s impossible to fight against two grown men, one of whom can lift a car.
I watched as Hart finally subdued Gillian enough to twist her around to face us, his face contorted with anger, hers eerily serene. I watched as Hart reared back, sinking his fangs deep into the bend of Gillian’s neck. I watched while Gillian opened and closed her left hand, the earth beneath us began to tremble and shake in earnest.
The ground in front of me split apart even as it continued to shake. Inside the circle, pieces of soggy grass lifted up and buckled. The house began to fall down in earnest, from the fire and the collapsing ground. Through everything, Hart drained Gillian, and Gillian kept her eyes locked on mine.
Until the last, Gillian raised both arms high over her head, clenching her hands into fists. With a final wave, she brought both arms down and the circle imploded.
The force knocked the three of us into the street. The night sky exploded in sparks and flames, and as the dust began to clear, I could see where a plot of land had been. Nothing remained but a gaping hole.
“Gillian.” I whispered her name, certain my eyes were wrong.
“She’s gone. Jude, she’s gone.” Theo pulled me to my feet, and I felt him shaking. “The circle broke. She’s gone.”
“No. You’re lying.” I couldn’t accept the truth.
“No, Jude Magdalyn. Gillian has fallen.” Williams’ face held less color than usual. “We have to go. The city’s emergency services will be here, if only to contain the destruction.”
“They can’t explain this away.”
“A sinkhole opened up, Jude Magdalyn. A sinkhole in land which used to be nothing but swamp.” Williams’ eyes were huge and dark in his face. “Our being here will cause nothing but problems.”
“We can’t leave her body here.” My voice broke, the beginnings of grief taking over. “We have to find her body.”
“My men will find her, quicker than you could.” Williams looked over my head, and I knew he was silently asking Theo for help. Theo took my arm, pulling me down the block to where we’d left our vehicles. “Go, Jude Magdalyn. We will bring Gillian back to you.”
Theo pulled harder and I turned, walking faster, then running, breath burning in my lungs and my feet slapping against the pavement. Theo ran beside me, and the further we ran the quieter everything became until all the sound in the world was our running and the unbearable quiet. The wind raced over my skin, cooling the hot tears sliding down my cheeks and dripping off my jaw.
The only car remaining was Theo’s, the engine already running. Rian sat in the driver’s seat, Elizabeth and Celia huddled together in the passenger seat. Theo reached the car first, flung open the driver’s side rear door, all but pushed me in and crawled in after me. “Go, Rian. Hurry.”
Rian looked over his shoulder into the backseat, apprehension creeping over his features. “Where’s Gillian?”
Tears thickened my voice. “We lost her.”
Oh, God. What was going to happen to us now?
The mug burned my hands,
but after half a bottle of whiskey I felt no pain and didn’t care. Less than two weeks ago, I’d sat in my pseudo-kitchen and sipped coffee from the same mug while telling Gillian she didn’t know anything about me. I knew who I was, nobody else.
Now Gillian was gone and I had no clue who I was supposed to be anymore.
Members of the Covenant began arriving at the house before we were even back, like they’d somehow known the night had turned unbelievably tragic. My mind wouldn’t wrap around the fact Gillian wasn’t walking through the parlor door any moment, demanding to know why I was sitting on my ass instead of downstairs practicing.
God. Practice sessions. I didn’t even know how I breathed from one moment to the next.
Lies had stepped up to control the flow of visitors, pushing out the ones who wanted to stay overly long. Couldn’t they understand I didn’t want to see anyone, for any amount of time?
More than one person bowed or knelt at my feet. I couldn’t understand why. What kind of leader couldn’t save the woman who’d shown me what I was capable of? How could I ask these people to trust me, when I’d let one of the most powerful among us sacrifice herself while I stood and did nothing?
Some part of me knew my thoughts weren’t the entire truth, not even partially. The larger part of me, the one I couldn’t make shut up and leave me alone, kept repeating the same words.
It’s your fault. You’ll fail again. It’s your fault. You’ll fail again. It’s your fault. It’s your fault. It’s your fault.
God forgive me, I believed.
I raised my gaze from the black pool of coffee in my hands as the door opened. My heart tripped for one moment, the voice quiet long enough for another one to speak.
Theo. Please, be Theo.
Then the door pushed open, and Williams stood framed in the doorway.
The insistent voice started up again.
“I’m sorry, Jude Magdalyn. A decision must be made concerning… Gillian.” I don’t know what he would have said instead of her name, but it tore at me nonetheless. Another pair of those seemingly endless tears slid down my face, and I closed my eyes, drawing a deep breath.
“Send them in, Williams. The sooner, the better.”
Whoever waited to consult with me must have been right behind Williams because when I opened my eyes two new men stood in front of me. I blinked a few times to make sure my brain wasn’t so overwhelmed I saw double. Everything about them was identical, down to the shine on their black leather shoes.
“Our condolences, Ms. Henries.”
Even their voices were identical. “Jude. Thank you. What do you need to know?”
“Gillian was very specific about her plans. Her instructions included a traditional Irish wake before her interment at Lafayette No. 1, Uptown.” Two pairs of hands smoothed over lapels, checked the straightness of ties. The exactness was unnerving. “You are, of course, free to alter these plans, as Gillian noted in the most recent addendum.”
I shook my head, guilt and grief slamming into me. She’d trusted me with her last wishes, and I’d gotten her killed. “No, no. Whatever Gillian wanted, make sure it’s done.”
They nodded simultaneously, turning on their heels and exiting in unison. Williams made to close the door, to leave me alone but I couldn’t stand the quiet anymore. It screamed of my failure. “Where’s Theo?”
Williams paused, and a look I couldn’t interpret flashed across his face. “He has gone to his parents’ home. The additional information he received tonight about their deaths has… disturbed him.”
More guilt, of course. Bad enough to have thought their death an accident, a twist of fate. To find out it had been carefully orchestrated and with painstaking attention to detail would have to be even worse. I nodded, my heart sinking. “Did anyone go with him?”
“Rian, young Elizabeth, and Celia.” Williams stepped further into the room, easing the door shut behind him. “Is there anything I can get for you, Jude Magdalyn?”
I laughed, not surprised to see Williams’ slight jolt. Even I could hear the thin edge of hysteria. “Can you turn back the last few hours? Give me a chance to not kill Gillian?”
“You did not kill Gillian. She made her decision and if she knew you doubted her, she would not hesitate to strip the skin from your bones with a few good words.”
I shook my head, rising to my feet and sloshed coffee onto my hand. Cursing, I hurled the mug into the fireplace, the sound of smashing porcelain painfully loud in the quiet of the room. “We’ll never know, will we? In three days we’ll be sliding her into a tomb Uptown.”
“This guilt accomplishes nothing, Jude Magdalyn, and only weakens you at the very time that you need to be strong.” His hands were heavy on my shoulders, but I shrugged them off, moving to stand in front of the window. Already the sidewalks were lined with candles whose lights would only go out once we laid Gillian fully to rest.
“I don’t want to do this anymore. Give it to someone else, the twins and their mother, or Lisette. Give it to someone who knows what they hell they’re doing. I don’t, and I’m tired of people dying because I’m a failure.”
“War always contains casualties, Jude Magdalyn.”
“Don’t call Gillian a casualty, like her death was expected. She wouldn’t have died if I hadn’t been so fucking impatient, if I’d just waited a few minutes.”
“And would Celia have died if you’d waited? Whose death would you have rather have on your conscience?”
“No one’s.” I shouted, tears pouring down my face. “I don’t want to worry about people dying because I’m a screw up, because I don’t know what to do.” I pressed my hands over my chest, like the pressure would help the aching and burning. “What am I supposed to do without Gillian? What am I supposed to do?”
I wasn’t aware Williams had crossed the room until suddenly his arms closed around me, pulling me close to him. I couldn’t keep the crying under control anymore and my knees buckled. Williams slid to the ground with me, whispering words in a language I couldn’t understand.
It seemed like forever and yet not nearly long enough before my sobs quieted down to whimpers. I became aware of Williams’ holding me very, very close. His hand moved slowly up and down my back. My face pressed close to his neck, and I took a deep breath, inhaling his mixture of expensive cologne and otherness. His hand slid under my shirt on its trip up my back and I tensed, muscles knotting faster than an expert seaman.
I should have pulled away. Instead, I drew him closer.
“Jude.” His breath ruffled my hair, sent shivers down my spine. “You’re drunk.” He started to draw back and I tightened my grip, dug my fingers into his hips. “Jude.”
“Don’t. Don’t go. I don’t want to be alone right now.” I laid my lips over where his pulse would have been and kissed softly. “Stay with me. Please.”
His hands slid over my back, came up to fist in my hair. He jerked my head back until I could see his face and he could see mine. “You would tempt a saint. And I am no saint, Jude Magdalyn.”
His mouth was as decadent as I remembered, more so, as if the events of the night had changed us both so much that every flavor, every touch was deeper, richer. My fingers shook as they gripped his shirt. My skin warmed where his hands touched my stomach and tangled with the button of my jeans.
He bit my lip. I jumped, moaning, my hands fisting in his hair. His tongue swept into my open mouth, swirling, coaxing. Thoughts of Theo slapped at me, quickly pushed away when Williams sucked on my tongue. I was vaguely aware when he opened my jeans, but not fully until his hand slid into them. Inside and down, teasing over the most sensitive part of me before pulling gently.
I came, instantly, powerfully, so intensely my head reeled for a moment and I could only gasp breath in and out. He didn’t give me time to recover. Moving his clever fingers down further Williams slid them into me, my hips arching to drive them deeper. His mouth moved down my neck, licking a path down my chest. I don’t know when he did it or how, but the front clasp on my bra opened and he shifted his head, sucking a nipple deep into his mouth.
I came again, harder this time, the tension in my muscles bringing tears to my eyes. I felt his fangs, just the slightest pressure, against my breast, and the implied danger had me pulling his head closer with one hand, even as my other struggled to push my jeans the rest of the way off. His fingers slid in and out, and mine clutched convulsively in his hair, the only reaction I could truly manage.
He pulled out, and I whimpered in protest, more so when he raised his head from my breast and pushed to his knees. Williams’ shirt was lifted off and tossed in much the same way mine had been. Unable to help myself, I pushed to a sitting position, leaning forward to run my mouth over the smooth muscle of his chest. He shuddered again, sliding my bra the rest of the way off before pushing me back to the carpet. His pants were off faster than I could see and I raised my hips when his hands tugged at the denim caught on the carpet.
When he settled between my legs, I felt him hard and ready. He leaned over me, bracing his weight on his hands, his mouth inches from mine.
He thrust into me, crushing his mouth to mine. Settling his hips firmly against mine, he did something I’d never expect someone with hundreds of years of experience to do. He fucked me.
There was nothing gentle or romantic or seductive in what we did. There was nothing but need and want and underneath everything grief trying to push out. I held on and let him use me, used him. I concentrated only on what I physically felt and let sensation wash over me, the emotional storm trying to push its way through.
The orgasm caught me surprise and I gasped, nicking my tongue on one of his fangs. The tiny taste of blood was too much for Williams. Between the blood on his tongue and the clenching of my muscles, his body let go. Pushing into me one final time, he held for a long moment before sliding down to lay his head between my breasts.
Reality began to creep back in. It took longer than I expected and yet not nearly long enough. I pushed on his shoulder and he obliged me by rolling off to lie next to me. I sat up, shook my hair back. “I’m sorry.”
“Jude—.”
“We shouldn’t have done this.” Theo’s face swam into my mind. “I’m sorry. This was a mistake. A stupid, drunk mistake that will never happen again.”
He lay there for a few minutes longer and then I felt him stand, heard him rustling around for his clothes. “I’ll leave you alone, then. Unless you require anything else of me?”
I pushed to my feet, keeping my back to him, and began pulling on my own clothes. “No. Just leave. Please.” I turned around to face him, hugging myself.
His eyes were like black diamonds in his face, hard and cold. Then he dropped his gaze, shaking his head. When he looked up, he was almost back to normal. “As the lady wishes.”
I rubbed my arms, growing even colder. I walked past him, keeping him in my line of sight, suddenly wary. I laid my hand on the door, letting it rest on the wood for a moment. “I assume you’ll attend services at the cemetery.”
“As you wish.”
“I’ll make sure the service starts later in the day, so the sun will have set by the time we arrive at the cemetery.” I opened the door, ignoring the guards outside. What did it matter if they’d had a soundtrack of the events in the room? One more fuckup tonight would hardly make a difference.
I dodged the people popping out of every room and corner, shaking my head as I made my way to the stairs. They clustered at the bottom calling questions but I ignored them. I was done for the night. I didn’t have any more left in me to give.
Gillian would have twisted my ear and dragged me back down the stairs.
Turning the corner, I leaned against the wall, fist pressed to my chest, the hard ball of tears burning a hole under my breastbone. Taking a deep breath, I pushed off from the wall, making my way down the hall to my room. Every step was a struggle to place one foot in front of the other and not drop to my knees and weep in the center of the hall.
Finally, I reached my door and pushed it open. Closing it, I leaned back and turned the lock. Someone had turned a lamp on, the light glow casting the room in shadows. Crossing to the windows, I closed the shutters, drew the sheers, and then the blinds.
I pulled the covers over my head, my face burrowed in the pillow. I prayed for sleep, or unconsciousness. Anything but awake and remembering I’d gotten Gillian killed. I’d been with Williams. Theo would never want me now.
God was merciful. I took only a few shuddering breaths before sleep swamped over me.