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No More Mr. Nice Guy! (24 page)

BOOK: No More Mr. Nice Guy!

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If one man can make a million dollars, why can't you?

If one man can start the business of his dreams, why can't you?

If one man can drive a Mercedes, why can't you?

If one man can quit a crummy job and find a better one, why can't you?

If one man can be a snowboarding instructor, why can't you?

Unfortunately, the world can't give us something that we're not ready to receive. Since deprivation thinking keeps a person holding tightly to what he already has, there is no receptivity for receiving more.

As Phil found out, when we ask for what we want, and expect to receive it, it will come one way or another.

Breaking Free Activity #45

Set this ebook down for a few moments and close your eyes. Take a couple of deep breaths and
exhale slowly. Clear your mind.

Once you are relaxed, picture yourself living in an abundant world. In this abundant world, there
are no restraints or limitations. Good things flow past you continuously. Imagine every abundant
thing you have ever desired — car, home, friends, love, joy, wealth, success, peace of mind,
challenge. Visualize yourself living
your life surrounded by this abundance.

Repeat this visualization several times a day until it begins to feel real to you. Open your arms,
your heart, and your mind. Get out of the way, and let it happen.

Get the Life You Want: The No More Mr. Nice Guy! Strategy For Success
Nice Guys believe there is a set of rules that govern all behavior. They are convinced that if they can figure out these rules and successfully abide by them, they will have a smooth, happy life. They also believe that there are dire consequences for failing to discern and obey these rules.

Discovering passion and purpose requires figuring out what works and what doesn't. Mature, successful people establish their own rules. These rules are measured by only one standard:
Do they work?

Over the years, the men in my No More Mr. Nice Guy! groups have discovered a number of rules that work for them. These rules have helped them discover their passion and live up to their potential. These rules have helped them create the kind of life and vocation they really desire.

Breaking Free Activity #46

Read over the list of rules below. Try a few of them on for size. Add to the list your own personal
rules. Write these rules on note cards and put them where you can see them every day.

1 If it frightens you, do it.

2 Don't settle. Every time you settle, you get exactly what you settled for.

3 Put yourself first.

4 No matter what happens, you will handle it.

5 Whatever you do, do it 100%.

6 If you do what you have always done, you will get what you have always got.

7 You are the only person on this planet responsible for your needs, wants, and happiness.

8 Ask for what you want.

9 If what you are doing isn't working, try something different.

10 Be clear and direct.

11 Learn to say "no."

12 Don't make excuses.

13 If you are an adult, you are old enough to make your own rules.

14 Let people help you.

15 Be honest with yourself.

16 Do not let anyone treat you badly. No one. Ever.

17 Remove yourself from a bad situation instead of waiting for the situation to change.

18 Don't tolerate the intolerable — ever.

19 Stop blaming. Victims never succeed.

20 Live with integrity. Decide what feels right to you, then do it.

21 Accept the consequences of your actions.

22 Be good to yourself.

23 Think "abundance."

24 Face difficult situations and conflict head on.

25 Don't do anything in secret.

26 Do it now.

27 Be willing to let go of what you have so you can get what you want.

28 Have fun. If you are not having fun, something is wrong.

29 Give yourself room to fail. There are no mistakes, only learning experiences.

30 Control is an illusion. Let go; let life happen.

It is time to start getting what you want. Breaking free from the Nice Guy Syndrome will allow you to discover your true passion and potential. By taking responsibility for creating the kind of life you really want, you can become all that you were meant to be.

Epilogue

It took me six years to write this book. During this time I have worked with countless Nice Guys and their partners. I have averaged three No More Mr. Nice Guy! men's groups per week. In group time alone, that's over 1,800 hours of working with Nice Guys. During this time I have observed many exciting and profound things.

I have watched countless men go from being helpless, passive, controlling, and resentful victims to becoming empowered, integrated males.

I have seen numerous relationships dramatically improve and I've seen just as many die an overdue death.

I've listened to unsolicited testimonials and read letters of gratitude from both men and women about the changes they have experienced in their lives.

I have received responses from men and women all over the world who have seen themselves or someone they love in the description of the Nice Guy on my website.

Based on observing all of these things, here is my greatest discovery: The tools and insights presented in
No More Mr. Nice Guy!
work!

Having finished reading this book, I encourage you to start again at the beginning. Take the time to do the Breaking Free exercises. If you have not already done so, find a safe person or group to assist you on your journey of recovery from the Nice Guy Syndrome. If you are in a relationship, ask your partner to read the book. Share with him or her the insights you are discovering about yourself.

Working the program of recovery presented in
No More Mr. Nice Guy!
is one of the greatest gifts you can give yourself and your loved ones. As you learn to approve of yourself you will discover within you an unimaginable ability to love and accept love and to live life to its fullest. This kind of expansiveness is initially frightening, but it is the essence of who you are and what you are meant to be.

With this discovery of your true self comes unlimited freedom. Freedom to be just who you are.

Freedom to stop seeking approval. Freedom to start getting what you want.

NoMoreMrNiceGuy.com

Dr. Glover offers numerous resources for recovering Nice Guys on his website
www.

NoMoreMrNiceGuy.com
. These include:

● Printed materials and audio recordings.

● Free online support groups.

● Therapy groups for men.

● Long distance counseling by phone and email.

● Seminars, workshops, and classes.

● Calendar of current events.

● A question and answer column.

Take advantage of the resources offered on NoMoreMrNiceGuy.com and start getting what you want in love and life.

About The Author

Dr. Robert Glover is the world’s leading authority on the
Nice Guy Syndrome
, which grew out of his own search for answers to his frustrations in love and life. Since recognizing and labeling the
Nice Guy
Syndrome
over ten years ago, Dr. Glover has spent thousands of hours working with hundreds of Nice Guys and their partners. In addition to working with these men in individual and couples therapy, Dr.

Glover leads No More Mr. Nice Guy! therapy groups and conducts seminars around the country on

Breaking Free From The Nice Guy Syndrome
. His website,
www.NoMoreMrNiceGuy.com,
presents resources to assist men in their recovery. Dr. Glover is a frequent guest on radio talk shows and has been featured in numerous publications, including
Esquire Magazine
.

Dr. Glover, a Certified Marriage and Family Therapist, with a doctorate in Marriage and Family Therapy, is married to Elizabeth Oreskovich, also a psychotherapist. Together they co-direct the Center For Healing And Recovery. They have four children and make their home in Tacoma, Washington.

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