Praefatio: A Novel (13 page)

“You wanted to ask what, exactly?” There was a tiny hint of laughter in his tone.

Careful to keep his arm around me, he sat up. I looked up to study him. Blue eyes, today. But around the iris was a golden color that had the potential to be mistaken for a hazelish brown from a distance. Much better to observe up close. Much.

It wasn’t so much that he was beautiful to look at. But his features were what most would consider desirable. Like when you went for plastic surgery. His was the nose you selected from the choice of noses. When you thought about the ideal length of a person’s eyelashes, you were never really sure until you saw his—and then you knew.

That day, he had a good deal of facial stubble, not exactly enough to be considered a five o’clock shadow, but enough to be considered slightly dirty. I hadn’t realized what I was doing until he lowered his head and my face fell with it. I had been tracing his face with my eyes, memorizing the detail, relishing the fine specifics.

His eyes were sad as he removed his arm from around my shoulder, which made
me
sad. I hated that I felt anything at all. It struck me how such a small gesture could affect my mood, my breathing, and my thoughts. Had it always been this way?

Averting my gaze, Gavin ran his fingers through his hair before taking my hand. He let a long breath go and steadied himself as if he had really bad news.

“Grace, I’m sorry you had to witness that encounter between Remi and me. I had no idea how protective he would be of that
human
girl.” He paused before continuing and let out a huff. “Well, I guess that’s not entirely true,” he offered in his defense, suddenly looking up at me.

Encounter
? Remi had threatened to kill him. Held a knife to his throat. Gavin had certainly looked as if he would kill Remi if given the chance, and Remi seemed convinced Gavin was at least partially responsible for what happened to Jenny.

“What do you mean?” I may have gulped, loudly.

“I hope you know I would never have harmed her or allowed anyone else to.” He squeezed my hand lightly. “I would never
intentionally
do anything to hurt you.” His speech slowed a bit. “Unfortunately, some of us are not as civilized as this.
Some
of us”—he paused, choosing his words carefully—“some of us let the curse determine who we are. The rest of us live our lives as best we can, despite it.”

I pulled my hand from his. “What happened?” I wondered aloud, not really meaning to blurt out the question. I didn’t want him to think I didn’t believe him, but he was taking his sweet time getting to the point.

“Seems your friend Sean was supposed to take Jennifer home, but, like an animal that cannot control his urges, left with another girl and forgot all about his promise. Remi was at the hospital when Jennifer called to say she was alone and needed a ride, so he missed the call. It was perfect, really.”

I was fine until he added the part about how perfect it was. He seemed almost proud of how it all went down. It was hard to concentrate when I was this close to him, and yet I could feel my anger growing.

“I tried to protect her, but I wasn’t—I can’t choose sides, Grace.” Taking a deep breath and exhaling slowly, he went on. “I’m really sorry your friend got caught up in all of this.” He paused for what seemed like an hour, but the clock on the wall ticked maybe four seconds.

He pulled me up so I could see his face, propping the pillows so I could lie on my side as I listened. His chest was better.

“Thank you.”

“If you and Remi had not shown up, Jenny probably would have been killed, though likely by accident.”

I’d read the horrific tale in
Praefatio
. Tyler had killed his wife by accident, out of love. I shuddered, and Gavin pulled the covers up over me before adding, “In our world, Grace, to kill her is to love her. I would never expect you to understand.” I listened in silence as he continued, thinking only of Jenny getting caught up in all of this.

Something wasn’t adding up. Jenny had been left sleeping while Remi and I ran that night. If they had wanted to attack, it would have been easy for them to snatch her that night.

“Why Jenny? There must have been thousands of human girls at the concert.” It sounded like more of an accusation than a question.

Stroking my hair, then my cheek, he replied in a low, even voice. “They knew Remi would come for her, that he treasures her above all humans and would do whatever it took to save her.”

He barely moved. The power of his words and their implications shook me to the core. I had read enough of
Praefatio
to understand exactly what he said about Remi’s treasure of Jenny above all other humans. I pushed it to the back of my mind, where I’d hoped it would stay. There’s no way Remi would be cursed.

“OK, so, where do
you
stand in all of this?” I shot back, realizing how accusatory my tone was, but not wanting to take it back.

“What I’m about to say is important. I need you to pay attention, to understand.” His voice was quiet, pleading, but not apologetic, as I had hoped.

“OK.” I became fidgety as more anger seeped into my being. I think Gavin knew it. After all, he had to have been reading my mind. All of this “I would never harm you or anyone close to you” crap was just not flying.

A smirk eased his tight lips. He’d been reading my mind, all right.

“When we were cursed to live on the blood of humans, we lost all hope. Some of us reveled in the savagery of what we had to do to survive—kind of like, if you must, you might try to enjoy it. Others sought to indulge our love of humans by becoming more like them, giving up our powers. Tyler realized we could make our humans more like us rather than the other way around. You probably call them vampires. Tyler and his followers considered themselves as gods, His equal or better, breathing life into these beings that were technically dead,” he added as if he had not already made his point.

My chest grew tight; my breathing was labored. I wasn’t sure I wanted to hear any more.

In an instant, he turned onto his side, leaned on his elbow, and looked at me intently. I wasn’t sure I trusted Gavin, despite his attempts to come clean. Unable to stop my mind from lingering on his looks, my proximity to him, and the overwhelming desire to kiss him, I closed my eyes and tried hard to block him.
Brick wall, brick wall, brick wall
.

A gentle laugh escaped his lips. “Grace, please. Pay attention now.”

Haven’t I been paying attention?

He smiled, then moved closer, wrecking my concentration. I was mad and wanted to stay that way.

“I mean, pay attention to what I am
saying,
” he teased. He placed his hand just above my knee, obliterating the last of my reserve. Too bad the move seemed to unnerve him as much as it did me. He wasn’t the only one who could read minds.

“Some of us believed in the inherent goodness of God, or as we call him, The Divine One, and our eventual redemption. We sought to remain good, to not let the curse get the best of us, but find a way to prove to God that we could be, and wanted to be, redeemed. Some of us choose to feed on only animal blood, for example, while others choose to raid blood banks, for blood that has been donated, rather than taking a human life.”

My eyebrows were raised at attention. “Synthetics. They have that now, don’t they?” I was sort of talking to myself and answering my mind’s question. I couldn’t believe people really lived that way.

“Not people, angels. Others of us find synthetic blood adequate and some take a more organic approach, dining only on parts of the blood—plasma, red or white cells, or platelets.” A smile formed across his face as he spoke.

“What else?” I prodded, leaning into him now.

“Easier access makes the killing of humans less of a requirement for survival. I guess you could say we’ve evolved. We’ve found we can retain our powers, even strengthen them, by practicing certain habits and keeping our bodies clean and free of the toxins humans readily ingest.”

“It all sounds so … scientific.”

“I guess. If you call pure, whole human blood, fresh and taken by force, scientific. It’s the only way to reap the full benefits of the blood itself. At the height of human fear, a unique enzyme in our venom mixes with the blood to enrich our talents further, giving us untold strength and abilities. It’s an ironic consequence of the curse. It’s different for each of us, but on a basic level, it can include improved vision, telepathy, telekinesis, shapeshifting, superior strength, invisibility, and for some, the ability to manipulate time and space. I believe you already experienced some of these—even without an ounce of the enzyme? Unless, of course, you’ve been snacking and not telling me?” Gavin winked.

“Wait, you mean all angels don’t have these abilities?” I wasn’t following.

Gavin looked at me as if I’d asked him whether he wanted chicken or steak for dinner.

“Well, we do, for the most part. But when you Fall, you don’t retain your abilities, though your senses remain heightened. Angels have what humans might consider extrasensory abilities. In many cases, a sixth, seventh, or even eighth sense, and so on. And some of us cursed ones have a hard time managing those senses as they relate to the human world, to earth. Some of us weren’t kicked out; we left of our own accord, and still we were cursed.”

“What’s it like being … cursed?”

I watched him closely. There was something about the tone of his voice I didn’t like.

“It’s like a hunger, a deep, desperate hunger that, no matter what you do, you can never satisfy. After a while, you feel perpetually exhausted. Ages of trying to satisfy that hunger catches up to you. And yet, with the last stores of strength, you try and try, until you can’t try anymore. And death is not kind enough to take you. You simply exist as a shell of your former self, depraved, willing to do whatever it takes to survive the hunger.”

“But, this hunger, it’s for blood?”

“That’s only half of it. The worst part is feeling isolated, cut off.”

There were a million thoughts running through my already-crowded head.

“You’re rather quiet,” he said, assessing.

I had been waiting for him to continue. “Just waiting for the other shoe to drop.” Gavin kissed my cheek, and while I’m sure he intended to comfort me, it reminded me of Judas. It wasn’t exactly the feeling I thought his kiss would arouse.

“We found a way to break our own curse. We found a way to keep humans alive and with us forever, to make them immortal. By doing so, we’ve interrupted God’s plan—his cycle of life for humans—by never returning the body back to dust. Because when we violently force a spirit from the body before its time, the body becomes undead, immortal.” He paused. “Shall I go on?” He winced as if in pain, though by his tone I’d say he was proud.

He ran perfect fingers through perfectly styled hair. I imagined those fingers on my face, caressing my cheek. I lingered on that thought for a second, savored it, then pushed it aside. I wouldn’t let him seduce me. His tale was fascinating, but scared the heck out of me. The thought of him “violently forcing a spirit from the body” was not how I wanted to imagine him, or had imagined him all these years I’d fantasized about the face behind the voice.

My mind wandered to thoughts of the two of us, two normal people in a normal world, going on dates and stealing kisses five minutes before curfew. I smiled and nodded whenever a pause in his speech indicated it was time for me to do so.

His breath brought me out of my splendid stupor as he inched closer to me.

“Grace.” His tone was softer, almost vulnerable, as my name lingered in the air. “If before there was a chance for redemption, it has now passed. The power we’ve gained, the ability to create immortal beings—some of our purest brothers no longer wish to go back. And, with the most unique and revered of beings fighting with us, there’s no way we won’t win.” He studied my reaction the way Mom did after she’d delivered the one-two punch.

I was going to have to choose sides.

“Gavin,” I tried to plead my way out of it, but he wasn’t about to let me.

“They believe that this bei … that you being here with me, choosing me, means you’ve chosen our side. Do you understand what I am saying, Grace? It’s the ultimate slap in the face to The Divine One for what he’s done to us, how he’s turned his back on us. We use his own weapon against him.”

I pulled my knees into my chest as best as I could while lying on my side and closed my eyes. Mom said they would not stop trying to kill me until I was dead or chose their side. Gavin said I had already made my decision by choosing
him
. But no one had ever explained to me what I was supposed to be choosing or not choosing. Gavin had stated his case pretty well. He’d made it pretty clear what his people were all about, and I’d seen what they were capable of—twice. At least he hadn’t lied to me my entire life.

My voice came out in a loud whisper. “So am I safe now?”

That look again. Like I had four heads or something.

“Grace, you’ll never be safe, not as long as there are those who think they can use you. You can’t trust anyone,” he added, after what seemed like a battle with himself as to whether he would include such advice.

“No one?” I teased, even though I hated to think that might include him.

“Didn’t you read
Praefatio
?”

I sat up and faced him. “I really haven’t had much time to read lately.”

Gavin took my hand in his, then kissed each finger, one by one. His mouth was warmer than I’d anticipated.

“
Praefatio
says you will come for me, that you will require a great sacrifice of me, and that I will not be able to refuse you. The power you have over me will cause great dissention among my people. It says our love will change the course of all lives, for eternity.” He waited, unmoving.

I rolled my eyes. I don’t think I meant to. It’s just that I knew BS when I heard it. “Is that the prophecy? What else does it say?” I prompted him, unable to stop myself from smiling.