Behind Closed Doors (12 page)

She walked back over to the window and stared down to the street. She wasn’t about to watch him walk out that door. “Whatever, Larry,” she said quietly.

“I’m sorry for all of this, and I wish there was some way I could make it up to you.” He walked through the doorway, down the stairs, and into the garage to load the Lexus.

She couldn’t stand to see him back out of the driveway, so she moved away from the upstairs window. When she heard the garage door closing, she knew he was gone. She leaned against the wall. “Oh God, please help me. How could he do something like this?” She wailed loudly, dropped to the floor, and curled up like a frightened child. She was better off dead. She couldn’t live her life without Larry. Everything inside her depended on him. How was she going to make it through another day knowing that he was in love with another woman? Someone who had claimed to be her friend. Someone she had trusted. Her perfect marriage had transformed itself into a horrible nightmare and didn’t appear to have any chance of a happy ending. She needed one of those sleeping pills she’d been taking. No, what she needed were as many as were left in the bottle. What reason could she possibly have for waking up again anyway? Clearly, there wasn’t one she could think of.

“I
SHOULD BE THERE
in about fifteen minutes,” Karen said. “I’ll be watching out for you,” Regina said, brushing over her red hot fingernail polish with Sally Hansen’s top coat. She was sitting on the sofa in the family room.

Regina wasn’t in the mood for going to church, but since it was Mother’s Day, she figured the least she could do was attend services with her parents. And it would probably do her some good, since she’d had those crazy, suicidal thoughts just one week ago. She couldn’t believe she’d even toyed with the idea of doing something so idiotic. No man was worth taking her life over, no matter what the circumstance, and she was glad she’d realized that before it had been too late.

She walked into the living room, sat down on the off-
white wingback chair in front of the window, and crossed her legs. She glanced down at her evergreen shoulder bag and realized she hadn’t switched purses. She’d planned on pulling out her red one with the chain shoulder strap, but she had completely forgotten about it. She preferred complete color coordination whenever she wore her Sunday-go-to-meeting suits because those were a lot dressier than the ones she wore to work.

She was decked out in a bright red, tailored-looking linen suit and a pair of elegantly sculptured red pumps. This evergreen purse wasn’t going to do. She’d have Karen make the change for her as soon as she arrived, so she wouldn’t ruin her manicure.

She leaned back in the chair to relax, and something dawned on her. She hadn’t thought about Larry for almost ten minutes. She’d thought her loneliness would become easier to deal with as the days went on, but it hadn’t. He hadn’t called her, and the few times she’d called him at work he’d said he was too busy to talk. She took a deep breath. She felt like crying again, and it took all of the willpower she had to prevent it. Was this ever going to get any better? Was he ever coming back to her? And how were her parents going to take all of this? At this point, she hadn’t told them about how their loving son-in-law had walked out on their only child. She’d have no choice but to tell them today though, because her mother would take one look at her and know that something was gravely wrong.

A
FTER KAREN
switched Regina’s wallet, lipstick, facial powder, and a few other personal items into her red purse, they left and started on their way to Rockford. Generally, it took about an hour, but whenever Karen drove, they usually got there in record time. The girl had a lead foot that just wouldn’t quit.

As they arrived at the Elgin toll center, Karen tossed forty cents into the basket, waited for the wooden slat to lift, pressed on the accelerator, and steered the Jeep out of the stall. She was sharper than a piece of broken glass and knew it. She was dressed in an off-white acetate rayon suit, an off-white pair of panty hose, and an off-white pair of mules. She’d accented the outfit with pearl earrings and a larger pearl necklace.

Karen always liked listening to Pam, the DJ for V103’s Sunday morning gospel show, but she turned down the volume on the radio, so she and Regina could talk. “So, Larry still hasn’t called yet?”

“No,” Regina said, positioning her bottom on the passenger seat. “I’ve called him at work, but he claims he’s too busy to talk. I called Ted’s house a couple of times, but Ted said he wasn’t there. He was probably with that—” She wanted to call Marilyn a bitch, but she figured that was an inappropriate word to be using since they were on their way to church. “Well, you know who I’m talking about.”

“You think? Maybe he’s not. Maybe he just needs some time to himself.”

“Now, Karen. You know just as well as I do that he’s
still seeing her. If he was doing it before we separated, what’s to stop him now?”

“Yeah, I guess you’re right about that. Did he say why he did what he did? I mean, I know you told me he was unhappy with a lot of things, but you never gave me any specifics. Which I’m still mad about, since you didn’t call me right when he left. I would’ve come right over, and you know it. This is the second time you’ve needed me and haven’t called to let me know it.”

The reason Regina hadn’t called was that she’d been contemplating killing herself. But there was no need to elaborate on that now. “Well, for one thing, he said I spend too much money. And I admit that sometimes I spend a lot of unnecessary money on things I don’t need, but I don’t see why he’s just now letting me know how he feels about it. He had mentioned it a couple of times before, but he’d never made a big deal out of it.”

“Please. That still doesn’t justify him going out and committing adultery,” Karen said, rolling her eyes upward in disgust.

“Yeah, I know it’s not, but tell him that. Oh yeah, and he also said that I’m color-struck, and that I think I look better than dark-skinned women. Which really upset me, because I don’t think I’m better than anybody.”

Karen didn’t say anything.

“Have you ever thought that about me?”

“Thought what?” Karen asked evasively.

“Do you think I’m color-struck? Just be honest.”

Karen didn’t like this at all, because it was obvious that
Regina really didn’t understand what Larry was talking about. “Look. You’re my best friend, and we all have faults. I know I do. I’m probably one of the most opinionated, stubborn people you’ll ever meet. Not to mention the fact that I like to have my way with a lot of things.”

“We’re not talking about you, though. What I want to know is if you think I’m color-struck.”

“I probably wouldn’t go as far as saying that, but you do make a lot of comments when it comes to color. That’s just the way you are, and I’m used to it. It doesn’t mean you’re a terrible person or anything,” Karen said, staring straight ahead of her. She couldn’t look Regina in the face now if she wanted to.

“Comments like what?” Regina asked, turning toward Karen.

“Well, for example, whenever you describe how a guy looks, you always have to say whether he was light or whether he was dark. Most of the time you don’t even say ‘light-skinned,’ you say ‘bright-skinned.’ Do you remember a couple of months ago when we were at that cafe down in the Loop, and that real nice-looking guy passed by and smiled at you?”

“Yeah, I think so.”

“Do you remember what you said?”

“No. What?”

” ‘He sure was dark, but he was fine, though.’”

“But I didn’t mean anything by it.”

“Yeah, but when you say it like that, it’s like you’re
saying it’s a rarity for a dark-skinned person to look good.”

“That’s not what I meant at all,” Regina said, sounding defensive.

“Okay,” Karen said. “What about the time you were telling me about how beautiful your cousin’s kids were that live in St. Louis? You said, ’Tamara’s kids are so gorgeous. All three of them are so bright-skinned.’”

“What’s wrong with describing how they look?”

“Nothing, except that whenever you say a light-skinned person looks good you make it sound as though that’s why they look good, and whenever you say a dark-skinned person looks good, you make it sound like it’s so unusual.”

“How come you’ve never mentioned this before?”

“That’s just the way you are, and when you’ve been friends with someone for as long as I’ve been with you, you accept that person, regardless.”

“You’re dark-skinned, and I don’t think I’m better than you.” Regina paused. “I don’t even let anything like that cross my mind. I think we’re both attractive, and I’ve never seen any reason to make any comparisons between us.”

“Well, I never said anything before, but it always seemed like to me that whenever a guy paid more attention to me than to you, you seemed offended. Almost like you couldn’t understand why they hadn’t chosen to talk to you instead. You never said anything, but you always seemed disappointed. And one time, you even went as
far as saying that you knew you weren’t ugly, so you couldn’t understand why it was so hard for you to meet decent guys whenever we went out.”

“That was just a statement. I was only trying to figure out why I wasn’t meeting any decent men. That’s all.”

“Well, maybe you don’t mean anything when you say the things you say, but those sort of comments tend to make people think funny. Especially dark-skinned people,” Karen said, driving away from the Marengo-Hampshire tollbooth.

Regina rotated her body back toward the front of the car and was silent.

“You shouldn’t let any of this bother you, though, because I’ll love you like my sister until the day I die. The only reason I told you any of this is because you asked me to. Otherwise, I would have never said anything about it.”

“Well, I guess I need to watch what I say, and how I say it, because I certainly don’t want to insult anybody simply because they have a certain skin color.”

“If I were you, I wouldn’t worry about it. You’re a good person with a good heart, and that’s more important than anything I can think of. And as far as I can tell, you’re the same Regina you were when Larry married you. It’s not like you’ve drastically changed your personality all of a sudden. And even if you had, it still doesn’t give him the right to go out and see if the grass is greener on the other side. It just doesn’t. So, before you start blaming yourself, just remember, you’re the victim
here. If Larry was unhappy with the way your marriage was going, he should have let you know. Although, I must admit, communication doesn’t work for everyone.”

“Why do you say that?” Regina asked, stroking the sides of her neatly tapered hair.

“Because when John first started this horse track thing, I tried to talk to him about it, and it didn’t work. After a few weeks passed by, I argued with him about it. Then finally, our arguments turned into angry debates, and it wasn’t long before I was telling him to get out. And as you can see, that’s exactly what he did.”

“Have you spoken with him this weekend?”

“The man calls every day. Calls me at work and at home, begging me to let him come back.”

“Girl, you must be out of your mind,” Regina said, moving her head from side to side. “Larry has gone out and screwed another woman, but if he called me tonight, saying he wanted to come back home, I’d welcome him back with open arms. I know it might sound stupid, but like I told you before, I still love him, and I just can’t see myself going through life without him.”

“Well, I’m not like that. I love John more than anything, and you know I don’t want anyone else, but I just can’t put up with his gambling. And I know if I hold out long enough, he’ll eventually come around and start going to those support meetings.”

“But what if he doesn’t? Then what are you going to do?”

“I don’t know, and to tell you the honest truth, I don’t even think like that. I’m not planning to divorce him or
anything, I just want him to change what he’s doing before we lose everything we’ve got.”

“Life is so strange. When we were six, we were in the same first-grade class. When we were twelve, we got our periods for the first time. When we were seventeen, we graduated high school a whole year early and then enrolled at the same university. By the time we were twenty-eight, we had both purchased beautiful homes in the same Chicago suburb. But look at us now, since we turned thirty. We’re separated from our husbands and have no idea as to how things are going to turn out. Although, your situation is a little different than mine. Larry left on his own, and there’s nothing I can do about it, but all you have to do is say the word, and John would be back today. Shoot, you’d better take my advice and call him. Better yet, you’d better stop by his mother’s while we’re in Rockford and talk to him personally.”

“As bad as I want to see him, and as much as I miss him, I just can’t do that. And you know I wouldn’t dare step foot in his mother’s house, anyway.”

“Did you hear yourself earlier, saying how stubborn you were? Girl, you’d better put that little pride of yours aside and tell your man he can come home. I’ve told you that before.”

“I’m doing no such thing. You just wait and see. This is the only way to handle John. The man doesn’t understand the nicey nicey way with anything and has to learn all his lessons from the School of Hard Knocks.”

“Girl, please,” Regina said, laughing for the first time
since they’d started their journey. “I don’t see how you can joke about this. But then, you always were the strong one. I wish I could be like that, but it’s just not in me.”

“It’s not that I don’t get lonely or that I never feel hurt, because I do. But the world doesn’t stop simply because things aren’t going the way you want them to, so you have no choice except to roll with the punches as they come,” Karen commented and glanced at the sign to the right that said, Rockford 36 miles.

“I guess. But that still wouldn’t change the fact that I want Larry back. And as far as I’m concerned, nothing else really matters,” Regina said, staring out the window.

“Don’t worry,” Karen said. “Things will work out between the two of you in due time.” Karen hoped there was some truth to what she’d just said.

K
AREN PULLED INTO
her mother’s steep, perfectly cemented driveway and parked behind Sheila’s Toyota. She hadn’t spoken with her sister since that day they’d had those words about Terrance, and she wondered if it had all blown over. She’d practically forgotten about it, but one never could tell what the situation was going to be with Miss Sheila. The girl could hold grudges longer than anybody else Karen knew. She hoped Sheila had gotten over it by now, though, because it didn’t make sense to have something that petty spoil the whole day. Mother’s Day was supposed to be a happy occasion.

She stepped out of the Jeep, removed the corsages
she’d picked up at the florist after dropping Regina at her parents’, and shut the door. She walked up the stairs, onto the porch and inside the house, since the door was already open. Although, she would have done the same even if it had been locked, since she still had her original set of keys from when she was living here. After she’d gone away to college and ultimately moved to Schaumburg, her mother hadn’t made her give them up, and she was glad, because regardless of where she lived, she still considered this home.