Broken (20 page)

“
One of the
effects that my father’s abuse of me had was a feeling of
indifference towards the world.” I said. “And I’ve had to fight it
every day of my life since. I don’t want to be unresponsive towards
people. I would love to be spontaneous with my feelings towards
others by feeling their pain and their happiness, just as I feel my
own. Do you also feel that way?”

“
I’ve never
given it any thought.” Garth said. “But I don’t believe that I’m
indifferent towards the world. Sure, I often get impatient with
people especially when they over-react emotionally but I’m
definitely not indifferent.”

“
I know that
I’ve built a wall around myself ever since I was abused.” I said.
“And I really struggle to breach it. Sometimes I do but most times
I don’t. Are you aware of having built some kind of protective wall
around yourself to keep out any further pain?”

“
Again, I’ve
never thought about it.” Garth said. “But I don’t think that, if I
have built a wall around myself, it’s any different from the walls
that everyone builds around themselves. We all want to protect
ourselves from something. Anyway, as I said, I don’t want to
discuss my childhood and what effect it’s had on me. Let’s get up
and go to McDonald’s for breakfast.”

Garth climbed out of bed and
went to the bathroom. I heard him turn on the shower. I stared up
at the ceiling. Breaking down the protective walls that I’d built
around myself was a huge task that I sometimes thought was beyond
my capabilities, but I was determined never to give up trying, just
as I was determined never to allow my past to destroy my future.
And I desperately wanted the same for Garth. But how could I
achieve this if I couldn’t even heal myself?

As we sat in
the McDonald
’s restaurant waiting for our
breakfast to be served, I could see that Garth was unhappy about my
attempt to bring up his past.

“
So, Mister
Gilmore.” I said, trying to break the tension between us. “Have you
got any ideas about what kind of business you want to start? There
must be lots of possibilities.”

Garth
glanced at me.

“
You’re
right. There are a lot of possibilities; and that’s the problem.”
he said. “There are so many things about starting each different
business that I don’t know anything about. Each business has its
own problems. I don’t know where to start.”

“
Isn’t there
anything on the internet that could help you?” I asked.

Garth
’s eyebrows rose.

“
I hadn’t
thought of that.” he said. “When we get home I’ll Google “starting
your own business”. But there’s also the possibility of buying into
a franchise. It’s very expensive but you’re virtually guaranteed to
succeed. All the training and business knowledge is included in the
price.”

“
If you don’t
have enough money, won’t the bank help you with finance?” I
asked.

“
Not before
I’m eighteen.” Garth said. “Anyway, maybe I’ll strike it rich on
the horses and then I won’t have to go to them.”

“
Have you
made any money betting on the horses?” I asked.

“
A little.”
Garth said. But, by the way his eyes wouldn’t meet mine as he said
that, I knew that he wasn’t being truthful.

Alth
ough I was now living with
Garth I knew that I had no right to interfere in his personal
affairs and that if I tried to do so, he would undoubtedly be very
angry and possibly even tell me to leave the house. It was becoming
more and more obvious every day that he was under a great deal of
pressure and I could only think that the cause was money. Garth had
told me that, apart from the house, he had also inherited “a nice
sum of money”. If that was the case then he shouldn’t be having
financial problems. Unless he was wasting the money on his horse
racing habit. But, even if this was the case, I knew that it was
none of my business and that I shouldn’t try to interfere. The
following day though, the truth about why Garth was so uptight
surfaced.

I had got
back to the house from work and found Garth in his study sitting in
front of his computer studying the race card for the coming
Wednesday’s race meeting.

“
Would you
like a beer?” I asked after I had kissed him.

“
That would
be nice.” Garth replied without looking up from the computer’s
screen.

I went to the kitchen and opened
the fridge. There were no beers. I went back to the study.

“
There aren’t
any beers.” I said. “Can I get you something else?”

“
Damn!” Garth
said. “I meant to get beers this morning. I’ll go and get some
now.”

Garth left
the house and I went to the kitchen to prepare our supper. Shortly
after I’d gathered all the ingredients for the meal I heard a knock
at the front door. I went to the lounge and looked through the
window. A middle-aged woman stood waiting on the veranda with a
large file folder in her hand. I opened the front door.

“
Hello.” the
woman said. “I’m Misses Phillips from the Child Welfare Department.
Is Garth Gilmore in?”

“
No.” I
replied. “He’s gone to the supermarket to buy something. He won’t
be long. Can I help you? I’m Garth’s girlfriend, Cindy Bedford.
Please come in. Garth should be here any moment now.”

Misses Phillips walked into the
house. I closed the front door and we went into the lounge. Misses
Phillips sat down on one of the chairs.

“
Can I get
you some tea or coffee?” I asked.

“
No thanks.”
Misses Phillips said.

Just then I
saw Garth
coming up the short garden path
carrying a six-pack of beer. He climbed the steps onto the veranda
and opened the front door. As he walked into the house he saw
Misses Phillips. I was surprised to see the look of shock and fear
that quickly spread across his face. He closed the front door and
put the beer down on the hall table. By the time he walked into the
lounge his face was expressionless. He glanced at the file folder
in Misses Phillips’ hand.

“
Hello,
Misses Phillips.” he said. “What brings you here today?”

“
Hello,
Garth.” Misses Phillips replied. “Sit down. We need to talk about
something.”

“
I’ll go and
put the beers in the fridge and start making supper.” I
said.

“
No.” Garth
said. “You might as well stay here and listen to what Misses
Phillips has come to talk to me about. I have a feeling that it’s
going to affect both of us.”

Garth
sat down on the couch and I sat next to
him.

“
Garth.”
Misses Phillips said. “The manager at the bank asked me to come and
see him this morning. He showed me a statement of your investment
account. The original amount was just over sixty thousand Rand but
there is now only just over fifteen thousand Rand in it. He also
showed me the letter that he’d received from the Department. I’ve
checked with the Department and no such letter was ever
authorised.”

I glanced at
Garth
. He was staring down at the carpet
in front of him.

“
Garth.”
Misses Phillips said. “That letter is a forgery. You’ve committed
fraud and fraud is a criminal offence. Did you know
that?”

“
But it’s my
money. I inherited it.” Garth said. “Why can’t I spend it if I want
to?”

“
Because
you’re under the age of eighteen and it’s the Department’s
responsibility to see that you don’t waste your money.” Misses
Phillips said. “What did you do with the forty five
thousand?”

Garth
continued to stare at the carpet. In the silence
I could hear a dog barking in the neighbour’s yard.

“
I used it to
gamble at the casino and on the horses.” Garth said
sulkily.

I saw Misses Phillips shake her
head in amazement.

“
Now you can
see why we didn’t want you to have access to the investment
account.” she said. “Unfortunately there’s nothing that can be done
about the money now. It’s gone. But the Department cannot ignore
the fraudulent letter that you sent to the bank and their lawyers
are preparing to lay a charge of fraud against you.”

I saw
Garth
’s head jerk up and he stared at
Misses Phillips.

“
I’m not a
lawyer so I can’t say what will happen if the matter goes to
court.” Misses Phillips said. “But fraud is a serious crime even
when it’s committed by a juvenile.”

Garth
shrugged his shoulders and I saw an expression
of defiance settle on his face.

“
I don’t
care.” Garth said. “It’s my money and I should be allowed to do
with it as I please.”

Misses Phillips stood up.

“
Your daily
limit on your credit card has been changed back to one hundred and
fifty Rand.” she said. “And any transaction involving your
investment account has to be approved by me. And, as far as the
fraudulent letter’s concerned, showing some remorse would be a good
idea. If the authorities see that you regret what you did they’ll
be more inclined to be lenient towards you.”

“
I don’t
think that I did anything wrong.” Garth said. “I still maintain
that it’s my money and you shouldn’t be allowed to prevent me from
spending it on anything that I want to.”

“
We’ll have
to wait and see what the authorities decide to do.” Misses Phillips
said as she walked to the front door. She opened it, stepped out
onto the veranda and turned and closed the door.

In the silence that followed we
could hear Misses Phillips walk to the front gate and let herself
out. A short while latter we heard he car door slam, the engine
burst into life and she drove away.

“
I’ll go and
make supper.” I said. “Can I bring you a beer?”

Garth
was staring down at the carpet again. He
nodded.

I took a beer
to Garth
and then busied myself cooking
our supper. Garth came into the kitchen and dropped his empty beer
can into the rubbish bin. He went to the fridge and took out two
beers. He opened them and handed one to me.

“
Thanks.” I
said as I began to dish up the stew onto our plates. “Come on, my
friend.” I said. “Let’s eat.”

We sat down at the table.

“
I suppose
you think I’m a bloody fool for losing all that money.” Garth
said.

“
As you said
to Misses Phillips; it’s your money and you should be allowed to
spend it as you wish.” I said. “I wonder what would have happened
if you’d won a lot of money instead of losing it. Would it still
have been wrong to have taken the money?”

“
Good
question.” Garth said. “But we’ll never know the answer; will
we?”

We continued to eat in
silence.

“
So what are
you going to do?” I asked. “Get a job?”

“
I suppose
I’ll have to.” Garth said. “But doing what, I just don’t
know.”

“
Shall I
speak to the manager at Checkers?” I asked. “Mister Botha has been
very good to me and maybe he can help.”

“
Okay.” Garth
said. “Although I can’t imagine what kind of work I could do
there.”

"
Maybe some kind of supervisory
job.” I said.

Later
that
night I lay in bed next to Garth as
he tossed and turned in his sleep and I realised that I had fallen
deeply in love with him and I knew that I would do anything to help
him make a success of his life. Once again though, that familiar
feeling of helplessness filled my body as I realised how formidable
a task that would be. Both of us were still so young and
inexperienced and the world out there was so uncaring and harsh. We
didn’t seem to have a chance.

CHAPTER 8

Once again Cindy was asked to
step down from the witness stand and I took her place.

“
Garth.” Paul
Greave addressed me after I’d sat down. “What did you do after your
attempt to access the investment account was uncovered?”

I inhaled deeply and sighed.

***

I now no
longer had a decision to make. It had been made for me when my
scheme to access the investment account was uncovered. If I wanted
money to gamble with and live an easy life now, I had to relieve
Mister Eksteen of his takings while he was on his way to the bank.
One of the major races in the country, the annual Charity Mile over
1600 metres at Turfontein, was scheduled to be run in three
week
’s time and Mister Eksteen was sure
to take in a very large amount of cash that day. This gave me
plenty of time to plan how I would take the money and escape
without using violence and without being identified.

I began to
follow Mister Eksteen every time he took his takings to the bank,
sometimes walking in front of him and watching his reflection in
the shop windows and at other times walking casually behind him. I
varied the clothes that I wore and even took the lenses out of a
pair of Aunt Rose’s reading glasses and wore the frames to disguise
myself.

I decided to
wear a dark ski mask rolled up to above my eyes when I carried out
the robbery and just before I grabbed the briefcase I would unroll
it to cover my face. I spent a lot of time trying to find a
suitable escape route and I came across a narrow alley between two
buildings that ran right through the block to the street on the
opposite side. I decided that what I needed to do was walk close
behind Mister Eksteen and as he reached the entrance to the alley I
would grab the briefcase and dash along it to the other side of the
block. As Mister Eksteen was an elderly man he was unlikely to
chase after me and would probably try to attract other pedestrian’s
attention and get them to chase after me. As this was bound to take
some time I felt sure that I would long gone by the time any
pursuit was organised.