Confessions of a Wild Heart (3 page)

“Hey, I gotta go to the little cowboy’s room,” Jase said. He’d accidentally stopped Ase in the middle of a sentence, having been too in his own head to pay attention. “Sorry.”

Ase smiled and waved off his apology. “It’s in the back corner.” He pointed. “Want another pint?”

Jase checked the time on his phone and realized he hadn’t taken it off airplane mode.
Oops.
“Yeah, I can stay a while longer.” The genuinely pleased look on Ase’s face made Jase feel warm and tingly down to his toes. He told himself it was just the strong German beer, but even his inebriated self told him that was bullshit.

He stood from the table and dug through his bag for his portable phone charger, because he was definitely going to need it fully charged to make it back to his hotel in one piece. He plugged it in, looking over at Ase who was poking around on his own phone. This was the real test. He had his wallet with him and in his backpack was mostly tour guides, maps, and first aid stuff. He figured it’d be safe with Ase. If it walked off, he’d be really bummed, because he genuinely had begun to like his new friend.

“I’ll be right back,” he said. Ase gave him a thumbs up and put his phone to his ear to call someone.

Jase made it quick in the bathroom, washed his hands, and headed back out to the table. Ase was giving him a shit-eating grin that he couldn’t quite fathom, until he went to lift his backpack and realized he’d left it open. Peeking out just enough to see was a magazine he’d bought last week, but not used yet.
Gay European City Guide: Spring Edition
. He shifted nervously, scolding himself as he quickly zipped his book bag, slinging it over the back of his chair.

When he sat he chugged half his pint before looking at Ase who was still eying him. But this time he looked more curious. “So…?”

Jase felt his cheeks flush. He hoped this was not a pre-cursor to a fight. “So…?”

“We have so much in common, Jase.” Jase’s eyes flicked up to Ase’s just in time to catch a playful wink. Ase’s eyes were half-lidded as he chewed his bottom lip seductively.

“This isn’t a set-up to, like, beat my ass or something, right?”

Ase threw his head back and let out another of his sexy laughs. “I was thinking the same about you earlier. I thought maybe I was being too obvious.”

“Well. I caught a few hints. But I didn’t know.”

“Just so you know; this is a fairly live-and-let-live city. Chances of you trouncing me are higher with your accent and my skin color.”

Jase narrowed his eyes at Ase. “I told you—”

“Yes, I know. Some of your best friends are brown.”

Ase didn’t hide his grin well. Jase laughed and tossed a napkin at him. “Fucker.”

“So.” Ase sobered. “Girlfriend? Are you in the closet?”

Jase grimaced and held his hand out, wobbling it side-to-side. “In a manner of speaking. My closest friends know I’m… curious. And my
ex
-girlfriend knows. But I’m not some asshole closet-case using girls if that’s what you’re thinking.”

“Ah, the bi-curious frat boy,” Ase said. “All it takes is a six-pack, they say.”

Jase chuckled and took a swig from his beer. “I’m not a frat boy. Have to actually go on campus for that.”

“
Si.
That’s true.”

“And you?”

“Oh, no. No girl parts for me. All dick, all the time.”

Jase raised his glass and they toasted “To dicks.” Just in time for the waitress to walk up with their check. She blushed, wide-eyed, and went back to the bar.

“Of course that’d be the one English word she’d know,” Ase said, laughing loudly. “Hope you weren’t planning on getting up her skirt tonight,
ese
.”

Jase shook his head. “I’m off the female train for a bit.”

Ase cocked his head. “See, that’s not fair. When one pisses you off, you get to jump the fence for a while.”

“That’s not quite…” Jase snorted at the yeah, right expression on Ase’s face. “Shut up. That’s not what I’m doing. I’m just not in relationship mode at all right now.”

Ase seemed to sober a bit at that. “That bad, huh?”

“You have no idea,” Jase mumbled, and lifted his pint to drain the last of it.

Grabbing for Jase’s phone, Ase brightened. “Well, since you’re giving up on women for right now, you’ll have to have a very gay night out with me.” Jase smiled involuntarily. He passed Jase back his phone. “There. You’ve my number now. Text me tomorrow, and we’ll go to all of the most fabulous gay bars in
Glockenbachviertel.
”

“Glocken-what?”

“Americans.” Ase let out a put-upon sigh. “It’s what you would call a gayborhood. Pleasant, kitschy little neighborhood by day, center of the gay club universe by night.”

“Sounds overwhelming.”

“Oh, come on,” Ase said. He dropped his voice an octave; those exotic eyes narrowed, cat-like, and heated. “We can do a little dirty dancing.” The promise in his eyes made Jase’s cock thicken in his jeans. He felt the heat of arousal suffuse his body and couldn’t help glance at those lush lips.

What could it hurt? They were travelling acquaintances who could share a few drinks and bodily fluids. When was the next time he’d be able to get laid? And it’d be kind of nice to know the person he was fucking, even if for a short while, rather than just any old random person as it had been for the last year.

“I, uh,” Jase started, having to clear his voice to speak past the lump of arousal in his throat. “I don’t see how that could hurt anything.”

“Excellent.” Ase’s eyes danced merrily. Jase wondered if when Ase sobered, he’d think better of his offer. Jase definitely hoped not. But then again, that could be his own horniness and the stout beer talking.

They both lay down cash for their tab after briefly bickering over who would pay. They walked outside into the cool night. “Well I’m just around the corner. Do you need help getting back to your hotel?”

“No,” Jase said, pulling out his phone. “I’ve got the number for a cab company the hotel gave me.” Ase nodded, hands in his pockets, looking adorably mussed from their long day. It was strange to think of such an exotic creature who was at least four inches taller than Jase as adorable, but that was the perfect word for the man right then. He looked uncertain and bashful. The man who’d chased Jase down was gone, his reserve of cool clearly having been depleted for the day.

So Jase decided he’d go for it. This might be the last time they saw each other. He grabbed Ase by the collar of his polo shirt and pulled him down, kissing him slowly at first, then accepting Ase’s tongue with a happy sigh and a moan from Ase. They carded fingers through each other’s hair and kissed one another thoroughly. Ase tasted of cloves and hops, and right then Jase couldn’t think of anything better.

When they separated, Jase felt as stupefied by that earth-shattering kiss as Ase looked.

“I’ll, uh, see you tomorrow,” Ase said, still a bit dazed.

Jase stroked Ase’s cheek with a finger. “Can’t wait.”

Ase turned to head for home, Jase watching him as he went. He shamelessly took in the sinful ass on the man. Before Ase disappeared around the corner up the block, he turned back to Jase, that bad boy swagger back in place, and winked. Jase waved, lamely. He didn’t know what it was about Ase or what the hell had come over him. He was never aggressive, usually the strong silent type like his grandfather. Ase was on some different plane. He pulled out a need in Jase that he feared he’d miss far too much after he’d had a real taste.

But there was no way next week’s jonesing for the drug was going to stop him from having that taste of it today. If there was anything a soldier learned when deployed on active duty, it was to take each thing as it came, one day at a time, and live while you could. Too many wouldn’t go home, and Jase, if he did get home, wasn’t going home with unlived days in his veins.

Chapter 3

JASE’S leg bounced up and down, his patience with the streetcar he was on growing thinner by the minute. He’d stopped at the hotel bar for a little liquid courage before heading out to meet Ase, but the pleasant buzz had worn off about two stops back. Now he just wanted to see Ase again. He’d thought of nothing but the beautiful man since they’d gone their separate ways the night before.

He’d told his mother about the trip to visit the castle, and she’d not been all that enthused. She was still pissed he hadn’t come home on his leave. “Your daddy coulda used your help, son. Your brother’s sick, and it’s calving season.”

She wasn’t usually one for guilt trips, but since his big fuck-up last year with Christa, she’d been tense with him, his shiny good-son veneer having worn off. She didn’t understand why he couldn’t come home this one time. But he’d gone home on every single leave. Every one. While his friends went skiing and to Paris and Milan, he’d travelled in some of the shittiest conditions on bad flights to be home for a week; coddling his ex and helping on the ranch.

He’d be out for good in six months. Another thing his parents didn’t approve of. They thought he should stay in and make a career of it. He’d mostly wanted to see the world and pay for college, like half the other naive newbs out there. After his first tour of the Sand Box he’d been done; the second, he’d been damn near broken; and then the mess with Christa had distracted him enough on his third to make him realize this just wasn’t the life for him anymore.

He’d loved the people he met, the camaraderie, and the discipline he’d learned. He enjoyed having a direction he’d lacked when he was a teenager. But now he was ready to be his own man, find his place in the world.

That’s why he didn’t regret taking this last leave to himself. He’d saved almost all his extra funds since he’d joined up, even the small bonus he’d gotten early on for joining up before there was discussion of troop withdrawal. Sure, he’d sent home money to help out when they needed it, but his parents had insisted he keep his money for himself.

So he had. He’d lived most of his time in barracks and been miserly with his commissary. He wasn’t rich by any means, but when he got out, he could finish the last credits he needed for his criminal justice degree—which he hadn’t dared finish while enlisted because he did not have any desire to be MP.

He also had a nice cushion to enjoy during his time off. He’d spent the last two weeks backpacking in Switzerland, playing around in Amsterdam, and taking in the history of Germany. It’d been fascinating and fun and really awesome for his nerd side. He hadn’t been held back by anyone for the first time in his life, was able to go and see and do what he wanted.

But he’d had the underlying loneliness and the fights with Christa to make things frustrating here toward the end. Which is why Ase was a nice distraction.

He was actually excited, beneath all the trepidation about the night. He’d never done anything so reckless as meeting a cute fellow-American tourist and bar-hopping like a normal twenty-one year old. Certainly, he’d never bar-hopped gay bars. Sure, he’d done pub-crawls with buddies and been to a gay bar here and there on his own, but he’d never had what Ase continued to refer as a Gay Ole Night.

He checked his phone again to remind himself which stop he needed. He looked up to see the next stop was his—
Müllerstraße
. After he hopped off the streetcar, he wandered down a sidewalk, taking in all the lights and people. He’d seen busy streets in the last few years, but there was something jovial about the atmosphere here. There were rainbow flags and people crowded in front of bars, but there were also little old ladies walking their dogs, completely uncaring of the gay couples walking hand-in-hand.

There were gay bars and pubs mixed among bookshops and hardware stores. He remembered the word “kitschy” Ase had used for the neighborhood and thought the description was apt for the random hodgepodge he was walking past.

Finally he recognized the sign for the place Ase had told him they should meet up, and the closer he drew, he could hear a laugh that was permanently imprinted in his memory. He’d recognize anywhere the ass on the man standing on the sidewalk talking to a drag queen.

“Ase,” he called, as he walked closer. Ase turned, and goddamn, was he looking nice. He sported a leather biker jacket and different pair of skintight black jeans. His boots were leather and his t-shirt a plain white V-neck. He had his black hair slicked back, and had clearly gotten a haircut, because the sides were shaved. As good as Ase looked tonight, Jase could skip the dancing part and take Ase back to his room for all he gave a shit.

Ase air-kissed the drag queen on each cheek, and she gave Jase a fluttering wave as Ase swaggered over Jase’s way. “I didn’t realize we were going to a leather bar,” Jase half-teased.

With a leer, Ace retorted, “I didn’t realize we were going to a honky-tonk.”

Jase looked down at his blue jeans, blue plaid button-up, and his nicest boots. “What? These are my going-out clothes.” Okay, so he knew he probably looked a little too Texas for Munich. But he hadn’t wanted to buy all new clothes for one night out.

Ase grabbed Jase by the belt loop and pulled him forward until Jase could smell the spicy cinnamon and cloves scent that emanated from Ase’s body. Then he planted a soft, but hungry closed-mouth kiss on Jase’s lips. It was the sweetest kiss Jase had ever known. Damn, the man was burrowing under his skin. No one got under Jase Emery’s skin. Ask his ex. Any of them.

Jase loved the taste and the smell of the man, and how he hummed into their kiss. He loved how Ase parted Jase’s lips with just the tip of his tongue, and teased Jase’s tongue with his, not trying to lick Jase’s tonsils.

Ase’s over-full lips were pillowy and warm, his clean-shaven face smooth to the touch. He was soft in all the right places and hard in all the best.

Speaking of…
Jase backed out of the kiss, smiling to let Ase know it was good, too good, but gathering himself. They’d been practically fucking each other on the street. And nothing was more unlike Jase than that. He was the fuck in the dark kind of guy, be his partner male or female. He was so used to furtive, anywhere-he-could-get-it fucks because he was home and didn’t want his parents to hear, or trying not to get in trouble with Uncle Sam, so the complete abandon was nice. Who the fuck would see him in this sea of anonymity tonight?