Her Darkest Road (Roughneck #4) (5 page)

Chapter 10             

I had been sitting in the emergency room waiting area for the past three hours. I knew I had to get my shit together so I could follow the ambulance to the hospital. But I was numb, going through the motions, but refusing to think too much.

“Mr. Montgomery?” a short brunette whispered as she stood over me.

“Yeah,” I whispered, my voice hoarse, and then opened my eyes, trying to focus on her.

“Your wife has asked to see you,” she said quietly.

“Ok,” I said as I stood up, surprised.

“Now, she was given some medicine to keep her calm, so she may seem a little sleepy, but I can assure you it was for her own good,” she said over her shoulder as we walked down the hallway. I just shook my head, unable to speak. I had to brace myself for this.

“I’m going to wait at the door, ok?” she said with a nod as she opened the door to Belinda’s room. “We need to keep this brief, Mr. Montgomery, she needs to rest.”

I nodded once more and walked past her. There she was. She didn’t even look like herself. Her hair was pulled back into a bun on top of her hair, her bald spots peeking through. She was staring at the ceiling, completely still.

“Bells?” I said quietly as I walked over to her side of the bed. I glanced over my shoulder and saw the nurse standing at the door.

“Joe,” she whispered, and closed her eyes for a few seconds.

“Are you feeling ok?” I asked, unsure of what else to say.

“I’m going away for a while.”

“Ok,” I said. I knew it was best, even though I hated the idea of it. She couldn’t live like this, neither one of us could. It was too much.

“Do you know how long?” I asked.

When Belinda didn’t respond, I looked back at the nurse, hoping for an answer.

“It’s suggested that she stay at least six months, but it’s a voluntary program, so it could be shorter, could be longer,” she stated, and then looked down at her clipboard to avoid eye contact with me.

“Tell Samantha I love her,” she said.

“I will,” I said as I reached down to kiss her forehead.

“Don’t,” she said, and turned her head to the side and jerked her shoulders. That’s when I realized her arms were strapped to the bed. I lifted the thin blanket to make sure.

“For her own safety,” the nurse stated.

I dropped the blanket and took a step back.

“Make him leave. Make him leave. Make him leave,” Belinda mumbled, and started jerking her wrists against the padded restraints.

“I’m sorry, sir. You have to go,” the nurse said as she put her hands on Belinda’s shoulders, but didn’t look in my direction.

“Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave. Leave,” Belinda repeated over and over as her voice started to crack.

“I’m going,” I stated. I didn’t want to make anything worse. And I couldn’t watch this, anyway. It hurt too much.

I heard a beeping sound as I opened the door, followed by a tall, bulky man in scrubs jogging towards me.

“Excuse me, sir,” he said as he rushed past me. I didn’t look back. I couldn’t. I kept walking, staring straight ahead, until the sun was shining in my eyes.

1 week later

I was lying on the floor as Samantha crawled on my back when there was a knock at the door.

“Just a minute!” I yelled as I pried my giggling baby girl off my back. I sat her up and handed her the singing doll I got her for her birthday. It still made me sick that her first birthday was ruined. No party. No balloons. Just the two of us, a cake, and me trying to function after the day I had at the hospital. Everyone had assured me that she was so young, she would never know the difference. And that was true, but I knew and I hated it.

“Hey there, handsome,” Betty said as she patted my cheek, and walked right past me.

“And there’s my little pumpkin!” she squealed, and got down on the floor with Samantha.

“Beeeeeeee!” Samantha screamed with excitement, and jumped into Betty’s arms.

Steve just shrugged his shoulders, and patted mine, as he walked through the front door.

“Hey! What brings y’all by?” I said, trying to put on a smile. Samantha seemed to be the only thing that made me smile. It came effortlessly when it came to her, but with everyone else, it was a front. But it was what I had to do, I had to be strong.

“My honey missed her girl,” Steve said with a grin as he watched his wife bounce Samantha on her knees.

“Beeeeee!” Samantha said as she clapped her hands, and then threw them in the air like she was on a roller coaster. My little dare devil.

“Looks like it goes for the both of them.” I smiled.

Betty stopped bouncing and stared up at me.

“What?” I gave her a suspicious look when she didn’t speak, just a stare.

“You need a break,” she said as Samantha climbed down, and crawled to her basket of toys and dumped it out on the floor, with a giggle.

“A break?” I asked.

“Yep, the rig and this house. Those are the only two places you ever go. You need a break, Joe.”

“No, I’m just fine, Betty. But I appreciate you looking out for me,” I said, wanting to end the conversation. I already felt like I left my baby without a parent too often as it was. I didn’t want to add to it.

“Well, I hate to tell you, son, but I won’t take no for an answer. Go mingle with people your own age, Joe. Have some fun, hell, have a drink or two. Taking a little time for yourself doesn’t make you a bad person. You’re twenty seven, not seventy. It would be good for you.”

“The club scene isn’t really my thing,” I said. It never had been, I wasn’t going to start now.

“Well then, just go to The Canteen and have a beer. Just get out of this house and loosen up a little. You need a breather,” She said. She was standing by this time, with her hands on her hips.

“You can’t win an argument with her, Joe, trust me, you’re wasting your breath,” Steve said with a chuckle. “Just go.”

“I don’t know,” I mumbled, staring down at my little angel, as she banged her stuffed puppy against the basket, laughing each time it would bark.

“Don’t be so damn stubborn,” Betty said as she pointed her finger at me.

“Ok, ok.” I relented.

An hour later I was sitting at the bar at The Canteen. It was the only place in town to get a beer. I was surrounded by old men telling stories of their glory days, and how now they just needed a break from their nagging wives. I was on my third beer, minding my own business, just listening to the chatter around me.

“Son of a bitch,” the old man next to me whispered as he turned around in his barstool.

“Look at the legs on her,” I heard another man say before he whistled.

“Quick gawking, that lady could be your daughter,” the bartender said to the old men, and they spun themselves back around. They knew he was right.

“Dirty bastards,” he mumbled as he wiped the bar with a stained cloth.

The smell of perfume hit my nose and I couldn’t help but breathe it in. I felt a soft arm brush against mine as she walked to the bar.

“Can I have a shot of jack, please?” she said quietly, “And a beer please, whatever’s on tap.”

“Sure thing ma’am,” the bartender said as he threw the old cloth over his shoulder, and turned his back to her.

That voice. I recognized it, but I couldn’t place it.

“Can I buy you a drink, honey?” the old man on the other side of her asked.

“No sir, I can buy my own drink, thank you,” she said, and shifted a little closer in my direction, bumping her arm against mine.

“Oh, sorry,” she said, and looked my way. As she flipped her long brown hair behind her shoulder, I saw her profile. She had flawless skin, and as she looked at me, I recognized those eyes.

“Leah?” I asked, unable to hide the surprise in my voice.

She stared at me for a few seconds before speaking. “Joe?”

“Yes ma’am,” I said with a smile, trying not to let the guilt show, because damn, she was even more beautiful now than she was in high school.

“What brings you into this shithole?” I asked with a chuckle, glancing at the bartender who just shook his head and walked to the other end of the bar.

“Just uh…needed a breather,” she said with a loud exhale as she held the shot of Jack Daniels in her hand. I couldn’t help but laugh at her choice of words.

“What’s so funny?” she asked suspiciously before she downed the dark brown liquid.

“Nothing, just…me too,” I said, and glanced at her hand holding the shot glass. There was a thin gold band on her ring finger. She’s married. And so am I. I shook my head and faced forward again, trying to concentrate on the frost on my freshly poured beer.

“Listen, I’ve had a bad day. You want to have a drink and catch up?” she said as she nodded her head to the empty table in the corner.

I knew I shouldn’t. I knew I was vulnerable and weak right now. I should leave. I should walk away. I shouldn’t be here. But it was just a drink. What could it hurt? We were two old friends catching up.

“Sure, what the hell,” I said as I stood, following her to the round table, trying my hardest not to stare at her ass.

Chapter 11

“This was a mistake,” Leah said as she came out of the hotel bathroom.

I was already putting on my boots, my guilt about to eat me the fuck alive. What the hell was I thinking? I wasn’t, plain and simple.

“Yeah,” I said as I stood up. I couldn’t even look her in the eye. I felt like a fucking prick.

“We had a fight and I left because I was angry. I shouldn’t have done this. But he makes me so mad sometimes…,” she said, and put her face in her hands. I could tell she started to cry, and I didn’t know what to do. Was I supposed to comfort her? Shit. I shouldn’t even be here.

“You weren’t alone in this,” I said.

“But I’m married,” she said as she held up her hand, her lips trembling, the gold band shining through the tiny gap in the blackout curtains.

“Like I said, not alone,” I said, and held up my left hand.

“I have to go. I’m sorry, Joe,” she said, and grabbed her purse, heading for the door.

And then she was gone. That was it. It was a complete dick move on my part. But I hadn’t been with a woman in so long. I missed it. But what kind of a man sleeps with another woman while his wife is in a mental institution? All it took was a few beers, and a random woman showing me a little attention, to make me cheat on my wife. The conversation was easy, we laughed and talked about old times. We didn’t even mention our spouses. I forgot about Belinda for a while, and that made me an even bigger asshole. What kind of a man does that?

“A lonely one,” I mumbled as I grabbed my wallet and keys, opening the door to the night sky.

I pulled into my driveway a few minutes later, ready to take a shower and get some sleep. I didn’t know what I would tell Betty if she asked how my night was. It was one in the morning, and I knew my guilt was screaming through my facial expression. The house was dark, other than a small kitchen light. I noticed Betty sleeping on the sofa and Steve snoring quietly in the recliner.

“Hey, Joe,” she said quietly, and sat up. “Did you have a good time?”

“Thanks for watching Samantha for me,” I responded, avoiding her question.

“My pleasure, honey,” she said as she patted Steve’s shoulder to wake him.

“Go to bed, dear, I’ll lock up behind me; it might take a minute to get this bear to rise.” She giggled and continued to shake Steve’s shoulder.

The next afternoon

I walked through the front door, trying to balance the grocery bags in one arm and Samantha in the other. She was wiggling to get down, which didn’t help.

“Dowwnnn!” she demanded, and continued to squirm.

“Ok angel, let me shut the door first,” I said as I kicked the door shut with my boot. Otherwise, she would make a beeline for the front yard. She loved being outside.

As I sat the bags down on the bar, I noticed the red light blinking on the answering machine. Samantha was busy dumping her toy basket over and burying herself in them. I pushed the button, expecting the rig or Jimmy, my brother.

“Joe,” the soft voice came over the speaker.

Bells.

The sound of her voice caused my guilt to hit me immediately, remembering what I did. I kept trying to get it out of my head, it was wrong and I knew it. But I was lonely. I knew that didn’t justify my actions, but it’s the only reason I did it. I didn’t want to hurt her. But I was hurting too, and it made me forget the pain, if only for a little while.

“Joe,” she repeated. “This is Belinda. I was wondering if you could come and see me. I can have visitors now.”

“Ok, ok,” she mumbled softly before she continued.

“Um…please don’t bring the baby. Bye.” Then I heard the clicking sound of the line being disconnected.

The truth is, I didn’t want to take Samantha to that place, but why wouldn’t she want to see her baby? Maybe she didn’t want her exposed to the people there. Whatever her reasons, I would do as she asked. I wanted to make sure she was ok, with my own eyes. I needed to.