Perfectly Ever After (Pieces) (5 page)

I let out a deep sigh. "I know. I'm sorry. I just . . ." I leaned against the doorjamb. "I just needed to talk to you. I don't like that you left.
Why’d you walk away?” I was as surprised at my words as she seemed to be. That thought really hadn't entered my mind until that moment, but I recognized it as completely true. I was angry that she had walked out . . . on me.

"I just needed time to . . . think.
I didn’t walk away from
you
.”

"Yes, you did. I get it. What I said was hurtful and totally out of line. But your first instinct was to leave. I need to know why."

Carly and I hadn't fought much during our time together, and when we had, it had been silly and superficial. The problem we encountered now was neither of those things, and I had no idea how to best handle it. Not to mention, the timing fucking blew.

"I didn't want to get into it in front of Eva," she finally responded, though her eyes
shifted toward the floor, showing it for the flimsy excuse it was.

"I call bullshit."

Her eyes darted to mine, narrowing. She was getting pissed off and that was just fine with me. Maybe anger would help the truth come out.

"You know what, Adam?
Screw you. You don't get to barge in here after making me feel like crap this afternoon and call me a bullshitter. If I'd thought talking about it would've been beneficial in any way, I would've stayed. But it wouldn't have been, so I left." Carly was having no issue with eye contact anymore, her eyes boring into me with the ferocity of a wounded animal that had been backed into a corner.

"Why wouldn't talking have helped?" My tone conveyed the confusion I felt.

"Because you only hear what you want to. I tell you a story about being arrested and spending a night in jail, and instead of being concerned, you immediately start calling me a liar. And then, Eva tries to explain herself, and you jump halfway down her throat. But my favorite is how I tried to help with Eva
—who’s supposed to be my step-daughter as of tomorrow—and you trash me right in front of her."

I rubbed a hand over my face and tried to process her words. "Listen," I finally said, "I agree with you that I could've handled the whole jail thing better. And I am concerned. It was my concern that caused me to react that way. I don't like feeling out of control, especially about things that are so important to me. But I was a dick about it, and I'm sorry for that."

Her features slackened at my words, some of the irritation slipping away.

I continued, trying to get us back to where we'd been before the whole disaster started. "And I was wrong for what I said about you in front of Eva. You're a great role model. If I
were concerned about having you around my daughter, then you wouldn't be. I'd love for her to be like you: strong, independent, successful." I started inching toward her as I spoke, watching her skin flush. "I love you, baby. I want to share my future with you. But there are some things that I do need to handle on my own." I was close to her now, but she quickly withdrew when she heard my last words.

"What things?"

"Huh?" I asked, leaning toward her again.

She took a large step back. "What things do you need to handle on your own?"

My head tilted in confusion. "Things with Eva."

She eyed me warily. "So, let me get this straight."
She started to pace in front of me. "You're going to handle all things concerning Eva."

"Well, I . . . why do I get the feeling you’re going t
o make this into a big deal?”

"Because it
is
a big deal. We're supposed to be partners, Adam. In every way. But you're basically telling me that we aren't going to be. Eva is a huge part of your life, a part that you don't want me involved in. How is that not a big deal?"

I leaned back into the wall next to the still open door. "Carly, I don't mean
for it to hurt you. It's just that . . . it's been just me and Eva for sixteen years. I don't know how to share the responsibility I feel toward her. I've never had to before."

"It's not about
having
to. It's about you
wanting
me to help you raise your daughter."

Her eyes welled with tears, and while I was sorry this was upsetting her, I didn't know how to fix it. "But she's virtually raised, Carly. In a year and a half, she'll be leaving for college. I've gotten her this far. I'm capable of getting her the rest of the way without any help."

I knew she wasn't implying that I hadn't done a good job as a father, but I couldn't help feeling
that way anyway. Raising Eva had been difficult, but I had done a damn good job. And if I were being honest, part of me needed to finish what I’d started. I wanted the thrill of seeing Eva excel in life and be able to know that I had gotten her there with minimal outside help.
I
was responsible for the woman Eva would become. I didn't want to share that glory. I didn't feel anyone else deserved it.

Carly's tears fell,
but she seemed oblivious to them, not even attempting to wipe them away.

She just didn't get it.
"I'm not trying to hurt you, Carly," I said as I reached for her.

She shrank away from me. "Stop
saying
that. Especially since you clearly don't have to try. It seems to come pretty easily to you."

I dropped my hand, feeling as though the future of our relationship depended on this conversation. And I was fucking it all up. "When have I ever hurt you?"

"You're hurting me now," she whispered, looking away from me.

"That isn't my intention. I'd give my life for you. You have to know that." My voice was pleading, begg
ing her to let us move on.

I noticed the slight lift of her shoulders, the straightening of her back. "We have a long day ahead of us. I just need some time to process everything. And I think
you
do too. We should probably get some sleep."

She was dismissing me, though I hoped not permanently. Maybe she was right. After some sleep, maybe we'd be able to see things more clearly.

"Okay." I leaned in and gave her a quick peck on the cheek. "I'll see you at noon?"

She wiped tears from her cheeks. "Yeah. I'll see you at noon."

I simply nodded my head before turning and heading home.

***

I'd gotten home around five thirty, but falling back to sleep wasn't an option. So I puttered around the house instead, cleaning things that didn't need it, moving things that didn't need to be moved.

Eva had woken up at ten, and I'd made her breakfast: pancakes and bacon. A peace offering of sorts, which she accepted, though she grumbled while
eating.

I eventually changed out of my sweats and into comfortable jeans and my favorite blue cable
-knit sweater. Then I headed outside to load our luggage. It was difficult trying to maneuver everything because Eva's bags of God-knows-what took up about half of my mom’s car. “Jeez, Eva, we’re going to the mountains for a few nights, not a month-long journey up Mt. Everest. What did you bring?”

             
“Just girl stuff, Dad. God, do you have to know everything?”

             
“Yes,” I replied stoically. “The answer to that will always be yes.” Had this girl learned
nothing
about me in her sixteen years of life? For all I knew she could have anything in there: grain alcohol, a brick of cocaine, a homemade bomb, a case of condoms.
Christ
. Why had I let myself think that last thought? I’d meant for all of my internal guesses to be ridiculously implausible, but with that teenage Lothario coming to the wedding, the case of condoms hadn’t seemed too far-fetched. With a name like Cage, anything was possible.

             
I’d spoken to Eva about sex more times than I would have liked to. If I were being completely honest, one time had really been too many. And each time, she’d assured me that she wasn’t sexually active. But my mind couldn’t help but go there. She was going on seventeen and had been in a relationship with this guy for over five months. Any good father would worry. And with a name that could come straight out of any of those romance novels Carly was always reading, I was certain Cage couldn’t be trusted. I was thinking about how much I regretted allowing him to live after the whole debacle yesterday when Carly pulled up.

She wore her long red hair down, allowing it to flow over her light green sweater.
And . . . I'm hard.
I wondered if it would always be that way: one look at her and I'd be ready to throw her on the closest available surface and have my way with her. I hoped so.

She approached cautiously, confusion outlining her feature
s. "Are we taking your mom's car to the Poconos?"

"No, she's just here to pick up Eva. I thought
. . ." I shrugged shyly, "maybe we could talk."

She gave me a brief nod before returning to her car to start unloading it. I followed her, taking the bags from her and carrying them to my car. I quickly
threw them in the trunk, hugged my mom and Eva, and clapped my Dad on the shoulder before they started off toward the mountains. "Ready to go?" I asked Carly with more energy than I actually had.

"Yup," she sighed and climbed into the passenger seat.

I exhaled a long breath.
This ride is going to suck ass.

We were silent for a while, both of us looking out the window, pretending to be interested in anything but
each other. Though her reason for doing so stemmed mostly from anger, while mine was from pure fear. Our last talk hadn't gone so well, and I didn't know that our next would fare much better.

"Do you remember the night of the reunion?" I blurted out, unable to stand the silence any longer.
This was a stupid question since I knew for a fact she remembered. We'd talked about it numerous times. But that didn't stop me from asking.

She turned her head toward me, studying me for a second before finally responding with a simple, "Yes."

"When I left you that night, I told you your ex was an idiot because he let you get away. Remember?"

She continued looking out the window, but she replied softly, "I remember everything about that night, Adam."

"Then you'll remember that I was an even bigger idiot."

That
got her attention. "What do you mean?"

"It didn't occur to me until this morning, when I was playing our relationship over in my
mind that I said that to you, but then I also let you get away. That could've been it. Our story could've ended there." I reached over and grabbed her hand, resting our intertwined fingers on the center console. "There have been a lot of things in my life I wish I could go back and do differently, Carly. A lot of things I would change if I could. But not this." I squeezed her hand. "I'd never change a thing about you and me because, to me, we're perfect. The lives that we'll build. The future we'll have. It's all beautiful, and exciting, and I can't wait to start it. To share it all with you. I could've lost you that night, baby. I could've walked out of your apartment and never seen you again. But you found me, at a time when I needed you the most. And I'll be damned if I fuck it up now. I'll be damned if I become an idiot like that douchebag you almost married. Because losing you would be the single greatest tragedy of my life. And I won't let it happen. I can't. So please, Carly, tell me how to fix it."

She gripped my hand tighter, but continued looking out her window. Finally, after a few tense minutes, she turned toward me. "We'll work on it. I think it'll take time to fix it completely. But we'll get there."

I focused my gaze out the windshield. "Don't you believe me? When I tell you that I'd do anything for you, do you think I'm lying?" The vulnerability in my voice angered me. I didn't want to feel that way. Especially not with my wedding the next day. We should've been happy. We deserved to be happy.

"I believe enough of it to become your wife tomorrow," she replied with a slight smile. If it was supposed to be reassuring, it wasn't.

"Is that really how this should be? With you thinking I'm blowing smoke up your ass just so that you'll marry me?" I couldn't help the hardness in my voice.

"I don't think you're blowing smoke. I know you believe everything you said. But believing it and showing it aren't the same thing." She released a sigh. "We have a few things to work on. What couple doesn't?
But I'm willing to work on them. For you, I'd work on anything. I just want you, Adam—any way I can get you."

I ran my hand quickly over my face. "You sound like you're settling
, like you're making allowances you wouldn't normally make."

She turned in her seat, looking at me intently, clearly wanting me to feel the honesty that would be in her next words. "That's because nothing about what we have together is normal. It's spectacular. I'm not settling for anything."
She paused for a moment, and rested back in her seat slightly. "I wish I had known."

I turned my head toward her momentarily, my brows knitted together. "Known what?"