From This Moment On (8 page)

With a grin, she swung off the last step and nearly knocked Lucy over. The frail housekeeper lost her grip on the laundry basket she was carrying and it fell to the floor. Amazingly the orderly stacks of folded clothes stayed intact. Lucy bent to retrieve the basket but Nikki grabbed it first.

“I’m so sorry. I wasn’t paying attention.” Nikki balanced the basket against her hip and touched Lucy’s bony arm. As short as Nikki was, she felt tall next to the woman. “Are you okay?”

“I’m fine.” Lucy smiled. “I’m not used to having kids around the house again. It’s nice.”

“I’m twenty-five.”

“You and Matt are still kids to me. I just made a fresh pot of coffee. I assume you’re headed for the kitchen.” Lucy tried to take the basket but Nikki wouldn’t have it.

The guilt for not chipping in more was finally getting to her. “Where do you want me to take this?”

Hesitating, Lucy studied her. “Wallace’s room.”

Nikki’s mind started spinning excuses to back out. She didn’t want to see Wallace. Even if he was sound asleep and didn’t know she was there. It would depress her. Probably make her feel even guiltier for not helping Matt more. “Fine.” She’d hand over the basket at the door. “Lead and I’ll follow.”

Lucy nodded, then held on to the railing as she slowly climbed the stairs. She had to be over seventy, and according to Matt, had known the Gundersons forever. There were no secrets hidden from her. She’d seen Wallace at his worst, breaking family heirlooms in drunken rages and verbally abusing Matt and his mother. But Lucy had stayed loyal long after Matt’s mom died, cleaning up after Wallace, making sure he had home-cooked meals and never gossiping behind his back. Matt didn’t understand it. He thought the woman was a saint.

Nikki had a different take. To her, the women in Wallace’s life, including her own mother, had been spineless fools. Not Barbara McAllister...she’d had the good sense to stay away from Wallace. And still she’d been dragged through the mud that awful February day when the bastard had gotten toasted and called her a whore in front of her sons.

The same day it had finally struck Nikki that she’d been unfair to Matt. Yes, she’d suffered from abandonment issues, but she’d been too self-centered to see that Matt’s childhood had been worse. He’d had to live under Wallace’s thumb. Four months later she clearly hadn’t made much headway. And that wouldn’t change at this particular moment. But for her brother’s sake she was trying.

She stopped outside Wallace’s door and handed the basket over to Lucy. “I’ll let you take it from here.”

The woman’s lined face remained expressionless, though her eyes slowly filled with disappointment. “You should see him. Just for a couple minutes. He doesn’t talk much, only stares at the wall when he isn’t asleep.”

“Another time.”

“Wait.”

Nikki had already turned away. She didn’t want to have this conversation, and she sure didn’t want to feel crappy for sticking to her principles. Seeing Wallace wouldn’t help Matt. “Look, I know you mean well. And I appreciate all you do for us.” She sighed, searching for the right words. “Wallace has never been a father to me. I don’t feel anything for him, and I sure don’t owe him.”

“You’re right,” Lucy said. “The man’s lived here his whole life, yet you don’t see folks lining up outside the door for a visit. He’s got a foul temper even when he’s not drinking. Truth be told, Wallace is getting exactly what he deserves. It’s you and Matthew I worry about. Regret can follow a person around like a dark cloud.”

“So I’ve been told.” She left out “too many times.” “That won’t be an issue for me. I promise.”

“You claim you don’t feel anything for him, but you do.” A sad smile touched the woman’s thin lips. “You hate him. I see it in your eyes, and I can’t say that I blame you. Trouble is, hate can fog a person’s thinking.”

Nikki silently watched her reach for the doorknob. “Can I ask you something?” she said before Lucy opened the door.

“I’m listening.”

“Why stick around? After Catherine died, it was only Wallace. And you continued to clean up after him, cook, bring groceries. I don’t get it.”

“No reason you should.” Her gaze narrowed and her mouth tightened. “My family has owed the Gundersons for a long spell. And that’s all I’ll say on the subject.” Then she went through the door to Wallace’s room, closing it behind her.

Much as Nikki was relieved to be off the hook, now she was curious. Matt would’ve told her if he knew anything about Lucy’s family owing the Gundersons. He’d chalked up her loyalty to his mother’s talent for convincing people to make difficult promises.

Cinnamon-laced Columbian brew scented the air from the foyer into the kitchen. Lucy always added a heaping spoonful of the spice to the dry grounds, and Nikki was totally hooked. A plate of poppy seed muffins sat near the coffeepot. Homemade, naturally, and after sampling one last week, she was a fan. It was way too early to eat, but she grabbed one anyway, and carried it with her mug of coffee to the front windows.

She was hoping to spot Matt working outside. She hadn’t expected to see him in Wallace’s office, looking grim and sitting at the massive old desk. Ledgers and stacks of paper sat on the rawhide couch to his right. Since the door was open she didn’t hesitate to poke her head inside.

“Hey.”

Matt lifted his gaze. “You’re up early.”

“I’m a country girl now.”

“Right.” Despite his smile, he looked tired. “I’m glad you’re here. I wanted to talk to you.”

Something was wrong. She thought of her room with longing, then braced herself and entered the office. “What’s up?”

“First, no need to panic. This isn’t a request, strictly information.” He slowly exhaled. “Wallace is refusing liquids. If you wanna say goodbye, now might be the time.”

“Thanks for letting me know,” she said calmly, tamping down the sudden denial swelling inside her and making her chest ache. She managed to keep her expression blank. “Anything else?”

Matt shook his head. His eyes searched her face, probably looking for a sign she was human, before lowering to her hand.

She’d squeezed the muffin into a misshapen lump.

8

N
IKKI
KNEW
BETTER
. Nothing good came of waking up before noon. She should’ve stayed in bed. But it was too late for that, now that she was already at the Sundance.

“Hey.” She found Rachel and Hilda making lunch in the big modern kitchen with its stainless-steel appliances and gleaming pearl-gray granite countertops. “I came by to see if you needed help today.”

“Oh.” Rachel seemed surprised, which she would since Nikki never dropped by without being asked or calling first. “That’s nice of you. But I think we’re okay. Most of the guests are out kayaking.”

“With Trace?” God, Nikki hoped she didn’t sound as desperate and panicked as she did to herself. They were still supposed to meet since she hadn’t heard otherwise. And she wanted to see him. Needed to see him. She didn’t know why. She just did.

“No, he had them yesterday. It was Josh’s turn. Grab something to drink and sit down.”

“Have you eaten yet?” Hilda asked, studying Nikki from head to toe. The housekeeper’s round face darkened. “You’ve lost weight,
chica.
”

Odd remark considering Nikki wore tight jeans and an old tank top that had shrunk from too many washings. In fact, had she been thinking, she would’ve changed before leaving the house.

“I’ve eaten,” she lied, and slapped the side of her thigh. “This baby fat hasn’t gone anywhere, I’m afraid.”

Rachel opened the fridge to return a jar of mayo, but stopped to give her the stink eye. “Don’t think I won’t hurt you because you’re Matt’s sister.”

Nikki managed a smile. “Have you talked to him today?”

“Early this morning. Why?”

“He say anything about Wallace?”

“It’s sort of a given.” Rachel’s eyes narrowed. “He normally ends up part of the conversation. Tell me what’s going on.”

Taking a deep breath, Nikki pulled a chair out from the table and sat down. “Matt said if I want to say goodbye, I should do it today.” She glanced at Hilda, who was making the sign of the cross. The woman had been with the McAllisters forever. She knew Wallace was worthless, but she still acted human. Why couldn’t Nikki find that kind of compassion?

Rachel sat at the table with her. “So, did you?”

“See Wallace?” Nikki frowned. “No. I came here to cover for you in case you want to be with Matt.”

Rachel’s expression held no censure, simply concern and kindness. “Maybe you should be with him.”

Nikki sighed and stared out the window over the sink. All she could see was the sky, so clear and blue. “I think I might make things worse.”

“Come on, you can’t really think that.” Rachel reached over and rubbed her arm. “Your brother loves you, and he understands.”

“I don’t want to disappoint him, but I can’t fake that I care. Because I don’t. I—I—” Nikki looked at Hilda. “I saw you say a brief prayer and I thought, why can’t I be that charitable? What’s wrong with me?”

“Oh, Nikki.” Rachel scooted her chair closer. “You barely know the man, and he’s been nothing but horrible to you, to your mom, everyone.”

“What I hate most is how he treated Matt. I can’t forgive him for that.”

Rachel shrugged. “Neither can I.”

“But then I’m not hurting Wallace. It’s Matt who’s suffered because I’ve been selfish, and now it’s too late.” Nikki rarely cried, but she was starting to choke. Kindness did that to her.

“This is my honest opinion,” Rachel said, her gaze steady. “Both of you were better off with you keeping your distance. Two extra hands might’ve helped, but not the tension. Knowing how you feel, Matt never wanted you waiting on Wallace or taking care of him. He’d rather you make a clean start here, create good memories.”

In a way this was making Nikki feel worse. Rachel was warm, supportive and perfect for Matt. And Nikki adored her. So how could she feel jealous at the same time? She struggled daily with her petty thoughts. Her relationship with her brother was still new but already changing since he’d hooked up with Rachel. They were great, both trying to keep her from feeling like the odd person out. Nikki’s contribution was to disappear as much as possible.

“I have a confession.” Hilda put a glass of orange juice in front of Nikki. It was understood she’d better drink it, or else. “Yes, you saw me making the sign of the cross. You know why? Because I know Mr. Gunderson is not going up there,” she said solemnly, pointing at the ceiling.

With a straight face, Rachel asked, “You mean upstairs?”

Nikki was able to hold back a grin. Until Hilda glared at Rachel, who started laughing and turning as red as a tomato.

“I wouldn’t even expect that from your brothers.” Hilda turned to the stove, no amusement in her face.

“I’m sorry,” Rachel said. “I shouldn’t have joked. I’m tired, though that’s no excuse.” She stood. “If you don’t need me, I’ll go see Matt.”

Nikki didn’t dare look at her again. If she did, she’d start laughing and not stop. It was one of those weird inappropriate reactions you couldn’t explain. And she’d hate to upset Hilda. She reminded Nikki of her grandmother, and she’d been just as kind, throwing in Spanish words here and there, trying to make Nikki feel at home. She didn’t have the heart to admit her Spanish vocabulary consisted mostly of cusswords.

“I can help,” Nikki said, once Rachel was gone. “I’ll wash sheets, towels, do whatever you need.” She picked up the glass and gulped down some juice before Hilda turned to her.

With amusement dancing in her dark eyes, Hilda waved a wooden spoon in the direction Rachel had disappeared. “Lucky for that one she doesn’t get into more trouble.” Hilda looked at Nikki. “How about a bean and cheese burrito,
chica?
”

Nikki blinked. Her go-to comfort food. Of course Hilda would know...she was from a poor Texas border town and had grown up much like Nikki. “I would love one,” she said.

“Red hot sauce?”

Nikki nodded, saw Hilda shake her head again at Rachel, and started to laugh. The short break she’d taken to compose herself meant nothing. She couldn’t stop laughing.

Until her eyes filled with tears.

* * *

T
RACE
HAD
SEEN
Nikki’s truck so he knew she was at the Sundance. He figured she’d be in the kitchen with Rachel. He entered the house through the mudroom and found her sitting at the table.

Her head was bowed, her long dark hair loose and hiding her face. Her shoulders shook, and it kind of sounded as if she was laughing. But he prepared himself to be wrong. Pulling off his work gloves, he lifted a brow at Hilda. She shrugged, then gestured for him to stay back. Bad sign.

He liked being around women, no secret there, but one who was crying made him want to pack a tent and stock a cooler. But then Nikki wasn’t just any woman, and he had offered her a shoulder to cry on.

“Hey.” He moved closer. “Nikki?”

She looked up with wide watery eyes. “What are you doing here?”

He smiled and pulled out a chair.

“I know you live here. I just thought you’d be out in a pasture somewhere.” She wiped her cheek and sat straighter.

Damn, but he still couldn’t tell if she’d been crying-crying or laughing-crying. Either way he wanted to pull her into his lap and put his arms around her. He didn’t care that Hilda was watching, but Nikki might. “You okay?”

“Yeah, fine.” She shoved her hair back, wincing when her fingers pushed through a tangle. “You missed Rachel by a few minutes.”

“She lives here, too. I’ll see her.” He leaned over and used his thumb to wipe a dark smudge from her cheek.

She jerked away. “What are you doing?”

He held up the evidence on the pad of his thumb. Makeup, probably, and he didn’t know why that made him think those were real tears but that’s what he concluded.

“Better not be here to cancel on me,” he said, and her gaze darted to Hilda. But he’d been careful how he worded it so no harm.

“No.” She dabbed under her eyes. “I know Jamie’s away for a few days so I stopped by to see if I could cover for Rachel so she can go see Matt.”

He wiped his hand on his jeans, not sure what to do. With Hilda there it was hard to talk. “Is that where she went?”

Nikki frowned. “Oh, Rachel. Yes, but she may not have left yet.”

Trace shrugged. “I was just wondering...”

“Did you have lunch?” Hilda asked.

“An hour ago. In the bunkhouse with the boys.”

“So now you like Chester’s cooking better than mine?”

“Come on...” He grinned. “You don’t believe that, Hilda. You know you’ve ruined me for any other woman. Or I should say cook.”

Chuckling, she washed and dried her hands. “I’m making bean and cheese burritos if you want one. But first I have to check the clothes in the dryer.”

He might’ve believed her had she gone in the right direction. “What’s going on, Nikki?”

“Nothing.” Her brows lifted, and her eyes widened just enough to fake surprise, but he wasn’t buying it.

Leaning forward, he slid a hand behind her neck and pulled her face toward him. Her stunned expression looked real enough now. “Were you crying?” he asked, and brushed his lips across hers.

“You must’ve been out in the sun too long,” she murmured, but didn’t retreat. “You can’t do this here in the kitchen.”

“If Hilda or Rachel or my mom walked in right now, think they’d be shocked?”

“Yes, I do.
I’m
shocked.”

Trace smiled and used the tip of his tongue to dampen her lower lip. “Tell me the truth.”

“About?”

“Everything.”

Nikki’s warm sweet breath slipped out, tempting him to do more exploring. “Dream on,” she whispered, her lips lightly moving over his.

He applied more pressure, making it a real kiss, until it started getting out of hand. “I’d settle for the reason you were crying.”

She pulled back, sighing. “I wasn’t crying, really. I was a little...tense...and Rachel made me laugh, and then I couldn’t stop. You know how that is.... Sometimes laughing and crying sort of blur together.”

“Is it about Wallace?”

“Jesus, it wasn’t about him.” She jumped up, and he caught her arm.

“Wait. Don’t get all bent. I just wanna make sure you’re okay.” He held on to her while he got to his feet.

“I’m fine. I’m always fine.”

“You don’t have to stand on your own all the time, Nikki.” He ran his palms down her bare arms. “You’re not alone anymore.”

She stiffened. “What does that mean?”

“People here care about you.”

Her chin came up, and her gaze locked on his face. A hint of challenge glinted in her eyes. “Who?”

Trace hadn’t expected the question and it stopped him. “Matt, for one,” he said. “Rachel. Hilda. Jamie.” Nikki kept staring at him. “Sadie.” He touched her cheek, wondering why he was having trouble including himself. It wasn’t as if the
L
word would come into play or that she was asking for a commitment. And he did have feelings for Nikki. Her small sad smile got to him. “And me. I care about you.”

“You don’t have to say that.”

“I know I don’t.” He finger-combed her hair, massaging her scalp and watched her lashes flutter, then droop. “If I hesitated it was only because I figured how I felt was understood.”

“That’s lame.”

He smiled. “I know that, too.”

“You’re forgiven as long as you keep this up.” She let her chin drop as he worked his fingers toward the back, all the way down to the top of her spine.

Her small-boned frame felt fragile, and even though he was careful not to rub too hard, her whole body rocked under the pressure of his fingers. But he kept kneading out the tension, feeling her relax until her forehead rested against his chest and she let out soft moans.

When he couldn’t stand it anymore, he tightened his arms around her and cradled her to his chest.

Slowly she brought her chin up, tilting her head back to look at him. “I thought we were supposed to cool it until we figured out what we’re doing.”

“I’m not starting anything, just letting you know I’m here.”

“So that’s what you call this.”

“Why?” He dipped down for a quick kiss. “What do you call it?”

“Trouble.”

“Ah. You’ve got me there.” He stared down at her lips, fascinated with their silky smooth texture, at how they plumped into a perfect pout. When he met her dazed eyes, his jaw clenched. “You,” he whispered, his whole body tensing, “give trouble a new meaning.”

She pressed her breasts against him, peeling off another layer of his control. The little imp knew exactly what she was doing. A few more minutes and he wouldn’t be interested in any more talking.

Nikki clutched his shoulders and arched her back, just a little, enough to expose more of her slender neck and throat. “You realize Hilda could walk in at any moment.”

“Hell, she’s probably listening at the door to see if it’s safe to come back.”

“God no.”

She froze when his answer was to kiss the tip of her chin. He traced her lips with his tongue, getting too heated for his own good. But Nikki wasn’t responding. Not in a way he’d hoped, anyway. Her body had stiffened and now she was trying to evade his mouth.

He stumbled back a step but held on to her. “What?”

“Hilda.”

“I was joking.”

“No, you weren’t.”

“You’d really care if she caught us?”

“Yes.” She swung a gaze toward the dividing door to the dining room.

“You keep surprising me.”

She shrugged a shoulder as if she wasn’t happy with her reaction but there it was. “You’d be embarrassed, too. And don’t deny it.”

He didn’t, even though she was wrong. After being with the family for over thirty years, Hilda was as much a part of the Sundance as any of them. She’d waded through the hormone-driven teen years of her own son, Ben, as well as Trace and his brothers. Not much left that could embarrass him or Hilda.

Tightening his arms around Nikki, he brushed his lips over her ear. “I get you moaning loud enough she’ll never come in.”

Nikki let out a startled laugh. “You’re that sure of yourself?”

He grabbed a handful of hair and tilted her head back again. The curve of a woman’s throat had never been a turn-on for him, not like this. He kissed the soft silken skin, knowing damn well he was only torturing himself. This had to end soon. Before it got out of hand. Before he couldn’t remember the reason they’d stopped the other day. Matt. Rachel. Nikki’s fresh start. She didn’t need a complication right off. Or to have folks gossiping about her. They all knew he wasn’t the type to take on a relationship. He hadn’t been serious about a girl since high school. He just hadn’t met anyone who made him want to put on blinders.