Free Me (Caged Hearts Book 1) (6 page)

Chapter 14

It was dark outside as Kait walked through the living room towel drying her hair and wrapped in a robe. Jasper was on the sofa wolfing down the pizza they’d previously ordered. A movie was playing on the television which he was half watching.

Kait dropped down beside him and reached for a slice of the still warm pizza. Her stomach grumbled appreciatively at the sight of it. As Kait took a bite, she realized that she hadn’t eaten all day which was unlike her. She also never ate pizza, always opting for a sensible salad or pasta dish instead. But with Jasper, she felt like she didn’t need to care about all that stuff, that she could just be herself. Eating the pizza reminded her of movie nights with her mother when they’d curl up together on the couch and watch girly films. Kait struggled to remember the last time she’d done something like that. She was always either working or thinking about working. It was as if she’d forgotten how to switch off. Until Jasper came along.

“What are you watching?” She nodded at the television.

“This movie where Denzel Washington is a pilot.” Jasper quickly replied. Kait was impressed by his knowledge.

“You seen it before?”

“Twice.” Jasper replied in between bites of pizza.

“Twice?” Kait asked with a smile on her lips, her tone slightly teasing.

“What?” Jasper turned and looked bashful, his confident demeanour having briefly fallen away.

“So I like movies? I’m not always training you know.”

“So when you’re not training you’re watching movies?”

“Pretty much,” Jasper agreed proudly. “I’m something of a movie geek.”

“Good to know,” Kait laughed.

“What about you?”

“What about me?”

“What do you do when you’re not working?” Jasper eyed her expectantly. Kait paused as she fumbled for a response. She could feel her cheeks beginning to burn with shame. The truth was that somewhere along the way, work had stopped being something she did and had overtaken her life, bleeding out to all areas including her social life. She worked long hours, and when she made it back to her apartment, she’d just drag herself in to bed so that she could wake up bright and early for the next working day.

“I’ve been a bit too consumed with my work lately,” she told him sadly, not wanting to lie and pretend that she was living some exciting, enriched life.

“I know how that can be,” Jasper nodded. “Fighting is my life; it can be hard to switch off.”

“You switched off today,” Kait told him brightly.

“So did you,” Jasper grinned. Kait was smiling back at him when she noticed the glimmer in his eyes fade. He straightened on the sofa and turned his back on the television.

“But tomorrow it all starts up again,” he told her. “You go back to work, and I’m back to training. This,” he gestured to the space between them, “will be put on the back burner.”

Kait struggled to swallow over the lump which had formed in her throat. What did he mean? This was surely the start of something great, something wondrous. Why would he want to take a step back from that? Kait didn’t want to return to who she had previously been. She didn’t want her life to solely revolve around work. When Jasper saved her from knifepoint in the parking lot, he did more than save her from those thugs, he saved her from herself. When she was around him, she was remembering how to live, how to truly be alive. It no longer mattered that she got a promotion or a bigger house; all that mattered was the moment and that they were together in it. But now Jasper was taking all that away again. What did it mean? Did he want to be involved with her or not?

Cupping her face in his warm hands Jasper uttered the words Kait dreaded to hear:

“I mean, this has been great, so much fun. But my fighting comes first, Kait and it always will.”

Chapter 15

The following day Kait struggled to focus at work. No matter how many urgent emails flashed on her computer screen, she couldn’t stop thinking about Jasper. After telling her that his fighting would always come first, he had left. With a pained expression, he told her that he would call. Kait doubted that he would, but she needed to cling to the promise that he would even if it had been made in vain.

She understood his drive and determination when it came to his fighting. She admired the tenacity he applied to following his dream. But did that truly mean that he also wouldn’t have time for her?

Discreetly, Kait reached for her phone and checked Jasper’s Twitter account. As she’d expected, he’d already posted several updates regarding his training even though it wasn’t yet ten in the morning.

Been killing it in the gym all morning! @J_Duboix

Play hard – work harder! @J_Duboix

He’d even posted a picture of himself lifting some impressively huge weights. His biceps were flexed and beaded with sweat. Jasper was yet again pushing himself less than forty eight hours after a fight he’d only narrowly won.

Kait scowled at her phone’s display before shoving it back in to her handbag. She was once again angry at Jasper, angry at his decision to push himself when he needed to rest. The time they had spent together had hardly been restful. When did he ever actually take the time to just stop and relax? If he carried on as he was, surely he’d just burn out.

The sound of her desk phone ringing made Kait jump. She took second to clear her throat and prepare her most formal answering voice.

“Good morning, Kaitlyn Stewart speaking.”

“So! She lives!” Anna’s bright voice bubbled down the phone line. Kait cringed as she realised she’d neglected to contact her friend over the weekend which wasn’t like her.

“Anna, I’m so sorry I’ve not been in touch this weekend. Things have just been crazy.”

“If you say you’ve been busy with work, I’m officially disowning you!” Anna threatened.

Kait took a deep breath and made sure that no one was lingering around her desk, eaves dropping on her conversation.

“I was busy, yes, but not with work.”

She could sense Anna’s mounting excitement on the other end of the line.

“So what were you busy with?” Her friend asked breathlessly.

“A guy.”

Anna squealed down the phone, and Kait had to hold the receiver away from her ear for a few minutes.

“Details! I need details!” Anna insisted once she’d finished screaming.

Kait chewed her lip thoughtfully. She wasn’t really sure what there was to say about her and Jasper. They weren’t a couple. She didn’t know quite what they were.

“It’s nothing really yet. We’re just…hanging out.”

“Oh my God,” Anna gushed, “the last time you were just hanging out with a guy we were in college. This is huge.”

“It really isn’t,” Kait could feel her cheeks burning. She wanted to share with her friend, but she also didn’t want to make her and Jasper out to be something more than what they were. He’d quite clearly told her that he didn’t have the time for her. But what did that even mean?

“Are you okay?” Anna’s brightness became subdued with concern.

“Yeah,” Kait sighed. “I’m fine.”

“Dinner, after work. We clearly need to talk.” Anna instructed, and Kait didn’t have the energy to fight her on it.

Chapter 16

Despite her long day at work, Kait had no appetite. She pushed some potatoes around her plate with her fork and gazed absently across the restaurant.

“I thought you’d be all glowing and excited over your new man,” Anna noted. She’d already polished off the salad she had ordered.

“I was,” Kait admitted with a roll of her eyes. “But I feel like I never know where I stand with him.”

“How so?” Anna propped her elbows up on the edge of the table and leaned forward expectantly.

“When we’re together it’s…amazing,” Kait smiled slightly to herself, remembering the day spent in bed with Jasper. It had been perfect, and she’d never experienced anything like it before. But just a day later, and it seemed like a distant memory, something that had happened to someone else.

“Ooh,” Anna smiled deliciously and arched an eyebrow in approval. “That good, huh?”

Kait laughed nervously and waved a dismissive hand through the air.

“I’m getting off track. When we’re together, yes it’s great but then when his attention switches back to his career, it’s like I’m invisible.”

“So his career is important to him?” Anna deduced, nodding thoughtfully.

“Very.”

Kait thought of his much Jasper pushed himself, how he would fight night after night. What was he even trying to prove? He was already the best in his field. Yet he’d spent all day in the gym according to his Twitter feed. Kait found herself feeling jealous of all the focus he gave his career and his training. He hadn’t contacted her once during the day. If he had time to Tweet to his followers surely he had time to send her one lousy text message?

Maybe it wasn’t so much that he didn’t have time for her; it was more that he didn’t want to make time for her.

“What does he do?” Anna asked, her eyes wide with interest as she tilted her head.

This made Kait pause. Jasper’s career was hardly a traditional one. He was a mixed martial arts fighter. If she told Anna as much, her friend would instantly be concerned.

“Well?” Anna prodded her.

“He’s an athlete.” Which was pretty much the truth. “And he’s extremely focused on his career and on training.”

“Urgh,” Anna wrinkled her petite nose in dismay. “Athletes are the worst to date. They don’t drink, and they spend more time at their precious gym than with you.”

Kait flinched at the honesty of her friend’s words. Already Jasper was forsaking her for training sessions at the gym, and they weren’t even properly dating yet.

“But he’s just driven,” Kait found herself leaping to Jasper’s defence. “There’s nothing wrong with that.” 

“No,” Anna agreed, “of course not. But it just means that there isn’t much room in his life for a relationship. And that’s what’s troubling you, right?”

“Right.”

A few days ago, Kait would have said that she didn’t have room in her life for a boyfriend. But then she’d met Jasper, and she knew that she’d make room for him. He mattered to her. What they shared together felt special and worth finding time for. She blinked back tears as she wondered if Jasper had any intention of ever calling her again. How could he spend so much time with her, in her bed and in her home and then just detach like he had?

“If being an athlete is his life, it’s tough to ask him to choose between his passion and his passion for you,” Anna continued. “I’m sure both are equally as important to him, he’s just used to picking the one over the other.”

“What would you do if you were me?” Kait asked, pushing away the remains of her dinner and letting her head fall in to her hands.

“Well,” Anna eyed her friend with a sincere gaze, “I’d ask myself how good the sex was. If it was great then maybe it’s worth pursuing. Even a dedicated guy can be pulled away from his career for a steamy bedroom session.”

Kait grimaced. She wanted to be more than a steamy bedroom session for Jasper. She wanted to get to know him, to understand what made him tick.

“Maybe stop over thinking it,” Anna added helpfully. “If things are great in bed, just go from there to start with. All the other stuff will come in time.”

“But what if I always come second to his career?”

“Won’t he always come second to yours?” Anna quipped. Kait understood where her friend was coming from. For so long, she had always put her career first, chasing relentlessly after promotions. But Jasper had challenged that perspective. He’d made her want to chase after something more substantial than a pay rise. If she hadn’t had that same effect on him, then maybe she’d read everything wrong. Maybe in his eyes she was just a steamy sex session, another way to work out before a big fight.

“Don’t let it get to you,” Anna reached across the table and gave her friend’s hand a reassuring squeeze.

“I won’t,” Kait smiled falsely. “I’m just glad to be able to talk about it all with you.”

“That’s what best friends are for,” Anna smiled warmly at her.