Marry Me (28 page)

****

Deep, emotional conversations made for restless nights. Around two in the morning Julia gave up on sleep and went down to the kitchen for a snack. An inventory of the shelves turned up some leftover soup. As she was spooning some into a bowl to heat up in the microwave she heard a sound out in the hallway. A few seconds later, Grace shuffled into the kitchen.

“Hi, can't sleep either?” Julia asked.

Grace offered up a tired smile. “Too excited.”

“Can I get you anything?”

“Oh, no, I heard you in here and wanted to check on you.”

Julia couldn't help a small chuckle. “You think I need help? I'm only using the microwave, so you shouldn't worry I'll burn the place down.”

“I'm not concerned about your cooking. I'm worried about you.”

Concentrating on food preparation meant Julia didn't have to look her stepmother in the eye. She turned and put the bowl in the microwave and set the time. “Me? I'm fine.”

“I saw your face at Sarah's today when I was holding the baby. You looked devastated.”

Grace always saw too much. “Are you kidding? This has been an amazing day, ” Julia said, trying to head off another confession session.

“But you don't feel like you're a part of it.”

Julia watched the bowl turn around and around, wondering how one was supposed to dodge sticky questions when dealing with a mind reader.

“I wish you'd tell me why you're so afraid to let us love you,” Grace said.

“I'm not afraid,“ Julia tried once more.

Grace shook her head, stopping Julia with a knowing look. “You always were. When you lived here as a child, I'd catch you looking at Sarah and me with such longing. You wanted so badly to reach out, but it was as if you were afraid we'd disappear if you did.”

There seemed to be no point in continuing to deny something Grace had already figured out. “Everyone always did disappear,” Julia said.

“Yes, they did. I understand why you were so frightened then, but Julia you're not a child anymore. Isn't it time you took a chance and reached out?”

“I don't know if I can.” The words were ripped from Julia's throat before she could stop them.

Then tears came. Julia wasn't even aware of Grace moving, but strong arms brought her close. They stood in the dark kitchen, while Julia sobbed and Grace cooed nonsense words she'd probably used when Sarah was a baby.

Finally, Julia pulled back, but she couldn't meet Grace's eyes. “If I tell you something, will you promise not to hate me?”

“You could never say anything that would make me stop loving you, Julia.”

“Sometimes I couldn't stand Sarah,” Julia said, disgusted with her own selfishness.

“Why?”

Amazement flooded through her at the matter-of-fact question. Why wasn't Grace shocked or angry? “Because she had you,” Julia said. “She had a real mother. I had the woman who gave birth to me, but she wasn't my mother. She never tucked me in at night or read me a bedtime story. She never in her life baked cookies. She rarely hugged me, and she looked the other way when her creepy husband—”

Julia broke off and bit her lip. No need to get into the issue of Charles' underage preferences.

Grace sighed. “You know, your parents weren't quite the unfeeling monsters you imagine. Your mother did her best to protect you. Your father, too.”

“What are you talking about?”

“Your mother never wanted me to tell you, but maybe now you're old enough to hear it and understand.”

Confusion piled on confusion. “Understand what?”

Grace reached over and removed the bowl from the microwave. “Why don't we sit?”

They sat, but now soup was the last thing on Julia's mind. “What do you think I need to understand?”

“The reason you were sent here to live in the first place.”

“I always thought it was because my mother didn't want me around.”

“No, she sent you here to get you away from Charles.”

Every cell in Julia's body froze. “What do you know about Charles?”

“I know he apparently liked to look at young girls,” Grace said. “That is all he did, right?”

Grace suddenly looked fierce, and judging from her expression Julia thought it was a good thing Charles wasn't in the room right now.

“He never touched me, if that's what you're asking,” Julia said. “How did you know about him?”

“Because your mother told me.”

The admission felt like a slap in the face. “She
knew
what he was doing?”

“Apparently Charles made a few comments about your appearance. At first she was proud he thought you were so pretty. Then he said something about the way you looked in a bathing suit.”

Chills broke out all over Julia's body. “I can't remember wearing a bathing suit around him. I wouldn't have dared.”

“I don't think you knew he was home.”

The soup lodged in Julia's throat like a lump of clay. She dropped the spoon and rubbed her arms, trying to get rid of the goose bumps.

“Your mother became alarmed and called here,” Grace continued. “She asked for me specifically. She explained the situation and asked if you could come live with us.”

“Why did she want to talk with you and not my father?”

“I think she knew I would understand. From one mother to another, she said.”

Tears stung Julia's eyes. “I don't get it. If she knew, why did she stay with him?” The betrayal cut to the quick even after all these years. “Why keep him and send me away?”

“I never said your mother's maternal instincts were fully developed,” Grace said, with a droll roll of her eyes. “She wasn't strong enough to leave him, but she did her best to protect you.”

“Did my father know about Charles?”

Grace nodded. “He was ready to fly out there and tear the man limb from limb. So was I, for that matter.”

“You didn't even know me.”

“I knew you were a young, innocent girl, and the thought of that man going further than looking made me crazy. Your father demanded you be put on a plane and sent here immediately.”

“I always wondered why it happened so suddenly,” Julia said. “I thought she didn't want me around because having a teenage daughter made her look older.”

“Oh, honey, no. And when your father and I divorced, your mother was still married to Charles, so he decided—”

“To send me to boarding school. Shuffled off again. This time onto strangers. I guess it would have been too much to ask that he keep me with him.”

Even Grace couldn't find an excuse for that. So, yes Julia's parents had done their best, but their concept of “best” was limited to say the least.

Grace reached for Julia's hand, an expression of deep sadness reflected in her eyes. “Now I've made you feel worse.”

“Don't feel guilty,” Julia said. “As you said, at least my mother cared enough to get me away from Charles. That's something. And my father cared enough to get protective over it. It's more than I expected.”

“Do you keep in contact with them at all?”

“I get a call on my birthday from my mother and a random gift certificate for some obscene amount at Christmas. My father will call out-of-the-blue a couple times a year. We never have anything to say. His current wife is younger than me. It's always awkward and stiff.”

Grace rubbed Julia's arm, as if trying to banish the coldness in her veins. “Julia, I know it's hard, but maybe it's time you find a way to forgive them. They're a couple of selfish, flawed people, but they do love you.”

“Sarah said that, too.”

“You should take her advice. This bitterness is only going to eat you up. It's already left its mark. Here you are a beautiful, smart, successful woman, and you're stuck in this pit of fear, afraid to let anyone close to you. That's no way to live.”

Julia didn't see a way to move past her anger. “How am I supposed to forgive them?”

“You pray about it. Ask for guidance. That the burden be lifted. God knows something about forgiveness. He forgave us when we certainly didn't deserve it. If you want to be set free from the chains of your childhood you will find a way.”

“How can you be so sure?”

“Because I know you,” Grace said, caressing Julia's cheek. “I know how strong you are. How caring, even though you try to hide it. I also know how much God loves you. That's all you need to do anything.”

Julia couldn't stop a grin. “Have you ever thought about getting your own talk show?”

A startled bark of laughter escaped. “Good grief, no,” Grace said. “Who would care what I have to say?”

“Plenty of people, I bet.”

“I think I'll leave the talking to the professionals.”

“You should consider it.”

Grace stood up, still chuckling. “I'm going to bed. Are you going to be all right?”

“Me? I told you, I'm fine.”

“I know.” She pressed her lips to the top of Julia's head. “Goodnight.”

Julia sighed and stared unseeing at the darkened kitchen. She was starting to think this whole issue of feelings was more trouble than it was worth.