From The Ashes (The Knights of Mayhem Book 3) (6 page)

The moans and banging start up.  From what I remember, if Roman’s in a mood, this shit could last all night long.  I remember when we would spend all night worshipping each other’s bodies. 

I stand, unable to concentrate on anything. I fight the urge to fly up the steps and beat on the door, telling them to shut up, but I don’t. Instead, I just pace and cry.  Finally, after an eternity, they calm down.  I climb back up on my bed and cover my head with a pillow, hoping it muffles the sobs. 

~~~~~~

I wake up with the pillow still over my face.  I slide it off and look at the red numbers on the clock, announcing it’s six-thirty in the morning.   I let my eyes drift up to the ceiling. The now silent house is deafening again. 

I toss to my right side, curling up into the fetal position, hugging my knees to my chest. I’ve got to get away from all this; from Roman, from Markus, and especially this town.  I’ll never be able to get out from under all the suspension and hate this town and its inhabitants have for me.  No good deed goes unpunished, or is ever forgiven.

I throw the covers off and head into the bathroom.  I take a good long soak in the exquisite tub, yet the one thing I’m missing is a nice glass of wine.  I haven’t gone by what’s considered “acceptable at a certain time” rules in a very long time.   I never had anywhere to be and I’m not in any rush to get there.  This has been my life—unimportant, no purpose—just existing in my own universe.

I run the water hot with a bit of cold, then search the bathroom from top to bottom for bath salts or bubble bath.  I slump down on the toilet lid, a little depressed I have to take a straight bath.  I shrug it off and stand to slip off my tee and shorts, then slide into the water and settle down until it stops at eye level.  I watch the steam roll off the rippling water, only to evaporate.  I close my eyes and sift through all the emotions that being around Roman again has created, and then the crush I’d felt last night. 

I’m a different person than I was six years ago, and all for the good too.  I’d kicked the drugs around four years ago and tried to make the best of what life I had.  Markus was nice when he wanted to be, but he very seldom was. 

I duck my head under the water, wanting to clear it. It helps.  I come back up and lay my head on the towel I’d rolled up and laid on the end.

The immediate weight of someone’s eyes falls on me and my lids pop open.  I jerk, sloshing water out onto the floor when I see Roman leaning against the door jamb with his arms crossed over his bare chest.  His hair is messy and his pajama pants are resting low on his hips.  “What the hell, Roman?”  I ask, not offering to cover myself. He’s seen it all before.

“Leah thought we had a leak and insisted I come and check it out.”  A sly smile stretches his lips.

“You ass. Get out of here. You knew it wasn’t a leak,”  I say as I stand, reaching for my towel.  I feel my skin heat under his heavy perusal of my body.  I turn on him, wrapping the towel around me under my arms.  “Stop gawking at me, you idiot, You have a naked woman lying in your bed upstairs, you sick fuck,”  I whisper, hoping our voices don’t drift up like their screams had sunk down.

I run another towel over my hair, wringing the water from my hair, then search for a comb.  He continues to stand there and watch me search through all the drawers, laughing when I finally find it.

“Why are you still here, Roman?”  I run it through my towel dried hair, noticing him staring at me in the reflection of the mirror.  I whirl around.  “Roman, I want you to leave now, please.”  I turn back to the mirror.  “I’m sure you would much rather be upstairs wit
h
Lea
h
.” Yes, I now know her name since I heard it being said while he was fucking her last night.

It sounds almost like a growl leaving his throat, but I’m not sure.  “Keep it down until I can get her out of here.  I don’t want to have to fucking deal with her bitching about you being here.”  I look at his crystal blue eyes reflecting back at me through the mirror.  I can feel the coldness they hold seeping into my bones.

“Then maybe you should have fucked her at the clubhouse,”  I shoot back at him as he walks through my room.  He just waves his hand back at me as he goes out into the foyer and runs up the stairs—back to her.  I could chase after him and make his life completely miserable, but I don’t.  He has to see I’m different and I’m trying to make amends for the things I’ve done. 

I quietly move around my room, hearing the soundtrack of them fucking in the shower, then the two of them taking longer than normal to get dressed afterwards. 

I sit on the bed until I feel safe enough to go out into the rest of the house.  The feel of the house seems different to me now.  Although I’m sure Ms. Leah’s spent many nights here, it’s finally real to me now that Roman’s moved on.  I swallow a sob. It’ll do no good to cry over something I tossed away years ago.

I head for the kitchen in search of caffeine, mindlessly watching the water pour from the pot into the unit.  “Who the hell are you?”  A female voice screeches from behind me. 

I nearly drop the coffee pot.  I turn to see a red-faced, tiny woman standing in the doorway.  “I, um…”   I stutter out while studying her face. She isn’t from around here, and from the looks of her, she just screams money. 

Roman comes up behind her.  “Come on, Leah.”

She doesn’t budge.  “Not until you tell me who the hell she is.”

“She’s nobody. She’s just here to clean the house.”  He cuts his eyes to me. His words feel like getting hit with nails from a nail gun.

“I thought Emily cleaned your house?”  She looks at me with disgust.
So I’m his cleaning lady
.

“Emily brought on some help.”  Roman takes her by her arm and practically drags her from the room.  “Let’s go. I’ve gotta get to work.”

“Well I don’t like her…”  her words trail off, right along with them. 

I lean against the counter and close my eyes.  Breathe, Hollis, just breathe. 

I lay my hand over my heart, hoping I can keep the last shred of dignity from dropping off into nothing.  There really is no point now in me living.  The one person I had hoped would never see me for who I was just did.  I sink down into one of the dining chairs, letting the word “nobody” repeat over and over again in my head.

It’s just a simple word, but spoken by the right person, it can shatter hopes and kill dreams.  And it just came out of his mouth,
my
right person. 

I sit in hurt silence. What else is there to do?  I’ve changed—I know I have—so why can’t he see it?  I’ve tried over the years to come to terms with my part in everything that happened. I did what I did to save Roman.  I had no idea Emily and the rest were going to get hurt.  I didn’t know what Markus’ plans were.  It’s not an excuse for lying and stealing from the club, but I didn’t see any other way.  I should’ve told someone, yes, but hindsight is always 20/20, and with age comes common sense.

~~~~~~

I spend most of what remains of the day in a haze, just wandering around his huge home.  I avoid the obvious areas, but I needed to move to think about all I’ve lost and all I’ve taken away from others.  I stop at each photo he has hanging on the wall. I close my eyes, thinking of the time I had been a portion of the group, but never a part of the family. 

~~~~~~

I’m sitting in the kitchen with a glass of bourbon, and nothing for him.  Let him fend for himself, seeing how I’m nobody but a lowly maid to him. 

I have my back to the door, not wishing to see him, and I hope he gets the point.

“What, no dinner?”  His gruff voice cuts through my silence.

“What, no stuck up bitch to shame me in front of?”  I take a small drink of the heavy liquid.

“No, not tonight. She won’t talk to me.”  He sounds almost relieved.

“Oh, did she not like your house cleaner?”  I still have yet to turn to him, even though he’s come up to my side.

“No, she didn’t like the fact my ex is living with me.”  His voice is flat and void of any kind of emotion.

“Hah,”  I quickly cover my mouth, holding in more laughter.  “Sorry, but I don’t think I was ever your girlfriend and I don’t feel sorry for you.”  He takes up my tumbler and finishes off my drink.  “Hey, dickhead, that was mine.”

“Smart off again, I’ll take the whole bottle o
f
m
y
liquor away from you.”  He points to the brown, antique looking bottle I’ve uncorked and begins to swig as he lowers himself into the seat across from me.

“Call me a nobody again and
I
wil
l
burn your fucking house down.”  I pour a double shot and force it down in one swig. 

He reaches, taking the bottle from my hand and pouring more into the glass, which he pushes back over to me.  “Fuck, Hollis. Do you know how much this stuff costs?”

“Yes, I do. That’s why it was the first thing I went for.”  I gulp down the little bit he’s poured me.  “You taught me well, showing off your prized liquor cabinet, my love.”  I shake the empty glass at him.  “Pour, please?”

“One more, then you’re done.”  He tips the bottle, filling the glass before re-corking it as he crosses over to the small oak liquor cabinet in the dining room.  I watch him replace the bottle of Pappy and smile to myself before I bend down, reaching under the table and dragging out another bottle from his stash in his office, setting it on the table as he sits.  “Shit, Hollis.”

“What? You left me here all day to clean and stuff.” 

“That did not give you the right to go through my house.” 

“Chill out. I did that the first night you left me here.”  I sip at the ample amount of bourbon I poured myself.  My head is starting to feel fuzzy and my boldness is growing.

“With Beeker?”  I laugh at his shocked voice.

“Oh yeah. He fell asleep and I cruised the whole house,” I giggle and make a circular motion with my finger pointed up in the air.  He reaches for the tumbler as I raise it to my mouth, taking it away.  I follow and drink as much as I can before he pries it from my fingers.  “Fuck, give that back.”

“No. I think you’ve had enough liquor.”  He pops the cork back in and sets it away from me. 

I clap my hands together.  “So, what are we going to do now, stare at each other?”  I bug my eyes out at him.  “Or we could fuck on this nice table.” 

Chapter Six

Roman

I sit across from her, staring.  Her amused expression doesn’t waver and I don’t divert my eyes.  I let them caress her beautiful face, her perfect features.  My hands itch to touch her again and my cock wants to be inside of her.  I need to stand and get away, but my semi-chub is keeping me in my seat. 

“Hollis, stay out of my rooms.”  I hold up my hand and tick off the fingers with each room she’s to stay out of.  “My bedroom, my office, the whole fucking upstairs.  Stay down here and you’ll be fine.”  I stand and stomp out of the kitchen, forcing myself not to drag her with me.  I run up the stairs to my large, cool shower to jerk off and try and get her off my mind.

Leah had spotted the difference in my mood at dinner and then she had seen the reason why the next morning when she had run into Hollis.  I had yelled at her for accusing me of wanting Hollis, then cursed myself because I was pissed she was right.  Hollis consumes my every thought, every feeling. 

I make up my mind. Avoidance is the best way to deal while she’s here, because her leaving again is not an option.  I’m sure I’ll be kicking myself for this decision for a very long time. 

I hear her bedroom door downstairs slam and I sigh. Well, here it goes. I have to make this work.

Hollis

I spend the next two days listening to him come and go during the hours I would be sleeping, but I hear him. This is one such afternoon, and for the first time in two days, he’s come home before dark.  I listen to him shower then go through the motions of getting ready.  I stare out the kitchen window, smelling him before he gets into the room.

“Going out. Don’t know when I’ll be back,”  he says to my back.

“By the way you smell, it would suggest you’re going on another date.”  My teeth ache for a drink and my heart hurts from the words.

“It’s nothing to you if I am.”  His voice is cold, making me stifle a shiver.

“You’re right, Roman, it’s not. Have a great time,” I say in a calm, non-caring voice. I continue to look out the window, acting like I could care less. He walks out and slams the door, making me jump. 

So, here I am, yet again, left alone to face my demons. It’s appropriate, I suppose. I traded one jail for another, yet with Markus, there was always someone there, watching me. Here it’s just complete loneliness, minus the beatings.

I don’t know why he’s so pissed. Me being here hasn’t hindered his life one bit.

I slam my hand on the counter.  “Fuck this shit.”  I go into my room and fix my hair and do my makeup.  Two can play this game.  If I’m ever going to get away from being kept, I have to do the things I did when I was an independent woman, making my own money.  And seeing as how I only have one marketable skill, I hope I’m still good at it. 

I turn sideways in the mirror and judge the image thrown back at me. I rub my hand over my not so flat stomach and down my rounder than used to be backside.  I look healthy. I don’t look like that young, skinny junkie I used to look like. I don’t know what to expect. They will either boo me off stage or puke in their beers. Nevertheless, I’m doing this and I don’t care if someone I know sees me. 

I take the truck keys from the hook by the door.  It’s newer than the one he had when he and I were doing whatever it was we were doing.  I take a deep breath, hoping the courage I need will come along with each new step to freedom I take.

Roman

“Hiding out?”  Leo comes up behind me, clapping his big hand down on my shoulder.  “You clean up pretty,”  he smirks.

“Fuck off,”  I grit out.

“Just as pleasant as ever, I see.”  Leo seems almost chipper at my situation.

“I don’t know how much longer I can take it, man.”  I lean into the bar, pushing the beer bottle from one hand to the other, watching it as I think about Hollis sitting at home.

“Hating her, or trying your best not to fuck her?”  He speaks, not with malice, but understanding.  My emotions have been at war with each other since I first laid eyes on Hollis at the farmhouse and it’s taking a toll on my mood. 

“Both.”  My phone ringing takes my attention away from the beer bottle in front of me.  “Yeah?” I listen to the caller.  “Wait, run that by me again.”  I end the call and look at Leo.  “So, you think Avery’ll get upset if you take a trip with me down to the local strip joint?”

“What the hell for?” 

Eno jumps up from the couch, slapping his hands together.  “Hell yeah. That’s what I’m talkin’ about.”  I swear the kid has super hearing.

Leo shakes his head.  “Not even going to engage in this conversation. Avery’ll be able to smell it on me,”  he says as he stands to walk away, but not before he warns, “Don’t go in there busting up the place. The last thing you want is for me to have to come bail your ass out of jail. I’ll be one pissed off brother, brother.” 

Eno rushes up.  “Let’s go, man.”

“Not to partake in the attractions.”

“Then what the hell we goin’ down there for?”  He looks shocked I would even entertain the idea of going to a strip joint and not enjoy the scenery.

“To get my truck,” I pause, turning to look at him.  “And Hollis.”  I stand, pushing away from the bar.  “Well?”

He’s right behind me as I head for my bike and the woman I can’t seem to get enough of.  The thought of her up on the stage with men pawing at her has my blood boiling, which is pissing me off more than the fact she stole my fucking truck. 

I gun the engine and speed towards her, not sure what I’m going to do when I get there.  Leo’s warning not to bust up the place echoes through my head, and I’m pretty sure it won’t come to that, but hell, you never know how the bouncers will react when you pull one of the dancers off the stage and carry her out over your shoulder.

I bring my bike to a stop as Eno does the same next to me.  He takes off his helmet and hangs it from the handlebars, then points in the direction of my Ford.  “Yep, she’s here.”  He tucks his bike key into his pocket as he turns to me.  “What do you wanna do?  Call Five-0?”

I close my eyes and take a deep breath, hoping it’ll clear my head. Nothing seems to help do it these days, but I still try.  “No, I can handle it.  No need getting her in trouble for taking my truck. I left the keys for her in plain sight anyway.”  I start for the door.  “Let’s get this shit over with.”  Eno stays close on my heels, which surprises me.  I can’t believe he isn’t knocking me out of the way to get in the door first.

I sling open the door to the all-too-familiar sights, sounds, and smells. 
Porn Star Dancin’
is blaring through the sound system as blue, red, and pink lights flash through the air.  I squint my eyes, waiting for them to adjust to the dim lights.  It’s as busy as a Tuesday afternoon should be.  All the regulars who work the night shift, and some that don’t work at all are sitting around, enjoying the shows on three different stages. 

I survey the room and it doesn’t take me long to find her.  She’s on the middle stage in a black thong and bra.  I watch her, holding my breath. She’s even sexier now than she was then. Her body has more curves, making her look stunning to me. There are more men around her than the others, and you can see the loathing in the other dancer’s eyes as they watch the men flock to Hollis. 

Eno stops next to me, rocking back and forth on his feet with his hands shoved inside his pockets, letting out a whistle. “Shocker.”

“Shut the fuck up.”  I bite out.

He shrugs his shoulders and begins to walk towards the bar.  “Whatever, man. I’m gonna get a drink.”

“Can you call Beeker for me and have him bring the tow truck down here for my bike?”

He waves his hand over his shoulder at me as I watch him belly up to the bar before redirecting my attention back to Hollis.  She has yet to see me and in the dark room. I don’t think she can.  Her thong is full of bills as she gyrates to the music.

I pinch the bridge of my nose, hoping the pressure will stave off the massive headache I can feel coming on.  The amount of Advil I’ve been taking recently is going to shut down my kidneys, but it never gets rid of the shallow ache that lingers constantly.  

I take a step in the stages direction, needing to get my keys and get my truck the hell out of the parking lot.  All I need now is for Leah to drive by and see my truck parked at the local strip joint.

There’s a part of me that just wants to leave her here, get my truck, and let her make her own way around, but not being sure if she would show back up at my house fills me with fear. I shift on my feet, uncomfortable with the thought.  I should be pissed as hell and having her arrested, but I can’t bring myself to let that happen to her.  I still feel the need to protect her from everyone, including herself.  But the question is, who’s gonna protect her from me?

I start for the stage and stop, pushing an overeager patron out of my way.  “Hollis,”  I scream, but she’s in the zone and she can’t hear me.  “Hollis!” 

She doesn’t stop dancing, but smiles back at me.  “Hi, Roman. Been a while since we’ve done this.”  She leans in and runs her finger under my chin.  I jerk my head away from her.

“Time to go. Get the fuck off the stage and go get dressed.”  I grab her hand and tug at her arm for her to get off the stage.

She jerks her arm free from me.  “You know better. No touching the merchandise, Roman.”  She looks over my shoulder.  “You better behave yourself or they’ll kick you out on your ass and you’ll miss the show.”

She isn’t acting like the new Hollis, but the older, bitchy Hollis, which isn’t good.  “Hollis, I’m not joking. Get down or I’ll call the cops and tell them you stole my truck.”

She puckers her lips.  “Are you gonna tell on me?”  I can finally see her face and I zero in on her eyes, which are severally dilated. 

“Are you drunk?”

“Hells yes. Do you think I could do this if I wasn’t?”  Her eyes are distant and you can tell she isn’t comfortable being back on stage, making me more desperate to get her off it.

I feel a hand on my shoulder.  “Hey, buddy, I didn’t come here to listen to her chat.”  Hollis snickers as she goes back to the middle of the stage.

I take the man’s hand off my shoulder and turn to him.  “Listen, asshole. She’s done for the day.”  I push on his chest, hoping to get him and his shit-smelling breath out of my face.  Not taking it too lightly, I see two more men stand up from his table, coming to stand at either side of him.

“And we say she isn’t.”  The man to his left leans into the space between us.

I look at the three and smile.  “I don’t give a rat’s ass what you say.”  I point my finger into my chest.  “I say she’s done.”  I turn and reach for her but she spins away from me, giggling the whole time.  I’m at my limit with her and these men.  I feel one of them grab me again and it all happens so quickly, I didn’t have a chance to think about what I was doing. 

One of the men grabs my arm, spinning me around. I duck the fist he throws, then come up, taking his arm and twisting so he has to turn.  I force him face down on the small table they’d been occupying.  I twist his arm, making him scream in pain.  “I said she’s done.”  I look around to the others.  “Anyone else not getting it?”

“Roman!”  Hollis screams at me over the music.  “Let him go.”

I turn to her.  “You ready to get your ass down off that stage?”

“Why the hell do you care what I do?”  She’s standing with her hands on her bare hips, tapping her platform heel.  She’s just doing this out of spite, making me look like a fool.

I let the man go with a warning.  “Get the fuck out of here.”  I walk back over to the end of the stage, feeling every eye in the place on us.  Maurice isn’t going to do anything to me for disrupting the afternoon delight as long as I don’t break anything.  “Come on, Hollis. Let me get you home.”

“Home?  Where the fuck is that?  Your house; the prison you leave me cooped up in all the time while you’re off running around with little miss rich and perfect Leah?”  She’s leaned over, planting her face as close to mine as she can without tipping head first into my arms.

I can feel my anger start to creep out around the edges of my sanity.  I rest my hands on my hips as I look up at her.  “Is it not better than where you were?”  I grit out through my clenched teeth.

She recoils, but has a look on her face like this isn’t over.  “Why don’t you just take me back to your house and beat the hell out of me, then it’ll be the same.”

“Hollis, get down. You’re drunk and don’t realize what you’re saying.” 

She backs away from my offered hand.  Eno finally comes up beside me.  “What the hell are you going to do about this bitch?”

I turn on him with anger I’ve never felt before in my life. “Say it again and Leo’ll be identifying you at the morgue.”

He acts offended.  “You would kill me over this cunt?”

“I would shoot you in the head before you had another thought.  Call her, or any other woman that again, your brother would willingly give me the bullet.”

He throws his hands up in the air, backing away from me.  “You look a bit crazy right now. Get your shit under control.”

“I have it under control, I just don’t need your help right now.”