Always: Broken Series Book Four (7 page)

T
he next day
, I got up at 7, along with Nick and Addison. Nick looked at me as I got out of bed. “Hey, what’s going on? Why are you getting up this early?”

“I need to make breakfast for Addison and Chloe. And I need to get ready for work.” I smiled at him, reveling in how he was looking at me with admiration in his eyes. “I finally came to the conclusion that you’re right. I need to try to carry on the best I can. I need this family to come to a kind of normalcy. A new normal, anyhow. And my hanging around the house, moping, instead of working, isn’t doing anyone any good. Least of all Addison.”

Nick smiled and patted the side of the bed. “Hmmmm, I was hoping you would come around. But I still want you to see Adele.” He nuzzled the back of my neck and put his hands on my breasts. “You can give me a few minutes, can’t you?” At that, he kissed my lips, and I felt the familiar feeling of melting into him.

“I can definitely give you a few minutes. Maybe a few more.” As I heard my heart quickening, I said “I think that Addy can probably make herself a bowl of cereal. She’s used to getting her own breakfast, and I…”

Nick pinned my shoulders down on the bed and got on top of me. “I know, Addy can make her own breakfast,” he said. “I really need to feel myself inside of you right now.”

I spread my legs, and felt his hard cock around my opening. I felt flush and warm. I had to admit that it had been a few days since I felt Nick inside of me, and I missed it. I really missed it.

He entered me slowly, filling me up, inch by inch. I threw back my head, glad that I had never, ever gotten tired of making love with Nick. He still excited me as much as he ever did.

He thrust in and out, his hands making their way to my breasts as his tongue was lightly caressing my neck and my earlobes. He hoisted me up to where I was riding him, and I put my hands on his shoulders as I rode him hard. I felt my insides swell up and grip his cock firmly. Finally, with a groan, I was completely and utterly satisfied, and I felt Nick’s hot cum spread inside of me.

I withdrew, and laid back down on the bed next to him. I interlaced my fingers with his own as I stared into his beautiful blue eyes. “I’m scared, Nick, but you’re absolutely right. Life has to go on.”

“What changed your mind?”

“Addison did. She changed my mind. I went to see her last night when I couldn’t sleep. She was wide awake. I guess she couldn’t sleep, either. But as I spoke with her, I realized that she looked up to me. If I fell apart, then she’d lose faith in me. I can’t have that.”

“I’m glad that you changed your mind. I think that it’s so important that you get back to work and really throw yourself into it. That will take your brain off of what’s going on with Addison, with any luck.”

We both got dressed for work and headed downstairs. Addison was already there, of course, having finished her cereal. Chloe was standing right next to her, and it looked like they both had the same thing for breakfast – cereal and milk, with a glass of orange juice. “Mom,” Chloe said, seeing me. “You’re going to work?”

“I am, pumpkin,” I said. “Now you two better get a move on, or you’re both going to miss the bus.” Chloe went to a different school than Addy, of course, as Chloe was still in middle school and Addy was in the 10
^th
grade in the high school. Nonetheless, their buses usually came about the same time, as both of their schools started at the same time.

They both picked up their backpacks. “I have swimming practice after school,” Chloe said. “But Phillipa’s mom will be bringing me home, so you don’t have to worry.”

“You’ll be home for dinner, though, right?”

“Sure.”

At that, they both left.

I picked up my keys off the hook and Nick and I headed onto work. We generally took separate cars, as Nick often worked longer hours than I did. That’s how I wanted it, too, because I used that commute time for “me” time – I listened to my talk shows on satellite radio, and I often used that time to daydream just a little. My life was always so scheduled that the 45 minutes or more that I spent in the car was like a little interlude.

And I knew that today, of all days, was a day that I was going to need that time to myself. I did my best thinking in the car, and I really needed to do just that.

I
was back
in the doctor’s office, waiting to get more tests done. In a way, it was a good thing that I was getting all these things done. I needed answers, even if they were bad. But, at the same time, I wanted to be anywhere but right there in that office.

Chloe was sitting next to me. She had told mom and dad that she wanted to be included, so they let her, of course. I didn’t know why she wanted to be there. She certainly seemed to be bored, as bored as the rest of us were. We were all waiting to get into the lab so that I could get my PET scan and whatever else the doctors were going to do to me, and we had been in that waiting area for an hour. There was a television program on, of course, and it looked like a good one – it was an episode of
Chopped,
which was my favorite show. I dreamed of someday being on that show, and winning it. I dreamed of someday having my own restaurant, or at least be the head chef of a Michelin starred restaurant. Cooking was my passion, and it had been since I was around the age of 10, and mom started to let me help her cook.

To think that there was a possibility that I would never get any of that made me want to vomit. I had to put that out of my mind, even though that day was crucial. If the cancer had spread, then it would be game over. I knew that the most likely place for the cancer to go would be to my lungs, so every cough, every shortness of breath, scared the living shit out of me. I had allergies, and had had them all my life, so I always tended to cough anyhow. But with this hanging over my head…any kind of things going on with my lungs terrified me.

Chloe the owl was reading a book, as usual. She loved to read novels about angels and demons and fantastical things happening in modern-day New York City and other places like that. She also loved to read about shifters – men and women who turn into lions and tigers and bears and things like that, and then turn back again. Whenever she wasn’t studying for a test, she was busying herself with these books, as she was right at that moment.

“What you reading?” I asked her, not really caring about the answer, but wanting to pass the time somehow. Somehow, even though one of my favorite shows was on the television, I couldn’t concentrate on that. I needed to have human conversation. Mom and dad were in the waiting room with us, too, but I felt the need to talk to Chloe instead of to them. Mom and dad were still being weird, even though they both were trying not to be. Chloe, on the other hand, really was being normal, and I wanted that. I needed that.

Chloe shrugged. “The usual. I’m reading a story about a teenager who is finding out that he changes into a bear sometimes. He’s about to meet this human girl and fall in love. I think that this boy is going to also turn into a billionaire or something. I’m not really sure.”

“Sounds like a very realistic book,” I said with a smile. I also liked to read, but I enjoyed reading thrillers, like medical and legal thrillers, and mysteries and things like that. Sometimes I enjoyed paranormal thrillers and mysteries, even though I thought that they were kind of hooey. Fun hooey, but hooey nonetheless. “I suppose him becoming a billionaire has something to do with him shifting into a bear, right? Like he has the secret to super-human strength, like a bear, so he’s able to bottle that and sell it. Right?”

Chloe shrugged her shoulders again. “I don’t know, Addy. I told you I think that he’s going to become a billionaire, because they usually do in these books. But I don’t know for sure.” She rolled her eyes and put her nose back into her book.

Chloe appeared that she wasn’t going to talk to me, so I started to watch the show again. They’re ingredients that they had to incorporate were squid, some kind of star fruit, and asparagus. As I always did when I watched this show, I imagined myself making something with the ingredients. I practiced in my head on what I would do and put myself into the shoes of the contestants.

Mom noticed me watching the TV and came over and sat next to me. “You’ll get on that show,” she said. “Just you watch and see.”

I nodded. “Maybe I could try to get on the
Chopped Junior
show.”
Chopped
had a show just for younger contestants, and I really wanted to try out for that one as soon as I could. I smiled as I realized that my battle with cancer might actually be a plus when I tried out for that show, as the producers tended to like people with sad stories. And it certainly would be a sad story if I beat cancer but lost my leg. Not to mention my hair. I subconsciously touched my head and felt my hair. Was I going to lose it? When it came back would it be different? I had straight brown hair, and, from what I read, I might end up with curly red hair or something when everything was said and done.

Would I still be me?

“Why don’t we send in an audition tape and see what happens?” mom asked. “It couldn’t hurt. Maybe they’ll take you.”

I smiled. “Well, it’s on my bucket list. I never thought that I would be making up a bucket list at 15, but here I am.”

When I said that, I saw that it made mom really sad, so I felt horrible. Her eyes filled with tears and I saw her swallow a huge lump in her throat. “Addison, don’t talk like that. You don’t have to make up a bucket list.”

“But mom, everyone should have a bucket list. Everyone. Nobody knows when they’re going to get hit by a bus on their way to work one day. Nobody knows when there might be a school shooter showing up and mowing everyone down. Tomorrow is never a guarantee, so my making a bucket list is just smart.”

Mom hung her head, but I think that she saw my point. “You’re right. I never made my own bucket list, but maybe I should.”

I smiled. “What would be on your bucket list? It seems like you’ve done everything that you’ve set out to do.”

“Oh, I don’t know. Maybe learning to ski. Your dad is a great skier, but I never really learned. I was always too scared, because your dad skis the black diamonds.” She shook her head. “I could never imagine doing those black diamonds. Or any other kind of slope.”

“Anything else?”

“Yeah. I’d like to see New Zealand. It looks like a beautiful country. Your father and I have been everywhere else, it seems – all over Europe, Russia, Africa, China. We’ve even gone to Australia. But never New Zealand. That’s where they filmed those
Lord of the Rings
movies, you know. It’s Middle Earth.”

Chloe looked up when mom mentioned
Lord of the Rings.
That was one of her favorite books, and I knew that she practically had it memorized. Myself, I had never read it, nor had I seen any of the movies. “I’d like to see New Zealand too,” she said. “I think we should go during spring break. With Addison. Maybe even Olivia, although she’s always busy these days. I’d like to see where they filmed those movies.”

“Well, there we go,” I said to mom. “We have a destination for spring break. Hopefully I can hike and do all that. I might not have a leg by then.”

Spring break was next month, so, with any luck, I would still have a leg then. But if I didn’t, I didn’t. I was going to learn to live with whatever happened to me. I was going to figure it out.

“What about you, dad?” I asked him. “What’s on your bucket list?”

Dad just shook his head. “I don’t really have one. I pretty much do everything that I’ve ever wanted to do. The bucket list is for people who put things off that they really want. Except for young teenagers like you – you haven’t had the chance to really do things that you really want, so a bucket list is appropriate for you.” He smiled. “And your mom and I are going to make sure that you meet your goals, whatever they are.”

“Dad, I’m not going to die. It’s not that important that you guys take me to New Zealand right away or whatnot. I don’t want you to treat me like one of those Make-A-Wish kids or whatever.” I hated the feeling that my dad was thinking about that – as if I had a year to live, and he and mom needed to take me right away to do the things that I wanted to do.

“I didn’t say that,” dad said. “But I overheard what you were telling mom, and you’re right – you never know if today is going to be your last. Think about all those people who went to the World Trade Center on September 11. They were just going to work, and they never came home. They probably should have all made a bucket list and made sure that they completed it.”

“Okay then. As long as you’re not going start talking like I’m on the way out, I’m all for us doing things like going to New Zealand and me sending in an audition tape to
Chopped Junior.
”

I crossed my arms in front of me while I tried to concentrate on the TV. With every passing moment, though, I felt like the room was closing in on me more and more.
When were they going to call my name?
I hated having to wait, even though it was the story of my life these days. Waiting and waiting and waiting. Waiting for test results. Waiting to take tests. I just wanted to get everything over with – just find out what the damage is and get on with it. This limbo bullshit was just that - bullshit.

Finally, my name was called, and I felt relieved and scared at the same time. What if the cancer has spread? I was soon going to find out, and I couldn’t be more terrified. The lady who was going to do my tests was very nice, and she gave me my gown. I looked at the contraption that I was going to have to lay in, and I felt like I was in a sci-fi flick. It was white and there was a bed that pushed into a tube. I felt my heart racing as I thought about going into that tube. I tended to be slightly claustrophobic. Would I freak out when they pushed me in there?

As it turned out, it wasn’t all that bad. I put on my gown, lay down on the stretcher and I was pushed into the tube. I closed my eyes and lay perfectly still, and the machine seemed to do its job. There was a humming and some lights that seemed to shine all the way down my body, and that was it.

“Okay,” the PET technician said. “I got the pictures. We’ll send these on to Dr. Jensen. In the meantime, make an appointment with him. We should be able to get these images to him within a day or so.”

“I’ll tell my parents.”

I got dressed and went back into the waiting room. Chloe was still reading her shifter book, and mom and dad were holding hands and looking at a magazine together. They seemed relaxed, even happy, so I was glad that things were starting to get back to normal. At least, it seemed that things were becoming normal again. I hoped that was the case.

Mom looked up when I came in the waiting room. “How was it?” she asked me. She stood up and put her arm around me. “I’ve always seen those machines on TV. They look pretty scary. How are you doing?”

“Fine, mom,” I said, feeling irritated. “It wasn’t that bad. Quit making such a big deal out of everything.”

Mom looked down at the floor, looking embarrassed, and I felt guilty for snapping at her. Dad gave me the stink-eye. “Mom is only trying to help,” he said sternly. “Don’t make her feel like shit for trying to be nice.”

I nodded my head. “Sorry mom.” I wanted to tell her that I wasn’t trying to make her feel bad. It was just that I was feeling so bad about everything that I felt like lashing out. That wasn’t fair, of course. It never was fair to make the people who love you the most feel like crap.

We all stood up and left the office. I, for one, was anxious to leave it all behind me. I never wanted to see one of those PET machines again, although I knew that wasn’t an option.

Like it or not, those PET machines were probably going to be a part of my life forever.