Feet of the Angels (6 page)

THE MEAL PAUL NEVER CAME TO

CHARLES
,
MONIQUE
,
KARINE
and
MARIE
1 are seated at the table, which is not necessarily present. This scene is not realistic. In fact, the actors could be preparing
PAUL
's grave as it goes on. We are in split time.

CHARLES

He'll be here.

MONIQUE

He's late.

CHARLES

He'll be here.

MONIQUE

He's still late though.

KARINE

Don't worry. You're always worrying.

MONIQUE

He usually calls when he's late, that's all.

MARIE 1

When's Paul getting here?

CHARLES

Soon, sweetie.

MONIQUE

It'll be cold.

CHARLES

Okay, let's start without him. Bon appétit.

MONIQUE

It's already cold.

MARIE 1

Do I have to eat it all?

CHARLES

Not everything, but a bit of everything at least.

MARIE 1

Ahhhh.

KARINE

Hey, Marie, I'm gonna steal your mushrooms!

MARIE 1

YAY
!

CHARLES

(
to
MONIQUE
)
You're not eating?

MONIQUE

It's already too cold.

KARINE

(
to
MARIE
)
Mmmm… boy, these mushrooms are good…

CHARLES

There's no point waiting for him. Dig in.

MONIQUE

He's a whole two hours late. I don't understand.

MARIE 1

You wanna steal some more of my mushrooms, Karine?

CHARLES

No, Marie. That's enough. You eat your vegetables now.

(
to
MONIQUE
)
Stop waiting for him. He'll be here…

MARIE 1

Mushrooms aren't vegetables. They're just sort of fungus.

KARINE
bursts out laughing.

KARINE

Mmmm… good old fungus…

CHARLES

Okay, okay now.

MONIQUE

I can't understand what he's doing.

CHARLES

Too bad for him. He'll never know what he's missing. There, that's very good, sweetheart.

MONIQUE

He knew. He knew we were seeing Karine off tonight.

KARINE

Oh, it doesn't matter.

CHARLES

(
angry
)
Well, no, of course not! Doing this to his mother doesn't matter at all!

KARINE

Relax, Papa.

CHARLES

Of course.

KARINE

You can all come to the housewarming instead. How's that?

MARIE 1

Didn't they use to hang up something?

KARINE

The hook for holding a pot.

MARIE 1

They hang it from that?

PAUL
arrives.

PAUL

Sorry about that.

MARIE 1

Paul!

PAUL

I'm really sorry.

CHARLES

The meal's ruined.

PAUL

I couldn't help it.

CHARLES

Your mother went to the trouble of preparing a lovely meal, and you never even showed up.

PAUL

Thanks, Mama.

CHARLES

A really nice one.

MONIQUE

It's gone cold…

PAUL

I know. I'm really sorry.

MONIQUE

I was so worried! Why didn't you at least call?

PAUL

I… didn't have anything to say.

MONIQUE

No? Well, I certainly did, let me tell you!

MARIE 1

What's a hanging?

KARINE

I don't want to talk about it anymore, Marie.

CHARLES

Did you at least write a letter?

PAUL

No, Papa, I didn't write any letter.

CHARLES

Well, do something. You don't come. You never will anymore, and you couldn't write to let us know?

PAUL

I didn't know what to write.

CHARLES

You really are thoughtless about the ones that love you. Really.

KARINE

It's not his fault.

CHARLES

Oh right, not his fault… must be ours.

KARINE

That's not how it works, Papa.

CHARLES

Well, gee, then someone's just going to have to explain to me how it
does
work, because I don't know anymore. I really don't. All I
do
know is it doesn't. It just doesn't, that's all. One small letter, that's all I'm asking; not even a letter—a note, just a note. You wouldn't happen to have one of those anywhere in your pocket, would you by any chance?

PAUL

No.

CHARLES

Not even the tiniest one hidden around the house somewhere?

PAUL

No.

CHARLES

You know, the rest of my life I'm going to be searching for a note, a letter, some explanation. You know that, don't you?

MONIQUE

I'll be asking myself, “Why didn't he call?”

KARINE

Well I'm going to have a son and name him Paul.

MARIE 1

And I'm going to write a thesis.

MELANCHOLY

PAUL
's grave in the cemetery.
ROMAIN
and
MARIE
2 have brought flowers.

MARIE 2

…I think he was melancholy.

ROMAIN

Not suffering from depression?

MARIE 2

I like melancholy better.

ROMAIN

Why's that?

MARIE 2

Because
depression
has to do with landscapes: you know, a valley, a hollow, a ditch sort of thing. Melancholy is personal; it doesn't concern anyone else, the term, I mean.

ROMAIN

Sure.

ROMAIN
smiles at
MARIE
. They gaze at one another as though on the verge of kissing.

MARIE 2

…Later on, are we going to kiss the way the others do? Like some sort of understanding, an open code and a point of no return? Kissing will be a pact that says we count for one another, count on one another, take responsibility for one another's happiness and sadness too, and we'll strive in vain to maintain this absurd emphasis of vision that makes us appear mutually magnificent and astonishing?

ROMAIN

(
amused
)
Excuse me?

MARIE 2

Nothing. I'm just trying to look ahead, but I can't. I might as well tell you right now, I haven't got the courage for all that.

ROMAIN

Don't worry about it, Marie.

MARIE 2

Thanks.

ROMAIN

It's nothing.

MARIE 2

Thanks for understanding so quickly.

ROMAIN

Any time.

MARIE 2

I don't know what I'd do without you.

Pause.

ROMAIN

Well, we can still count
on
one another and
for
one another, right?

MARIE 2

Oh yes.

ROMAIN

You're okay with that?

MARIE 2

Yes.

ROMAIN

No problem with it or anything?

MARIE 2

No, of course not.

ROMAIN

So… eventually… we might kiss, right?

MARIE 2

What for?

ROMAIN

Like a pact sort of, one that says we count for one another and on one another, but without necessarily having to be responsible for one another's happiness or sadness, and we'll never fall into the trap of that ridiculous vision that makes each magnificent and astonishing to the other, right?

MARIE 2

…Yeah, sure, as things stand, I can see that.

ROMAIN

Great. This is going just great.

MONIQUE

(
to
the
eye
)
It isn't so much that I miss him. I can live with missing him. I've always been used to having regrets. I miss Paul and I miss others too, like old scents and landscapes, like all that passes, like all things from before whose absence is like an old bite I know so well and have done from my very first memories. It's not the missing so much as the idea he may have been afraid, and especially that he might have had time to change his mind. What if hanging his body by the neck was not his very last wish, but his second-last, and another one welled up too late when he least expected it? It was too late to back out when he was already hanging there and maybe frantically reaching around with his feet, desperately searching for support to take the weight off his neck, maybe get himself out of it. Maybe he called out to me, maybe with enough time left for the thought that I'd come and save him, then giving up hope all over again. This… this is what I can't bear: that maybe he changed his mind and had time to despair all over again.

MARIE 1

My brother lost his footing, but even now I don't know exactly what he died of. I believed it was from coming into the world a stranger. I also thought his ambitions were far higher than earthbound life would allow, but how can I be sure?

The salsa class.
PAUL
and
MARIE
are doing a pas de deux that has absolutely nothing to do with salsa, while the others continue as usual.

PAUL

You're so light on your feet, Marie!

MARIE 2

Really, you think so?

PAUL

You're like a feather.

MARIE 2

Practically flying through the air, eh?

PAUL

Yes, that's it, flying.

MARIE 2

Isn't it wonderful to be able to rise up off the ground?

PAUL

Like a really good sleep.

MARIE 2

Or being drunk.

PAUL

Numbness… feeling nothing at all.

MARIE 2

Not me, I want to feel it all.

PAUL

Sleeping.

MARIE 2

I've decided I'm going to be sensual.

PAUL

Perchance to dream.

MARIE 2

Just you wait and see: I'm a lover of life!

PAUL

To flow like water or else fly.

MARIE 2

You think I can do it?

MARIE 1

Throughout time men have hanged themselves, lifted off this earth in convulsions like a body quivering with impatience to leave this world of feeling behind. There are people for whom life is a burn that nothing can assuage.

We must think of them as suffering, of course, if we want to believe in relief.

But what if the suffering we wish to impute to the hanged is not so… what if we do it to try and understand them, for we wish to do that too: give them meaning, assume they are delivered… even eventually happy, not just grieve for them. But what if it isn't pain; well then, what is it?
(
to
MARIE
2
)
Huh? What exactly are you looking for?

MARIE 2

What?

MARIE 1

…Looking for?

MARIE 2

I want to live life fervently.

MARIE 1

What is that supposed to mean, “live life fervently”?

MARIE 2

It means to live driven, led by something powerful, something that gives you a feeling of elevation, transcending ordinary needs and desires…

MARIE 1

So your ambition is to live better than everyone else?

MARIE 2

That's not what I said…

MARIE 1

And how are you going to do that?

MARIE 2

In search of beauty.

MARIE 1

And where's that exactly?

MARIE 2

I don't know, paintings.

MARIE 1

Right, paintings.

MARIE 2

What do you mean, “
right, paintings
”?

MARIE 1

If you're going to spend our time contemplating religious art, you should expect to be depressed.

MARIE 2

I think religious art is beautiful.

MARIE 1

Sure it is… Catholicism with its cannibalism, its flames, its serpents, its Way of the Cross, its frescoes filled with people begging and killing one another. Yeah, that's great for the morale, that is.

MARIE 2

You're getting on my nerves.

MARIE 1

You too, you drive me crazy with your… your Bovarysme.

MARIE 2

With my what?

MARIE 1

The way to go on thinking you were born for something else.

MARIE 2

What
something else?

MARIE 1

Something… else.

MARIE 2

Yeah, well, I'd really like to know what.

MARIE 1

It's as if ordinary life just isn't enough for any of you, not ever.

MARIE 2

Us who?

MARIE 1

All of you! You, Paul and all those others who feel they don't belong.

MARIE 2

It's not our fault if we feel that way.

MARIE 1

It's normal to feel different when you're a kid, but later on, you're supposed to realize you're just like the others, all the others!

MARIE 2

I wouldn't mind being anyone except who I am.

MARIE 1

That's not true: you want to be anyone but not
just
anyone.

MARIE 2

What are you talking about? It makes no sense at all! Go on, get out of here! I can't stand myself anymore! Go on, beat it!

CHOIR E

(
dancing in the salsa class
)

1.
You're depressed, that's why…

2.
Nothing to hope for, it's normal.

3.
Nothing to hope for.

4.
In our day, we had something to hope for.

5.
We looked ever so far ahead.

6.
We looked so far, we couldn't see any more. That's how far it was.

7.
We had no fear of the future.

8.
You're right to be depressed, Marie.

9.
You're a young woman.

10
. No fun being a young woman.

11
. But you have to make the most of it.

12
. You'll be sorry later on if you don't.

13
. You'll be sorry and you'll say: Okay, fine, so I wrote a thesis, but I haven't got a job, no house, no kids, nothing to fight or hope for.

14
. Cut it out. You're making her even more depressed!

15
. Your thesis is interesting.

16
. Of course it's interesting.

17
. It's not that it isn't interesting.

18
. For people who are interested in that sort of thing it's… interesting.

19
. Different people are interested in different things.

20
. There's no limit to what people can be interested in.

21
. It's just that a thesis isn't exactly a cause.

22
. Now what we had was causes.

23
. Causes have meaning.

24
. And when you're tired of those, you can start a family.

25
. That'll give your life meaning.

26
. When you're out of causes, you can at least start a family.

27
. It's sort of like a mini cause.

28
. I can see why you're depressed.

29
. Everyone is a little bit.

30
. Yes, I've noticed that.

31
. It must be the spiritual void.

32
. Everybody's full of spiritual void.

33
. It's worrisome just to exist; that's why everyone's worried about existing.

34
. You're not going to do like Paul did?

35
. You're not going to do like your brother.

36
. Not like your brother.

37
. Think about your parents.

38
. Think about us.

39
. Paul didn't think about anybody.

40
. Didn't think about anybody.

MARIE
2 writes. She is worn out, and we can tell she's been working on her thesis for hours when
PAUL
appears.

PAUL

So how's it coming along?

MARIE
2 goes on writing.

…So, can I help you?

MARIE
and
PAUL
each light up a cigarette.

MARIE 2

No, you can't. You're dead, remember? The truth is you're not here, and by now not even your body's here anymore either. Not only can't you help me, but you're keeping me from writing. I can't think properly because of you.

MARIE 1

I… No. Thus our research… our research on my brother and the children… No. Thus our research on the archaeology of the image—by way of this detail concerning the feet of the angels… concealed… No. First hidden, then revealed…

PAUL
watches the smoke from his cigarette, while
MARIE
2 doesn't even realize she is smoking. She answers
PAUL
without even looking up at him or interrupting her work.

PAUL

Don't you think smoke softens things?

MARIE 2

What's that?

PAUL

Don't you think smoke softens things?

MARIE 2

Softens what?

PAUL

The world. Its perspectives, its angles, its noise.

MARIE 2

No idea. I'm trying to write.

PAUL

Without smoke, things are too harsh on the eyes, so it's better to fog up the landscape a bit… don't you think?

MARIE 2

Shhh!

MARIE 1