Incredible Beauty (7 page)

The final email was from Simon. I looked at the time, it had been sent an hour ago, just after our stupid little argument.

Em, I’m sorry. I love you. Forgive your little cute monkey?

Smiling, I replied to his email.

Love you too. More than anything. Of course I forgive you. Xx

Shutting the laptop, I put it on the floor next to me and stretched out on the couch.

The throbbing in my head was worse, to the point where even moving my eyes was painful. Stifling a yawn, I willed myself to sleep just so I could get some relief. Maybe when I woke up it would be gone.

Chapter Ten

Simon

We didn’t argue often, but when we did I hated it.

When I’d asked Claire to check in on her, in the back of my mind I was telling myself what a bad idea it was and that Em was bright enough to see right through it.

Why the fuck would I think she’d be okay with my ex checking up on her?

I got her insecurities toward Claire, I really did. Hell if I had to deal with an ex of Emma’s constantly in the picture I’d have probably lost it by now. Even the thought of another man checking her out sent me into a frenzy.

Sometimes I wondered who the twenty year old was; me or her. Still, I couldn’t turn off the worry. Cass already did so much for us that I hated leaning on her even more. With neither of our families close by at the moment, Claire was my only option.

Like any other fight, I knew it would be short-lived, but I still hated the feeling her being angry at me gave me.

Driving home from work I cursed at the traffic, which was backed up right up onto the freeway. A ten mile drive shouldn’t take nearly an hour to complete.

 It was Friday, which meant after this weekend only one more week working in the city. Things would be different from there on in. The past few months had been so stressful on us; losing my job at the University in the wake of my relationship with Em and having to put in extra hours at the DA’s office so they would approve the transfer. From here on, it was about me, Em, our baby and of course Maddie.

There lay the problem. Maddie meant there would always be Claire. I loved Maddie to pieces and would always be there for her, but if I had to choose between my friendship with Claire and Em, it would always be Em. She knew that, right? She had to know that, they both did.

Things between Em and Claire had gotten more strained in the last month when Claire split up with Jason. Claire had become somewhat clingy, always finding excuses to come over, or to call me, usually using Maddie as the excuse. I’d be lying if I said I didn’t feel something shift in Claire’s feelings toward me, but I was completely and utterly invested in Em and that’s what mattered, right? I never encouraged anything from Claire and I was positive that even if she did have feelings for me she’d never act on them. Maddie was too important to the both of us for her to risk ruining our relationship.

As I guided the car into the garage it struck me that this was one of the last times I would be getting home from work so late. Meetings always added an extra hour onto the workdays later in the week.

Carol met me at the door, meowing, which meant she was hungry. Carol usually did everything she could to avoid contact with me. I could see Em asleep on the couch, so I went into the laundry room to fill Carol’s food bowl. She purred thankfully, scoffing down her food.

Quietly, I crept into the living room. The TV was off and Em was fast asleep. Sitting down on the edge of the coffee table, I stared at her, completely captivated. She was so damn beautiful. She brought forth emotions in me I didn’t even know I was capable of feeling.

I thought I’d known love before I met her, but those feelings were nothing compared to what I felt for this beautiful creature lying in front of me. My heart literally swelled every time I caught sight of her, smelled her, or touched her. Imagining my life without her was impossible because without Em, there was no me. No me worth living, anyway.

Leaning forward, I kissed her cheek. She didn’t stir, which was unusual for her, being such a light sleeper. The years of nightmares had messed up her sleep pattern pretty heavily that even me rolling over in bed was often enough to wake her. It was never just opening eyes awake either. It was jump up in a panic kind of awake.

I reached forth and draped her hand in mine. Her hand was limp. A lump rose into my throat as I knelt down beside her. This wasn’t right.

“Em.” I whispered, shaking her gently. No response. “Em.” I said again, this time louder and with much more urgency. Still nothing. I fumbled for my cell and called 911. My hands shaking so much I could barely press the numbers.

“Hello I need an ambulance now. My fiancée, she’s not breathing. She’s pregnant and she’s not breathing.” I panicked, my mind blank. What the fuck am I supposed to do?

“Sir, what’s your address?” the dispatcher asked clearly and loudly, I rambled off the address while sliding my arm under her neck and back. I gently lifted her down onto the floor, the cell lying beside me on loudspeaker.

“Okay, sir what’s your name? Is she breathing?”

“Simon and no, she has no pulse,” I replied, placing my two middle fingers on her neck. She was still warm. Tilting her head back, I began CPR.

“Okay Simon, I’m going to walk you through giving her chest compressions. I’ll be right here with you and the car is less than five minutes away.” I vaguely listened to the dispatcher as I continued with the compressions.

Breathe, breathe, one, two, three.

Breathe, breathe, one, two, three.

“It’s unlocked!” I yelled out as the ambulance officers knocked on the door. Two officers ran into the room. I moved out of their way, watching as they worked on her, her chest rising and falling in tune with the compressions of the officer. A breathing tube was placed down her throat which was then connected to a bag.

Fuck. 

Come on Em. I need you
.

I ran my fingers through my hair, gripping my hands behind my head, feeling sick. How long had she been like this? If only I’d left work earlier, maybe I wouldn’t have been caught in all the traffic.

“I’ve got a pulse,” one of the officers said to the other. My heart jumped as he began to hook her up to a ventilator before moving her onto the trolley they had carried in. A pulse, she had a pulse. 

“Okay, let’s get her out of her now.” He glanced up at me. “Your wife has a pulse, but we need to get her to the hospital ASAP. You can come with us or follow us there.”

“Fiancée.” I corrected numbly. “I’ll follow,” I added, not wanting to slow them down for even a second.

I stood awkwardly out of the way as they wheeled her out of the house on the trolley. The flashing lights of the ambulance had created a buzz in the usually quiet neighborhood. People stood on their doorsteps trying to see what was going on. I quickly locked up the house, jumped in the car and headed for Century hospital. I could hear the faint sound of the ambulance sirens in the distance.

Chapter Eleven

Simon

The drive to the hospital wasn’t far.

Five minutes and twenty-three seconds. Em and I had timed it together one night just in case of an emergency. The only difference between now and then was then we were laughing and joking, but now Em was unconscious and I was a nervous wreck.

At least I’d told her I loved her. It wasn’t much of a consolidation, but it was something. I hated myself for thinking like that, but I couldn’t help it. I made it a habit to end every conversation with those three little words. I’d learned a long time ago how important last words were and it wasn’t a mistake I would ever make again. I wouldn’t have been able to live with myself if my last words to her had been anything but ‘I love you’.

I parked illegally in a no standing zone and raced inside the ER.

Honestly, I didn’t give a shit if they towed my car away as the only thing on my mind right now was getting to Em. Glancing around, I spotted the front reception and went to wait in line. I was behind a mother and her son as well as a couple with a baby. The mother was laughing and joking with the nurse behind the desk. Every laugh and giggle pushed my anger into a darker place.

This was bullshit. I pushed my way to the front of the line leaving a sea of angry people in my wake.

“My fiancé was just brought in via ambulance and I need to see her.” I demanded, flicking the hair out of my eyes as the nurse jumped, surprised by my behavior.

“Hey, wait in line dude!” the man with the young boy complained. I ignored him. I needed to see Em now and nothing was going to get in the way of that, especially not some asshole with an attitude or a nurse who just wanted to gossip.

“Sir, you need to wait in line,” the nurse began sternly, as though she dealt with this kind of thing all day. “As soon as-.”

“No, you listen to me,” I said urgently, tears running down my face, “my fiancé was just brought unconscious and I’m not going anywhere until you direct me to where she is.” My voice was rising but I didn’t care, just as I didn’t care about the small crowd of people who were now watching, or the security guard who was inching closer to me, ready to intervene if I got aggressive. I forced myself to calm down. Getting banned from the hospital wasn’t going to help Em.

“What’s her name?” the nurse asked, finally relenting as she tapped away on her keyboard.

“Emma. Emma Mancelli.” I replied, my heart rate returning somewhere around normal. My hands were balled into fists by my side.

“The doctors are with her now. I will get one of them out here to take you to her. Sit over there,” she said, pointing to a group of seats near the entrance to the ER. Wordlessly, I walked over to the seats and sat down. Every time the doors opened I jumped expecting it to be for me, yet each time it wasn’t. The image of her lying there, lifeless was running through my mind on permanent replay. If I’d checked on her first before feeding the cat…maybe those few minutes would prove to have been valuable.

“Are you here for Emma Mancelli?”

I looked up, a doctor stood in front of me, his hand outstretched. Standing up, I shook his hand, embarrassed that my own was shaking and clammy.

“Yes. How is she?” I croaked, not wanting to know the answer if it wasn’t good, but needing to know or I’d drive myself crazy.

“What’s your name?” he asked.

“Simon,” I replied, “Em could be dead back there for all I know and you want my name?” I said incredulously.

“Simon, Emma is critical, but stable,” he began, his voice grim, “your fiancé suffered a brain hemorrhage, or a small stroke. We believe it was caused by a blood clot that formed in her uterus, outside of the amniotic sac. Blood clots are not always life threatening, but in your fiancés case, we believe the clot may have traveled to her brain. We will know more after we do some tests.”

He pushed open the door, allowing me to walk through first.

“So what is her prognosis? Just give me something to work with here,” I added, before he could feed me the ‘we won’t know until we do more tests’ line.

He hesitated, “I don’t know what to tell you, Simon. It’s not looking great, but I’ve seen people in worse condition fully recover.” I nodded and kept walking.

I hated hospitals. I’d been in way too many of the things and witnessed way too many loved ones suffer in them. My sister had been in and out of hospitals all her life and when my father killed himself, it was the ER where we last saw him alive, if you can call being kept alive by machines actually alive.

I remember that day perfectly. I was in college when I’d gotten the call from mom. Though I couldn’t make out what she was trying to tell me, the pit in my stomach told me it was bad. I hadn’t known dad was depressed. It wasn’t something he spoke about, or showed any signs of. In the weeks following his suicide, I kept wondering if there were signs I’d missed. If I’d spent more time with him maybe I would have noticed. We’d had a close relationship as far as I was concerned and the anger I felt towards him for what he did took me years to control.

It took mom over two years to be able to talk about finding him. I can’t imagine that feeling, though I suspect it was somewhat like walking in and finding Emma today. At least, that’s how I imagine it would be. He had overdosed in the bath, after visiting my sister in hospital when she caught a chest infection.

Did he blame himself for her injuries? Maybe.

He had been driving when the crash happened. He had blacked out at the wheel (the cause of which had turned out to be epilepsy) and crashed into a tree. I don’t remember much about it, I was only nine, but my sister had suffered massive injuries. She’d spent months in hospital and then rehabilitation until she was strong enough to come home. My fourteen year old sister had gone from being a funny, smart, popular cheerleader with perfect grades to a vegetable. It was like she wasn’t in there any more, just an empty shell that would stare blankly at the wall all day. She couldn’t communicate at all. I feel like an asshole of a person even thinking it, but I often thought she would have been better off if she’s died that day, maybe we all would have.

 Mom and dad had cared for her for a long time, only putting her in respite for short breaks at a time. After dad’s death, it became too much for mom. Andrew was overseas at the time of dad’s death which added to mom’s difficulty in coping.

“Simon?”

I snapped back to attention, following the doctor. He led me through the double doors, into the High Dependency Intensive Care Unit. My heart plummeted as we passed bed after bed containing people hooked up to every machine possible. He led me into a small cubical. A nurse sat at the end of the bed and machines surrounded the rest of it.

Emma lay motionless, her skin pale and her face drawn. Tears pierced my eyes as I stared at her, unsure of how to react. She looked like she was sleeping, like at any moment she’d wake up and I would take her home. Tubes ran everywhere connecting to huge serious looking machines. A heart monitor beeped regularly. I tried to focus on that, knowing so long as that beeped regularly at least I knew she was still alive.