On a Beam of Light (8 page)

“Flynn didn’t think so. He’s already trying to figure out how to get into Libya. ” Then she became more serious. “Guess what else?”

“I can’t imagine. “

“He wanted prot to give him a demonstration of light-travel. “

I finished the last tiny curd of cottage cheese. “Did he comply?”

“Yes. “

“What? He disappeared again?”

“Not exactly. He got out his little flashlight and his mirror, but just then a cat ran by. It meowed, and everybody turned to look at it for a second. When we looked back, he was on the other side of the room. Dr. Flynn was flabbergasted. So was I. I had never seen him do that before. ” Her eyes were bright as a squirrel’s.

I couldn’t hide my skepticism. “Sounds like a pretty neat trick. “

“Dr. B, do you know anyone else who can do that trick?”

“Well, did prot tell him how it’s done?”

“No. He said we’re not ‘ready’ for light-travel. “

“I figured as much. “

Another bite and the cheek swelled up again. “Then the physicist jumped in. That got pretty hairy. She asked prot about all kinds of alpha and omega stuff. I’ll have to do some studying to figure it all out. But one thing I understood. “

“What’s that?”

“You ever hear of quarks?”

“They’re supposed to be the fundamental particles of atomic nuclei, aren’t they?”

“Mm-hm. But inside of them are smaller particles and inside of them still smaller ones. “

“Good God. Where does it all end?”

“It doesn’t. “

“What did the physicist think of all this?”

“She wanted the details. “

“Did prot give her any?”

“Nope. He said that would spoil the fun of discovering them for herself. “

“Maybe he doesn’t know any of the details. Maybe he’s just speculating. “

“He knows enough to travel at superlight speed!”

“Maybe. Anything else?”

“That’s about it. They left a thick notebook of additional questions for prot to consider. “

I told her about my suspicion that he only had until September 20 to answer them. She nodded unhappily. “And what about the letters? Has prot said anything about the letters?”

“He’s finished with them. He gave them back to me. “

“He doesn’t want them?”

“Whatever he wanted from them is in his head somewhere. Of course more keep coming in. He gets some every day. “

“And where are the old ones?”

“They’re on the little table you gave me to use as a desk. ” She drew out and emphasized the word “little, ” “You want to read them?”

“Isn’t it illegal for me to read them?”

“Not if he gives you permission. “

“Would he do that, do you think?”

“He already has. I’ll put them on the big desk in your office. “

“Not all of them. Just leave me a representative sample. By the way—the faculty thinks the idea of a trip to the zoo is a pretty good one. Can you contact the officials over there and set it up?”

“I know someone who works there. All I need from you is a definite date. “

“Gino! Long time no see!”

“It’s only been two days, prot. “

“That’s a long time. You can get halfway across some GALAXIES in two of your days. “

“Maybe you could. “

“So could you if you wanted to badly enough. But you’re more concerned with other things. The stock market, for example. “

“But you won’t tell us how to do it. “

“I just did. “

“Uh-huh. Anything else you feel like telling me before we begin?”

“I think some of my correspondents would enjoy a long voyage. “

“Who wants to go, for example?” I casually asked him.

“Your humor still needs work, gene. “

“I mean in general. “

“Those who are unhappy here on EARTH. “

“That’s not much help. “

He shrugged.

“All right. Are you finished with your grape juice?”

“Yep. Amazing stuff. Nothing in the UNIVERSE purpler than grape juice. “

“Okay. Remember the whistle?”

“Of course. But that won’t be necessary, Dr. Brewer. “

The transition had been so subtle that I barely noticed the slight change in voice and manner, especially with the purple mustache across his upper lip. “Robert?”

“Yes. “

“How are you feeling?”

“I don’t know. Strange. Shaky. Not too bad, I guess. “

“I’m glad to hear that. Tell me—can you come out whenever you want to now?”

“I always could. I just—couldn’t. “

“I understand. Will you be able to stay here for a while?”

“If you like. “

“Good. As I told you under hypnosis, this is your safe haven. Please try to remember that. Now—is there anything you especially want to talk about today? Anything bothering you right this minute?”

“I miss my wife and my little girl. “

I was astonished by this simple sentence. Coming from anyone else it would have been routine and long overdue. But I thought it might take weeks to get him to talk about his family. This was a profound change. How much courage it must have taken for Robert to say it! “I’d like to hear more about them if you’re ready to tell me. “

His eyes drifted away and became moist and dreamy. It was as if he wanted to dwell lovingly on a delightful subject for a moment before beginning. At last he said, “We had a wonderful place in the country, with a garden and a small orchard. None of the trees had produced any fruit yet, but they would have in another year or two. We had five whole acres with a hedgerow and a small pond and a stream and lots of maples and birches. Prot told me it reminded him of K-PAX, except there’s hardly any water there. The whole thing was full of life. Birds and rabbits and groundhogs and some goldfish in the pond. We had daffodils and tulips and forsythia. It was beautiful in the spring and fall. And the winter, too, when the snow came. Sally loved winter. We used to do some cross-country skiing and Becky liked to skate around on the little pond. She loved all the birds and the other animals, too. She fed the deer. The house wasn’t very big, but it was just about right for us. Sally couldn’t have any more children…. ” He paused for a few moments, remembering.

“We had a big fireplace and Becky had her own room with flowered wallpaper and enough space for all her things. She had some pictures taped to the walls. Rock stars, I guess. I never got much into rock and roll. The kitchen—” He broke off suddenly and his jaw seemed to clamp shut. “The kitchen—”

“That’s all right, Rob. We can come back to the kitchen later. “

“Why should we do that? Are you still hungry?”

“Prot! Where’s Robert?”

“He’s right here, collecting himself. Didn’t I tell you to be more gentle with him?”

“Listen, my alien friend. I know what I’m doing. Robert has made remarkable progress since you’ve been back. Give him a chance. “

He shrugged. “Just don’t push too hard, doc. He’s dancing as fast as he can. “

“Are you going to let him come back, or not?”

“Just give him a minute or two. He’s been trying to forget everything for a long time. It’s hard for him to cough it up on demand. “

“I haven’t demanded anything. “

“Could we talk about something else for a while?”

It took me a moment to realize that Robert had returned. “Whatever you want to talk about is fine with me, Rob. “

“I don’t know what to say. “

“Let’s go back a little. Would you like to tell me more about your boyhood? Last tune we stopped when you were twelve, I believe. “

“Twelve. I was in the seventh grade. “

“Did you like school?”

“I hate to admit it, but I loved it. “

“Why do you hate to admit it?”

“Everybody’s supposed to hate school. But I liked it. I remember the seventh grade because that was the first year we went to different rooms for different classes. “

“What classes did you like best?”

“General science. Biology. We had a field and woods behind our house, and I used to walk around there and try to identify all the different trees and things. That was great. “

“Did you do that with a friend? Or one of your sisters?”

“No, I usually went by myself. “

“Did you like to be by yourself?”

“I didn’t mind. But I had friends, too. We played basketball and messed around together. Smoked cigarettes up in the tree house. But none of them cared about my field or the woods. So I usually went there by myself. I can still remember the way the trees smelled on a hot summer day, or the ground after a rain. The crickets at night. I saw deer sometimes early in the mornings and around sunset. I watched them and found out where they slept. They didn’t know I was watching them. I used to go there in the evenings sometimes and wait for them to wake up, and then I’d see where they would go. “

“What about Sally? Did you know her then?”

“Yes. Ever since first grade. “

“What did you think of her?”

“I thought she was the prettiest girl in school. She had hair like the sun. “

“Did you talk to her much?”

“No. I wanted to, but I was too shy. Anyway, she didn’t pay much attention to me. She was a cheerleader and everything. “

“When did she first begin to pay some attention to you?”

“When we were juniors. I was on the wrestling team. She started coming to the matches. I couldn’t figure out why she did that, but I tried very hard to impress her. “

“Did you succeed?”

“I guess so. One day she told me she thought I had some good moves. That was when I asked her to go to the movies with me. It was our first date. “

“What did you see?”

“The Sting. “

“That’s a terrific film. “

Rob nodded. “I’ll never forget it. “

“When was your next date?”

“Not for quite a while. “

“Why not?”

“Like I said, I was shy. Sally had other friends. I wasn’t sure she liked me that much. I couldn’t understand why she would. “

“How did you find out she did?”

“If you’ve ever lived in a small town you know how word gets around. She told someone, and she told someone, and so on until it got back to me that she liked me a lot and wanted to go out with me again. “

“So you finally asked her for another date?”

“Not exactly. She finally gave up and asked me. “

“What did you think about that?”

“I liked it. I liked her. She was so friendly and outgoing. When she was with you she made you feel like you were the only other person in the world. “

“And eventually you fell in love with her. “

“I think I was always in love with her. I used to dream about her all the time.”

“You got the girl of your dreams!”

Thoughtfully: “Yes, I guess I did. ” He produced a sickly smile. “I’m lucky, aren’t I?”

“Do you remember any of the dreams?”

“I—I don’t think so…. “

“All right. We’ll talk about that some other time. When did you ask Sally to marry you?”

“On graduation day. “

“From high school. “

“Yes. “

“Weren’t there some problems associated with that? Didn’t you want to go to college?”

“She was pregnant. “

“She was carrying your child?”

“No. “

“She wasn’t?”

“No. “

I was puzzled by this for a moment before I realized what he was saying. I asked, as gently and casually as I could, “Do you happen to know whose child it was?”

“No. “

“All right. We’ll come back to that later. “

“If you say so, coach. “

“Prot! You’ve got to stop popping up like this!”

“It’s more like Rob popped down. “

“Why didn’t you tell me Rebecca wasn’t Robert’s child?”

“She wasn’t?”

“No. “

“I didn’t know. Anyway, what’s the diff?”

“On Earth people like to know who their fathers are. “

“Why?”

“Blood is thicker than water. “

“So is mucus. “

“Just answer me this: Do you have any idea at all who Rebecca’s father might be? Did Robert ever mention another boyfriend of Sarah’s? Anything like that?”

“No. He didn’t call me just to gossip. Anyway, why don’t you ask him? He’s right here. “

“Thanks for the suggestion, but I think we’ll call it quits for today. I don’t want to push him too hard at this point. “

“My dear sir, there may be hope for you yet. “

I glanced at the clock. It was exactly three-fifty and there was a seminar at four. The speaker was Dr. Beamish, whose topic, one of his favorites, was “Freud and Homosexuality. ” “Before you go, just tell me one more thing: Is Robert all right now?”

“He’s okay. He’ll probably be ready to talk to you again by Friday. “

“Good. Thanks again for all your help. “

“No problemo. “

He was still wearing the purple mustache as he turned and strode briskly out of my examining room. I had been so caught up in these unexpected developments that I forgot again to ask him whether he would be willing to speak with Mike and some of the other patients.

I didn’t go to the seminar. There were several uncomfortable questions sticking like cockleburs to the edges of my mind.

For one thing, Robert had been literally hiding behind prot, barely saying a word for a decade, half of that in a state of catatonia. Now, abruptly, he was out and talking with only minimal encouragement. He wanted to talk! Though he retreated when the subject became too painful, he actually seemed fakly comfortable at times, and I wondered whether he had begun to come out in the wards as well (I made a note to check with Betty McAllister on this). It had been a dramatic, remarkable change, one that rarely happens in psychiatry.

For another, Rob attributed his sudden courage to prot’s upcoming departure. But multiple personality disorder doesn’t operate that way. It is Robert who calls prot into “existence” when he is needed. It would be a peculiar aberration indeed if prot refused to show up, although such a rara avis is not unknown in the literature. For example, there is the occasional case of a primary and secondary personality who can’t stand each other, and sometimes the latter refuses to show up out of spite or the former declines to ask him to.

But prot and Robert seemed to get along quite well. Still, it occurred to me that the net effect of his leaving would be the same as that resulting from such a “family” spat. Perhaps I could get Robert angry enough with prot that he would be glad to see him depart. But would this help him to face the world on his own, or simply make matters worse?