Ascending Darkness (Shattering the Darkness) (23 page)

I can’t even see it all that well from way back here and I can tell how awful it is. Some of the bricks at the top have caved in so that it is about half as tall as it once was, the beautiful pale brown stones are all stained with soot, turning them black.

I always loved that my bar stood out next to all the red brick buildings surrounding it, but this… it stands out in a completely horrible way now.

I reach for the door handle and begin to open it when Breccan growls out, “Harper.”

Oh.

Right.

“Sorry,” I mumble.

He gets out and comes around to let me out. As soon as I step out of the car, the smell burns my nose. There is a haze covering the whole street from the smoke pouring out of my bar.

Breccan puts his arm around me, pulling me into his side and walks us towards
the building. As we get close I see Nikko standing next to a police officer, talking to him. Breccan lifts the police tape for me and we both step under it. I walk up to Nikko and place my hand on his arm. He turns and looks at me, a sad smile crossing his face as he pulls me into a hug.

“Hey, baby girl,” he whispers into my hair, rubbing his hands up and down my back.

“Hey,” I bury my face in his chest squeezing my arms that wrap around his waist.

“Nikko.”

“Hey, Breccan,” I hear them exchange the greetings above my head.

I step out of Nikko’s arms and Breccan pulls me back into his side. I look around at everything littering the sidewalk. All the glass from the windows and doors cover the space. Some tables and chairs were obviously thrown out and are scattered out of the way of the firemen.

I lean heavily into Breccan, feeling utterly defeated. How do I compete with this? He knows all of my weaknesses. Even after all of these years. He knows how to cut me right to the quick.

And it fucking hurts…

The really scary part is that he is only getting started. He is capable of so much worse… and I can feel, deep in my bones, that he is ready to prove it.

You would think after all this time that he would just forget about me. After all, I was just another whore. But nobody leaves Stevie unless he deems it to be so. It must always be on his terms.

Which means death.

You don’t grow old in that life. Either Stevie himself or the clients make sure of it.

Couple that with the fact that I was photographed with one of the richest men in the country… well… Stevie finally found his meal ticket.

I continue to take in the effects that man is having on my current life when I realize that we are the only three here aside from the police and firemen.

“Where is everyone?” I ask, looking around. I look up at Nikko, “Where’s Kara?”

“She stayed back with Bane.” He runs his hand through his hair, with an edge of frustration about this whole situation, “And I haven’t notified any of the staff about this. Yet.”

“We probably need to tell everyone…” I say quietly so only he and Breccan can here.

“Tell who, what?” Breccan asks tilting his head to look at me.

I raise my hands up and wave them around towards my burnt down bar, “Everyone,” I say, “The staff, our friends,” I gesture to Breccan, “
your
family.”

“And tell them what exactly, baby girl?” Nikko asks gently, coming to stand in front of both Breccan and I.

I take a deep breath and look up at both of them. It’s not going to be easy. But it is time for me to take the steps to move on with my life. And I can’t do that by lying to the people that I am closest with.

I close my eyes for a moment… thinking back to all the pain… the self-hatred… the humiliation… those feelings of being used… the forced sex… and having to pretend that it is the best thing you’ve ever experienced. Those men… I swallow back a bit of bile as a few tears fall from my eyes.

“I have to tell them about me…” I say quietly, I open my eyes and look deep into Nikko’s, “and that they are in danger.”

“Baby girl…” he whispers at
the same time that Breccan says, “Dove, no…”

I pull out of Breccan’s arms and turn so that I am facing both of them.

“They have a right to know. They need to take the necessary precautions. It’s important,” I argue with the two of them, “We’ll do it today.” I pull my phone out of my pocket and look at the time, “It’s a quarter to five,” I put my phone back and look at Breccan, “I want to talk to the fire investigator and then we’ll go back to Nikko’s.”

“Harper… you don’t have to,”
Breccan steps closer to me and places his hand on my shoulder, “You’ve been through so much.”

“I may as well get it out all at once,” I beg him with my eyes for him to understand, “I don’t think I can tell the story over and over again,” I reach up and palm his jaw, running my thumb across the rough stubble, “I believe they have a right to know and I need to just do it all at once.” I stand on my tip toes and kiss him softly then look at Nikko. “We’ll pick up breakfast on the way and we can call everybody in a few hours, okay?”

“Are you sure, baby girl?” he asks again with wary eyes, “That’s a lot of pressure. And it’s been so hard for you to talk about it in the past,” he says softly.

I look up to Breccan and see him staring at me. Trying to read my face… my reaction. My face softens and I smile at him.

“Things are different now,” I answer Nikko quietly without looking away from Breccan. 

A few hours later the four of us are at Nikko and Kara’s apartment. I’m standing by the window in Nikko’s office, with Bane at my feet and my hand scratching his head; thinking about everything.

How my life has changed so much
…

Nikko and Breccan made the calls to everyone, telling them to be here as soon as they can. I told them I could call, but they told me they would take care of it. I think they were worried that this day is going to be hard enough on me and they didn’t want to put me through any more than I was putting myself through.

The thing is, I’m actually not as nervous as I thought I would be. Yeah, I’m a little scared, but now that Breccan knows, everything else seems a bit easier. His words keep coming back to me, bouncing around in my head, and it scares me to say but I think I’m actually starting to believe them.

My whole life, I have only thought of myself as worthless and only good for a few things. One of those things being an outlet for angry men. I was really good at it…

I thought…

I thought I was tough enough to take it when I would be beaten or raped. I had an armor around my emotions. Nothing could touch me. Those men… they didn’t affect me.

And then Breccan made me realize how wrong it was.

Don’t get me wrong, I always knew it was wrong, but I thought it was wrong for the incorrect reasons.

I was wrong to participate…

I was wrong to stay…

I was wrong for not fighting back…

I was wrong to let Rex die…

I was wrong to let my baby die…

That is probably the hardest thing for me to accept. It is a mother’s job to protect her child. Mine never got the chance and I failed to do it.

But Breccan has made me realize what the difference is. Everything was wrong, but they were things that were done
to
me. I was only a child and how could I have known what to do? I have seen a different world now. I know what it is like
not
to live that life. Back then I just tried to get through the day alive. I kept fighting back in my own way…

I fought them by living…

I really didn’t have any armor. I wasn’t as strong as I thought I was, because it turns out I couldn’t take it. I built up walls, not to only keep that life out, but to keep out any future life. It kept me from allowing Breccan into my world and into my heart. It kept me from loving him and being truly happy.

And now…

Now, I feel like there isn’t a cloud hanging over my head.

Yes, I believe that Stevie has found me and is now playing games and that does scare the shit out of me, but I have allowed myself to think about a future. To dream about building a life with the man that I love.

I always kept myself so cloaked in my own humiliation, so that no one could see the real me. Breccan managed to see me and coax me to come out. He wants everything about me. He wants all the bad. He wants the future.

He wants all of
me
.

That is pretty heavy stuff when you think about it. For someone to love you so completely that none of your flaws matter. They even cease to matter to you in a way.

No matter what happens with this whole situation… I have him.

My hand goes up and I rub the dove on my necklace between my fingers. Reminding myself of the symbol of our love. He felt it from the beginning. He recognized it for what it was.

True love.

It has taken me longer to acknowledge it, but that is what the dove means. It is a symbol that we were meant to be together. That is why he spent so long looking for me. He was looking for his dove. He knew, even as a
boy, that he wouldn’t settle for less than this feeling.

I never even knew I was looking for something. But when I met Breccan my world stopped spinning out of control. It settled and began to gravitate towards him.

I take a deep breath and stare out the window, absentmindedly still scratching Bane’s head. He is leaning heavily into me and hasn’t left my side since I walked in the door. I feel bad that I have neglected him a bit these past few weeks.

I hear footsteps behind me just before I smell Breccan close to me. He stands right behind me, his body pressing against mine. He doesn’t place his hands on me, but leans down and kisses the top of my head.

“How are you doing, dove?” he asks, his lips against my hair.

“I’m doing fine.” I lean back into him; he supports my weight and wraps his arms around my chest, his chin resting on my head.

“You sure, baby?” he whispers.

“Yeah.” I smile sadly. “I can’t believe it’s really gone,” I take a deep breath, “I worked so hard on
Ricominciare
.”

“I know.” He moves and kisses the side of my neck. “Are you going to rebuild? Or have you
not thought about it?”

“I haven’t really thought about it, I guess
,” I shrug. “I’ve really been thinking more about telling everyone about me.”

“You don’t have to
…” he tightens his arms around me, “We can keep them protected without them knowing.”

“They should know, Brecc. It’s time I got all of this out.”

“I don’t like the idea of you going through this,” he growls, “Especially after last night.”

“Brecc,” I place my hands on his forearms and lean down to kiss them. “I want to do this.” I lean my head back and rest it against his shoulder. “I’m not afraid anymore and I want them to know how serious this is. Stevie is obviously behind everything and I don’t want anyone else getting hurt.”

“I still don’t see why we need to tell them.”

“Would you want to know? If it was you?” I ask while looking out the window.

“Of course. You’re my dove,” he points out and I smile at that.

“I mean if it was one of them and I was in danger. You would want to know what the danger was, wouldn’t you?”

“Yeah…” he admits reluctantly, “I guess I would. I just hate putting you through this,” he admits on a sigh.

“You’re not putting me through anything, Breccan. You’re supporting me.” I turn around in his arms, placing my palms on his chest, “You’re the reason I’m even able to think about telling anyone.” I lean forward and kiss his chest through his sweatshirt. “I love you,” I whisper there.

His fingers touch under my chin and raise it so that our eyes meet.

“I love you, too, dove,” he says then leans down and lightly presses his lips to mine for a short kiss. “And I love to hear you say it in that sexy fucking voice of yours,” he whispers against my lips then moves his mouth to my ear and whispers, “and I love to hear you moan those words while my cock is buried deep inside you.” 

My hands tighten and twist in his sweatshirt while my breath hitches and my clit begins to throb.

“Brecc…” I breathe out, “not here. Don’t you dare get me turned
on.”

“Too late for me, may as well have you join me,” he whispers in my ear and presses his erection into my stomach.

I drop my forehead against his chest and let out a super quiet groan since Nikko and Kara are in the other room. Breccan’s hands move to the waist of my jeans.

“Brecc… no…” I protest halfheartedly.

“C’mon, dove.” He kisses my neck while popping the button on my jeans. “Just let me help you relax for a minute.” I can feel him smile against my skin. “It will make what you have to do that much easier.”

It really is no use to fight. And it will help calm my nerves…