Girls Love Travis Walker (22 page)

I kissed Zoey, softly at first, then hard, as I ran my hand down her body. Heat, rough and urgent, exploded between us. Feeling her pounding heart and hot breath as she responded to me, knowing I had the power to turn her on, make her happy, I was suddenly strong again, manly. I pushed her onto her back, her arms pulling me down with her.

##

“Perkins is back,” Brandon said, sinking to the concrete beside me in the training yard.

I took in the familiar sights: the other Discoverers sitting around cross-legged waiting to start, the hard-used training structure, the brick back of the station, the shining trucks visible through its windows. Garret paced back and forth in front of the group, checking something on his phone.

“Afterward,” I said. “Lemme do just one more day.”

“No!” Brandon stood up. “You’re talking to him now, if I have to take you there myself.”

“There isn’t time,” I started to say, but I was interrupted.

“Brandon Vaughn. Siddown!” It was Garret. “We’re starting.”

Brandon stiffened, getting a mulish look. “Travis and I need to talk to the chief. Right now.”

Garret’s eyebrows rose in a way that would have been comical if my life weren’t about to end. “Am I hearing you right? I said,
Siddown!”

Brandon didn’t budge. His fists clenched by his sides. “This is important!”

If Brandon had always been the weakest link in the chain, he’d at least always followed orders. Garret stared at Brandon, his eyes narrowing. He tapped his phone a few times with one of his fingers. When he spoke, I could barely hear him. “One more time. Sit. Down.”

Brandon cast a look at me, on the ground, frozen. “I’ll tell Perkins myself.” He marched toward the station’s back door.

“HEY!” In a second, Garret was behind Brandon, grabbing his arm and swinging him around. “That’s it!
”

They faced off against one another, Brandon a good six inches taller but not half as scary. Garret spoke softly. “You’re out, Vaughn.”

“
I’m
out?” Brandon’s shaking finger pointed at me. “I’ll tell you who should be out. Travis, that’s who!”

Heads swiveled in my direction, as my life self-destructed before my eyes.

But Brandon wasn’t done. “He’s been lying all along! He’s not enrolled in high school! He’s a drop out!”

“Not possible! We check every candidate out before enrolling them.” Under Garret’s confident words, though, lay a sheen of doubt. I could see his mind spinning. He hadn’t been the one to sign me up.

“Not this time you didn’t!”  Brandon had the pure, shining conviction of a crusader.

Dead silence in the training yard. I couldn’t look at any one, especially not Garret. I could imagine the shock in his eyes.

“I’m going to Perkins,” Brandon said.

I jumped up. “I’m going with you.”

“NOBODY MOVES UNTIL I SAY SO!” Garret’s face was tomato-colored. Silence descended.

“Now.” Garret glared around the training yard. “I’m taking you two to see Perkins. The rest of you: ladder drills. Adams, you’re in charge until I get back.”

The three of us pounded into Perkins’s office, while he looked up in surprise. I was the first one in. “Chief,” I said. “Please. I need to speak with you. In private.”

Unreliable

I sent Zoey a text—
Can’t make it this afternoon. Sorry.
I
drove up to the Ridge alone. She would just have to make up a story for her little brothers, that I was sick, mentally ill, a giant A-hole who couldn’t be counted on for anything. I was a cautionary tale for young boys, a living example of what not to become.

I parked at a scenic viewpoint and sat overlooking, but not seeing a panorama of canyons and city. I kept hearing Perkins’s words.

You had so much potential.

Every part of me still burned with shame as I saw in my mind the disappointment on his face and on Garret’s too.

Red-hot fury boiled when I thought of Brandon—the little prick—even though I knew it was all my fault. I still wanted to get him into a corner and pound him.

Restless and jumpy, I struck out on a hiking trail, which a sign said made a four mile circle. I took the trail in huge steps, almost bounding along, looking grimly ahead, occasionally hitting a branch with my neck or shoulder, once tripping and almost falling over a tree root.

Four puny miles didn’t even take the edge off my rage. As my car came into sight again, I plunged back down the trail and did another four.

When I finished, having run the last two miles, my head had finally cleared a little, which only made me more conscious of my pain. It was getting toward sunset. Maybe I would spend the night here. An RV was already parked, as if its owner had gotten the same idea.

The door flew open, and a woman stepped down, her legs bulging in a kind of lavender sausage casing. The rest of her was an explosion of fringed fabric and puffy apricot-colored hair.

She pointed at my Chevy. “Is that your car?”

“Yeah,” I said, noticing her blue eye shadow from ten feet away.

 “You just here for the view?”

“I took a hike. But I think I’m gonna spend the night.”

She looked me over. “Awright. But if you’re in the mood for trouble, I got no cash with me. And I’m packing a gun!”

I couldn’t smile or even react. I didn’t think I’d ever smile again. “You’re safe with me. I’m just looking for a place to sleep.”

“Good. Glad we got that out of the way.” She disappeared back into her RV.

I couldn’t stand the thought of checking my messages. How many were from Zoey?

Tired and starving, I crawled into my front passenger seat. I had nothing to read except my GED prep stuff, which I’d been studying for a while. Sitting in my front seat office, I pulled out a review test and a pencil and started answering sample questions.

Or trying to. Questions about hyperbole and cell division swam before me, but all I could see was Zoey’s face.

A delicious smell wafted in my direction from the RV. My mouth watered and my stomach grumbled, while I thought grimly of the peanut butter and crackers in my cooler. It was the only food I had, and I was down to sixteen dollars.

A door banged open and footsteps crunched on gravel. Blue eye shadow loomed outside my car window. “You want a burger and some beer?”

“Yes!” Up close I realized that, underneath the wrinkle-hiding make-up, she was probably my mom’s age.

I helped her set up two lawn chairs and gratefully accepted an ice cold Budweiser. It went down like liquid joy.

“I’m Letty,” she said. “Didn’t mean to seem unfriendly earlier. It’s just, a woman can’t be too careful.”

“No problem. I’m Travis.” I bit into a burger with jack cheese, ketchup and pickles, closing my eyes as my taste buds lit up. “This food is awesome.”

“Want some potato chips?”

“Yes, please.”

“Fruit salad?”

“Yes, please.”

It took some heaving, but she eventually leveraged herself out of the low lawn chair. “It’s fun to feed a young man again!” She went off and returned with more chow, which I wolfed.

She had lost her husband a year ago and was now driving from San Diego to Montana to live near her sister. “She’s in an RV park, like me and Chet were. She’s got a spot reserved for me just two down from hers.”

“Excellent!”

“My son’s in the Marines. I’m crazy proud of him, but I never see him,” she went on.

I nodded.

“What about you? Traveling?”

“Homeless.”

The word rang out in the quiet evening. Letty pulled back as if I’d slapped her. Even I was shocked I’d said it.

“Well that explains it,” she said. “When I first saw you, I thought you were both the handsomest and the saddest boy I’d ever seen.”

Pain welled up, starting in my chest and filling my throat and head. “My dad’s in prison.” It was the first time I’d ever said those words aloud. Slowly, I started to talk. I talked about Dad and Mom. I went on to Zoey, Benny, and the fire station. I told her what had happened today. “So they threw me out,” I said. “And I don’t think Zoey will ever speak to me again.”

Then I spewed some more, telling her my fear that I would always be a failure like my dad. Letty just listened, her hands folded in her lap. The Ridge was dark and quiet now, except for the occasional passing car.

When I finished, I felt as if I’d taken all the old broken belongings and garbage in my life and thrown them away. I looked expectantly at Letty, who sat for a minute, saying nothing. When she spoke, her words were like velvet and steel.

“I raised my boy to be a Marine, so I know something about bringing up strong men.”  She ran her eye over me. “What makes you think you’re gonna be a failure?”

“My dad. My life.”

“Why would you end up like your father?”

“I don’t know. Like father, like son?”

“That’s baloney! Listen to me. You’re not him. You have looks, brains, and health. If you fail, it’ll be your own damn fault!” She jerked her chin for emphasis.

“Then I guess my current situation is all my fault,” I fired back.

She softened slightly. “Okay, you’ve had some tough breaks. Things beyond your control. But, you wanna get ahead? Don’t look to your ma, your pa, your next door neighbor. Look to yourself.”  

I took in her words. “I wanna be a firefighter.”

She nodded in approval. “Then be one. Don’t let anyone stop you.”

“What should I do about Zoey?”

She cocked her head. “Are you serious about her?”

“Yeah.”

“Then let her in.”

I wasn’t sure what she meant by that. I would do anything for Zoey—wasn’t that enough? Whatever it was, I went back to my car fearing it was too late now anyway.

When I woke up the next morning, the RV was gone, and a note was under my windshield wiper.

“I read once,
Fall down seven times, get up eight
. It’s worth trying. Warmest wishes, Letty.”

##

“I need a minute with Travis.”

The crew cleared out, leaving me and Zoey alone in the Community Center kitchen. I waited, a whipped dog, knowing there was nothing I could ever say to make this better.

Zoey studied me, her eyes serious, her brows lowered. “Did you have an emergency?” she said finally. “Why didn’t you come or answer my calls?”

I stared out the window, realizing dimly that I probably seemed sullen, indifferent. “I was unavailable, okay?”  I would rather never see Zoey again than admit I’d been thrown out of the Discoverers.

Her mouth bunched up and her eyes darkened as anger replaced concern. “I was worried about you. I was all set to introduce you to part of my family. You just blew me off, and you have no explanation?”

“I didn’t want to blow you off. It’s complicated though.” More than she knew.

“What is it, Travis?  What are you keeping from me?”

I could tell her everything and be a loser, or keep my mouth shut and be an asshole. I was screwed either way.

So many expressions crossing her face. Anger, despair, puzzlement. “You
chased
me! You wouldn’t take no for an answer!  You
made
me fall for you!” She shook her head. “Why? So you could put another notch on your belt?”

I shook my head. “No. I meant it. I’m crazy about you!”

“You’re crazy all right.” Then she said the unthinkable. “I’m letting you go. I don’t want to see you anymore, not at home or at work.”

I’d expected her to break up with me, but to fire me, too? She needed me. “I can’t protect you if I don’t work here!”

“Your concern is touching. But it’s my problem, not yours.”

“But Zoey…”

“Go.” Cold, flat, and final.

Three times I’d been fired now. Found wanting, not good enough. And I’d been dumped by the only girl in the world that I wanted.

I drove back to the Ridge, to the same lookout area, crawled into my back seat, and lay there for hours, wanting to die. I could run a hose from the exhaust pipe through the car window, leave the engine running, and asphyxiate myself. But for that, I needed a hose and a full tank of gas, which cost more than I had. I couldn’t even afford to kill myself, at least not that way.

I could go back to the scene of the car accident, drive off the edge and plummet to my death. That wouldn’t cost any money. But what if I didn’t die?  What if, all of a sudden, Perkins and Garret rappelled by as I lay there bleeding?  No way was I setting myself up for that.

Anyway, killing myself would screw up Mom really bad, which would make me a crappy son on top of everything else. So suicide was just another way to fail.

I would have to suck it up and stay alive.

Fine Dining

“You again?” The caterpillar eyebrows marched across Scotty’s forehead.

“Yeah, uh, I was wondering if that guy accepted the job.” I shifted from foot to foot, hoping my stomach wouldn’t announce its painful emptiness to everyone in the place. Fortunately, the saw started up.

“Why?”

Why did he think?
  “If he didn’t, I’m interested.”

Scotty looked me over. “He took it.”

“Oh.” Dull hopelessness spread its way through me. Hopeless. Homeless. It was a change of just one letter.

The man laced his fingers together and wiggled them. “Just kidding.”

Ha ha. What an asshole. Still, my emotions ricocheted back in the other direction.

“You’re hired. Start Monday. Ten o’clock.” He waved his hand, dismissing me.

“Sir?”  I was desperate enough to ask him, knowing it was a waste of time. “Do you give advances on pay?”

“Do I look like I give advances on pay?”

No. You look like a constipated butt-wipe.
“It’s okay.”

“Monday, you start. Friday, you get paid.”

Today was Saturday. I had figured that much out. I had to work five days and survive seven on two dollars. My stomach was empty. My clothes were filthy. My gas meter was on the last white line before it dipped into the red.