Never Ending (3 page)

Chapter
3

                  
M
y mouth fell open. “Get the band back
together?” I had refused to let myself even think of such a thing. Ever since
Veronica Taylor had stuck her nose into our business, ever since tensions
between me and the rest of the band over Danny's presence had rended apart the
bonds of friendship we'd spent so many years tightening, getting the Never
Knights back had seemed an impossibility, a delusion. I'd blamed myself so
often for what had happened – going over those final few days again and again
in my mind. How had I let things get this far? I bit my lip as I remembered the
pain in Luc's eyes, the way Kyle had looked at me? They resented me – more than
that, they resented Danny Blue, the boy with the devastatingly handsome smile
that had stolen their lead singer's heart? The one who had brought Veronica
Taylor – and the trouble she'd caused – into all our lives. The one who had
transformed me from an untouchable being into a flesh-and-blood girl. A girl who
dated. A girl who loved.
But just not them.

Oh, I
couldn't deny it – I had my own part to play in the band's collapse. After all,
wasn't this one of the reasons I'd been so careful all these years? One of the
reasons I'd refused to ever consider dating someone in the band? That's the
reason I'd given Kyle, back in the day, and so too was it the reason I'd given
Luc when he first broached the idea that maybe he and I could be...might be...
“more than friends,” as he'd said then.
It's too dangerous
, I'd said.
Mixing
work and romance. It could destroy the whole band.
And now it had.

          “You're
delusional,” I said to Danny, laughing. “How are we supposed to get this band
off the ground? I mean – everyone hates everyone else; everyone hates
you
.”

          “Hey!”

          “No offense,” I
stumbled over my words. “I mean – they
like
you, but they don't like
us.
How are the Never Knights supposed to function as a cohesive unit when
there's all that tension all around us? Not to mention – with Roni in charge of
RRR, we'd never get another record out. Not even if the whole band
did
get
back together...”

          Danny smiled
wickedly. “Who said anything about RRR?”

          “What do you
mean?” I furrowed my brow. “We haven't got any other options...”

          “Listen, Neve.”
Danny took hold of my hands. “You know as well as I do that I'm not exactly
poor. I've been fortunate – really fortunate – and the trust fund my father set
up for me pays for far more than my living expenses. He wants me to be a big
media mogul, a powerhouse entrepreneur – just like him. And he's willing to
fund my investments. So – let me ask you this. What if
I
was your
label?”

          “You?” Now my
mouth fell open.

          “I believe in
you, Neve,” Danny said. “And I believe in
us
. So much so that I'm
willing to risk my own money to prove it to the world. Because I'm convinced
that the second we get our music out there again, people will lap it up.
They'll buy every single CD we put out.”

          “Danny...” I
swallowed. “I can't let you put up your own money.”

          “Why not? It's
mine, isn't it? Can't I do what I want with it?”

          “And this is what
you want?”

          “With your name
recognition, my funds – we'd be unstoppable. Just picture it, Neve. Our own
label. First to put out the Never Knights' newest album – then, who knows?
Finding other young artists to support, to mentor...stealing them right from
under Roni's nose.”

          I couldn't help
but smile. “I knew you had an ulterior motive.”

          “What can I say?”
Danny grinned. “I'm a cad. But in order for me to do my part, Neve, you'll have
to do yours.”

          “Meaning what?”

          “Meaning...” He
pressed the cell phone into my hands. “You're going to get on the phone with
the rest of the Never Knights until they agree.”

          That would be the
hard part, I knew. My relationship with them had been rocky for the past few
months – cordial at best, fraught at worst. And now I was supposed to just call
them out of the blue and tell them that I wanted the band back together? I
could have laughed, it was so ridiculous. But as I looked into Danny's deep
blue eyes, I knew that this was no laughing matter. Danny was serious – deadly
serious – and so, I realized, was I. I had to swallow my pride, get down on my
knees, and beg,
beg, if I had to
, to get the boys back together. I'd
spent my life trying to convince my father, my mother, anybody that would listen
that music was my life, that it was the thing I'd sacrifice everything for. And
if I had to swallow my pride, eat humble pie, and beg Steve, Luc, and Kyle to
come back to the fold – well – that's what I'd have to do.

          I turned to
Danny, trying not to let him see how nervous I felt.

          “Okay,” I said.
“Let's give this a go.”

          I decided to call
Steve, first. As angry as he had been with me over the band's collapse, he was
– at least – uncomplicated. As far as
us
went, Steve cared about me as a
band-mate, first and foremost, and as a friend a strong second. There was no
awkwardness there – Steve and I were too much like brother and sister to even
think
of dating – a fact that seemed no small relief compared to the prospect of
calling up Luc and Kyle next.

          I swallowed hard
as I listened to the line ring.

          “Hello?”

          “Hey, uh, Steve,
don't hang up. It's Neve.”

          His voice was
cold and short. “I know. I saw the caller ID.”

          “And you picked
up anyway?” I tried to mute the note of hope in my voice.

          He sighed. “Yeah,
I picked up. What do you want?”

          “Look, Steve, I
want...” Long and convoluted phrases raced through my mind. I could start slow,
explaining everything step by step, apologizing for how I'd acted with Kyle and
Luc, mentioning Danny's desire to start his own record label, foregrounding the
financial viability of such an action. But instead it all came out at once. “I
want to get the band back together.”

          There was silence
on the other end of the line, followed by a short, sharp laugh.

          “You really do
just get to the point, don't you, Neve?”

          “Come
on
,
Steve, you know as well as I do – all this drama's just been a distraction.
What's really important is the music. And you know it – I know it – Luc and
Kyle and Danny know it. We're
good.
But together, when we're all playing
as one, then we're
great.
And we need each other.”

          “And Luc and
Kyle? Do they
need
you more?”

          “It'll be
different this time, Steve. I know what to expect, now. And I know how
important it is to be sensitive – whatever happens between me and Danny, it'll
be discreet. We'll stay out of everyone's way.”

          “And Roni? How
are we going to stay out of
her
way?”

          I told Steve
about Danny's idea, about the plan to start our own record label.

          “Well,” Steve
said, when I'd finished. “That's certainly ambitious.”

          “It's ambitious
because he believes in the payoff,” I said. “And if Danny believes in us – how
can you do anything but have faith? You've been part of the band from the
beginning.”

          I could hear
Steve waver. “You certainly make a compelling case,” he said. “But things need
to change, Neve. I'm sick of being the one to take care of Kyle, or of Luc,
when the drama goes down. I'm a drummer, not a shrink. And Luc and Kyle are my
friends – you all are. I care about all of you. And I don't want to watch
anyone get hurt.”

          “Nobody's going
to get hurt,” I said, but as I spoke I felt a tightening in my stomach. I
looked across at Danny, who was smiling at me, desire flaming in his eyes.
Can
I really promise that I won't get hurt again?

         
“Tell you
what,” Steve said. “If the others agree, I'm in. If you can get Luc and Kyle on
your side, then I'll be there, too, 100%. Does that sound fair?”

          “I'll work on
them,” I said. “I like a challenge.”

          I could hear
Steve's laughter – so strange to me, after all this time – and yet so
wonderfully familiar. I realized how much I'd missed it. “You always did,
Neve,” he said as he hung up the phone.

          “Well?” Danny
grinned at me.

          “One down,” I
said. “Two to go.”

          Luc was the next
on the list. I'd been dreading speaking to him again – would he be angry with
me? Bitter? Sullen? My heart beat faster and faster with every ring.

          “Neve?”

          His voice was so
full of warmth, so full of joy, that I wanted to cry.

          “Neve, is that
you?”

          “Yeah,” I said.
“It's me.”

          He was silent for
a while. At last he spoke. “I'm glad,” he said slowly. “Really glad that you
called.”

          “You are?”

          “I'd been
thinking of calling you myself, you know. But I was...”

          “I was shy too,”
I said. “That's why I left it as long as I did.”

         
Shy
.
And
guilty.
Guilty that I couldn't love him as honestly, as purely as he loved
me.

          “Look, Luc, I'm
calling...”

          “Yes.”

          It was everything
I needed to hear.

          “Yes – what?”

          “You want the
band back together – isn't that it?”

          “Yeah.”

          “I knew it, Neve.
I knew you wouldn't give up on us. And I only wish I had the courage to be the
one to call you first.” I could hear the pain in his voice – coming in loud and
clear on the line from halfway across LA.

          “Then – you'll
come back?” My voice was trembling.

          “If you'll have
me, Neve.”

          Good old Luc, I
thought, my heart beating faster with joy. Despite everything that had happened
between us, he was a good friend. A true friend.

          “Of course I
will,” I said.

          “Have the others
agreed, too?”

          “Steve has.”

          “And Kyle?”

          We both fell silent.
Convincing Kyle, I knew, would be the hardest part of all. I sighed. “I
certainly hope so,” I said. “I can't be sure. He's next on my list.”

          Luc let out a
groan. “Good luck,” he said.

          “You don't think
it'll work?”

          “I do, but...” He
lowered his voice. “Look, Neve. I can get over what happened. But Kyle...it's
not as easy for him. He's trying to move on, I know he is. Going on double
dates with Steve, trying to live it up. But...it's harder for him than it was
for me. He doesn't let go of things so easily.”

          Another long
silence elapsed.

          “Let's hope he
doesn't let go of the Never Knights,” I whispered.

Chapter
4

         
I
spent a good ten minutes staring at the phone
in my hand. Calling Kyle was going to be the hardest thing I'd had to do in
months – since the Never Knights broke up. For good, we'd said then. But now,
with Luc and Steve so close to rejoining the band, the possibility of the Never
Knights playing once more coursed through my veins, making my heart beat
faster, making a familiar flush of joy spread over my face like afterglow.

         
As long as he
says yes.
I gulped. Would Kyle agree to rejoin the band – after all we'd
been through? After all
I'd
put him through? It hadn't been intentional,
of course. I'd never led Kyle on, never pretended to want him or to love him
when I didn't, but deep down I'd been fully aware of his feelings for me. And
I'd ignored them. Pretended that they weren't there. Hoped that if I never
addressed the issue, it would go away. But Kyle wasn't like that. Kyle held onto
things – the things that mattered. He'd known enough loss, enough absence in
his life, that he clung to the things he thought he wanted, even if they were
impossible. Hoping against hope that they would save him from the pain I saw so
clearly in his bright blue eyes.

          I flipped through
pictures of Kyle on my cell phone, delaying the call. He was so handsome, I
thought. Floppy blond hair, eyes like the sea he so loved, a thin, delicate
face, that innocent smile. A guy like that, I thought, looked like he hadn't a
care in the world.

          But I knew better
than most that Kyle had far more cares than he let on. I still remembered the
scared little boy our housekeeper had brought home with her one rainy autumn
evening, the whispers she'd exchanged with my parents. I remembered how I'd
stared at the boy from across the hall, how I thought to myself that I'd never
seen anyone so scared in my life.

          “He's had a rough
time,” that's all my parents said then. “Bad things happened to him.” They
wanted to shield me from the truth – they thought I was too young to handle it.

          Kyle,
I
thought,
you were too young to handle it.
A father who had shot a mother
before his eyes, who had gone to jail for the rest of his life, no chance of
parole: everyone Kyle had ever loved destroyed in the blink of an eye. His
family gone – just like that. I bit my lip as I thought of my own father, my
own mother. Unconventional they certainly were, but where it counted, they were
family.
And I couldn't even think of a world without them in it.

          But Kyle had been
only a boy when he came to live with his aunt, when he peered at me from behind
the bannisters of the staircase and asked me if he would be allowed blankets.

         
What a strange
question,
I'd thought then – only a girl myself.
Who isn't allowed
blankets?
But as I flipped through photos of Kyle on the phone – modeling
shots from magazines, his polaroids, candids we'd taken together – my heart
broke for him.

          I couldn't force myself
to want him, to love him that way. I didn't want to. But I couldn't give up on
him, either. Sure, he had boundary issues –
bad
ones – but I could
hardly blame him. He was afraid that one day he'd lose me, too.

          I took a deep
breath and dialed.

          He answered
almost immediately.

          “I don't want to
talk to you, Neve,” he said.

          “Kyle – wait!”

          “Neve...” His
voice was low and full of pain. “I'm not mad. I'm not pissed. I just don't want
to talk to you.”

          “It's about....”

          “We've been over
this, Neve,” he sounded like he was holding back tears. “I can't deal with this
right now. I can't deal with you. I know, I know, I should be stronger. And I
should be able to cope with it. But I can't. And I need the space to do it
without you.”

          “Kyle – it's not
about me.
...
” I started to stammer, losing my words. “I mean – it's
about the band.”

          “About the band?”

          “Well, Da-....” I
decided to take a different approach. “Well, circumstances have changed,” I
said. “And it looks like there might be a way to fund the band on our own, now.
Putting it out independently, with our own record label. And, if that works
out, obviously, we'd need...”

          “You'd need the
band back together, is that it?” Kyle's voice was cold and sharp. “And here I
was, thinking you called to talk to me.”

          “I did!” I
insisted. “I mean, I
want
to talk to you. But you don't want to talk to
me, you said it yourself.”

          “But you think I
want to talk about the band?”

          “You know how
important the band is. To all of us.”

          “The others?”
Kyle's voice had turned slow, careful. “Have they already agreed?”

          “Steve said he's
in if you're in.”

          “And Luc?
Him
too?”
There was a note of accusation in his voice. He knew, after all, that Luc's
feelings for me were as strong as his own.

          “Luc said yes,” I
said. “He didn't hesitate.”

          “Of course he
didn't.” I could hear Kyle take a deep sigh. “And what about...
him?”

          Danny. The
problem. The elephant in the room.

          “The
whole
band
agreed,” I said. I gave a high, false laugh – trying to lighten the mood and
failing miserable. “So it's just down to you know, I guess, huh?”

          “I guess.”

          Kyle's silence
was agonizing.

          “I don't want to
come back,” he said, at last.

          I could feel my
heart sink.

          “But I also don't
want to let everyone else down. And I know it would be selfish of me to let my
personal feelings get in the way of the band's success.”

          I couldn't help
feeling guilty then. After all, hadn't it been
my
personal feelings for
Danny Blue that got us into this mess to begin with?

          “Just promise me
one thing, Neve?” He sounded pleading, almost desperate.

          “Anything, Kyle,”
I said. “You let me know what you need.”

          “Just – tone it
down, okay? When you two are together? Around me, I mean.” Another deep
inhalation of breath. “I just don't think I could take it right now.”

          I looked over at
Danny, who was standing by the window, talking on his phone. The light fell
upon his shirtless chest, dappling the taut muscles in light. Even now, I felt
my heart beat faster; even now his beauty could awaken such powerful desire in
me.
Oh, Danny boy,
I thought,
I really hope you're worth all this
unhappiness. I really hope we're worth it.

         
“I
promise, Kyle,” I said. “When we're in the rehearsal room, it's about the band
and nothing but the band. No personal interference at all.” But I couldn't stop
myself from adding, “but if you ever decide you don't want so much space...”

          “I'll let you
know, okay?” Kyle said quickly. “You know, it's not like I haven't been dating
again. Steve and I even went out on a double date, just last week.”

          “I know,” I said.
“He told me.”

          “He....” Kyle
went silent. “I just figured you should know.”

          “I'm happy for
you, Kyle. Really, I am.”

          “You are?” I
could hear him brighten, all the way across the city.

          “So, you'll
rejoin the band?”

          “Let's see how it
goes,” Kyle said. “I know how important it is to the guys.” Another long pause.
“And to you.”

          “Thank you.” It
didn't feel like enough, somehow, but it would have to do.

          “Text me the
details of rehearsal?”

          “Yeah, okay.”

          “Bye, Neve.”

          “Goodbye, Kyle.”

          I exhaled deeply,
exhausted both mentally and physically. Talking to Kyle was always hard these
days.

          “Did you get what
you wanted, love?” Danny sat down next to me, pressing his lips to my forehead.

          “I think so,” I
said. I'd gained a band-mate, after all – I'd got what I set out to do. But I
hadn't gained back my best friend. The boy who had been like a brother to me.
Kyle would be part of the Never Knights – that much, at least, was clear. But I
couldn't help worrying – would we ever be a real
family
again? Eating
dinners at Luc's mother's house, playing video games, laughing, joking, telling
secrets?

          “Let me cheer you
up,” Danny said, kissing me so deeply that I had to stifle a moan. “I've got
what I wanted, too.”

          “What do you
mean?”

          “Someone else is
on board.”

          “Who?”

          “Remember good
old Slayton?”

          I remembered him
well. The RRR talent scout had spotted us just before Danny joined the band.
He'd told us that we were good, but needed work – and boy, had we
worked
to
earn his respect. But we'd earned it, in the end.

          “Turns out, he's
not too happy with the direction RRR is going either, which is to say the
direction my stepmother dearest is taking it in. He's worked with Hendrix and
Bowie – and let's just say, the Dusk Riders aren't exactly what he had in mind
for his pre-retirement project.”

          “You mean....”

          “He's all on
board with Blue Records,” Danny said. “We've still got some loose ends to tie
up, business paperwork, all that – but I think that we may be on our way to our
own label. Sooner, rather than later, by the sounds of it. Slayton couldn't
wait to jump ship when I told him about our new album.”

          “New album?” I
turned to Danny. “What new album?”

          “Why, the one
we're going to write, of course,” Danny said, kissing me lightly on the nose.
“Now text those band mates of yours. We have a lot to get done, and not much
time to do it in. And I've got a very particular love song I have in mind. It's
about a girl, with long, shiny hair and big, soulful eyes and a killer smile.”

          “You mean Roni
Taylor, huh?” I laughed, kissing him back.

          “Yeah, exactly.
That's exactly who I mean.” He placed his hand around my neck, drawing towards
him, the fingers of his other hand trailing lightly at my breast, causing me to
let loose a small yelp of pleasure.

          “That's what I
like to hear,” he murmured. “Oh, Neve, can't you see? The Never Knights are
going to be back – and better than ever before, just you wait. We've got a
whole future ahead of us, you and I and the band. And it's so close....” He
leaned in and kissed my neck. “That I can taste it.”

          I leaned back
into the pillow, letting him kiss me again and again, surrendering to the joy –
lazy and delirious – of being with him once again. Yet I couldn't stop thinking
of Luc's voice, of Kyle's pain – of the heartbreak that Danny and I had left in
our wake. Would Danny and I really be able to tone it down enough for Kyle – or
for Luc? Would we ever really be able to be the Never Knights once more?

         
Danny boy,
you're trouble. The problem is, you're the kind of trouble I don't ever want to
get out of.