#5 Not What I Expected (3 page)

Sunday, August 24, 9:17 p.m.

In my room

Off the phone

Finally

My ear hurts, which I guess isn't surprising since I spent the last two hours on the phone.

First, I talked to Harry. He, Sophie, Katia and I all hung out today. When they came over, I thought they'd stay maybe an hour, but one turned into five. We listened to music and then took a personality profile test we found online. At first, I was kind of upset with the results. Sophie was classified as an Idealist. Harry and Katia were both Artists, and I was a Duty Fulfiller.

“That's such a boring thing to be,” I said when Sophie read the results.

“Not at all,” said Sophie. “Duty Fulfillers are loyal, faithful, and honest. Everyone likes being friends with people like that.”

“That's true,” said Katia, even though (a) I'm not sure she's ever had a friend (from any category), and (b) I'm not entirely convinced I'm a Duty Fulfiller. But Harry agreed, which made me feel better about my classification, so I decided not to question it. We had a good time as we put other people we know into the personality categories.

Anyway, Harry was just calling to ask if he'd left his sunglasses in my room.

The next call came from Billy, who wanted to see how school is going so far. “I want a full report,” he said. It was really cool that he called, and it was fun to catch up. We talked for a long time about school and classes and teachers we like, and which ones we don't. Then he told me he's going to run for one of the two Student Government Association class rep positions.

“I'm sure you'll win,” I said. It would be impossible for him not to. He was president at the middle school and widely known as being super responsible. Everyone will vote for Billy.

Then Brynn called. “I'm so nervous for dance team tryouts,” she said.

I knew this was a super-sensitive topic, since I made the team last year and she didn't. “You'll make it,” I said. “You're a really good dancer, and I'll be there to cheer you on.”

“Right,” said Brynn. “I mean, I know I'm a good dancer. It's just the whole tryout thing has me a little freaked.” Whenever Brynn's anxious, she acts like she's more confident than she really is, so I let her comment go. I know it was just her way of making herself feel better. “You'll do great,” I said.

Then Brynn switched the subject. “I'll tell you a secret if you promise not to tell.” She cleared her throat like she was about to deliver some big news. “Billy is running for SGA.”

“Wow,” I said like it was news to me. I didn't think I should tell Brynn that it wasn't.

The last call I got tonight was from Sophie. “I want to get involved in something at school,” she said.

“You could go out for the dance team. Tryouts are this week.”

Sophie laughed. “You know I'm a terrible dancer.”

“How about Art League or Habitat for Humanity? Or you could join the French club.” They all seemed like good fits for her.

“Maybe,” said Sophie, like she was considering my suggestions. “I'm just not sure what I want to do.”

“I'm sure you'll figure it out,” I said.

Sophie laughed again. “If I don't, I'll just pick something. It would be cool to do something new and totally random.”

It was such a Sophie thing to say.

You can tell how smart people are by what they laugh at.

—Tina Fey

Wednesday, August 27, 6:32 p.m.

Post-tryouts

Post-smoothies

Dance tryouts were this afternoon, and Brynn made it. Since the beginning of middle school, we've talked about how much fun it would be to be on the team together, and I know how much she wanted it. But she did something this afternoon that makes it hard to be totally happy for her.

I was in the gym with the rest of the team and the girls who were trying out. There were a few other kids in the gym who had come to give moral support. Everyone was hanging out, waiting for Ms. Baumann to start tryouts, when Sophie showed up.

I was talking to Brynn and Emily and another girl on the team, Kate. Sophie spotted us and came over to our group. “I came to wish you luck,” she said to Brynn, smiling.

“Thanks,” said Brynn in a clipped voice. Then she turned her back to Sophie and kept talking to Emily and Kate like she didn't care if Sophie had come or not. Sophie pursed her lips. I could tell she was trying to decide what to make of Brynn's reaction.

When Ms. Baumann started tryouts, she asked anyone not trying out to leave, and Sophie did. But as Ms. Baumann broke the girls into groups and had them dance, I was still thinking about what had happened. It was sweet of Sophie to come and kind of cold of Brynn to not be more appreciative.

Then, when Ms. Baumann finally announced who made the team, there was lots of screaming and hugging. I gave Brynn a big hug and so did Emily and Kate. “We should stop for smoothies on the way home,” Emily said to Brynn as the gym started to clear out.

“Perfect!” said Emily.

“It'll be a celebration!” I said, smiling at Brynn and trying to keep the mood light. But when we got our smoothies and sat down, I said something to Brynn about what happened. “That was sweet of Sophie to come to wish you luck,” I said.

“Um, I guess,” she said. Then Brynn gave me a blank look almost like she didn't know what I was talking about.

But I knew she knew exactly what I was talking about, and as we walked, I couldn't look at her. She'd been mean to Sophie, plus she was hanging on Emily's every word and laughing at all her jokes. Last year when I'd made the team and she hadn't, she told me she didn't like or trust Emily. Now, she's acting like Emily is her new best friend and Sophie is her number one enemy.

I don't get it. Or her.

9:42 p.m.

Still trying to get it

Aside from doing my algebra homework, I've been spending most of the night trying to figure out why Brynn acted the way she did today. It was nice of Sophie to go to tryouts. She was clearly there to support Brynn. So why was Brynn so rude to her?

Is she jealous that I have a new friend? Did she feel threatened when Billy asked Sophie about her parent's separation? Does she just not like her? I don't know what her problem is, but I have to get to the bottom of it because two of my best friends can't not like each other.

Can they?

10:05 p.m.

I thought about calling Brynn and talking to her about how she treated Sophie, but Billy called to say hi and I decided to talk to him instead. “I wouldn't read much into it. She was probably just nervous about tryouts,” he said when I told him what I happened.

I should have known Billy would defend Brynn. “That's probably it,” I said. But I wasn't convinced.

When I hung up with Billy, I called Sophie. I wanted to make sure she wasn't upset. But when I brought up what happened, all she said was that it was no big deal and that I shouldn't be worried about it because she's not.

Sophie is always honest, but I had a feeling this time was an exception to the rule.

Thursday, August 27, 9:45 p.m.

Supposed to be studying for bio test

Brain elsewhere

This afternoon I asked Sophie if she wanted to come over to study together for our bio test tomorrow, but her head was clearly somewhere else, because the way she answered was, “I decided I'm going to run for SGA.”

“Student Government Association?”

Sophie laughed. “That's what it stands for.” She waited. “You don't think it's a good idea?”

“I'm not sure,” I said honestly.

“I know it will be hard to win,” said Sophie. “There are only two freshman spots, and I don't know who all is going to run. Plus, I'm the new girl. It's not like everybody knows me yet. But I really want to do this. Even if I don't win, I'll meet a lot of people.” She paused for me to take in her reasoning. “There's a meeting next week for anyone who wants to run. I'm going to sign up. I think it's a good idea.”

“Me too,” I said encouragingly. Sophie should try if that's what she wants to do. She's new and that makes her a long shot to win, although if anyone can do it, she can.

But as Sophie chatted on, I couldn't help thinking about what Brynn's reaction will be when she hears Sophie is doing the same thing as Billy. She should be cool with it, but she's weirdly territorial about Billy. It shouldn't be a big deal.

I don't think it will be. Unless Sophie wins.

Tuesday, September 2, 7:09 p.m.

Tonight when I was walking Gilligan, I saw Matt walking Matilda. “What's up?” he asked as he walked toward me.

How was I supposed to answer that question? I hadn't spoken to him since late July, when we broke up. “Not much.” I hoped my voice sounded neutral.

He ran a hand through his hair. “How do you like high school?”

“Good.” I appreciated that he was asking, but mostly, I just wanted to go back into my house.

“How's dance?” Three questions. For Matt, that was a record.

I told him that our first competition was at the end of the month, and then we were performing at Homecoming in October and had the dance show in November.

“Cool,” he said when I finished. Then he laughed, at what I don't know. I didn't think anything I'd just told him was humorous.

Maybe he was stalling, waiting for me to ask how he was doing, but I didn't. The words just wouldn't come out of my mouth.

“See ya,” he said, like bumping into each other was no big deal.

“See ya,” I said like it was no big deal for me either. And surprisingly, it wasn't. I thought it would be weird or uncomfortable seeing him, but it wasn't as bad as I thought it would be. End of story.

I don't even know why I'm writing about it.

You never really understand a person until you consider things from his point of view …. Until you climb inside of his skin and walk around in it.

—Harper Lee,
To Kill a Mockingbird

Thursday, September 11, 7:45 p.m.

I hate politics

Everyone I know is obsessed with the SGA race. The elections are tomorrow, and it's pretty much the only thing anyone has been talking about all week. At least the people I know.

Sophie has been talking about it nonstop. Ever since she signed up to run, she's been on a campaign to meet everyone in our class, which isn't an easy thing to do since there are 337 freshman. All week long she has been passing out campaign stickers that look like lottery tickets with the slogan: Take a chance on the new girl.

Today was the first time all week she stopped to eat lunch instead of just grabbing a snack on her way to fifth period. “What do you think my chances are?” she asked Katia, Harry, and me as she sat down at the table with us.

“You're gonna win,” said Katia. I'm not surprised she said that. She and Sophie are in art together, and they have a whole group of friends who already promised they'd vote for Sophie.

Harry agreed. “Most of the kids who are running are losers or freaks.”

Sophie laughed. “You hardly know them.”

“I don't want to know them,” said Harry.

Sophie ignored Harry's cynicism and looked at me. “April, what do you think?”

The truth was that there was no way to know who would win. Billy would definitely get one spot, but there are six kids running for two spots. I'd like to believe a girl would get the other spot, and since three are running, I think Sophie's chances are probably equal to theirs. “You could definitely win,” I said.

Sophie sighed. “That sounds like a diplomatic way of saying I might not.”

I felt bad that Sophie thought I doubted her. I think she could tell what I was thinking because she laughed. “I'll forgive you as long as you promise to pass out campaign stickers for me tomorrow morning,” she said.

“Deal,” I said, even though I'd already told Billy I'd pass out stickers for him too.

I wasn't the only one campaigning for him. Brynn had become his self-appointed campaign manager, and she was being very aggressive in her efforts to get him elected.

During our break at dance, Brynn was trying to rally support for him. “Vote for Billy Weiss tomorrow,” she told all the freshman on the team. Then she passed out stickers she'd made with a picture of him when he was a toddler. “He's the cutest candidate running,” she said. “But then I'm biased.”

She seemed preoccupied with what she was doing, which was why I was caught off guard when she said to me, “Don't you think it's a little weird that Sophie is running for SGA?”

It was the reaction I'd been dreading. I'd had a bad feeling Brynn was going to make this into a bigger deal than it should be. I felt myself getting defensive on Sophie's behalf. “What's weird about it?” I asked.

Brynn shrugged. “It just doesn't seem authentic.” She looked at Emily who was standing next to her. “We're on the dance team because we're really into dance.”

Emily nodded like that made sense.

That was all the validation Brynn needed to continue. “Why does Sophie want to get involved in student government? I have a hard time imagining her doing student government at her art school in New York. They probably didn't even have it at her school in Paris. So why do you think she wants to do it now?”

Brynn looked at me like she was on the debate team and she'd made her argument—now it was my turn to rebut.

But luckily, Ms. Baumann called us back to practice at that exact moment.

I didn't want to argue with Brynn. Sophie has a right to do whatever she wants to do. I knew Brynn was implying that Sophie is only doing it because she wants to be with Billy, which I honestly don't think is the case. I also knew that by defending Sophie it would make what Brynn was thinking more valid.

So I didn't.

10:52 p.m.

Don't like what's happening behind closed doors